Actor Eli Wallach figured that his son who was
approaching his teens was sharp enough to grasp some basic
facts of life. So he called him in, and gave him the
time-honored story about the birds and the bees. When he
was all finished the boy said, "You know in a rudimentary
fashion, the process you've described isn't too dissimilar to
human reproduction."
Parents are often naive about the sex knowledge of their children.
They pretend that in a nation where teenage girls
get pregnant by the millions, and where sex promotion oozes
out of every pore of society, and where its rays flood every
realm of life with its omnipresent radiation, that they still
walk in the dark concerning the mechanics of sex. It is time
that we wake up to the fact that we have been living in the
midst of a sex revolution. Pitiram Sorokin, the great
Harvard sociologist, says of this revolution: "It is changes
the lives of men and women more radically than any other
revolution of our time."
This revolution is just as serious as political and economic
revolution, but it goes almost unnoticed because it is so
private. Sorokin writes, "Devoid of noisy public explosion,
its stormy scenes are confined to the privacy of the bedroom
and involves only individuals. Unmarked by dramatic
events on a large scale, it is free from civil war, class struggle,
and blood shed. It has no revolutionary army to fight its
enemies. It does not try to overthrow governments. It has
no great leader; no hero plans it, and no politician directs it.
Without plan or organization it is carried on by millions of
individuals, each acting on his own."
Time does not permit the examination of all the evidence
of the decay of the American culture. But let me give you
one example. During the early period of Greek and Roman
culture the figures of their deities and heroes, and especially
of women, were completely draped from head to foot. In the
decadent stages of their culture these same figures appeared
nude, designed to stimulate the sex drive. The same pattern
was followed in music, the stage, and literature, until sex
dominated the culture, and brought them to ruin. It is the
same old story over and over. Sex is a beautiful servant, but
a beastly master. Yet in spite of all the history of man's folly
and its consequences in relation to sex, the American people
are traveling that same road. It is true, "All men ever learn
from history is that men never learn from history."
The seventh commandment is not just relevant; it is
essential for the very survival for our culture. As important
as it is, however, the church has not given it an adequate
place in its teaching. D. L. Moody said, "I would to God I
could pass over this commandment, but I feel the time has
come to cry aloud and spare not." Most preachers feel like
Moody, but the difference is most do pass over it. I read 36
different preachers, scholars, and professors, on this
commandment. All but a handful beat around the bush and
just preached a gentle sermon on marriage and family life.
To deal with it realistically you must be frank almost to the
point of embarrassment.
There are those who feel you should not preach on the
seventh commandment at all for fear of giving people ideas.
These objectors know the power of sex, and know that a
sermon on adultery could tempt the listeners to the very act
that is condemned. I have read sermons describing David's
affair with Bathsheba, and wondered if the authors purpose
was to stir up jealously in the reader that he was not David,
rather than pity for David that he was a victim of
uncontrolled sex.
The objectors have a point, but it is dulled by the fact
that the Bible itself is not shy on the subject of sex. It is so
frank and specific in parts that it stimulates the same
emotions as a sex novel or seductive film. There is no point
in trying to pretend sex is an incidental and insignificant
part of life. It is a major and powerful force in the life of
every healthy human being. It is the area of the greatest
temptation to sin. R. H. Charles writes, "Other sins, such as
theft, arson, perjury, murder, make no appeal to the normal
healthy mind. You may read countless tales of such crimes
in the daily press and not be tempted in the lease to become
a theft, or incendiary, a perjurer, or a murderer, because in
healthy minds the desire to leading to such crimes are
absent, and the tales of such crimes create only abhorrence.
But it is otherwise in regard to the sins of the flesh. Every
healthy human being is influenced, and rightly influenced,
by the attraction of sex."
This being the case, as we all recognize, we must follow
the advice of McAfee who said, "One must plead for a pure
heart even when there is danger that the very plea will stir
up impure depths." Our primary concern is not to give a
lecture on sex education, but to stress the Biblical attitude
toward sex. The attitude we have and convey to others,
especially to our children, is more important than biological
information. Even the Kinsey report concluded that
imparting all the facts about sex to people does not in itself
determine how they will act in the use of sex. It says that
attitude alone determines patterns of behavior. The parents,
by their attitudes, are the real determiners of the sex
behavior of their youth.
You may never sit down and explain sex to your child,
but you are teaching attitudes all the time, and this is what is
the determining factor. In his book, How To Tell Your
Child About Sex, Clyde M. Naramore, the well known
Christians psychologist writes, "Parents often say to me Dr.
Naramore do you know of a good book about sex education?
Our boy (or girl) is nearly 13 and we want to tell him the
facts of life. Questions like this would be humorous if they
weren't so unfortunate. Evidently these parents do not
realize that they have been giving their children sex
education for years. The very fact that they have not talked
with them tells these children that sex is something to avoid
discussing. And of course, 13 years of age is much too late to
begin. By then, some of the most important and most
impressive years of life have already passed."
The implications of the seventh commandments would get
us into all the realms of sex behavior, but for now we can
only look at the primary purpose of the commandment. The
positive principle underlying this negative forbidding of sex
relations with any other person than your mate is, the
preservation of marriage. Next to a man's life his most
precious possession is his wife. To take either his life or his
wife was punishable by death in the Old Testament. Israel
could not survive, nor can any nation, where there is a lost of
respect for life and marriage. Obedience to this
commandment involves a development of the highest respect
for marriage, and a deep sense of loyalty to one's mate. The
marriage vows of forsaking all others, and keeping yourself
unto him or her alone are not just thrown in to lengthen the
service, they are the most solemn vows two people can make
to each other.
Adultery is so evil, because it is a breaking of a major
promise of life. When you get married you promise not to
have sex with anyone else. You do not promise that you will
never notice another man or woman. You do not promise
you will not lust after another person. You do not even
promise that you will not feel romantically attracted to
another person. All of these things may happen in the
course of life. If they did not, there would be no need for the
promise. The promise that you make in marriage is that you
will keep yourself just for each other so long as you both
shall live. It is a commitment to devote all of your sexual
energy to the loving of your mate. That is a marital right
every partner has a right to expect. However sexual hunger
is provoked, a mate is to release that energy only with their
partner. That is God's plan and it is a beautiful plan.
Why then do so many chose to release their sex energy
outside of marriage. Dr. Leon Saul in his book, Fidelity and
infidelity, after a great deal of research, came to this
conclusion: "....I do not think that a man or woman carries
on an outside affair that pains his spouse and children,
damages them, in some part destroys them, unless there is a
powerful undercurrent of hostility against them, however
conscious or unconscious this may be." In other words, the
same emotion that makes the sixth commandment necessary
is what makes the seventh necessary-hostility. It will make
you kill your neighbor, or kill your marriage. Hostility
toward your mate is what allows people to permit lust to get
out of control. If you are not hostile toward your mate you
will keep lust under control. People full of anger wish to
hurt someone, and they will be strongly tempted to hurt
their mate by infidelity.
On the practical level this means that mates have an
obligation to go all through life enriching their relationship.
They need to learn how to communicate so that hostility is
dealt with, and never permitted to go unresolved. Many
studies reveal that middle age people become unfaithful
because they feel a need to demonstrate that they are still
attractive to the opposite sex. This hunger to be attractive
would not get so out of hand if mates would build each
other's self-esteem, and continue to be sexually romantic. A
dull, boring, routine sex life is a sin, and a violation of the
seventh commandment, because it produces the factors that
lead to its violation. Love is the fulfilling of the law, and
loving mates will so satisfy each other that there will be no
reason to be tempted by adultery. What can Satan do if
everything he has to offer you in sin, you already have
within your marriage?
Paul gives Christians the key to reducing the risk of
immoral sex in I Cor. 7. Paul's advice is for every mate to
make sure that the sex drive of their partner is satisfied on a
regular basis. This may vary greatly, but whenever the
desire is present, it should be satisfied. This may call for
learning a great deal about sex technique. Most all of the
cases I know where a Christian mate becomes unfaithful, the
basic cause is right here. They were not sexually satisfied,
and it could have all been prevented by better understanding
of the need and way to satisfy it. Adultery appeals to a
hunger, and there is little danger if that hunger is already
met in marriage. Paul is saying that if you have rocks in
your bed, you have rocks in your head, for you are giving
Satan a foot in the door to destroy your marriage. Mates
must give a lifetime of thought and action to keep the
romance of sex a vital part of their relationship.
Marriage is similar to conversion in that, in conversion
we make a commitment of our lives to one Lord, and in
marriage we commit our lives to one mate. Sex and
salvation are linked all through the Bible. God had His
bride of Israel, and Christ has His bride, the church. Any
disloyalty and idolatry in these relationships is called
adultery. The marriage bond of two people is the very first
human relationship. Adam was created first, and so the God
man relationship was the first relationship with man. Then
Eve was created, and the first fully human relationship was
that of man and wife. Next to life itself, therefore, marriage
is the most sacred possession we have.
God's first gift to Adam was life, and His second gift was
a wife. It is not, cleanliness is next to godliness, but
marriage is next to godliness. To treat it lightly, or to shatter
it through an act of adultery is to be guilty of the worst of
sins against God, man, and society. Adultery is wrong not
because sex is wrong, but because sex outside of marriage
shows a disrespect for the highest human bond. It
murderers this highest relationship, and the murder of a
marriage is just as serious as the murder of a person. This
does not mean that adultery is the unforgivable sin, for Jesus
had compassion on the woman caught in the very act. He
forgave her while condemning the men who wanted to see
her punished. He knew the hearts of men, and knew that
everyone of them had lust in their hearts. Jesus said that
those without sin should cast the first stone, and they all left,
for everyone of them was guilty.
We cannot have a stern inflexible attitude toward those
guilty of this sin. Christians who are suffering because of a
blunder in this area of life need to recognize that marriage is
the basic value to be preserved, and if it can be, both
partners are obligated to work for a healing of the shattered
bond for all they are worth. I have talked with a number of
people guilty of this sin, and not a one understands why they
were so foolish. Everyone of them regrets it, and would give
anything not to have fallen. Christ forgives, the mate
forgives, but the hardest part of all is to forgive yourself.
The scar remains, and can become a cause for conflict at any
time. Nevertheless, the Christian attitude is to be one of
striving for the preservation of marriage. There will be a
Sahara desert period to go through, but the struggle will pay
off, and with the attitude of high respect for marriage, the
two can arrive again at the oasis of happiness. If the grace
of Christ can heal the broken relationship of God and man,
it can heal the next highest relationship also, that between
husband and wife. One of the most important things you
can do for the glory of God, for the strengthening of the
church and nation, is to obey this seventh commandment for
the preservation of marriage.
