IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
Last Sunday I used a phrase that you may have heard growing up: do as I say, not as I do. That's a phrase we wouldn't have wanted to hear. Today I have another one that would be equally as bothersome: this is for your own good. We didn't like to hear that because we didn't want to go through whatever it was that was supposed to be for our good. If given the choice we would've chosen not to go through with it. But after we did we were glad we did. God will do some things that we may not like but they will be for our own good.
1) It's for your own good when I say, 'no'.
We thank God for many things-his love, goodness, mercy. We thank him when he answers our prayers. But have you ever thanked God when he didn't answer your prayers? I know it sounds absurd: "Thank you God for denying my request", but it's fitting to do so. Not that we pray hoping God will say 'no'. That would be absurd.
But when God says ‘no’ it is a test. And within that test we'll be tempted to change three things-our view of God, our devotion to God, our trust in God. So when we pass the test, we can be thankful. We may not have received what we asked for, but in resisting the temptation to harbor bitterness and resentment towards God over it, there is something we have received-a deeper connection, stronger faith, greater humility.
Our view of God isn't diminished-he is still a holy, just and loving God. Our devotion to God and our trust in God remains solid despite being disappointed. One of the things that helps us to accept God's no answer is found in Isa. 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
This takes humility but if we keep in mind that we are limited in our overall understanding and since we're human we have the ability to be selfish in our desires, we can accept that if we don't have it there must be a good reason. Humility helps us to seek God, knowing his ways and thoughts are holy and infinitely better than ours. If God didn't grant it then it's for our own good not to have it.
Mitzi Neely tells the story of when she wanted a certain job but didn't get it. "One of my biggest disappointments was a job that I thought I had wanted. It was a big job with a ton of responsibility and long hours. My life would be so different today if I had gotten that position. It was simply not meant to be. And, I was so thankful for God's No.
Instead, He was preparing me to pursue my call and love of Him more passionately and deeply. God’s wild pursuit down this path had a completely different destination than I expected. He saved me from myself while simultaneously giving me the absolute best outcome.
Professionally I have a job in the education world I truly love and personally I enjoy a ministry that supports and encourages women right where they are. The friendships I have made in both places are priceless. The opportunities have been unique, personalized, and laced with powerful experiences. And for that, I am extremely thankful."
It was for Mitzy's own good that she was denied the job she wanted. She didn't perceive what God's plan was at the time; that understanding came later. We only see what's in the moment; we can't see tomorrow. What we think is best is based in limited knowledge and insight. God's the only one who knows all and sees all.
Heb. 4:13, "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."
In every situation, in every person, every motive, every thought, everything happening behind the scenes, it's all in full view for God. Sometimes something looks good from our vantage point; sometimes a person will seem good and trustworthy from our vantage point. But God knows all and sees all.
So when he gets in the way of what we think is a sure thing or perfect job or relationship or whatever, we need to fight against thinking God is being a killjoy or that he's out to get us. Instead, we need to be thankful because if God gets in the way and stops it he's saving us from a certain amount of misery down the road.
Another reason it's for our own good when God says no is it gives us an opportunity to be grateful for what we already have. God's no answer will challenge us to be content. Perhaps when Paul said he learned the secret to being content, part of that lesson came in accepting being told no.
When he was denied removal of the "thorn in his flesh" he came to the place of being able to rejoice in his weaknesses for it showed him that when he was weak in his natural self he was strong in Christ. It was for Paul's own good to not be given what he asked for.
In an article by a woman named, Wynter titled, What if God Says, “No?” A lesson in Being Thankful for What I Already Have, she writes, "I’m a dreamer. I fantasize about things like winning the lottery, being famous, changing the world in some way and doing crazy things.
On the more realistic dreams, I try to pray about them first. And I force myself nearly every day to conform my attitude to say, Thy will be done. My husband and I teach our children that we do everything for God’s glory and not our own; even if it means that He will not always bless our heart’s desires.
Still, there are some days where I struggle with disappointment when things or people don’t go my way. This past week was a big one of those for me. It felt like there were frustrating outcomes every way I turned. Things would come so close to what I expected, but then fall short; one disappointment after another.
At one point I was sitting in my car thinking about everything that was going wrong and feeling sorry for myself. Suddenly, it was as if I heard His soft voice wash over me, “Daughter, you're trusting in yourself, not me. You're trying to do all this in your own strength, not mine. You are looking at others to fill a need that only I can.”
And right there, with a sick, sleeping baby in the backseat and cold rain pouring down on my car, I began to sob. I asked Jesus to give me peace over all that was troubling me; that He would change my heart to seek His will, not mine and for the strength to not throw a pity party when it didn’t go the way I hoped.
But even with that daily resolution, prayer and refocusing, I seem to fail every time I'm disappointed. How is it that I know to trust God in the uncertainty of my life and when something troubling happens I am back in the wallows of selfishness, hurt pride and sulking?
Am I really practicing thankfulness each day? Am I seeking His true desires for my life over my own? How do I balance my natural, fleshly wants with what are honestly acceptable emotions to feel? Is it wrong to ask God for things that I want and for life to just go my way?
I think if every Christian is honest with themselves, they wonder about these things as well. I mean, it’s not as if we are asking for those evil, fleshly desires like sexual immorality, impurity, and greed. Usually I'm asking for stuff like safe and healthy children, a fulfilling marriage, positive fellowship with others, wisdom in decisions, a rewarding job, or a consistent paycheck.
What do we do when we pray earnestly day after day, year after year for His will to be done in something that we truly believe is for His name and yet the answer always comes back “no” or “wait?” It could be I’m asking for the wrong things or with wrong intentions. Maybe my obsession with these things has become an idol in my life.
Perhaps where we’re at right now is His will for us and I need to learn to be thankful for what we have and rely on His grace to be sufficient. When I stop and truly examine our life, I am overwhelmed with how blessed we already are. There are many people who dream of what we already have. Why can’t I be happy with it as well? Why can’t we just be content with what God has already blessed us with and stop always asking for more?
What about the things He has already answered yes to in my life? Why am I so quick to forget those? The amazing, supportive husband I prayed for so long ago. Yes. Three beautiful, healthy children. Yes. The financial ability to stay home as a wife and mother. Yes. A stable job, a more than adequate home and lots of joyful things in our life. YES!
Perhaps the lesson here is I need to remember He has already blessed us immensely with more than we need. If I can change my attitude from wanting what I don’t have and crying like a baby when things don’t work out the way I hoped, to wanting what He has already given, maybe that is the secret to contentment. It's possible that only then will I be able to have true joy and be happy with having the other things in His timing."
When God says no it's for our own good.
2) It's for your own good that I'm going away.
John's gospel gives us the most information from the scene in the upper room. Jesus had a lot to say to his disciples that night; some of which had to do with the eventual coming of the Holy Spirit. In chapt. 16 Jesus is preparing them for his necessary departure in order for the Spirit to come.
John 16:5-7, “Now I am going to him who sent me, yet none of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ Because I have said these things, you are filled with grief. But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you."
The disciples were filled with grief over the things Jesus was telling them. Who could blame them? They were close with Jesus for three years and now they're trying to process the fact that he will be tortured and killed and even though he will be raised to life, he would then be leaving them for good. They would be left without their leader; their rock as well as their most dear and precious friend.
But Jesus softens the blow by explaining it's actually a good thing that it will happen this way. If Jesus doesn't go back to heaven the Holy Spirit can't come. Of course they wouldn't have understood the significance of that now but after the Spirit came and they saw how he worked, then they would be able to comprehend why it was good for them that Jesus went back home. But it didn't mean they wouldn't miss Jesus from time to time and wish that he was still with them, but they would understand why it needed to happen this way.
But why was it for their good? The physical Jesus could only be in one place at a time. But the Holy Spirit could be in multiple places at the same time.
John 14:16-17, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you."
When Jesus was on earth the opportunity wasn't there for people to be baptized in his name and receive the indwelling Holy Spirit. Jesus wanted his disciples to know that even though he was leaving them physically, he would always be with them spiritually. They may not have the physical Jesus teaching them and guiding them but they would have the same teaching and guidance from the Holy Spirit.
John 16:13-14, "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you."
Jesus wanted them to see that the Holy Spirit would be with each of them, wherever they were, reminding them of the things he taught. This would be the reality for not only the Apostles but for all the followers of Jesus. This would be crucial to fulfilling the great commission to reach the world with the gospel.
The disciples faced a challenge after Jesus' departure. Now it was up to them to take the torch passed to them. They were responsible to carry on the determination they saw in their leader. After the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost there were dramatic changes in the Apostles. They met the challenge of doing the Lord's will without him by their side and they ran the race with perseverance.
None of what was accomplished in the book of Acts and beyond would've happened had Jesus not left them.
When a child grows up they go off to college or move away to find work or join the military. There are mixed emotions-they're excited to go off on their own but a little afraid too. They're also sad, knowing they're going to miss their family and friends.
But, it's for their own good that they go. They need to experience life apart from their parent's protection; they need to develop independence. They'll make some mistakes but that's all part of the experience of making it on your own.
The situations they face will help them to develop the skills they need to make smart decisions. But they know their parents are just a phone call away if they need help or advice. Being on their own prepares them for the world; it prepares them to get married and have a family of their own.
It also challenges them to see where their walk with Christ is. Will they still go to church now that they're out of the house and making their own choices? Will they maintain the connection they had with Christ? Will they still be disciplined to study their bible? Kids growing up and going off on their own is one of the necessary difficulties of life but it's for their own good.
And it's for the parents' own good too. Christian parents will be forced to really put their kids into God's capable hands. They will need to trust that God will do what they have been doing for 18 years-being their provider, protector, teacher, caregiver, etc. God gives our kids to us to raise and then we have to give them back to him when it's time for them to leave the nest. It's for our own good that they are going away.
Another situation where it is for our own good when someone goes away is when we have a job where we were trained by someone and worked alongside of them for years and then they retire and leave the responsibilities to us. We're on our own now. We'll question ourselves-can I do this without my mentor here with me?
But as we meet the challenge we're put in a position to gain so much and learn a lot about ourselves in the process. When we're forced to be independent and we implement the skills we've developed along the way we gain a sense of accomplishment that wouldn't happen unless our teacher left us.
After we've been trained it's good that we would be left to do the work on our own. That testing ground brings growth, maturity and wisdom. This was true for the disciples and it's true for us. It's for our own good when we are on our own. However, we have the comfort of knowing we are never really on our own because, like the Apostles, we have the Holy spirit with us. And that is for our own good.
