George Barnell, a Jew living in North Carolina, back in 1871
fathered one of the most unusual daughters in Americans history.
Jane Barnell grew up to become the famous Lady Olga, the bearded
lady of the circus. She had a thick beard hanging 13 and a half
inches, and also a large mustache. The beard started to grow when
she was 2 and at 4 she was being displayed, and 65 years later she
was still going strong.
When Jane was a toddler, and her father was out of town on
business, her mother took her to the Great Orient Family Circus,
and came home without her. When the father returned home he
was frantic. He appealed to the police, and North Carolina and
surrounding states were scoured, but the circus and Jane had
vanished. They had gone to Europe. It was several years later in a
Berlin orphanage that the father finally found her, and brought her
back to the United States. She grew to adulthood on a farm where
she shaved just like the young men. At 21 she was persuaded to let
her beard grow and enter the circus. She did, and spent the rest of
her life traveling the world as an exhibit to the curious.
The story of Mordecai and Esther is also a story of a Jewish
father and daughter, but with this distinction that Esther was as
unusually feminine as Jane was unusually masculine. Esther was
one of the most beautiful girls that ever lived. She was the Miss
Universe of her day. She was the most beautiful girl in the Persian
Empire, which included most of the known world.
Our focus on this Father's Day is not upon Esther, however, but
upon Mordecai. A contemporary bitter male said, "The only
thoroughly masculine domain not yet invaded by women is growing
a mustache." He obviously never saw Lady Olga, or the many other
bearded ladies of history. The real uninvaded domain of
masculinity is fatherhood. No woman can beat a man at this role,
for no matter how good she is with children, she is always a good
mother, and not a good father.
Mordecai was an excellent father event though there is no record
of his having any children of his own. Esther was his adopted
daughter. We have established in a different message that you do
not have to give birth to a child to be a good mother. The same
holds true for being a father, and Mordecai is proof of this. Joseph
was also a good father to Jesus, even though he did not actually
father Him in the sense that He was from his seed. That is the
easiest part of fatherhood. The real challenge is to so love a child
that it becomes a mature and balanced adult with a solid foundation
of spiritual principles to guide them through life. Mordecai was this
kind of father to Esther.
Most all of the Bible accounts of fathers are those who deal with
fathers and sons. Here we have a rare case of a father and daughter
combination. And what a combination they were! They saved
Israel from destruction, and they changed the course of history. It is
of interest to note the balance of the Bible where we see any
combination of people can be used of God to accomplish His
purpose. In the New Testament it is Mary the mother and Jesus the
Son, with the father only faintly in the picture. Here in the Old
Testament we see Mordecai the father and Esther the daughter, with
the mother not in the picture at all. God can, and does, use any
combination, for any of them can be winners.
It is important to see this, for life is complex and uncertain.
There are all kinds of ideals that are best, but the fact is, they are
not attained by millions. I don't know why Mary had to raise her
family without Joseph, nor why Mordecai had to raise Esther
without his wife. Nor do I know why there are so many other less
than ideal family situations. All I know is that there is good news,
for any of these less than ideal situations can be used of God for His
glory, and for His purpose, and life can be full of blessings. Let's
look at some examples of how Mordecai was a successful father in a
less than ideal situation. He gave to Esther three things that made
her a successful daughter, and him a successful father. First of all
he gave her-
I. AID IN ADOPTION.
Esther was of a minority race, in a foreign land, and a pagan
culture, plus she was an adopted child. Adoption can be less than
the ideal simply because there are complications in the minds of
adopted children. They tend to struggle with insecurity, and their
self-esteem. The father is in danger of trying to protect them so
much that they become over dependent. On the other hand, to so
push them into independence that they feel rejected and unloved. It
is a tough job maintaining just the right balance so an adopted child
can feel adequately loved, and still press on to be mature and
independent. This, of course, is the same battle all fathers have, but
with an adopted child there is an added complexity. Blessed is the
father who can provide the aid that is needed.
I have not known many adopted children, but the few I have
known have all struggled to some degree with their self-image. It
takes a wise father to help them see and feel that they are just as
loved, and just as valuable, as their own seed. Mordecia clearly
succeeded with Esther, for she was a loving daughter, and one who
could be fully independent of Mordeica. She could listen and follow
his guidance, and was as beautiful within as she was on the outside.
This is not to say that the father of an adopted child not turning
out well is a poor father. Some of the finest fathers fail in
attempting to reform a rebel. Andrew Jackson as President of the
United States had to write this letter to his adopted son Andrew Jr.
He was in trouble already at age 14, and by 25 he was a heavy
drinker and deeply in debt. He wrote this on April 14, 1835.
"I now address you with the fondness of a father's heart.
How care then you ought to be to shun all bad company,
or to engage in any dissipation whatever and particularly
intoxication. When I reflect on the fate of your cousin
Savern, reduced to the contempt of all by his brutal
intemperance I shutter when I see any appearance of it
in any branch of our connection."
When General Jackson died he was 24 thousand dollars in debt
due to his rebellious unheeding son. I do not believe he was a bad
father. Mordecai may have failed with this son also. All I am saying
is, that in a less than ideal situation he did succeed with Esther. She
adapted to a life that was full of tragedy and sorrow as her people
were carried away captive, and her parents were taken in death.
We are not told if they died from violence or natural causes, but
either way she was left an orphan in a foreign land. Mordecai aided
her in adapting to her circumstances, and she became a beautiful
well-rounded person. It would have been easy to become bitter and
hateful toward the Persians. Mordecai had to teach her not to hate
the Gentiles she lived among, and she did adapt and learn to love
them. The second thing we see that Mordecai did for her is that he
taught her the-
II. ACCEPTANCE OF AUTHORITY.
Esther became the Queen, and she had more power in the snap of
her finger than Mordecai had in his whole life. He was nobody in
terms of real power, and yet Esther obeyed his authority, and did
not reveal that she was a Jew. Her loyalty to her father's authority
is a key factor in God's providential plan to save the Jewish race.
Had Mordecai failed to teach Esther to accept authority, and to be
loyal to authority, the whole plan of God would not have worked out
as it did.
One of the greatest tragedies of life is a father who does not win
respect for his authority from his children. It is a recognized fact
that a major cause of the breakdown of the American family is the
loss of authority by dads. A little girl inquired, "Mommy, if the
stork brings babies; if Santa brings our presents; if the Lord gives
us our daily bread, and Uncle Sam our social security, what is daddy
good for."
It is no joke when kids really feel this way. Colonel Farley,
founder of Boy's Ranch says 90% of the youth who come to him
come from homes where there was little or no influence of the
father. Between 80 and 90% of the boys in Boy's Town come from
the same type of home. Judge Leibowitz of Brooklyn's highest
criminal court has concluded that the number one factor in
criminality is failure of the father's role.
If a father does not influence his child to respect authority, the
opposite is what will take place, and they will reject authority. They
will tend to become problem makers in society. Diogenes the Greek
was said to have stuck the father when the son swore. He was
illustrating the direct influence of the father on the son. Weak
influence of fathers is a major cause of weak people in all areas of
life. Studies show that 94% of veterans under treatment or
psychiatric reasons experienced father rejection.
We need to balance out what we are saying here by looking at the
total picture revealed by the book of Esther. Strong influence of
fathers is not necessarily good either. There is another father in this
book by the name of Haman, who is the enemy of Mordecai. The
whole book is like a Hatfields and Macoys type story, for it is about
two fathers and their children who are determined to eliminate each
other from the map of Persia.
Haman had all of the advantages. He had 10 sons, and Mordecai
had only one daughter. Haman had position and power, and all
Mordecai had was hope in the providence of God. The point I want
to make here is that Haman was basically a strong father. This book
reveals that he had a powerful influence on his sons, and they did
respect his authority. They joined him in his battle of bigotry, and
gave their lives because of their loyalty. Because evil fathers can
teach their children good principles, we need to rise above the
secular level to see a Christian father's duty. Doubtless, there are
fathers in the Mafia, and other underworld organizations, who teach
their children strong respect for authority, and they become loyal
people to the cause of crime. You can't even be good at being bad
without respect for authority.
We need to see, therefore, that no father has done his job well
until his child respects the highest authority, which is the authority
of God. Haman failed because his sons obeyed only human
authority, and they were loyal to folly that was contrary to God's
will. Mordecai taught Esther to respect his authority also, but his
authority was based on his obedience to God's authority. We see
this in chapter 4 where Esther begins to waver in her obedience to
his authority. He responds by lifting her sights to a higher level, and
by getting her to focus on the providence of God. In 4:14 Mordecai
says, "For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and
deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and
your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have
not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"
Esther was moved by this to go ahead and risk her life trusting in
the providence of God. The lesson is clear: No father can be the
final authority, for all fathers fall short of the glory of God. Only
those fathers who give their children an ultimate foundation can be
called good fathers in the biblical sense. A good father is a fallible
father with faith in the infallible Father in heaven, and he passes on
this faith to his children. This means a good father does not need to
be uptight about his weaknesses and failures, for he does not have to
pretend he is perfect and infallible. The respect for his authority is
not based on its infallibility, but on his respect for the authority of
God.
A Christian father needs to be honest about his own mistakes,
and not try to pretend that he is always right. Joseph Bayly, the
popular Christian author, has raised 7 children. He has punished
them when they were innocent. He has failed to tell them he is sorry.
He has inflicted pain by his ignorance. He sat one of this little boys
on a log in the woods to rest. He had short pants on and there was
poison ivy all around the log. You can imagine the fun dad had
trying to be innocent and intelligent after that. Bayly says there is
no escape from guilt. He had to travel so much when his little girl
was small that when he came home she would not recognize him
when he wanted to hold her. The point is, he did not need to fear
that his failures would cause his 7 year old to be out pushing sweet
old ladies in front of cement mixers. They were taught that human
authority is to be respected in so far as it conformed to God's
authority, as revealed in His Word. this is the goal of all who would
be truly successful fathers. The final value we see imparted by this
first rate father is-
III. ABUNDANCE OF ATTENTION.
Note verse 11 where the text says that every day Mordecai
checked on Esther to see how she was doing. Not every weekend, or
every month, but every day. She is a married woman, and she is the
Queen of the Persian Empire, yet Mordecai does not let a day go by
without letting her know he is concerned. This gives us a strong hint
as to the kind of father he was. He was an available father. In our
busy world nobody seems to have enough time to do all that should
be done, and the result is fathers are often not available to their
children.
Children , by their very nature, are not interested in doing what
matters for even the long run, let alone eternity. They specialize in
the trivial and the transient. In other words, kids love to do what is
a waste of time. That is contrary to adult intelligence. We cannot
waster time, and so we are always trying to make all time count.
The fact is, it is very biblical, for we are told to redeem the time.
The problem is that we become legalists, and we forget that Jesus
also taught we must become as little children. There is a time to
waste time. That is, we must learn to enjoy doing things like
children love, which are very momentary fun as an end in itself.
I must confess that I have struggled with this for years, and even
as I preach it, I do not always practice it. I am conditioned by the
philosophy that we must try to kill two birds with one stone, and
make every moment count. Don't waste time, or time will waste you.
I still believe these things, but more and more I realize that it is an
error to fail to balance this thinking with a childlike love for the
enjoyment of the present. Jesus had time in His short life, and even
shorter ministry, to enjoy living. He had times of fun, fellowship,
laughter and song. He took time out from healing and preaching to
go fishing. We always miss the boat when we take our eyes off
Jesus, and push any truth to an extreme.
This comes home to you when you read that Boswell, the famous
biographer of Samuel Johnson, who said he would never forget the
day his father took time out of his bush schedule to take him fishing.
It is a highlight of his life, and he learned so much. Boswell's father
kept a diary, and when he died it was found, and that day that
meant so much to his son had this entry in it. "Gone fishing today
with my son; a day wasted."
Maybe it was wasted in the sense that he got nothing done, but if
getting nothing done is what it takes to be available to your child,
and make them feel your attention and care, then nothing is what
needs to be done. This is not the kind of nothing that Aristotle
defines when he said that nothing is what rocks dream of. That is
really nothing, but the nothing of wasting time with your child is
really something. It is an investment in the future. A father who
cares enough to waste time for his child's sake will produce a child
who will redeem the time for God's sake.
Availability is the key to being a good dad. One daughter tells of
an interesting thing her father did as she was growing up, and he
was her only parent. When she started school he gave her a dime
and said, "Patty, I want you always to keep this dime in your purse.
Anytime you need me, you call the plant. Tell them you want to talk
to your dad, and I guarantee they will let you right through." Many
years later she wrote, "There is no way I could tell you what that ten
cent piece from my father meant. Even when I didn't need him, just
to know I had it in my purse made me feel secure." Little things can
help your child feel secure because they give them that sense of
access to your care and concern.
This is what Mordecai did for Esther. He made it clear that he
was always available. So often you read of a father, or see one
playing the role on television, who gets a phone call for a business
obligation just as the family is ready to go on vacation. So often they
choose the business obligation rather than the family obligation, and
the family feels that they are always secondary. Mordecai may have
had many other things to do, but he made contact every day with
Esther. She knew he was always available. He wanted to know how
she was. A father needs to be informed about his children. When
dad knows what is going on in the life of his child, that child feels
loved. A study found that a high percentage of children do not even
know what their father does for a living. This indicates very poor
communication between fathers and children. Too many fathers feel
they cannot waste time by being available to their children.
A group of 300 7th and 8th graders kept accurate records of just
how much time dad spent with them over a two week period. The
average came out to only 7 and a half minutes per week. Many only
saw their father at the supper table, and many did not see him at all
for days at a time. One of the best gifts any dad can give a child is
what Mordecai gave to Esther. It is sometime every day showing
them attention. Mordecai did it for his daughter who was a grown
woman. How much more is it needed for those still in childhood.
May God help us as fathers to see the wisdom of Mordecai, and
make sure our children feel that we are available to them on a
regular basis. This is the key to being the father our children need.
