NO REGERTS
Have you ever seen that Milky Way commercial where this guy is getting a tattoo and it was supposed to say no regrets but the artist messed up and it comes out saying no regerts instead? He thought he had no regrets but he was wrong!
But erroneous tattoos obviously aren't the only mistakes that are regrettable. We have probably had a lot of them over the years. It's been said that the most painful thing in life is regret. I can see why a person would say this. When we wish we would've done something or not done something and now it's too late. That can haunt us.
But then you have the people who say they have no regrets. I don't know about you, but whenever I hear that it bothers me. I know in theory, you say everything happens for a reason and the choices you made all worked together to bring you to the place you are now. And if you had it to do all over again you wouldn't change a thing. I have some issues with that.
I think we should have regrets over our mistakes regardless of how well things turned out in the end. There are plenty of poor choices I've made over the years where I would gladly welcome a do-over. That doesn't mean I think we should walk around in guilt and shame over all the bad decisions we've made. But to look back on our lives as if all the foolish things we've done were meant to be, isn't right. There should be some things we've done that we wish we could change.
But we can't change the past. Should we be focused on the things we've done that we can't change?
1) What's the problem with having no regrets?
One problem is that it can cause us to minimize our actions. When we feel that our poor choices all worked to shape us into a better person today then it's like we're viewing those poor choices as a positive thing. In doing so we minimize and can even glamorize our poor choices. Doing this leaves no room for regret. It doesn't leave any room for change, either. How can I learn from my mistakes if I don't feel any regret?
Think about it in regards to our words. I'm sure you've said some things that you wish you could take back. That's having regret over your words. Quote, “Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you will ever regret”. But what about the people that don't regret what they say? The ones who like to speak their mind.
Perhaps you've heard people say this about someone: 'you never have to wonder what's on their mind because they're going to tell you'. The problem is the person would look at this as a good thing; a positive trait. 'I'm just telling it like it is' they would say, 'just keeping it real'. Having this mindset results in someone not regretting some of the things they say; although they should.
Proverbs 12:18a, “Reckless words pierce like a sword.” Reckless means irresponsible, thoughtless, uncontrolled. These are not positive traits. Some people might glamorize being uncontrolled, calling it wild and uninhibited; a non-conformist. Therefore my words aren't reckless, they're bold and brave. Anyone who doesn't speak their mind is a coward.
This is a problem. It doesn't take others into consideration. In a warped way they may think they're doing people a favor by being so brash. The irony is if someone was that way toward them they wouldn't like it. They justify when they do it but vilify it when it's done to them.
Another problem with having no regrets is that it means there's no godly sorrow. Having godly sorrow involves regretting what we've done. I feel bad about what I've done and I wish I hadn't. A synonym for regret is to be repentant. That's what godly sorrow leads to as Paul said in 2 Cor. 7:10.
I can feel bad about what I've done but the question is why do I feel bad? Do I feel bad because I got caught and now I'm in trouble? Is my regret centered around regretting that I wasn't smarter about doing the wrong thing? That's not true regret; that's not true sorrow.
Godly sorrow first stems from recognizing that I've wronged God. That takes the focus off of me so that my sorrow is not about how I've been impacted by my poor choices but rather how my poor choices have dishonored God and how my poor choices have affected others. I can still feel bad over what my poor choices caused me but that won't be the main reason why I'm sorrowful.
The person who has no sorrow over their poor choices have no feelings of guilt or shame. Zephaniah 3:5 says that the unrighteous know no shame. In fact, the people who have no regrets really wouldn't see any of their choices as bad ones. If we justify, rationalize or excuse the bad decisions we make we're in trouble. If we blame someone else for our poor choices, we're not going to take responsibility for our actions. If we don't regret our poor choices we are doomed to repeat them. This is pride and denial.
Which brings me to the biggest problem of all. The person who doesn't care about God or others, the person who truly goes through life with no regrets will, in the end, be forced to deal with the most painful regret of them all. When Jesus was telling his disciples about his departure and the coming of the Holy Spirit, he said in
John 16:8, “When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment.” We see that a purpose of the Holy Spirit is to convict people of their sin. We could word it a different way and say the Holy Spirit works to get people to regret the things they've done. Being convicted is having godly sorrow. and godly sorrow leads to repentance. Conviction-godly sorrow-repentance-removal of guilt, shame and regret.
Another word used for convict is convince. If we are convicted we are convinced. I have been convinced that I am a sinner. I have been convinced of Jesus’ righteousness. And I am convinced that there is a judgment coming. When people are convinced and realize their guilt, they can have it taken care of in the right way-through Jesus.
However, if there's no godly sorrow, there is no conviction. That means I'm not convinced that my actions are sinful and therefore regrettable. I haven't been convinced about righteousness and judgment. I'm guilty but I have no guilt over my guilt. And if I'm not convinced of these things, if I live my life with no godly sorrow, if I live my life with no regrets, I will, in the end, be facing the truth; which will result in the biggest regret ever.
Phil 2:10-11 says that every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. Those who willingly choose to bow and confess here on earth will be rejoicing come judgment day. But those who refuse to do that when they had the opportunity to, come judgment day will realize the truth and will eternally regret not submitting to the Lordship of Christ when they should have and could have.
Erwin Lutzer said, "Hell is the place of unquenchable, raging, unmet emotional needs, without painkillers or sedation. Hell is a place of eternal regret." Sounds like having no regrets in life is a big problem.
2) But what about...
Romans 8:28? When we see a verse like Rom. 8:28 we can misappropriate it to include our poor choices and we erroneously conclude that it's all good-even our bad decisions. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
See, God works all things to the good, even my poor choices, so that means I shouldn't regret them. Although God can bring something positive out of our negative decisions, that doesn't mean we shouldn't regret them. That thinking is along the line of what Paul asked in Rom. 6:1: 'shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?' To which he gave the answer, 'by no means'!
Should we do more of the bad thing so that God will do more of the good thing? No! Therefore, should we look at our poor choices in a positive way because it gave God the opportunity to bring good out of them? No. If we think it's no big deal when we make bad choices because God will bring something good from them we're missing the point.
First of all, this verse is to encourage us that God can work in the bad situations we face. And the trials and struggles we go through can be worked to bring about God's purpose. I can also see this verse helping those who do have regrets. We feel terrible about what we've done or didn't do.
But we read Rom. 8:28 and we're encouraged to pray for God to cause his purpose to still be served even though we messed up. When we regret not sharing the gospel with someone God gives us another opportunity. When something goes south in a conversation we are given the opportunity to apologize and make it right.
And sometimes that gives the person the opportunity to see a godly person take ownership for their mistakes. That's Rom. 8:28 in action. Does that mean God wanted us to mess up? No, it means he showed mercy despite our mistake and worked good out of it.
This verse isn't meant to imply there's no need to regret your poor choices but rather there's a reason to feel encouraged when we do have those regrets. Rom. 8:28 tells me my bad decisions don't have a hopeless outcome. It tells me that although my poor choices had results and perhaps consequences, that's not the end of the story-it can still have a positive outcome.
What about Phil. 3:12-14? "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
See, Paul said he didn't focus on what was behind him; he didn't focus on his past, so why should we? I did a sermon a while ago called Fagedabowdit. Here's something I said in that sermon when I was commenting on this passage. "To forget something means to let it go. What do we need to forget/let go? Past sins, past failures, shortcomings and resentments.
Diligence is found in focusing on what’s ahead not what is behind. I can’t see the goal by looking behind me. Looking ahead I can see opportunities, spiritual advancement, progress. Looking behind I'm reminded of disappointments, shortcomings, past sins and regrets. I’m not forgetting what is behind if I’m dwelling on past failures. Choosing to linger in these old setbacks will cause us to not be able to look ahead and press on."
Given what I said then, it sounds like I'm saying that we shouldn't have regrets but today I'm saying we should. Am I saying two different things? Have I changed my mind? Have I lost my mind? Although that might be up for debate, the collective answer is 'no'.
Phil. 3:12-14 and my comments aren't saying we shouldn't have any regrets, but to not dwell on them. Forgetting what is behind doesn't mean we’re supposed to just pretend like the past never happened? It doesn't mean we don't acknowledge and take responsibility for our poor choices, it means don't allow our past to affect the present or dictate our future.
If we don't deal correctly with our regrets they will hold us back; we won't truly be able to press forward. Satan does a pretty good job at reminding us of our past mistakes. That's because he wants to keep us feeling guilty and shameful. He wants to keep us angry, sad and depressed. He wants to keep us stuck.
The irony is, he will also try to keep us from focusing on our mistakes at all. His pendulum swings to both sides. If he can get us to ignore our mistakes then we won't learn from them. And if he can get us to dwell on our mistakes he can keep us stuck. Either way we won't be able to press on.
So what do we do? We take ownership for our mistakes, address them and move forward, forgetting what is behind us. Isaiah 43:18, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” When we see the word dwell we should think of what we call the place we live-a dwelling. When we dwell on the past we've chosen to live there. So, forgetting the former things, forgetting what is behind means we've chosen to deal with the past and we've packed our bags and moved on to our new home-the present.
Living a life of no regrets doesn’t mean living a life with no mistakes. It’s what we do as a result of those mistakes that determine whether or not we will dwell with regret. When we have godly sorrow and repentance, when we embrace God’s grace, we can move from regret to rejoicing. When we do the right thing and take responsibility when we do the wrong thing, we can have peace of mind.
To say I have no regrets in life is not healthy. We need to realize that we've made some bad choices that resulted in some bad outcomes. Maybe they taught us something; maybe God brought something good out of them, but that doesn't mean it was supposed to be that way.
But now that we have dealt with those regrets and are moving forward, we can strive to make better choices and have fewer regrets. We are bound to make mistakes along the way. But when we address those correctly, we can be free from the burden of regret.
Author John Claypool shares this story, "Years ago a thunderstorm swept through southern Kentucky at a farm where my Claypool forbearers have lived for six generations. In the orchard, the wind blew over an old pear tree that had been there as long as anyone could remember. My grandfather was grieved to lose the tree on which he had climbed as a boy and whose fruit he had eaten all his life.
A neighbor came down and said, "Doc, I'm really sorry to see your pear tree blown down." "I'm sorry too," said my grandfather. "It was a real part of my past." "What are you going to do?" My grandfather paused for a moment, then said, "I'm going to pick the fruit and burn what's left."
Mr. Claypool goes on to say, "That's the wise way to deal with many things in our past. We need to learn their lessons, enjoy their pleasures, and then go on with the present and the future."
There's a quote that goes, "When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near real contentment." Sounds good to me.
