You can almost feel the panic in your bones as you read these words. For his entire reign, Saul had battled either directly or indirectly against his enemies to the west, the Philistines. This day was no different in that they waged war against each other, but it was different in its apparent quickness. As they were battling, the Israelites were forced to flee up Mount Gilboa. Although choosing the higher ground is typically a good battle tactic, it was not here. You know how slowly a man is able to run up a mountain, which made it easy for the Philistine chariots to run them down and their archers to peg them off one by one. Even though he had been hit by an arrow, Saul was making his way up the mountain. But, it eventually became clear to him: he was going to die. His three sons had all fallen. The battle was growing fiercer and fiercer around him. So, what is Saul’s plan? He called on his armor bearer to run him down. Why? Because he didn’t want the uncircumcised enemies to do it themselves. But, his armor bearer was terrified and did not, so Saul fell on his sword.
Why? I know we heard his reasoning, but what was behind it? Was it because he was afraid of the death that they would give him? Was he so conceited he did not want to give his enemies the glory of killing mighty Saul? I don’t know. The bible does not tell us. But, one thing I can say. Saul’s final act was not brave or glorious. It was sinful. His final act was murder.
What are we to do with this? What are we to make of suicide at all? For centuries the Christian Church has treated suicide as the unforgiveable sin. We have refused to bury those who are guilty of this sin, refused to allow them in our cemeteries, and refused to believe they might possibly be in heaven. Why? Why did we go down this route?
One of the biggest reasons why is tradition. You know how hard it is to break a group’s customs and cycles once they have been set. This situation is no different. For over a millennia, the prevailing thought has been that suicide was not able to be forgiven. In fact, this tradition goes back to the days of Augustine, who lived in the 4th and 5th centuries. During his time, Christians were willfully seeking out martyrdom, placing themselves in danger, so in a sense were guilty of suicide. Augustine, a church father, realized he had to speak out in the hopes of stopping this sin. Yet, when he did so, he swung the pendulum too far to the other side. In his book, The City of God, he stated that suicide was the ultimate refusal of trust in God.
Is that true, though? Is a person who has committed suicide destined for hell? Here is where we can make a stand. Instead of relying on a man’s words and church history to dictate our practices, we can and should instead turn to the Word of God. This must always serve as our source of truth.
According to Scripture, the unforgiveable sin is when someone has blasphemed the Holy Spirit. What, though does this mean? To that, I have another question: what is the Holy Spirit’s work? His job is to work on our hearts through baptism, Holy Communion, and the Word of God. Through these tools, he both creates and strengthens faith in Jesus as our Savior. When one blasphemes against the Holy Spirit, they knowingly throw his work away and turn their backs on Christ. They reject him entirely, in spite of knowing what he has to offer. This is unforgiveable.
With that in mind, is this suicide synonymous with the unforgiveable sin? Is suicide the ultimate act of turning from God? It depends. In the case of a man like Judas, yes. Judas refused to believe that his sins were able to be forgiven. Rather, he took matters into his own hands. But, what about the young man who has been struggling with mental illness? What about the warrior who constantly lives in self disgust and loathing because it was his friends who died, not him? What about the woman who cannot distinguish the true reality from the reality that has been stuck in her head? What happens if people like this commit suicide?
To answer that, turn to Scripture. Is suicide a sin? Yes. It is murder, no questions about it. But, is it a final rejection of God? To say “yes” in all instances would be to go beyond the Word of God. That final act may have been one done in weakness, not in rejection of Christ. For, what would be the difference between that and this situation I’m about to describe? What would happen if Christ were to return and you would be in the middle of sin? Let me tell you this, everything you do is sinful. Even the very best acts of praise are guilty of it. The good you wish to do, you do not do. So, are you then doomed to an eternity of hell due to your sin?
You should be, but you are not. Rather, Christ makes this point quite clear. He has died for all sins. Including suicide. Including the weakness of doubt. Including murder. When Satan comes hunting, turn away from questions and toward the clear, precise sections of Scripture. Let the unsearchable truths of God remain unsearchable, and instead give room for your Savior to be your Savior. Turn to the one who tells you to come to him when you are weary and burdened. Simply let his words of comfort stand. Rejoice in what he has made crystal clear: you are a baptized child of God.
This is the same approach to take with a loved one. Allow God’s Word to stand. Find comfort in what you saw God do for them. Find comfort in that they were baptized. In that they received Christ himself in Holy Communion. In that they heard the Word of God, and that they actively pursued hearing it even more, which is a gift of God. To use the words of Psalm 46, “Be still and know that I am God.”
What should you do, then, if you are having suicidal thoughts? What if you’re struggling with mental illness? The answer is to get yourself help. Get in contact with a doctor immediately if this is happening. By doing so, you are not rejecting the power of God or the effectiveness of his Word. These issues are often, if not always physical issues. So, just as you would go to the doctor with a broken bone, so are you going to go to the doctor if these struggles are happening. They’re there to help.
But, please don’t stop there. Also, please, talk to me. I cannot help you in the same way as a psychiatrist or psychologist would. I am not trained in those fields. But, I have been trained in the Word of God, just as all our pastors are. The bible is filled with spiritual comfort to soothe souls who have been worn down with the weight of guilt often associated with mental illness. Do you think that your problems are so unique that no believer has ever been given such a cross? I doubt it. I would not have a hard time believing that David would have dealt with severe problems caused by his 13 years on the run, or by his many wars. The Psalms the Spirit led him to write are dripping with pain. Or what of Elijah, who at one moment is so sky high that he while on foot outraces a chariot, only to fall so low that he admits to God he has to be the last believer left. What of Job who is so overcome that he believes God is no longer with him?
Yet, even if your pain was such that no person has ever dealt with it before, do you assume your God to be too small for it? Has your issue emerged as the first and only issue in which God is not up to the task? No. Instead, listen to the words of God in Job 38: Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? 3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. 4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. 5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? 6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone— 7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels j shouted for joy? 8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, 9 when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, 10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, 11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’? Yet, the Lord did not stop there. Besides just telling us of his awesome power, he speaks of his love. This is the same God who is the Good Shepherd, the one who can call you all by name. This is the God who has given you the Bread of Life. This is the God who showed the greatest love, by laying down his life for his friends, for you. No, your problems are not too great for God.
Besides all this, the Lord has also given you loved ones who care. You are not in this alone. No problem is yours to walk with by yourself. Doing so does not make you more of a man, or a stronger woman. Doing so is just plain foolish.
In the end, God may not take your problems away. Yet, that does not mean he does not care. He’s there with you every step of the way, guiding you and directing your steps home. Your problems are not your own. They’re his to deal with. Amen.
