#41 Jesus on Divorce
Series: Mark
Chuck Sligh
March 14, 2021
NOTE: A PowerPoint presentation is available for this sermon by request at chucksligh@hotmail.com. Please mention the title of the sermon and the Bible text to help me find the sermon in my archives
TEXT: Please turn in your Bibles to Mark 10:1.
INTRODUCTION
Illus. – Gary Thomas, in his book, Sacred Marriage, tells the story of a businessman who moved over slightly as a young man crowded into the airplane seat next to him. They both fastened their seat belts, and the businessman good-naturedly asked whether the young man was traveling on business or pleasure. “Pleasure,” the young man replied. “I’m on my honeymoon.”
“Your honeymoon?” the businessman asked, mystified. “Where’s your wife?”
“Oh, she’s a few rows back. The plane was full, so we couldn’t get seats together.”
The plane hadn’t started rolling yet, so the businessman said, “I’d be happy to change seats with her so that the two of you can be together.”
“That’s okay,” the young man replied. “I’ve been talking to her all week.”
Well.—That man was already tired of his wife, so I bet his marriage didn’t last long. The sad truth is that too many marriages don’t last. A recent 2020 report on the state of marriage revealed that in 2019, 42-45 percent of first-time marriages ended in divorce; 60 percent of second marriages ended in divorce and 73 percent of third marriages ended in divorce.
That was before COVID-19. Illus. – A September 1, 2020 New York Post article informs us that the number of people looking for divorces was 34 percent higher from March through June and 31 percent of the couples admitted the lockdown has caused irreparable damage to their relationships. Today we’re going to examine what Jesus says about divorce.
Let me tell you up-front that Jesus is not always “politically correct,” but He is always perfectly correct. In your life, you must decide whether you will follow what Jesus or what society says. In today’s sermon I want to declare clearly what Jesus taught about divorce, which runs counter to our culture, but at the end of the sermon, I want to speak with grace and compassion to those who have faced the misery of a failed marriage that ended in divorce—sometimes through no fault of one of the parties, often before someone came to Christ and a myriad of other scenarios you could imagine.
I. NOTICE FIRST THAT THE PHARISEES SET A TRAP FOR JESUS IN VERSES 1-2.
Verse 1, says, “And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people gathered unto him again; and, as was his custom, he taught them again.”
As we’ve seen in many places in Mark’s Gospel, what happens in the story is often all about “location, location, location.” Mark tells us that Jesus and the disciples had travelled to Judea, which means that they had come back to a region ruled by King Herod. That fact is central to what follows.
As happened whenever Jesus was in Judea, crowds of people gathered about Him, and as was his custom, He taught them again. And fuess who also shows up again?—Yep, the PHARISEES, and they came “loaded for bear” again. – Verse 2 says, “And the Pharisees came to him, and tempting him, asked him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away [that is, divorce] his wife?’”
Now this seems like a pretty straight-up question, right? Not really; this was actually a very well-crafted trap. The Pharisees thought that no matter how Jesus answered, He would be ensnared. They knew that in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 the Law of Moses allowed divorce.
In verses 1-2 of that passage, we read, “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness [or literally indecency] in her:…let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
A considerable disagreement had arisen among the rabbis over the meaning of the word “indecency” in this text. There were two lines of reasoning expounded by two notable rabbis:
1. Rabbi Shammai stated that “indecency” referred to adultery and therefore, adultery was the only grounds for divorce. – Although they wouldn’t have used the terms then, let’s call this the “conservative” view.
2. The school of Rabbi Hillel taught that “indecency” could be anything the husband found displeasing in his wife. We’ll call this the “liberal” view. Rabbi Hillel said that if a wife spoiled a dish for her husband, he could divorce her, and other rabbis later chimed in and said that a man could divorce his wife if he found another woman more attractive than she, or if she walked about with her hair down, or if she spoke disrespectfully of her husband’s parents. In other words, he could divorce his wife for just about anything.
What made this a trap question revolves around where Jesus was at the time (Judea). Now concentrate for a moment: Herod Antipas had committed adultery with his own brother Philip’s wife, Herodias, during a visit to Philip’s and Herodias’ home in Rome. Both Herod and Herodias (Philip’s wife, remember) divorced their respective spouses and then married one another. What compounded it all was that both Herod and Philip were her uncles! John the Baptist publicly condemned these sordid acts, which infuriated Herodias. Herod later had John beheaded at the request of Herodias for publicly calling out their sin.
So here’s why the Pharisees thought their question would entrap Jesus: If He sided with the liberal view and condoned divorce, the Pharisees would say that Jesus was going against the Law of Moses and this might split the ranks of His followers and fracture His movement. If he sided with the conservative view and condemned divorce, He might incur the wrath of Herodias, ending up being executed as John was.
They thought they were so clever that Jesus would fall right into their trap. But Jesus, who knew their hearts and what they were up to, outfoxed them!
II. IN VERSES 3-9, JESUS REFUSES TO TAKE THEIR BAIT AND GOES BACK TO GOD’S ORIGINAL INTENT FOR MARRIAGE.
Look first at verses 3-4 – “And he answered and said unto them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ 4 And they said, ‘Moses suffered (that is, allowed) to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.’” I love how Jesus ignores their question and turns the question back on them. He says, “What did the Moses command YOU?”
Now notice what Jesus does here:
First, He takes them back to God’s Word, the only infallible source of truth. In the end, it didn’t matter at all what this or that rabbi taught. What mattered was what God’s Word said.
Second, He uses the word “command” to show that the issue of divorce could not be determined by the shifting cultural norms of the day. Because Hillel’s liberal teaching was so popular, divorce had become all too common among the Jews, and it was rampant in Roman society. But Jesus takes them back to the unchanging Word of God. What matters is what the eternal Word of the Almighty God says about marriage and divorce, not what society or “experts” say.
The Pharisees replied to Jesus’ question by stating that Moses allowed divorce, but did you notice that they conveniently left out that part about “indecency”?
And whereas Jesus asked them what God’s Law COMMANDED, they used the word ALLOWED. They weren’t really concerned about God’s original design for marriage; they were looking for loopholes. This is one of the problems with living by the “letter of the law” rather than by the “spirit of the law,” as Paul talked about in his letter to the Galatians. If you’re focused on abiding by the LETTER of the law…you’re tempted to look for the loopholes; but if you’re focused on the SPIRIT of the law—then you’re more concerned about God’s original intent of His law.
So Jesus explains why divorce was permitted in the Law in the first place in verse 5: “And Jesus answered and said unto them, ‘For (or because of) the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.”
The Pharisees misunderstood the whole purpose of the provision for divorce in Deuteronomy 24. Jesus was teaching that this provision was not allowed to ENCOURAGE divorce, but to CONTROL divorce and protect those most vulnerable in that society—the wife.
Because divorce was already commonplace among the Hebrews, God gave some regulations to make sure a wife who was divorced by her husband was not left destitute. In order to protect these women, Moses told them that a wife must be given a divorce certificate so she would not be thrown out on the street with no hope of remarrying. Furthermore, God’s Law stipulated that a woman could not go back to a previous husband if she remarried so that she was not traded by men as chattel. These were provisions in the Law to gave some protection and dignity to women.
The “hardness of the heart” that Jesus mentions refers to the way people often treat one another when there’s intense marital conflict. People can harden their hearts and become bitter and retaliatory. These Mosaic provisions were made to mitigate the worst aspects of divorce, but they did not determine whether divorce was right or wrong.
So now in verses 6-9, Jesus contrasts the Pharisees’ view with God’s original intent to clarify God’s view of divorce. He says in verse 6: “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.”
Jesus goes back to a time before the Law had even been given to root His teaching on divorce in the creation narrative in Genesis 1 and 2: God created the first couple, Adam and Eve, distinctly male and female, yet they were fully complimentary to one another. By the way, here Jesus clearly declares that marriage was intended by God to be a monogamous, heterosexual, permanent relationship.
In verses 7-8 Jesus teaches three important things about marriage:
First, He teaches that marriage requires LEAVING in verse 7 – “For this cause (or reason) shall a man leave his father and mother…”
When a couple is married, they should leave their parents in the sense of severing the emotional umbilical cord. This must be done so that your primary family loyalty is transferred to your spouse. Your spouse should never have to compete with your parents! This doesn’t mean that you can ignore them or stop spending time with them, because the command to honor our parents is a LIFELONG command. But it does mean that when you’re married, a new family unit is formed and IT must have a higher priority over your previous family.
In the second part of verse 7, Jesus teaches that marriage requires CLEAVING. – He says, …and cleave to his wife.”
Once you’re married, you should be committed to permanence. To “cleave” literally meant “to be glued or cemented together.” The Greek word means, “To melt two separate entities together to form a permanent bond.” It’s the idea of joining two things so tightly that they cannot be separated without damaging both things. This flies in the face of easy divorce laws in the U.S. and other countries. God’s original plan for marriage was that it would be permanent.
Third, Jesus teaches that marriage involves WEAVING in verse 8 – “And the twain (which means two) shall be one flesh. So then they are no more two, but one flesh.”
This is the goal of marriage: permanent oneness. In God’s math, 1+1=1 in marriage. In marriage two people form a new unit comprising a sexually intimate, all-encompassing couple that is just as indissoluble in God’s present creation order as a blood relationship between a parent and child.
John Grassmick writes, “Marriage is not a CONTRACT of temporary convenience which can be readily broken; it is a COVENANT of mutual fidelity to a lifelong union made before God.” (The Bible Knowledge Commentary.)
Pastor Al Greene gave a good illustration of the difference between a contract and a covenant:
In a contract, the two parties remain separate, like oil and water. They’re shaken up but not mixed together. Left alone, they’ll separate into their original respective parts.
In a covenant, the two become one and the same—more like mashed potatoes. – You take 2 potatoes, skin them, cut them up, put them in hot water to soften them and then you smash them into one delicious, blended mass of potatoes.
After going back to Genesis to recover God’s will for marriage, Jesus concludes His discourse about marriage and divorce with these words in verse 9: “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’”
Jesus’ words here stand on their own and require little explanation. Jesus makes it abundantly clear that divorce is never His will. “What God has joined together, let NOT man separate.” Now this isn’t to say that there are no biblical grounds for divorce; but this is Jesus’ testimony that no matter what happens in a marriage, divorce is never God’s intent or design, nor does He approve of it.
III. IN VERSES 10-12, THE DISCIPLES RECEIVE MORE TEACHING ON DIVORCE.
Verse 10: “In the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.”
What Jesus had taught about divorce blew the disciples’ minds, so later, when they had gathered in a house with Jesus, His disciples asked Him to elaborate. If they thought what Jesus had just taught was new and strict, Jesus tightens the noose around loophole searchers even further.
Look at verses 11-12 – “And he saith unto them, ‘Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commiteth adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commiteth adultery.’”
I looked in every commentary I could find and searched online too, and I could find nothing written about this verse that gave me much clarification. That’s because, like verse 9, Jesus’ words in verses 11-12 stand on their own. They just mean what they say in plain language.
So that’s all the New Testament teaches on divorce, right? Well…it’s not so simple. Confusingly, in
Matthew 19 Jesus gives an exception to the His strict rule that He laid down in Mark 10, and furthermore, so does the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:8-16. In Matthew 19, JESUS said that a marriage could not be dissolved except in the case of “fornication.” The Greek word translated “fornication” is porneía, which refers to any illicit sexual intercourse, including adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, incest and bestiality.
PAUL’S exception had to do with Christians whose unsaved spouses abandoned or divorced them. – In those situations, Paul teaches that Christian spouses should not SEEK a divorce if they can avoid it but are under no obligation to oppose a divorce by the other partner at all costs.
Another thorny issue is whether a person who has been divorced under these so-called “exception clauses” can then remarry. If you knew how many different views on divorce and remarriage there are, it would make your head spin. I personally believe the Bible teaches that if one has biblical grounds for divorce, he or she has biblical grounds for remarriage. However, many of these issues are just not clear in the Word and therefore, I respect those who differ with me.
But what are we to make of the apparent conflict between Jesus’ STRICT INTERPRETATION in Mark and Matthew’s and Paul’s EXCEPTIONS, which seem to allow more leniency regarding divorce? Is this a contradiction in God’s Word?—No. Mark and Matthew and Paul are approaching Jesus’ teaching from different angles. Mark simply records the IDEAL; Matthew and Paul record God’s Word in dealing with the reality on the ground.
As John Phillips writes, “[Jesus] shows us marriage, divorce, and remarriage from God’s standpoint. The divine standard calls for perfection and allows for nothing less. Those who take Mark’s account alone do not get the full picture, but they do get a view of the permanence, perfection, and purity of marriage and the general unacceptability of divorce from the standpoint of heaven. Mark does not look at the other side of the issue—that we are imperfect people living in a sinful environment. Matthew does consider that other side, and it is a mistake to isolate Mark’s teaching from Matthew’s [or Paul’s] teaching.”
That makes sense to me.
CONCLUSION
Before I close, let me share with you some final thoughts:
First, God DOES hate divorce because of the problems it causes, the pain of the wounds it inflicts and the danger it poses to the nuclear family.
We CAN’T water this down or try to act like He doesn’t hate divorce. Jesus has spoken clearly about it here in Mark 10, but also listen to what God says in Malachi 2: “…the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion, and your wife by covenant….16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce…” (Malachi 2:14 & 16a)
Marriage permanence was God’s original intent at creation; it was His view in Malachi at the end of the Old Testament and it was the view of God the Son on earth. Don’t water down what God teaches on this issue!
Second, I want you to know that God does not hate divorced people.
Some of you are divorced and have experienced its incredible pain and sorrow. I know some of you had biblical grounds and probably some did not. Some of you were divorced before you came to Christ, and some afterwards. Whatever the circumstances of your divorce, God does not hate you. In fact, He loves you deeply. Receive His love and acceptance. You do not have to wallow in shame and regret.
Third, dovetailing off that last point, remember that divorce is not the only thing God hates.
Sometimes we single out divorce and forget there are many things God hates. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin, as some have taught in the past, nor are divorced people second class Christians. Some people did everything they could possibly do to save their marriage, and it still fell apart. Yes, in the ideal world God hates divorce and therefore we should do all we can to avoid it, but in the real world, He knows we live in a sinful, fallen world where the ideal is never fully realized in this life.
After reviewing his past, Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14 – “Brethren I do not count myself to have laid hold of it yet [speaking of the resurrection and being perfected in heaven], but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching for unto those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Fourth, deal with any unfinished business.
If you’ve been divorced, you might need to ask GOD for forgiveness, or ask for, or extend forgiveness to your FORMER SPOUSE or seek reconciliation with your CHILDREN. If you’re a child of divorce, maybe it’s time to make peace with your parents. They, LIKE YOU, are only human and probably made many mistakes. Afford them the same forgiveness God has granted you for your many sins. Make sure you have a pure conscience before God and others. And last, if you’re remarried, regardless of the circumstances, do whatever it takes to make THIS marriage work.
God does not want you to go back to a previous spouse if you’ve remarried. As we saw, going back to the former spouse after a remarriage was forbidden in the Old Testament, and Paul’s instructions when it came to marital issues in
1 Corinthians 7 is to stay in the marital state you’re now in.
Maybe your first marriage failed and maybe YOU were the more guilty partner or perhaps YOUR SPOUSE was the more guilty partner. It really doesn’t matter anymore. That’s under the blood of Jesus Christ now.
But NOW, in THIS marriage, God wants you to hate divorce like He does and to do everything in your power, to make any sacrifice necessary, to get all the marital help you can, to go to every marriage seminar you can attend in order to make sure you make THIS marriage work! If you do, God can turn ashes to beauty in your life.
