Let me ask you 3 questions to begin today: 1) Quickly think of someone who is hard to forgive? Do you have them in mind? Is it one of your family members? 2) What makes it hard for you to forgive them? 3) Would you like to become more forgiving? True forgiveness is a miracle and no human relationship can endure without it. Say this with me, “Forgiveness is crucial for any human relationship to flourish.”
You maybe thinking, “Yea, that works well in principle but …”… and you have a story about a person and a situation and a thing they did. Or maybe you’re saying, “Yes, that’s what you say in church …” Or maybe you think, “I cannot possibly forgive him/her.”
We are coming near the end our series, My Crazy Family, the story of Jacob. If a family is to survive, they must learn the ability to forgive one another. Here’s what I mean when say forgiveness – it is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for their wrongdoing.
Three Unforgettable Truths to Forgiveness
Before I get into the substance of today’s message, I want to offer you three “quick-hitters” on the unforgettable truths to forgivness.
1. When You Forgive, You Imitate God
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
2. The Cross is the Fuel When Forgiving is Hard
All forgiveness is not equal – sometimes it is harder to forgive some actions. Other times it is easier to forgive – it doesn’t take much from you. But, when forgiving takes a lot from you, the cross of Jesus is your source of fuel. “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Say this with me, “The cross is my source of power to forgive hard people.” God not only forgives all that I’ve done, He’ll empowers me to forgive you.
3. A Forgiving Nature Shows You’re Inching Toward Heaven
Forgiven people forgive others. “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15) People who habitually refuse to forgive others are not forgiven by God and are not headed to heaven.
Some of you savor it. Some of you hold it and re-grip where your resentment grows. This is not struggling with forgiveness where you try and fail and try again. Instead, this is the kind of person who says, “I will not forgive. I cannot forgive.” I cannot tell you that you are saved. And here’s what my experience tells me: those who truly are believers in Christ will hear these words and get after the work of forgiving those who’ve wrong them. But those who are in the great danger of this, just say something to the effect, “I guess that’s the way it’s going to have to be then.” No, you are not saved by forgiving but saved people forgive. Again, forgiven people forgive others.
The book of Genesis hovers over one family because this is the one family that God has chosen to change all humanity through. This family is the hope of the world. We have watched Jacob from his birth fighting for the upper hand with his twin brother, Esau. And today, we watch as the brothers come together for the first time in over twenty years. The last thing Esau said to Jacob was, “I want to kill you.” Now, we see that Esau wants to kiss him. Jacob had left home for his safety and has been gone for a long time. The last time Esau saw his brother; he was single – now he’s married. The last time Esau saw his brother; he was healthy – now he limps. Now, it’s time to face the music.
Today’s Scripture
I invite you to turn to page 35 in the pew Bibles or you can use the Bible app you see on the screens above. Now, if you are sitting next to someone who has an electronic Bible (phone or tablet), would you turn your “real” Bible’s pages a little louder to make up for them? And would you keep an eye on your neighbor with the electronic Bible so they don’t end up playing Angry Birds by the time I get to point #2?
“And Jacob lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau was coming, and four hundred men with him. So he divided the children among Leah and Rachel and the two female servants. And he put the servants with their children in front, then Leah with her children, and Rachel and Joseph last of all. He himself went on before them, bowing himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.” Then the servants drew near, they and their children, and bowed down. Leah likewise and her children drew near and bowed down. And last Joseph and Rachel drew near, and they bowed down. Esau said, “What do you mean by all this company that I met?” Jacob answered, “To find favor in the sight of my lord.” But Esau said, “I have enough, my brother; keep what you have for yourself.” Jacob said, “No, please, if I have found favor in your sight, then accept my present from my hand. For I have seen your face, which is like seeing the face of God, and you have accepted me. Please accept my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough.” Thus he urged him, and he took it. Then Esau said, “Let us journey on our way, and I will go ahead of you.” But Jacob said to him, “My lord knows that the children are frail, and that the nursing flocks and herds are a care to me. If they are driven hard for one day, all the flocks will die. Let my lord pass on ahead of his servant, and I will lead on slowly, at the pace of the livestock that are ahead of me and at the pace of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir.” So Esau said, “Let me leave with you some of the people who are with me.” But he said, “What need is there? Let me find favor in the sight of my lord.” So Esau returned that day on his way to Seir. But Jacob journeyed to Succoth, and built himself a house and made booths for his livestock. Therefore the name of the place is called Succoth. And Jacob came safely to the city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, on his way from Paddan-aram, and he camped before the city. And from the sons of Hamor, Shechem’s father, he bought for a hundred pieces of money the piece of land on which he had pitched his tent. There he erected an altar and called it El-Elohe-Israel.” (Genesis 33:1–20)
Let’s determine what is fact and what is fiction as we see Jacob and Esau’s story. When I say and you see a major point in today’s story, I want you to call out “Fact” or “Fiction.”
Fact or Fiction
1. Real Forgiveness Means Forgiving Myself
This is Fiction. “Forgiving yourself” is never in the Bible. You will not find any person in the Bible that forgave themselves. Nowhere do we find Jacob struggling with forgiving himself. Still, I know what we mean by “forgiving yourself” for is when we struggle with something we’ve done. Yes, there is something real here for I’m sure Jacob felt the pain of his actions. He had dressed up in goat’s skin to fool his father and trick his brother. Surely how he acquired the birthright made him feel terrible as he looked back over the years. Perhaps all this is going through his mind as he sees his brother, Esau, coming toward him (verse 1). So, it’s a beautiful but surprising picture when Esau runs to meet Jacob while Jacob limps into the arms of his brother: “But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept” (Genesis 33:4) Jacob had not expected this. Instead, he expected a fight with his twin brother, Esau.
The only reason he didn’t wrestle with Esau is because he had wrestled with God the night before. Jacob says as much in our story: “For I have seen your face, which is like seeing the face of God, and you have accepted me’” (Genesis 33:10b). Just as Jacob saw God and his life was spared, now he saw Esau and his life was sparred. Jacob realized the connection because of his play on words – seeing your face is like seeing God’s face. He never expected to live through either experience. A new name meant a new person for … Jacob wasn’t just Jacob anymore; he was now Israel (Genesis 32:28). He experienced a transformation. Jacob is a picture of what Jesus meant when he tells us that forgiven people forgive people.
The Fact is this: Real Forgiveness Begins with God. The real issue is this: has God forgiven me? The truth is – our sin has offended God. What else do you need to hear other than the God of the universe telling you He has forgiven us through the cross of Jesus? The first issue you must deal with in the area of forgiveness is this: “Has God forgiven you?” Only then can you deal with yourself or anyone else. God forgiving you is the center and every other act of forgiveness comes from this as a spoke from the center of the wheel.
Quick review: 1. “Real Forgiveness Means Forgiving Myself” is Fiction The fact is Real Forgiveness Begins with God.
2. Real Forgiveness Erases the Consequences
Fact or fiction? This also is fiction and here’s why: Jacob said, “No, please, if I have found favor in your sight, then accept my present from my hand. … Please accept my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough” (Genesis 33:10a, 11). Jacob repaid the wrong he had done. While he did not officially say, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me,” he did purposefully use the words “Please accept my blessing.” These word “blessing” was a trigger word and both brothers remembered the pain they’re fight.
2.1 Real Forgiveness Absorbs the Consequences
The fact is Real Forgiveness Absorbs the Consequences. Forgiving someone is not saying, “Nothing happened.” No, we are not to enable sin for other people. Forgiving is not covering up crimes against people or stopping people from hurting others. Look, it’s impossible to forget some things that you have experienced.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean forgetting for this is psychologically impossible. At times, something was done to you that is impossible to forget. I think of sexual abuse or someone spitefully hurt you. In order for you to experience all the benefits of forgiveness to the max, you need three items. 1) The person who has done wrong will recognize the hurt they’ve caused; 2) you make a commitment to stop you hurtful actions; 3) And ask for forgiveness.
Let’s do a quick review because this is so important. How do I to Apologize Well?
Step #1 is Accepting Responsibility for your actions: “I was Wrong.”
Step #2 is Expressing Regret for your actions: “I am sorry.”
Step #3 is Repenting of your actions: “I hope I never do this again. How can I make it right?”
Step #4 is Asking for Forgiveness: “Will You Forgive Me?”
Don’t underestimate the power of an apology.
2.2 What Happens When They Refuse to Apologize?
But you maybe thinking, “What about when they don’t apologize?” So what does forgiving someone who has hurt you but they refuse to apologize for their actions? There’s a lot of popular things about this in our secular culture. One individual found motivation to recover from rape by thinking this: “I’m going to live the best life possible and this will be my best revenge.” Is this the way we should handle it? Let me show you a better and more biblical way.
Here’s what forgiveness looks like when you haven’t received the “I’m sorry” you should have: “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:17–21).
God commands us to not take justice into your own hands. Instead, leave your injustice in the hands of God where all wrongs are punished. God is a good judge and one day, He will do what any good judge will do. He will judge wrongdoers only He will do it perfectly. He will judge with perfect justice.
If you are in Jesus Christ, all the punishment for your sin was put on Him at the cross. If you are not in Jesus Christ, all the punishment for your sin awaits you. Lay down your desire for revenge and let God take it up in your place.
The Guinness Book of World Records lists a substance known as Bitrex as the bitterest substance known to man. If a thimble full of Bitrex were dropped into an Olympic size pool, you’d still be able to taste it. Yet, some who are nursing revenge or a hurt against someone, finds the pain just as bitter as Bitrex. You will find success in this area when you are able to live with the painful results of another person’s sin without bitterness.
Refusing to forgive others works as a shovel that digs up the root of bitterness. No, forgiveness doesn’t erase the consequences but forgiving does free me up from bitterness.
3. Forgiveness Means Immediately Restoring Trust
This is also fiction. The fact is Real Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Immediate Trust. Let’s return back to our story.
We’ve seen how the twin brothers came together but watch how they leave it with one another. “So Esau returned that day on his way to Seir. But Jacob journeyed to Succoth…” (Genesis 33:16-17a). Jacob lies to his brother back in verse fourteen. Jacob says in effect, “You go ahead and I will meet you in Seir” but Jacob and Esau never get together again until their father passes away. There are at least two reasons why Jacob doesn’t get back with Esau, his brother. First, their families and livestock were too large to stay close to one another (Genesis 36:6-8). They need their separate spaces for their families to flourish.
But the second reason is even more important: Esau was not a believer and he was not settling down in the place where God commanded. Esau settled in “Seir” and this was not where God had told His people to live. “Seir” was outside of the “Promised Land” – the place where God’s people were to live. “Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you” (Genesis 28:15). Jacob had to part with his brother because Jacob was now “Israel.” And Israel needed to be obedient to God.
Forgiving the past and trusting the future are two different items. If your friend or family member will continue to harm you, it’s best to do as Jacob did – place a fence of protection between you and them. I hope you can forgive and rebuild the trust – I hope this isn’t the case with you.
Conclusion
Have you ever thought about your “running total” with God? Have you ever thought about how much you have pushed God away? If God keeps track of your sins like a good baseball statistician keeps track of strike outs of a hitter, then surely God keeps track of our lives. Make no mistakes about it: God is a good judge. Now, think about this: what would the adequate punishment be for you? The cross is God’s offer of not counting all the wrong you’ve done against Him.
Prayer
Father, where would we be without Your forgiveness? Thank you for forgiving us at the cross. I pray that you would make your offer of forgiveness “tasty” and desirable in this place right now. Cause many of those outside of Jesus to nod their heads in agreement with Your verdict over us – “guilty.” Cause us to feel Your tremendous mercy now.
Pause for a moment and consider all that God has forgiven you. Knowing how much He’s forgiven you, how can you withhold forgiving your enemy? Thank you for empowering us to forgive others through experiencing our forgiveness. In Jesus Name, Amen.
