John Woolman, the Quaker, demonstrated the power of the
question to change lives. In the 18th century many of the
wealthy Quakers were slave holders. He was convinced this
was inconsistent with Christian compassion, and he vowed
he would rid the Quakers of this terrible blight. His strategy
was not to picket, or hold rallies. He did not publish
vindictive sermons against slavery, and those who practiced
it. Instead, he spent 30 years traveling up and down the
length of the land visiting the slave holders. He would
accept their hospitality, and ask them questions about how it
felt, as a child of God, to own slaves. He did not condemn,
but just kept asking disturbing questions.
What does owning slaves do to you as a moral
person? What kind of an institution are you passing on to
your children? These honestly asked questions sensitized the
conscience of the Quakers, and brought forth something
noble in their hearts. The result: One hundred years before
the Civil War not a single Quaker held slaves. By means of
questions Woolman changed the course of history for his
people.
Robert Louis Stevenson was right when he said, "You
start a question and its like starting a stone from on top of a
hill; away the stone goes, starting others." Questions are the
key to education. Every student needs to ask questions to
learn. Every teacher needs to ask questions to teach
effectively. The Bible is full of questions that have changed
lives and history. Paul asked on the Damascus Road, "Lord,
what wilt thou have me to do?" The answer has changed the
entire world. The Philippian jailer asked, "What must I do
to be saved?" The answer of believing on the Lord Jesus
Christ led him and millions since into the kingdom of God.
Jesus was a Master at the art of using questions. To the
group of His disciples he would ask, "Who do men say that I
am?" Then He would draw from them what they had
heard, and by so doing keep His finger on the pulse of the
times. To Peter He asked, "Lovest thou me more than
these?" And by this got Peter's personal commitment.
After His parables, He would often ask the Pharisees
questions like, "Who then was truly a neighbor to the one
who fell among thieves?" Or, "Now which of them will love
Him more?" Jesus was using questions all the time.
The point is, questions are vital to growth. They get us
into new territory. This whole chapter of I Cor. 7 is the
result of questions the Corinthian Christians asked Paul.
Paul is here being the Ann Landers, and Dear Abby of the
early church. They are constantly being asked questions
about the male and female relationship. It just goes to show
you, no matter how much things change, they are still the
same. The questions asked of Paul 2000 years ago were the
same questions that are asked everyday in advice columns.
The reason for this is simple, no matter how much
technology changes human life, it does not change the basic
problems of the male-female relationship. The computer
does not change the fact that they still love each other, lust
for each other, and in varying degrees, hate each other.
Progress has not changed this one iota.
The major theme of social questions has always been,
and will always be, how do I relate to the opposite sex. You
cannot escape these issues, for they are like the air we
breathe, and are everywhere present. It is part of the human
environment, and even monks who live in the desert discover
that one of their biggest problems is the battle with the issue
of sex. Nobody escapes. I Cor. 7 leads us into the universal
topic man is capable of considering. It is the battle of the
sexes. This is one of the most complex battles of life, and the
result is, we see Paul being more flexible and more cautious
in this chapter than anywhere else in his epistles. He makes
clear the distinction between what is God's command, and
what is his own conviction.
Paul was an idealist, and he could conceive of ways that
life could be better, but he was also a realist who knew life
was not that way, and so we see him operating on two
different levels right from the start. His first piece of advice
sets the tone for the whole chapter. He starts off with this
lofty statement, "It is well for a man not to touch a woman."
He is not referring to Typhoid Mary either, but to all
women. But then, as if to say, I know that is like asking a
fish not to touch water, he goes on to deal with how men
ought to touch women, and vice versa.
In other words, Paul is saying, it would be great if we did
not have to struggle with all of the complex issues of
sexuality. Just think of all the social issues that would be
resolved if men would not touch women. It would end
prostitution, rape, abortion, population explosion, child
abuse, wife beating, and divorce, just to name the most
obvious. The world could be changed by this simple
formula. The major weakness of it is simply, nobody is
interested in applying the formula. This is the primary
reason all simple solutions do not work. Paul knows it is an
ivory tower formula, and that is why, even though he really
means it, he goes on to deal with the issues of sex.
Paul has an extremely high view of marriage and sex.
There is no higher view anywhere. Therefore, let us not
think that Paul urges singleness because he has a low view of
the union of the sexes. He even warns about the heresy of
those who forbid marriage. Paul is just pointing out that
singleness has a place in God's plan, and some Christians
would be better off to remain single. Paul had the gift for
being single, and he knew others had it also. They might all
be able to ride in a chariot at the same time, but they are
there in every church. Some people are gifted to be single,
and not just to grin and bear it, but to love it like Paul.
In verse 7 Paul wishes those who had this gift were the
majority, but he knows it isn't so, and he recognizes the
variety of gifts in the body. He will not try to impose his gift
on those who do not have it, for he knows it is a mistake for
a Christian with a strong sex drive to try and live the single,
or celibate life. History reveals the terrible battles Christians
have fought who tried to follow Paul's example without his
gift of a fully controlled sex drive.
Henry Martyn, the famous missionary, is a powerful
illustration of the ungifted trying to imitate the gifted. As a
young single pastor Henry could perform weddings, and be
grateful that he did not feel any need for a wife. Then Lydia
Greenfell came into his life, and he lost his certainty. He
could not get her out of his mind. He would toss and turn in
his bed at night, trying to keep this idol out of his mind, so
he could pray and not think of her. He was soon to leave for
India as a missionary. Some felt he should marry before he
left, but others said no, and inspite of the fact that he loved
Lydia, and he could not stop dreaming of her, he listened to
those who urged celibacy.
He was so miserable in India, and so lonely without her,
that the leaders on the field agreed he should marry. He
wrote to her and asked her to come to India. It was agony
waiting for her reply. It took 18 months for a letter to get to
England and a reply back. Meanwhile, he was in torment as
he fought off lust for the women in India. He begged Lydia
to come and be his wife. He had no gift for singleness at all.
He was like those of whom Paul wrote, "It is better to marry
than to burn." Paul was talking of the very lust that Henry
was battling.
Henry Martyn became the first missionary to live in
Persia. He had a gift for languages, and was an excellent
translator of the New Testament. He laid the foundation for
the church in several languages. He died trying to get back
to England, and to his Lydia. He died at age 31. He died
single, but not successfully so. The evidence would indicate
that his life would have been more effective for the glory of
God had he married. Singleness is not for everyone. John
Fletcher, another preacher, came to realize this. For years
he remained single, for he believed it was the best, but then
he got to thinking about Enoch in the Old Testament. He
was a man who walked with God, yet he bore sons and
daughters. He reasoned that if a man can attain the highest
degree of holiness, and still be married, why couldn't he too
be both spiritual and married. So he did marry. Most all of
the Protestant reformers were celibate priests, but when they
got the freedom to do so, they married.
Would Paul be disappointed in them? I am sure not. Paul
makes it clear, all through this chapter, he would like to
see everyone stay single, but only if they can handle it. If
they do not have the self-control to do so, he expects them to
marry. Paul is not trying to contradict God. In Gen. 2:18
God said, "It is not good for a man to be alone." Paul
knows marriage is ordained of God. He knows it is the
highest illustration he had for the relationship of Christ and
the church. Nothing in this chapter can be interpreted in a
way that degrades marriage. All Paul is doing is
emphasizing that there is a valid alternative for many
Christians. No Christian needs to feel obligated to get
married, as if that is the only way to have a full and
meaningful life. This is a truth that needs to be heard in our
day, for there are millions of singles who have little chance to
ever marry.
Singles and married people alike need to know about
what Paul is saying. You do not need marriage to give life
meaning. Life can be complete, and fulfilled to the glory of
God without it. It is just not true that never having sex and
babies, and never having a mate means never having a
complete life. Peter had a wife, but Paul did not. Was
Paul's life less meaningful? History is filled with very
successful people who never married, and never had
children. They are not the majority, but they are a powerful
minority, and they have made a difference in history.
So the first lesson we need to learn from Paul's response
to the questions of the Corinthians is this: Reject the myths
about singleness.
1. The myth that singles cannot be complete and happy.
The fact is, there are many singles who do not even have the
gift who are able to live very meaningful and effective lives.
Many of these do burn, as Paul says they will. They have a
terrible battle with the sex drive, but they do manage to keep
it under control, and make their lives count for the cause of
Christ.
2. Another myth that needs to be shattered is that singles
must not be as normal, or as attractive as those who marry.
The facts are that some of the most beautiful, handsome,
educated, and well rounded personalities in the world are
single. Singles often keep themselves looking good longer
than married people, who often lose interest after years of
marriage. Singles get satisfaction out of being liked and
appreciated by both sexes, and this keeps them trying to be
attractive, for they are more aware of the need to do so in all
relationships.
3. Another myth is that singles are anti-children. It is false,
for singles make up a large part of the professions of
teaching, nursing, and social work. It is singles who are
constantly striving to overcome the problems created by
married people who have children they do not want. It is
poorly adapted married people and not singles, who are
anti-children.
4. Another myth is that singles live a life of sexual
frustration. It is true that this is a major battle for many,
but it is for married people as well. The degree of their
frustration is not necessarily any greater than that of
married people, and for many, the battle is far less severe.
A good case can be made for selective celibacy. There are
people so gifted that they can live very complete and useful
lives as singles. Paul is making it clear, it is a good thing for
those so gifted to discover the joys of voluntary singleness.
In the Old Testament there is not real place for singles. The
priests had to marry, and the concept of bacherlorhood did
not even exist. There are hints of singleness, but no where is
it encouraged. It was very near disgrace to remain a virgin
as an adult, and a definite disgrace not t bear a child. Old
Testament saints could not dream of giving heed to Paul.
There whole perspective on life demanded marriage, sex, and
children.
Why does the New Testament change this whole value
system? Because it is no longer earth centered. In Christ
the kingdom of God has come, and now the focus is on the
eternal, rather than the earthly. Now one can give up
earthly values, and still find fulfillment. You don't have to
bear children now, for you can, like Paul, bring forth
children on the spiritual level. The new birth makes it
possible to be a single parent, and not by sex, but by the
Gospel of salvation. You can bring forth new life for the
kingdom of God. There will be singles in heaven with large
families of children they have brought into the kingdom.
Now that the bridegroom has come, singles can be married
on a spiritual level.
Yes, there is the sacrifice of the pleasure of sex, but for those
who do not burn to satisfy the desire, there is an anticipation
of even greater pleasure. The pleasure of loving for ever all
those who will be in heaven, because of their sacrificial
labors. For all we know,the pleasure of hugging each of his
converts in heaven will far surpass the pleasure of sex. The
point is, in an earth centered religion like Judiasm, sexual
pleasure is vital, and children are essential. In a heaven
centered religion, sex and children are no longer essential to
completeness. Jesus, Paul, and John, lived beautiful fruitful
lives without marriage. Each of them had close relationships
with the opposite sex, however. We need to get the idea out
of our heads that singleness means sexless. Singles are sexual
beings, and they still relate to the opposite sex in many
positive ways. Love is the greatest virtue for singles, as well
as for married people, and love includes relating to the
opposite sex.
Paul had numerous women he related to. He loved them,
and appreciated them, and they loved him in return. The
same was true for Jesus and John. Women played a major
role in their lives. They were not hermits who ran off to
avoid contact with the world of sexuality. The single person
with the gift of celibacy can actually be more loving, and
more intimately related to more people, than the married
person. A single person with self-control can hug and kiss
and touch and make many people feel they are loved. Paul
may have kissed more women than we could imagine, and
with him, it would truly be the holy kiss, that could express
love without lust.
I do not pretend to know how many people can live like
Paul. All I know is that Paul felt there were more than most
of us would guess, and he appeals to them to examine their
lives to see if they have the gift. The single saint is not
sexless, but one who can be satisfied with psychological sex.
Physical sex is reserved for the married, but psychological
sex is for everyone. This is simply the enjoyment of the
opposite sex. Conversation with them, activity with them is
pleasant and enjoyable.
Jesus enjoyed the presence of Mary and Martha, and
Mary Magdelene, to name a few. Paul also had a close
friend named Mary, and the dear sister Phoebe was special
to him, and also the married woman Pricilla. He has a whole
list of girl friends in Rom. 16. John writes his second epistle
to the elect lady whom he loved in the truth. There is no
escaping it, for the New Testament opens up a whole new
possibility in the male-female relationship. They can now, in
Christ, be very loving to each other, and devoted to each
other, without the commitment to sex and marriage.
It is rare, but history does record some famous examples
of this kind of relationship.
1. St. Jerome, who translated the Vulgate. This was the
Bible the church used for a thousand years longer than any
other Bible. He had St. Paula, a wealthy widow who
abandoned everything to follow him, and help him in his
translation.
2. St. Francis of Assissi had his Clore, who left her family to
be his disciple.
3. John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila loved each other,
and wrote books together.
4. Francis de Sales and Jane de Chantel served the kingdom
together, and were buried together.
Here were singles with deep love relationships that did
not demand physical union. They were sexual in that they
were of the opposite sex, and they met needs only the
opposite sex could meet, but they were relationships free
from scandal, and full of fruitfulness for the kingdom of
God. Rare indeed, but like all rare things, very valuable,
and that is why Paul is searching for them in this chapter.
Christians need to take Paul seriously, and examine their
lives to see if they might be gifted to be a single saint.
The complete personality is one who can love self, love
others, and love God. The single is just as capable of this as
is the married person. Married people do not have a
monopoly on love. They actually limit their freedom to
express love by their commitment to the exclusive love of
their mate. The gifted single can be far more free
to expand the outreach of their love. The great love chapter
of the Bible was written by Paul-the single saint. This means
we need to recognize that in Christ the best is possible for
both marrieds and singles. Both can live a life of love, and
be channels of God's love in a world dying for lack of it.
Single or married life finds its highest meaning, and
fulfillment, in love-the agape love of God which is found only
in Jesus Christ. All other relationships are secondary to ones
relationship to Christ. If He is your Lord and Savior, you
can live a life of meaningful love regardless of whether you
are married or single. Paul recommends it because he knows
by experience it is possible to be a single saint.
