I surf the radio channels when I’m on a long drive, and over the past few years I’ve noticed there are a lot of “mama songs.” But, I can’t really recall hearing any “daddy songs” on the radio. You see, Mamas are special. Think about it. When you look back at your life and consider who was really involved on a personal level, it was probably mama. Mama is also usually the one who sticks around and raises the children when daddy takes off. Mothers have always been special. That’s why we sing about them; and it’s also the reason why we celebrate Mother’s Day.
Now, I implied that there are some bad men out there; but for the good men, who are the soon-to-be husbands and fathers, there’s some advice on what to look for in a decent woman; specifically a virtuous woman. Proverbs 31, which we’re going to be looking at, contains not just advice on the kind of woman that a man should look for; but it’s also an account of the behavior that a godly mother should aspire to in her life. I’ve entitled our message “The Virtuous Mother,” and we’re going to be looking at this account of the virtuous wife or virtuous woman verse by verse, beginning with verse 10.
Verse 10: Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.
The King James Version asks, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” Commentator Matthew Henry says that this description here of the virtuous woman consists of twenty-two verses, each beginning with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet. He proposes that the passage may have been arranged this way for ease, as it was possibly taught and repeated among Jewish women as a learning aid, as they committed these traits of the virtuous woman to memory (Henry).(1) Each verse is an acrostic, beginning with a consecutive letter of the Hebrew alphabet. For example, if it were written in English, Proverbs 31:10 would be letter A, Proverbs 31:11 would be letter B, and so forth to the end of the chapter (Clarke).(2) You might call this passage “the ABCs of a godly woman.”
This woman’s general character is that she is a virtuous woman – a woman of power and strength (Clarke). She is invaluable; her price is far above rubies – no quantity of precious stones can be equal to her worth (Clarke). Pope John Paul II said that “although the Bible does give examples of women who led others astray, the predominant image is one of strong individuals who work with and for God,”(3) and no doubt having this verse from Proverbs in mind, the Pope stated, “The ideal woman is a precious treasure.” In finding this precious treasure, and in making this “ideal woman” his wife, the truly blessed husband has found the person who will also become the “ideal mother” of his children. So, let’s see what the rest of this passage has to say about the ideal woman – the virtuous woman.
Verse 11: The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.
The virtuous woman is an unspotted wife (Clarke). “The heart of her husband safely trusts her,” having peace of mind in knowing he has no need to worry about infidelity. He knows the marriage bed will remain undefiled. How many of us have that kind of confidence in our own spouse? The other thing we read here is that she will make sure that “he – and her children, I might add – will have no lack of gain.” The virtuous woman will make sure that proper provision is made for the household (Clarke). She will always be attentive to where money or supplies might soon be lacking; and when applied today, this could mean she will be ready to run to the grocery store at a moment’s notice.
Verse 12: She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Commentator Adam Clarke says, “She has her husband’s happiness in view constantly” (Clarke). How many men can say of their wife that she considers their happiness? Not too long ago my wife told me, “What I want more than anything is for you to be happy and to see your dreams fulfilled.” And I said, “That’s not right! You have dreams too!” But I won’t forget what she said. It was deeply humbling, and I knew she meant it. Men, if your wife ever says something like that, then you know you’ve got a good one!
Verse 13: She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands.
Here, we read that she worked with her hands. In that time women, even of the highest ranks, among the Greeks, Romans, and Israelites, worked with their hands at every kind of occupation necessary for the support of the family (Clarke). There are so many opinions today concerning women and work. Some people believe that a woman’s place is in the home, working as a homemaker. Others look down on homemakers and feel that a truly strong woman should be out in the public workforce. But, whether at home or in the workforce, hard work is necessary to support a family; and the virtuous woman is one who works hard at whatever job is set before her.
Verse 14: She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.
Meaning that she acts like the merchants. If she buys anything for her household, she sells a sufficient amount of her own products to pay for it; if she imports, she exports: and she sends articles of her own manufacturing or produce to distant countries; she even trades with the neighboring tribes (Clarke). Once again, she is industrious and a hard worker with the care of her family always in mind.
Verse 15: She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants.
With the term “household” being used, we can begin to focus on the role of the virtuous mother. Her family all arise before daylight, and prepare the day’s food, so they may not have their labor interrupted. To those who are going to the fields and to the flocks, she gives them the food necessary for the day. And to the women who are to be employed within the house, she gives them the task – the kind of work they are to do, the materials out of which they are to form it, and the quantity she expects from each. Thus, all the servants are settled; their food, work, and tasks are all appointed (Clarke).
Verse 16: She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.
The virtuous mother provides for the growing needs of her family. More land will be needed, for the family is growing up; and having seen a field bordering her own, she estimates its worth, and buys it at a good price; and she pays for it by the fruit of her own industry (Clarke). Also, she does not restrict herself to the bare necessaries of life; she is able to acquire some of its comforts. She plants a vineyard, that she may have wine for beverage, for medicine, and for sacrifice (Clarke).
Verse 17: She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms.
The virtuous woman and mother takes care of her own health and strength, not only by means of useful labor, but by healthy exercise (Clarke). In 1 Timothy 4:8, Paul said that “bodily exercise profits a little,” meaning that there is “a little” or “some” benefit to it; and in 1 Corinthians 9:27, he said, “I discipline my body and bring it into subjection.” Clarke adds that not only does the virtuous woman exercise; she avoids what might weaken her body or soften her mind (Clarke), such as poor diet and intoxicating amounts of alcohol. Her arms are strong, and she is always active and ready for every necessary task (Clarke).
Verse 18: She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.
The virtuous woman keeps her lamp trimmed and burning. In Matthew chapter 25, Jesus told a parable about five wise virgins who kept their lamps burning, while there were five foolish virgins who failed to do so. Jesus said, “At midnight a cry was heard: Behold, the bridegroom is coming; go out to meet him! . . . and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut” (vv. 6, 10). Jesus used this parable to illustrate how some people aren’t ready for the return of Christ. They fail to prepare by confessing Jesus as Savior and Lord, and so they get shut out of heaven. Idleness has serious consequences, but the virtuous woman is always prepared.
Verse 19: She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle.
This verse describes how the woman makes fabric. “Spinning consists of the twisting together of drawn-out strands of fibers to form yarn. It is the major activity of the textile industry, practiced since ancient times, mainly by women. The basic tools used to spin the fibers were the spindle and the distaff. A distaff is designed to hold the unspun fibers; meanwhile, a spindle is a straight spike, usually made from wood, onto which the fiber is being spun.”(4) The virtuous woman is an example of skill and industry to her household (Clarke) in using the distaff and spindle.
Verse 20: She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
1 Corinthians 13:3 mentions giving to the poor; and James said, “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world” (James 1:27). In extending her hand to the poor, the virtuous woman is truly charitable. She knows that in every portion of a man’s gain God requires a lot for the poor; and if this is not given, God’s blessing is not in the rest. And she is not satisfied to give just money to the poor. With “both hands” she gives to the needy, and serves the afflicted (Clarke). She wants to become personally involved; to become the hands and feet of the Lord.
Verse 21: She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet.
The virtuous mother is not afraid of cold weather. We read, “For all her household is clothed with scarlet.” This is not referring to the “color” scarlet, for the color can avail nothing in keeping away the cold. But the Hebrew word also means “to double.” It signifies not only scarlet – so called from being twice or doubly dyed – but also “double garments,” twofold as to what they were accustomed to wearing (Clarke). So, you might say she had her kids all bundled up!
Verse 22: She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
The virtuous woman has coverings or carpeting for her guests to sit upon (Clarke); and she has tapestry, carpeting, or quilted work for her beds (Clarke). Also, she is aware of her own appearance and wardrobe. Her own clothing is fine flax, or linen cloth and purple. The fine linen or cotton cloth of Egypt is probably intended here (Clarke); and the purple dye was made from the “magna-pinna,” known today as the “bigfin squid,” found on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea (Clarke). So, the virtuous woman is one who demonstrates hospitality and shows care for having a neat appearance; not a vain appearance, as seen in verse 30.
Verse 23: Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
Her husband is an elder among his people, and he sits as a magistrate in the gate. He is respected, not only on account of the neatness and cleanliness of his appearance that he no doubt owes to his wife, but because he is the husband of a woman who is justly held in high esteem. And her complete management of household affairs gives him the free-time to devote himself to the civil interests of the community (Clarke).
Verse 24: She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.
The word garments is supposed to come from Arabic; and signifies a kind of loose inner garment or fine muslin covering. Some of these are so exceedingly fine and transparent, that when spread on the grass, they are scarcely discernible (Clarke). We learn that she also dealt in sashes. This word may mean the turban, which is often very costly. It is a sash for the head. So, consumer purchase was great; and an able artist had a good trade (Clarke).
Verse 25: Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.
All the articles manufactured under the care of this virtuous woman have a double benefit or perfection: 1.) They are strong, and 2.) they are elegant. Strength and honor are her clothing, and on account of this, she shall rejoice in time to come. She shall never have occasion to be ashamed of anything she has made, for anything she or her family have worn, or for anything she has sold. Besides this, she has reason to expect that the hand of the Lord shall always be with her, and shall keep her from evil (Clarke). Instead of experiencing grief, she will be left rejoicing.
Verse 26: She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
The virtuous woman is: 1.) Wise and intelligent; she has not neglected the cultivation of her mind, and 2.) she is good natured and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Clarke). In Mark 10:42-43, Jesus said, “Those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them . . . yet it shall not be so among you.” This woman was demonstrating true servanthood through her behavior. Adam Clarke says, “This is the most distinguishing excellence of this woman. There are very few . . . women who are not lords over their husbands, tyrants over their servants, and insolent among their neighbors. But this woman, with all her eminence and excellence, was of a meek and quiet spirit” (Clarke).
Verse 27: She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
The virtuous mother sees to the moral training and management of her household. She takes care that all behave themselves well; and that none of them shall keep bad company or learn bad habits (Clarke). 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits’.” She instructs them in their religious faith, as well as teaches them in their labor. In her house, diligence in business and serving the Lord go hand in hand. She knows that idleness leads to vice (Clarke). Ecclesiastes 10:18 says, “Because of laziness the building decays, and through idleness of hands the house leaks,” but idleness is not found among the behavior of the virtuous woman or her household.
Verse 28: Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
The virtuous mother knows that if she trains up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it. Her children rise up and pay due respect. They are taught the fear of the Lord, and obedience to His testimonies; therefore, they call her blessed. So they are of decent, orderly, respectable and godly behavior. Her husband is so satisfied with her conduct towards himself, his household, his business, and their children, that he praises her. He shows himself aware of her excellence, and encourages her in her work by the compliments he gives (Clarke).
Verse 29: “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.”
This is no doubt the speech of the husband, giving testimony to the excellence of his wife (Clarke). Perhaps he is speaking the words directly to her. He was saying, “But you my incomparable wife, excellent above all have carried out every duty, every virtue, and every qualification and excellence to a higher perfection than any of whom we have ever read or heard about” (Clarke). Husbands, how about sitting down and making a list of all the good things your wife has done, and noting all her admirable qualities, and then telling her what a great wife and mother she has been? Be sure to compliment your wife!
Verse 30: Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
We read here that charm, which is grace of manner, may be deceitful. It is often put on for show. It is just an outward façade (Clark). It is not the effect of internal moral conviction and constraint (Clarke). Beauty, which includes elegance of shape, symmetry of features, and outward appearance, are all vanity. Sickness impairs them, suffering degrades them, and death destroys them. But a woman that fears the Lord, that possesses true faith and beauty, in the sight of God she is of great price – she shall be praised. This is the lasting charm and the unfading beauty (Clarke).
Verse 31: Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.
It is said that this may be a prayer for the virtuous woman and mother; such as this: “May she long enjoy the fruit of her labors! May she see her children’s children, and peace upon Israel! And let her own works praise her in the gates. Let what she has done be spoken of for a memorial of her; let her bright example be held forth in the most public places. Let it be set before the eyes of every female, particularly of every wife, and especially of every mother; and let them learn from this example what men have a right to expect in their wives and the mothers of their children (Clarke). May she be praised in the city gates; but especially the gates of heaven!”
Time of Reflection
The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is what Christ looks for in His bride, the church. We read in Ephesians 5:25-27, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”
If you have confessed Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, then you are a part of the church; and that means you’re going to heaven. You are seen as pure and spotless in the eyes of God, but not because of anything that you have done. Jesus gave Himself for the church. He gave Himself for you. Why? He did so, in order to sanctify and cleanse you. Jesus did all the purifying when He died on the cross and took the penalty for your sins, and took all your spots and blemishes on Himself.
If you realize today that you are not a part of the bride of Christ – the church – and you want to be saved from your sins, to be cleansed and purified, then you need to know the one who gave Himself for you – the Bridegroom. Make sure you’re prepared like the virtuous wife whose lamp does not go out by night (Proverbs 31:18). Do not be as the one who let her lamp go out and was unable to attend the wedding. One day, the midnight cry will be heard that the bridegroom is coming (Matthew 25:6). Remember, Jesus said, “Those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut” (Matthew 25:10) – shut to those who were not prepared. If you want to be prepared, I wish to invite you to come today and confess Jesus as Savior and Lord.
NOTES
(1) Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible, PowerBibleCD Software (Bronson, MI: Online Publishing, Inc., 2007).
(2) Adam Clarke, Adam Clarke’s Commentary, PowerBibleCD Software (Bronson, MI: Online Publishing, Inc., 2007).
(3) Pope John Paul II, “The Ideal Woman Is a Precious Treasure,” https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/library/ideal-woman-is-a-precious-treasure-8032 (Accessed April 21, 2021).
(4) Europeana, “From Spindle and Distaff to Mass Production,” Daily Art Magazine: https://www.dailyartmagazine.com/from-spindle-and-distaff-to-mass-production-spinning-in-art/ (Accessed April 21, 2021).
