We'd like to think that the church is immune to conflict and disagreement. After all, we're all Christians here. Right? Well, don't be naive. Hopefully, we're all striving to be like Christ. But we're also humans who sometimes fall short. We say things or react before we think. We get too focused on ourselves and hurt others.
Our desire is to live together in perfect harmony. But even the Bible says that it's sometimes difficult to get along with certain people. Romans 12: 18 says, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." This morning, I want to take a look at what the Bible says about dealing with conflict and protecting the unity of the church.
GUARD AGAINST DIVISION
Make every effort to live in unity with all true believers in Christ. In one of His final recorded prayers before going to the cross, Jesus prayed for the unity of those who would believe in His name.
John 17: 20 - 23, "I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in Me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as You and I are One -- as You are in Me, Father, and I am in You. And may they be in us so that the world will believe You sent Me. I have given them the glory You gave Me, so they may be One as We are One. I am in them and You are in Me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that You sent Me and that You love them as much as You love Me."
When it comes to working with believers from other churches or denominations, we don't have to agree upon everything as long as we can agree upon the main thing -- that we are saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. There are salvation issues that we must be in agreement upon. But there are also disputable matters that we must not allow to divide us.
We must make every effort to protect the unity of our church family here at TCCC.
1 Corinthians 1: 10, "I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose."
Unity can make or break the effectiveness of a church.
John 13: 35, "By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
People are drawn to environments that are loving, welcoming, and united around a common mission. But people are put off by toxic environments where there are factions, negativity, gossip, complaining, and dissension. Currently, we are blessed with a wonderful climate of unity and love. I pray that we always realize how precious that is and never take it for granted. Let's guard it and protect it! And it takes all of us to do that.
KEYS TO MAINTAINING UNITY
1 Peter 3: 8, "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind..."
A mantra that is often repeated around here is, "Keep the main thing as the main thing." In any family or organization, you're going to have issues pop up from time to time and make it easy to get sidetracked and divided over things of secondary concern. We must constantly be asking ourselves, "Is this an issue worth fighting over?" And here's how I answer that question... I ask myself, "Is this a salvation issue? Or is it merely a disputable matter?"
Romans 14: 1, Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters." (NIV)
Our "main thing" in the church is souls -- reaching lost people with the gospel -- discipling new believers to maturity in Christ -- shepherding and helping those with physical, emotional, or financial needs. We must be careful to stay focused on our mission and refuse to get sidetracked by things that are of secondary concern.
We all have preferences and opinions about the way we'd like to see things operate. But we must not allow our preferences to become a point of division. Even as the Senior Minister of this church, there have been plenty of times when I conceded my personal preference on an issue for the sake of unity. It wasn't a matter of compromising doctrinal truth, so I decided to let it go. And I ask that we all be willing to do that from time to time.
1 Peter 3: 8, "... sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind."
Sometimes we get frustrated with people because they don't act the way we want them to. They don't meet our expectations. And, while it's true that some people can just be selfish and act like jerks sometimes, often we can get frustrated with people without knowing the entire story. Most everyone is dealing with something that most other people don't know about. Often, that can help explain why they said what they said or reacted the way they did. It might not EXCUSE it, but it at least helps us UNDERSTAND it and maybe cut them some slack. The ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes is called EMPATHY and it's sorely lacking in our society today. Stop and think about how your words, your reactions, or your choices will likely affect other people. That's someone else's child, their parent, or grandchild. As an ambassador for Christ, is that the interaction you want them to remember you by? Is that how you want them to view Christ Whom you claim to represent?
Often, maintaining unity requires a ton of HUMILITY. Pride says you should lash back at them for hurting you. It feels like the right thing to do in the moment when you're angry. But humility says, "The unity of the Body of Christ is more important than putting this person in their place. I'm going to let it go." If you're ever in doubt about how you should react in a given situation, I encourage you to err on the side of love.
Colossians 3: 14, "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Another Biblical tip is to refuse to let divisive people drive the church. Identify people who have divisive personalities. They are in most every organization of any size. They are the ones who most frequently complain, gossip, and spread negativity. They love to pull people aside and talk to them about everything they don't like about the organization -- whether it be a church, a business, or other organization. The Bible says to watch out for these people and protect the church family from them.
Romans 16: 17, "I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them."
Now I'm not saying we should mistreat these folks. But I am saying we should identify them and acknowledge them for what they are -- divisive people. And whenever they spew their negativity, you just know to "take it with a grain of salt." Every now and then, they might have a valid concern. When they do, you should address it appropriately. When they spread gossip instead of dealing with issues appropriately, they should be confronted and held accountable for it. If they respond to this rebuke and change their ways, that's the goal. If they don't, then at least the rest of the church will likely see the inappropriate behavior pattern in their life and their effect upon the church as a whole will be minimized.
HANDLING CONFLICT BIBLICALLY
There ARE times when confrontation is necessary. Churches do sometimes get off track doctrinally and that shouldn't just be overlooked to keep the peace. Church leaders are not infallible and there are times when they should be held accountable. So, when those times arise, how should be go about in handling them?
Always remember that the goal in confrontation is RESTORATION -- not VENGEANCE.
2 Corinthians 13: 11, "Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."
Your attitude and approach in dealing with conflict are critical. You have likely heard it said, "It's not WHAT you said, but it was the WAY YOU SAID IT." Be aware of your volume, your tone, and your body language as you interact with others.
Ephesians 4: 1 - 3, "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."
It's possible to win the argument, but still lose. You can win the argument, but still lose a long-time friend. You can win the argument, but still split the church. You can win the argument, but still lose the respect of others by the way you handled it.
STEP 1 -- Step away from the conflict until you regain control of your emotions. It's usually not wise to talk to someone while you're still angry with them. Step away. Pray about it. Wait until your emotions subside enough that you can think about it rationally. Emotion will cause you to say things you'll likely regret. Ask God to help you see your fault in the conflict. Ask God to give you the right spirit with which to address the problem.
STEP 2 - Go directly to the person or party with whom you have the conflict.
Matthew 18: 15, "If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back."
The first step should be a private, one-on-one meeting. Don't go and bash that person on social media or talk about them to other people in the church, hoping to build a coalition of sympathy and support. If you have a problem with something going on in the church (or with another church member), the most hurtful thing you can do to the Body of Christ is to gossip or complain about it to others. The most productive thing you can do is to go directly to the person or party to resolve it and don't involve others.
When you go to the person, don't come in with guns blazing, on the attack. The person or party will likely become defensive instead of really hearing your concerns and the meeting will likely be unproductive and possibly only compound the problem. In fact, it's often best to begin with an APOLOGY. You might think, "I don't have anything to apologize for." Well, find SOMETHING you can own and begin the conversation with an attitude of humility that says, "I first want to apologize for _____." This humble gesture brings the other person's defenses down a bit and increases the likelihood of a productive conversation. Instead of pointing your finger and saying, "You did this... this... and this," instead tell them how you FELT. Say things like, "When you said ____, I felt _____." When you put that policy in place, I felt _____."
Actively listen and really try to understand their perspective. Don't just think about the next thing you want to say. Actively listen and try to understand their viewpoint, whether you agree with it or not. The vast majority of conflicts can be resolved in this one-on-one meeting. But, if it's not resolved, then go to step 3.
STEP 3 - Take one or two others with you to a second meeting.
Matthew 18: 16, "But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses."
Don't just go get two of your friends who you know are on your side and gang up on the person. Select one or two mature Christians who both parties trust to be impartial. Their job is to listen to both sides and seek common ground and restoration. If this second meeting still doesn't resolve the issue, go to step 4.
STEP 4 - Take it to the church leadership.
Matthew 18: 17, "If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church..."
If this conflict between two parties within the church is still not resolved at this point, it has likely now become a threat to the unity of the church. So, at this point, you should notify the elders. Hopefully, the elders can resolve the situation. But if not, then really tough decisions have to be made at this point for the sake of the unity of the church.
STEP 5 - Separate the unrepentant offender from the flock.
Matthew 18: 17, "... Then if he or she won't accept the church's decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector."
I realize that sounds harsh, but we're talking about an extreme situation where an offending party just refuses to repent or submit to church authority. In this case, reconciliation was not possible and, for the good of the rest of the congregation, the elders have to take disciplinary action. I hope we never have to reach this point at TCCC. Maybe you have been through a church conflict that reached this point and someone left (either willingly or at the request of the elders). Often, after the person left, the conflict subsided, healing began to take place, and normalcy eventually returned. But the bottom line is that you cannot allow a divisive person to divide the church.
Titus 3: 10 - 11, "As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned."
Here's the bottom line of my message this morning... I love Jesus Christ. And I love His church. We have a real adversary (Satan) who would love to get a foothold in the church and disrupt the work of the Kingdom and the working of the Holy Spirit that is occurring here. Let's DETERMINE that we will not let that happen. And it takes all of us committing to these principles to make that happen.
INVITATION
Earlier in the message, I referred to keeping the main thing as the main thing. I'd like to conclude this morning's message by speaking directly about that. Our most important mission is to let people know how they can receive the gift of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ.
(BRIEFLY SHARE THE GOSPEL.)
