MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER RIDGE CHAPEL, KANSAS, OK
(PowerPoints used with this message are available for free. Just email me at mnewland@sstelco.com and request PP #374.)
TEXT: Genesis 2:18-25; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
A. This Friday will be Valentine’s Day, & for weeks now florists & candy makers have been reminding us of that, & urging us to show our love with gifts of flowers & chocolates. In fact, you can see all kinds of cute & novel signs urging us to buy “Sweets for your sweetheart” or to “Say ‘I Love You’ with flowers.”
ILL. Talking about signs, I'm told that if you go into some jewelry stores in Reno, Nevada, once known as the "wedding & divorce capitol of the nation," that you'll find signs prominently displayed that proclaim, "Wedding Rings for Rent."
Now I suppose most people who see that sign for the first time probably read it with amazement. Some may even think, "Hmm, that's an interesting idea. With so many marriages ending in divorce it really might be more practical to rent than to buy!"
ILL. On college campuses you’ll discover some who think that marriage itself is no longer practical. They ask, “Is it practical for us, when we’re so young, to pledge ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives?” And, "Is it right for us to impose a possible 50 year contract on each other at this point in our lives?"
B. Those are not new questions. There have always been those questioning the need for such commitments. The world has seen so many unhappy marriages, domestic conflicts & spiraling divorce rates. This is not unique to our time.
I'm almost surprised when I meet non-Christian couples who have a happy marriage because they’re bucking tremendous odds. Many in that category have experienced shipwreck of their marriages. In fact, nationwide nearly one-half of such marriages end in divorce.
ILL. But a study made about 50 years ago revealed that church going families where both husband & wife professed a strong personal faith in Christ, & who went to church together regularly, experienced only 1 divorce in every 55 marriages. It really was true that "Families who pray together, stay together."
However, I'm afraid that more recently some church going people have fallen in step with the world & now believe that marriage is not all that important. Some are packing their bags & going in different directions without any twinge of guilt, thinking that marriage is something you can try for a while, & then just leave if it doesn't seem to be working out.
C. Yet marriage is not an invention of man. It is God's creation. So it seems to me that our great need is to dust off the instruction book & find out what God has to say about His creation. In the 2nd chapter of Genesis we have what scholars call "A primary reference point."
This is the first place where the idea of marriage is mentioned in all of God's Word & we must understand what is said here before we can understand what is said in other passages that follow.
Before we go into that, I want to remind you that Genesis 1:31 says, "God saw all that He had made, & it was very good."
I. IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE
A. But in Genesis 2:18 we find that for the very first time God sees something that is not good. God looks at Adam & says, "It is not good for the man to be alone." In the Hebrew language He is literally saying "Aloneness is not good."
Now stop there for a moment. Here is the scene. God has created Adam & breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. And Adam is working in the Garden of Eden, for God has given him an assignment.
God said, "Adam, I want you to name all the animals of the field, the birds of the air, & the fish of the sea."
So Adam is busy naming animals & fish & birds. And as he does, he sees Mr. & Mrs. Robin build their nest, & Mr. & Mrs. Kangaroo settling down for the night, & fish spawning in the lake. But Adam himself is alone.
God looks at that & says, "It is not good." You see, loneliness can be a pain you feel, a knot deep inside your stomach that keeps eating away. I'm not talking about just being alone. I'm talking about loneliness, & it hurts. You can be in the midst of hundreds of people & be very lonely. Adam was lonely.
ILL. Now, I’ve officiated a lot of weddings, & one of my most enjoyable weddings was that of two 75-year-olds. They had first met when they were in grade school. And in both Jr. High & High School there had been a little attraction for each other & a little dating. But then they had gone their separate ways.
The man had married & had a long & happy marriage. Then his wife died, & now he had been alone for several years. The woman had never married.
Well, lo & behold, on one of his trips back to his home town he looked her up. They hadn't seen each other for years & the spark was rekindled & they fell in love & decided to get married 75 years old!
Then came the night of the wedding. You've never seen a more nervous bridegroom standing there waiting for his bride to join him for the ceremony.
And she was lovely! We all stood there together in front of the congregation, & I started with my opening comments. I mentioned the aloneness of man, & used this scripture where God said that man's aloneness is not good.
And that 75 year old man who had been alone for several years said "Amen!"
Almost everybody in the church heard him. He knew that God was right & that for him it was not good to be alone.
II. SO GOD PROVIDED A "HELPER"
God had a solution for the aloneness of man. Notice the second thing God says in vs. 18, "I will make a helper suitable for him." God doesn't say, "I'll make a lover for him," or "I'll make a provider for him," or "I'll make a mother for his children."
Now women may be all those things. But that's not what God said. He said, "I will make a helper for him." So that when life is too difficult for one to handle, a helper would be there.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one. … If one falls down his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.”
Two in bed are warm, but one in bed may be cold. One standing alone may be helpless. But two standing together can strengthen each other.
Now notice Genesis 2:20 where it says, "But for Adam no suitable helper was found." That is interesting because here are all these animals, all these living creatures around Adam, & many of them can be of some help to him.
If you aren't very fast at running, grab a horse & ride it. He'll run faster than you. If you're weak, grab an ox & put a yoke on him & he'll plow the field for you. If you're thirsty, go milk a cow.
Animals could be of help to Adam, & they were. But not in the same way that Eve was to be his helper. There is a unique helping relationship upon which marriage was to be built. None of the animals could satisfy that, only Eve.
So God put Adam into a deep sleep & took from his side a part of him & made Eve. God's antidote for loneliness was companionship, & God created this helping relationship between Adam & Eve & for those who would follow after them.
Then when God presented Eve unto Adam, vs. 23 says that Adam looked at her & said, "This is now bone of my bones & flesh of my flesh..."
Loosely translated, Adam was saying, "Wow! I didn't know you could create someone so perfect for me!" And his loneliness was gone.
Genesis 2:24 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father & mother & be united to his wife, & they will become one flesh." God performs a miracle. He makes two people into one.
ILL. I once thought how wonderful it would be to have a wife who shared my opinions in everything & who would never, ever disagree with me. But I didn't get that. Let me say that again - I didn't get that!
She doesn't always agree with me, & I don't always agree with her. I believe that's exactly what God wants for us. Her opinions rubbing against mine causes both of us to re examine our ideas & I'll be glad to change mine if I should ever happen to be wrong!
Her insistence that I get to work on some things that I would rather skip has caused me to get a lot more accomplished in life. Her sensitivity about the problems of others has opened my eyes to needs that I would have missed.
She has brought out a number of qualities in my life that would have probably stayed dormant without her. I believe with all my heart that my life would have been far different without her.
I'm convinced God knew that she was exactly the kind of person that I needed, & that God brought us together. And I think that God is still in the business of doing that when we listen to His Word & are willing to follow His guidelines in choosing that one who will share our life.
The sad thing is that we so often ignore what God has to say about the kind of friends we have the kinds of activities that we engage in, & the thoughts & attitudes with which we fill our minds.
So we ignore God's guidelines - we fall in love - we ignore God's warnings - we get married, & then wonder why problems arise.
B. There is another thing. I believe that God is still working on me - that He is still knocking off the rough edges & trying to make me into what He wants me to be. I believe He is doing that for my wife, too, & will for you - if you will let Him.
Ethel & I still disagree about some things - even after 63½ years of marriage. Sometimes we disagree very strongly. Yet, the basic mistake that so many people make in marriage is to decide that if they don't agree - they just might as well call it off.
Not at all! The moments of disagreement & heartache, when handled in the right way, can knock off the rough edges & make life what God really intends for it to be.
III. MADE IN GOD'S OWN IMAGE
The final word is this, God said, "I've made them male & female, & I made them in my own image."
ILL. I hear people say that a major problem with marriage today is lack of communication. I disagree. I don't think our real problem is lack of communication. I think our problem is what we're communicating. Often we communicate anger & discontent. Oftentimes we communicate criticism. No wonder problems arise!
But if we communicate forgiveness & love & acceptance, then there is a solid ground upon which to build.
There may be times when your commitment will weaken. There may be times when you'll think, "I'll love you until..." or “I’ll love you if…” & you'll want to add some conditions to those statements. But if you do, each of you will be making a great mistake.
The only way to overcome is to have faith in an all knowing, all powerful, loving God who'll level the mountains that are too high, fill in the valleys that are too deep, & walk with us through the rocky places of life. And that's the kind of God we have!
God said, "I made them in my own image," which means that we have the capacity to love as God loves. He loves us so much that He came to earth to live among us, & even to die for us so that our sins might be forgiven, both now & for all eternity!
ILL. By the way, did you read about the son who went with his mother to a wedding? They were sitting there, watching the ceremony & the bride & groom came to the place where they each took a candle & lit the "Unity" candle. The bride & groom lit the Unity candle together & then blew out their own individual candles & put them back in their holders.
The young son turned to his mother & said "I've never seen that done before." So the mother, thinking to teach him something, asked "Do you know what that means?"
The son thought for a moment & then said "Yeah. It means no more old flames." You know, I think that is pretty good. It should mean "No more old flames." Oneness! Unity! That is what it means!
ILL. Let me quote what one man said about his marriage. He said, "My wife is very intelligent. She graduated in the upper 10% of her class. I'm just average. "C" was a good grade for me.
“My wife is very consistent, calm, level-headed, not easily excitable. You can count on her, day after day, being like that. But I’m more emotional. Sometimes I’m up, & at other times I’m down - all over the chart. And her consistency has been a stabilizing influence in my life.
“But she can't keep track of her eyeglasses. And oftentimes she has no idea where her car keys are. Now, I'm more self-disciplined. I have a spot for everything, & if it weren't for me she would be walking around half-blind or hitchhiking home.
"Our differences, you see, have made us more alike. Our differences are as important as our similarities. She is an extrovert & I'm an introvert. She's joyous & I'm solemn. We bounce off of each other, & somehow that brings us together & we are truly ‘helpers’ in our relationship with each other."
Folks, I believe that kind of loving relationship is exactly what God intended for us from the very beginning. Not just between husband & wife, but also in our homes, in our churches, in our communities, in our nation, & yes, even throughout the world.
INVITATION: And God helping me, I will do my best to help fulfill His purpose in my life! Now how about you?
