Love Is Not Easily Angered
OKAY - Thursday morning as I was sitting at my desk working on today’s message (our 7th in our series, LoveIs)…
HEY – quick question, is anyone out there being challenged like I have been, during these conversations?
Wow, this LoveIs thing is LIKE, the real deal, amen!?
I MEAN - I cannot tell you how many people have talked to me about how God is using this truths in their lives and relationships in some pretty significant and tangible ways!
OKAY – back to Thursday morning… I am at my desk working on this message about another facet of God’s kind of love and a song pops into my head. Here are some of the words that starting playing in my head…
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken
NOW – no disrespect to Tina Turner, but love has everything to do with it… And love is so much more than a second hand emotion…
THAT – is why since October 13th we have been unpacking that incredible description of God’s kind of love found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13… Let’s stand and these 2000 year old words together.
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Love never fails…
QUESTION…
• Do you want all of your relationships to grow, to be better, healthier?
• Do you want to the world to know that you really are a follower of Jesus?
• Do you want to do the only thing that counts and that cover a multitude of sins?
• Do you want to make God smile by obeying the second greatest commandment, to love your neighbor as yourself?
• Do you want God to live in you and His love to be brought to full expression in you?
THEN – it’s times for you to get serious about not merely studying about God’s kind of love (sure studying about God’s kind of love is great)… HOWEVER - actually living it out is so much better, is what ultimately matters.
• Pursuing patience
• Unleashing kindness
• Not envying
• Deflating your pride, and
• Putting aside all of your rude ways.
NOW – this morning 11/24/2019 we are going to look at another facet of love found in 1 Corinthians 13:5
Love is not easily angered
NOW – the phrase ‘not easily angered’ is actually just one word in the original Greek….
Paroxyno – to sharpen, to rouse to anger, exasperate, easily provoked
English Word (paroxysm) – any sudden or violent outburst.
(Pa - roc – sue no)
AGAIN – the primary meaning is to sharpen, it’s referring to this edge that can cut someone.
YOU KNOW - I kind of have this picture in my head of a small child running around with a pair of scissors.
QUESTION – if you saw a 3 year old running around with a pair of very sharp scissors, what would you tell them?
Stop running! Right?
Why? Because there is a very good chance that could hurt themselves or someone else.
AND MGCC – it’s the same way when we, when you, when I are running around with a sharp edge of anger.
Someone is going to get hurt.
Love is not easily angered!
QUESTION – is anger always wrong?
ANSWER – no.
IN FACT - the bible says in Ephesians 4:26;
“In your anger do not sin"
Which means – the issue is not anger in and of itself, but instead it is in the way we express and choose to deal with our anger.
UNDERSTAND - God gave us the capacity to get angry.
AND LISTEN - sometimes anger is the appropriate response to a situation. I MEAN…
• when children are abused,
• when violent crimes are committed against the innocent,
• when terrorists blow up buildings and market places,
• when vulnerable people are neglected, taken advantage of,
• when the name of Jesus is attacked,
• when our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world are persecuted, tortured and killed – we should get angry.
IN FACT – if those kind of things don’t anger us, we should check our pulse.
QUESTION - did God ever get angry?
YOU BET – he did… at the right things; like sin & injustice.
Did you know that there are over 256 scriptures about God getting angry.
QUESTION – how about when God wore flesh and walked this planet… LIKE – did Jesus ever get angry?
Absolutely – the most memorable time is when He made a whip, overturned tables, and drove the money changers out of the temple…
UNDERSTAND - God has given us the capacity to get angry. But it must be managed. It must be controlled. BECAUSE - anger out of control is very destructive.
ON THE OTHER HAND - anger under control can be an incredible asset… FOR EXAMPLE…
In May of 1980 Candance Lightner was extremely angry.
YOU SEE – on May 3, 1980 her 13 year old daughter (Cari Lightner) was walking home with a friend from a Church Carnival when she was hit from behind by a car, literally thrown out of her shoes 125 feet and was killed.
The driver of the car had just been released from jail 2 days earlier from his 4th DUI offense.
Candance was understandably and rightfully angry.
HOWEVER - she channeled that anger the right way.. and founded the organization MADD. And according to their website MADD has saved 380,000 lives since 1980.
In 1980 there 25,000 deaths connected to drunk driving and now there are about 11,000 (a 56% reduction)
SO NO – anger is not always wrong.
QUESTION – have you ever been angry at yourself?
LIKE – have you ever gotten so angry at yourself, that it motivated you to change? “Okay, that’s enough, no more of this…”
AND SO – you started a diet, begin exercising, got rid of a bad habit, worked to improve your marriage or another relationship?
NO – anger is not always wrong…
BUT MANY TIMES – it is VERY wrong and extremely destructive.
AND MGCC – I do not need to tell you that we live in an angry world, in an angry country… just turn on the news, scroll through news feed, reach some comments on any even slightly controversial post. It is really getting out of control and far too common place… among just about any group you can think of.
AND – with the elections of 2020 around the corner it is going to only get worse… AND – we as God’s people must stand for what God’s word says, but do it in a God-honoring way… in a way that is not easily angered.
SO – this morning we're going to look at 6 keys for managing your anger.....
OKAY - raise your hand if…
• You have ever struggled with anger?
• You think actually living out ‘not being easily angered’ would be a good thing for your life and relationships
• FINAL QUESTION - are you going to lean into God’s truth with an open heart and mind, determined to work on your own paroxyno?
I. Resolve To Manage It
Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. - Proverbs 16:32
UNDERSTAND – you have far more control over your anger than you think you do OR maybe care to admit…
NOW PERHAPS – you’ve heard or even have said something like this; “That’s just the way I am… I’m Italian, I’m Irish, I’m Latin,
It’s the way I was raised -- I can’t change.”
BUT - that’s not true.
Because if it was, than the gospel of Jesus Christ would be a lie.
BECAUSE - the gospel says that we can change; that we can be transformed, that we are a new creation, that we don’t have to be the same anymore (that’s why the Gospel is called good news, amen).
NOW – I don’t know about you…
BUT – I don’t want to be the same anymore.
LIKE - I want this message series ‘Love Is’ – to be the time when God brings about changes in my life that will help me to live out HIS kind of love, in ways, far beyond anything I have ever lived out before.
AND – part of living that transformed life is to control my anger…
To not be easily angered. (Pa - roc – sue no)
OKAY SO – the very first step in not being easily angered, is to resolve to resolve control your anger with God’s help.
LIKE – are you even going to try.
AND – will have their first test in just 4 days.
II Remember The Cost Of Anger
UNDERSTAND – getting easily angered, can have a pretty significant cost attached to it…
(note - I showed youtube clip of Myles Garret loosing his temper)
Myles Garrett has been suspended for the rest of the season and maybe even beyond that (without pay)…
He had around 1.4 millions remaining this year to be paid.
YEAH – his cost him dearly…
A bunch of money, his reputation, respect for fans and teammates.
And listened this sharpened edge not hurt him – it hurt his team.
AND – sometimes uncontrolled anger has a much more tragic price tag… I was watching a show on ID network on Friday ‘Fear Thy Neighbor’
B/L – one neighbor was angry that her neighbors kids road their bikes without helmets, and that neighbor was angry that she thought it was her business.
And before long this anger led to a father, a husband lying dead on the front yard from a gunshot wound to his chest.
QUESTION – has you uncontrolled, ungodly anger every cost you anything?
UNDERSTAND - we're less likely to get angry if we remember that anger always has a price tag attached to it…
NOW - the Bible is very specific about the damage that uncontrolled anger does.
CHECKOUT – just a few of the passages that speak to this…
An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. – Proverbs 29:22
People with quick tempers cause trouble… - Proverbs 15:18
A quick-tempered person does foolish things… - Proverbs 14:17
BOTTOM LINE - anger outline of control always leaves ruin and destruction in it’s wake... I’ve seen, you’ve seen it.
• Relationships destroyed
• Families torn a part
• Violence – hatred – bitterness
LIKE – I said earlier there is so much uncontrolled anger in our country right now. A recent survey (June 2019) showed that.
• 84% of American’s feel that people are more angry than they were just a generation ago.
• 42% admitted that they are more angry now than they were one year ago
• 90% said that they are more likely to express their anger on social media (or some other electronic way) than in person
YES – we are getting angrier all the time and the costs are steep.
NOW – there’s another cost to anger (that I want to mention) – and it’s a ‘huge’ one.
ANGER - damages your relationship with God;
My dear brothers, take not of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
- James 1:19,20
QUESTION – do you see, do you hear what that verse is saying?
IT’S SAYING - that you will NEVER live the life that God desires for you to live… never!
IF YOU - are a person who unleashes your anger in unhealthy God dishonoring ways.
A 3rd key to managing anger and riding the waves of a love worth living is…
III. Reflect Before Reacting
Don't respond impulsively.
UNDERSTAND - delay is a tremendous tool and a great remedy in anger. NOW - I'm not talking about ‘long term’ delay, where you save your anger for weeks, months and years.
That's called resentment and it doesn't work.
Ephesians 4:27, says,
In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
“Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,
GOD SAY’S - don't bury your anger under the carpet.
BECAUSE - if you do, not only are you internalizing your anger, which always hurts you more…
BUT – you are giving the devil a foothold.
(a portion of space marked off)
CHECKOUT – Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter rot grows up to cause trouble and defile many. - Hebrews 12:15
MGCC – that verse should scare us…
UNDERSTAND - anger buried is a problem, it causes trouble and leads to some people missing out on the grace of God and the joy of your salvation…
QUESTION – why is it so important to reflect ‘before’ reacting?
BECAUSE – it gives us the chance to calm down.
YOU SEE - when we get angry this emotional energy pumps into us, it’s a rush of adrenalin…
OUR - whole body goes on alert (hands shake - twitch – eye brows raise…etc).
Reflecting - gives us time to think about why we're angry.
It keeps us from saying something stupid and reckless.
UNDERSTAND – before we put our mouth (or our fingers in gear… texting, tweeting, posting, emailing) it’s a good idea to allow our heart and mind to catch up.
AND LISTEN - while you're reflecting, try to understand your anger. LIKE - analyze it, look at it, dig beneath it and ask yourself…
Why am I angry?
NOW - anger is a crazy emotion, it’s very slippery and it’s really hard to get a hold of… because anger, is actually a secondary emotion.
Let me explain…
PICTURE – a guy coming home late for the 5th time that week without calling. AND – his wife is waiting at the door…and she is just spitting nails mad…He walks into the house and she says something like, ‘ever hear of a telephone, hey why don’t you just put a cot in your office… or don’t expect turn down service at this hotel…it’s all you do is sleep around here!!!”
QUESTION – what is she feeling at this moment? ‘well she’s angry stupid, yeah I know she’s angry, but what is she feeling underneath that anger, what is the first emotion she felt’
MAYBE - it was loneliness…
MAYBE – she felt; devalued, pushed aside, unappreciated, neglected, disrespected…
SO BEFORE – you react you need to stop and reflect… “what's making me so mad?” BECAUSE - whenever we get angry it is usually the result of one of three things:
We get angry when we are hurt
You're hammering nails, you miss the nail and you hit your thumb, it hurts - you get angry. In a relationship, when somebody's been hurt, feels, devalued and disrespected, they get angry.
Hurt causes anger.
We get angry when we are frustrated
UNDRSTAND - when things in our life are not working out the way we want them to – we get frustrated and that leads to anger.
AND LISTEN – a major cause of frustration is unmet expectations.
YOU SEE - we always have expectations of what’s going to happen, of how things are going to be or turn out.
AND when those expectations don’t match reality, (the further apart those are) the angrier we become.
FOR EXAMPLE - you buy a Christmas present and it says on it: ‘some assembly required.’ NOW - if it had said, this sucker is going to take 20 hours of your blood, sweat and tears and still not look right, that’s OK. But here you are on Christmas Eve with bloody knuckles because it says “Some Assembly Required,” and you’re angry. Your expectations and reality just didn’t match.
I don’t know but for some reason, we expect traffic to be clear, things to run smooth, the line at DMV to be quicker than 5 hours, planes to be on time… and we expect people to act or respond in a certain way (usually the way we want)…
OKAY – here’s some good advice for the remaining 37 days of 2019… LOWER - your expectations a little bit.
LOWER – your expectations for Thanksgiving, because the chances are Norman Rockwell is not showing up to paint a portrait – not just because he is dead, but because rarely is life with other people a Norman Rockwell painting.
AND – let me tell you, doing this will help you in your marriage because a lot of anger in a marriage results from improper or unrealistic expectations. (expectations that most of the time we put on them, without their knowledge)
We get angry when we are afraid
QUESTION – what happens when you push an animal into a corner? They become afraid, and eventually they'll attack back.
People are the same way – when they are backed into a corner, when they feel threatened, when they are afraid of some dark cloud of circumstances closing in on them, OR when they are afraid that something about themselves – (something they’ve hidden & denied) is about to be exposed...they get angry.
UNDERSTAND – whenever you are angry it is usually because of one of these 3 reasons… because anger is a secondary emotion…
NOW BEFORE – we move on, let’s look at the flip side of this - When somebody gets angry at you, rather than focusing on their anger, focus on which of these three might be the cause.
Are they hurt?
Are they frustrated?
Are they afraid?
LET ME ASKED YOU - what’s easier for you deal with (‘their’ hurt, frustration, fear OR their anger?)
TRY – to look behind the anger, see what’s causing it…
AND - once you do that, then you're ready to resolve it.
IV Release Your Anger Appropriately
Ephesians 4:26,
If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin.
UNDERSTAND…
IT’S - possible to be angry and not sin?
IT’S - possible to be angry and not do something wrong.
YOU SEE - there are right ways to get angry and wrong ways to get angry.
OKAY – there are about 5 possible options for releasing and dealing with your anger… AND 4 of them don't work so good.
Trash compacter
Anybody have one at home…?
It’s easier, you don’t have to take the trash out as often…
BUT LISTEN – here the deal… IF YOU - keep stuffing trash in – do you know what happens?
WELL – it’s going to stink… AND IF YOU - keep stuff things in…
EVENTUALLY - it’s going to leak out…
THE - same thing is true with repressed anger… people ask you, “what’s wrong,” “oh nothing…” something has to eaten you” “no I’m okay”
And they do that all the time – they stuff it down and stuff it down… They try to ignore it, pretend that it's not there.
BUT LISTEN - pretending it isn't there doesn't work.
IN FACT - suppression, often leads to depression.
Ventilator…
NOW - these people do anything but stuff it down, they just spew it out and often times take pride in doing it (I just tell it like it is)…
THEY - curse God, they curse people, they slam doors, squeal tires, and they kick cats and little dogs. I MEAN – they just let it go.
And more often than not feel pretty good about doing it.
BUT – God says
Don't be quick-tempered, for anger is the friend of fools.
- Ecclesiastes 7:9
A hothead starts fights; a cool-tempered person tries to stop them.
- Proverbs 15:18
A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. - Proverbs 29:11
King Saul in the Old Testament was a quick tempered guy….
YOU SEE - he couldn’t deal with his insecurity and jealousy (over David) so he jumped over to an emotion he could handle… he jumped over to anger, the secondary emotion…
“Saul…was sitting in his house with his spear in his hand. While David was playing the harp, Saul tried to pin him to the wall with his spear,” 1 Samuel 19
HEY - if you don’t like harp music just get up and go to another room you don’t have to throw a spear at a guy.
THEN – in chapter 22 Saul’s anger really reaches the boiling point… (He found out about a priest who had helped David)…
AND – when he is done unleashing his anger 85 priests and an entire town are destroyed all because a guy couldn’t handle the genuine emotions of jealousy and insecurity, AND INSTEAD - jumped over to anger
Prosecuting attorney
NOW MAYBE - you are a smart person and whenever you start to get ticked off and angry you immediately…
Start digging up the facts, putting together your case…
I MEAN – you have exhibit A & Exhibit B….
You’ve You got witness and interrogation lamps
AND LISTEN - you are so overwhelmingly prepared and you are so much smarter and quicker, that you make the other person feel so stupid that they say, ok I’m guilty… even when they are not…
LIKE - they can’t debate with you
Losing your temper is foolish; ignoring an insult is smart.
- Proverbs 12:16
BUT – you can’t ignore it, you have to prove your point….
Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. - Proverbs 20:3
HOWEVER - you can’t let it go – not when you can win….so you insist on quarreling…
NOW MAYBE – your way of dealing with anger is not to be a trash compacter, ventilator or prosecuting attorney, but a…
Stealth Bomber…
UNDERSTAND - this is the person who flies low and flies quiet.
Waiting for the right moment to hit the target…
A little barb of sarcasm here, a jab there, a dig here, a heat seeking missile there – and boom you got them…
It’s the kind of person who just walks quietly around the house or office and on the way out says, “I’ll see you later your majesty” Target sited, sarcasm loaded… boom direct hit and you are out of there. Some people are top gun with this one
The start of a quarrel is like a leak in a dam, so stop it before it bursts. - Proverbs 17:14
LISTEN – God is saying do not be the one to keep it going.
And the stealth bomber is like…
“Hey my goal is not destroy anybody I just want to ding them a bit on the way out… Get my 2 sense in.”
BUT - God says if you keep doing that the dam is going to burst someday.
AND - when it does you and everyone around you is going to drown in your mismanaged anger…
THEREFORE – (if you struggle with stealth bombing) watch your tone, your sarcasm your tactics, your body language your timing your tongue, your tweets…etc
NOW – the 5th way to handle anger is to be a;
Temperature Gauge
QUESTION – what does the temperature gauge in your car or truck do? It tells you how hot things really are.
LIKE - the temperature gauge in your car doesn’t try to pretend that things are cooler than they really are… It doesn’t read lower on purpose so that it doesn’t upset you…
NO - a temperature gauge is just honest…
”hey, it’s getting a little hot in here…”
AND LISTEN – being honest about; how hot you are is the right way to release your anger…
YOU – need to just admit it, confess when you're angry. Hey it’s a little hot in here…
AND - you admit it to three people:
Admit it to yourself. Then look behind it (because anger is a secondary emotion)… LIKE – there is always something behind it. Ask yourself, "What am I angry about? Is it because…
I'm hurting or afraid or frustrated… feel disrespected or didn’t get my way?"
Admit it to God. "God, I'm mad. I don't like this situation." They irritate me to no end. He burns me up.
BUT – I don’t want to be this way… God I feel like I am about to lose it, but I know that my anger will not achieve the righteous life you desire, please help me.
Admit it to the person. Just level with them.. Hey – I am starting to get ticked off here… I’m feeling "I'm hurt" "I'm frustrated" "I'm irritated", "I'm afraid." Could you please give me some space before I say or so something stupid.
UNDERSTAND – to live out God’s kind of lovel we must learn to deal with anger - and to deal with anger... you need to: Resolve to manage it; Remember the cost, Reflect before reacting; Release your anger appropriately
V. Relate To People Who Aren’t Angry
Do not make friends with a hot tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. – Proverbs 22:24-25
QUESTION - is anger contagious?
You better believe it! It's infectious! Highly infectious! If I started yelling at you, eventually you start yelling at me. It’s contagious.
AND LISTEN - there are some people who will cause you to become angrier. I MEAN - you get around the wrong kind of person, and they’ll make it worse.
You say, “Somebody at work said or did ‘this’ - and it bothered me.” They’ll look at you and say, “Bothers you? Man - you should be angry about that! You should go back and tell them what you think.” “You deserve better... You should be angry… I’d tell them what I think if I were you.”
OKAY - here’s the deal…
IF YOU - are serious about breaking free from the sin of being easily angered pattern in your life
IF YOU – about being like Jesus and living out God’s kind of love
THEN YOU - need to strive to hang around people who are pursuing the same things.
AND YOU – will need to create some distance from those who have no interest in really growing in this area, even if they claim to follow Jesus.
AND YEAH – I get it, there are no perfect people anywhere.
BUT CHURCH – must be a place for people who want to grow.
NOW - most people (and I hope you are one of them) who come to Maple Grove are at least making an effort to do what's right…
to grow, to change, to love like Jesus.
AND BTW – a LG is great place to hang out with some people who are pursuing those things.
VI. Rely On Christ’s Help
In John chapter 5, Jesus is in Jerusalem - at a pool called, ‘Bethesda’ many sick people would gather every day around this pool hoping to get well - the waters of the pool occasionally bubbled and stirred up - and the sick believed that if they could get into the pool first, they would be healed....
NOW – on this particular day Jesus saw a man lying by the pool who had been paralyzed for 38 years.
Jesus walked up to the man and asked him a question, Do you know what that question was? “Do you want to get well...?” (seems like a silly question right? of course I do…)
B/S – this morning 11/24/2019
Another crowd has gathered - not by a pool, but in this church building.....(and many are here hoping to get well, hoping for a more fulfilling and purposeful life)
NOW IF - I could, I’d like to slightly rephrase the question Jesus’ asked this man - to fit the context of the sermon series we have been in now for 7 weeks. AND – I’d like you to picture Jesus Christ, walking through those back doors at this very moment.
PICTURE – Him walking up to you and asking you;
Do you want to get well?
Do you want this moment to be your breakthrough moment.
Do you really want…
• To live out God’s kind of love
• To be more patient
• To unleash kindness
• To stop envying
• To overcome your pride by pursuing humility
• To be someone who casts off rudeness and strives to show respect for other people
• To be a person who is not easily angered
• To get well
AND LISTEN – the question do you want to get well?
Seems to imply that your individual wellness is simply waiting for your choice. AFTER ALL… God’s alive and active words says…
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come. – 2 Cor 5:17
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. – Ephesians 3:20
MGCC – He has the power we just have to ask for it!
