Back in the 1980s, Buckminster Fuller created what is known as the “Knowledge Doubling Curve.” Fuller was an author, architect, systems theorist, inventor, designer, and futurist, and again, he presented the idea of the “Knowledge Doubling Curve.” Fuller observed that until 1900 human knowledge doubled every century. By the end of World War II, the world´s combined knowledge was doubling every 25 years. IBM later published a report that by 2010, the world´s knowledge would be doubling every 11 hours.
Knowledge is growing faster than we can absorb. In some fields, what we learned five years ago is now obsolete. Now in a day when artificial intelligence is possible, are we still really going to a 2,000-year-old manual on the topic of marriage. Surely, we would be served well to turn our attention to the latest research on marriage, many would think. When it is new, it’s thought to be true and what is old is antique and obsolete. While marriage experience and marriage research can help us, it’s the time-honored truth of God’s Word that we turn to.
Jesus’ View of Marriage
When Jesus was asked about marriage, He always went back to the first marriage, the marriage of Adam and Eve. Jesus said this: “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:6-9).
Jesus identifies two Rocky mountain peaks of granite truth that stand out against a backdrop of marital dysfunction of our day: 1) The two shall become one flesh and 2) what God has joined together, let no one separate. Those two bedrock principles of marriage are granite-like for all marriages everywhere. If we do turn an eye toward marriage research at secular universities, we discover some surprising trends. While the time-honored truths of marriage and relationships have not changed, our relationships practices have drastically changed.
Living Together
According to the people at Pew Research Center, the number of unmarried people living together continues to be on the rise. In fact, for people between the ages of 18-44, the share of adults ages 18 to 44 who have ever lived with an unmarried partner (59%) has surpassed the share who has ever been married (50%). Most couples live together before getting married.
Relationship Sequence
In the past, and this is true especially for women, the relationship sequence that most ladies aimed to follow went like this: dating then marriage, which led to sex, then living together, and then children. Today, marriage comes near the end of the line. This relationship sequence is now sex, cohabitation, and sometimes children, all of which precede marriage, and this has become the norm in our society.
So with knowledge doubling so rapidly, let’s revisit the ancient wisdom of the Bible. Now, this leads to a major divide when viewing marriage. For those with relationship collateral, you see marriage through the lens of cynicism. For those who have little to no relationship history, you see marriage through the lens of optimism. I wish that everyone approached marriage with optimism. But we have a generation of collateral damage when it comes to marriage. There is so much cynicism when it comes to marriage. If you’re cynical about marriage, it’s probably your relationship history. Maybe your cynicism comes from your parents, or it is more personal. Will you hit the “pause button on your doubts and your cynicism and consider Christian marriage for a few moments.
Christian Marriage
I want you to have a Christian marriage and not just a good marriage. Yes, non-Christians can enjoy marriage and can even have good marriages. But I am advocating not simply good marriages but Christian marriages.
What is a Christian marriage?
A Christian marriage is the permanent union of two born-again people of the opposite sex coming together in every way possible (intimately, emotionally, financially) for the purpose of radical oneness that is modeled in the Trinity and for the goal of encouraging and equipping one another for the time when each appears before Jesus. Don’t just aim for a good marriage. Aim instead for a God-honoring Christian marriage that is transformative for you and the generations to come. Ephesians does just that. It brings us back to God’s very design for marriage. It unpeels the layers of the onion all the way back. Marriage is a gift from God for you to enjoy. And Ephesians shows us that your marriage will be stronger and happier when you live by Christian principles.
Today’s Scripture
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:22-24).
A Divine Order
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).
These words are an embarrassment for many Christians today. Yet, this is time-honored truth that doesn’t go away.
Quick Overview
Here in Ephesians 5, Paul presents the marriage of man and woman as a parable of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the church. The husband is to take his cues from the sacrificial leadership, protection, and provision shown by Jesus Christ. And the wife is to take her cues from how the body of Christ submits to Christ.
Isn’t Submission Just Cultural? Again, this is controversial. Can we just dismiss this as something from ancient times? Why can’t we say that this male leadership is simply cultural and go on our merry 21st American way?
The Command is Repeated
First, the command is repeated numerous times in pages of the Bible. “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). And it’s in 1 Peter and Colossians as well. So the Bible’s teaching on wives submitting to husbands is not a remote, one-time selective quote. Instead, it’s scattered throughout the pages of the Bible like you’d scatter seeds along with your backyard.
Order of Creation
Second, the Bible connects how husbands and wives are to relate to the order of creation itself: “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:11-13).
Just as Jesus went back to Adam and Eve when He was asked about marriage, Paul also goes back to the First Couple to address marital issues. The authority issue is related to the order and sequence God made male and female. Your Bible says, “For Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:13). Now, we may not think of this as very important today, but you need to know it’s important to the writers of the Bible. Paul bases his argument for different roles in church on the fact that Adam was created prior to Eve.
The Naming of Women
Again, the Bible sees the order, the sequence, and the timing of the creation of male and female as significant. Instead, we see that man gave women their name: “Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man’” (Genesis 2:23). Adam named Eve and the Bible is clear than anyone who names another has authority over the other. So when Adam names Eve, this shows his leadership in the marriage relationship. Keep in mind that Adam doesn’t give his wife her specific name Eve until the next chapter (Genesis 3:20). Here in Genesis 2:23, he is naming the entire gender.
Why did God stop naming things in the middle of creation and then suddenly puts the man in charge of naming everything? Was it because God was tired and out of names? “Shew. I am exhausted. After inventing that subatomic particle system, I am all out of creativity. Can you give me some ideas?” God is making a point here for the order of His creation.
Now, the reason males are to lead isn’t that they have been around a few extra hours, a few extra weeks, according to Genesis. No, they are to lead because God designed the male gender to lead with love. And anthropologists confirm what your Bible says.
Anthropologists have studied 250 cultures, and here’s what they found: males dominate in almost all cultures. Males are almost always the rule makers, hunters, builders, fashioners of weapons, workers in metal, wood, or stone. Women are primary caregivers and are mostly involved in child-rearing. Their activities center on maintenance and care of home and family. They are more often involved in making pottery, baskets, clothes, blankets, etc. They gather food, preserve and prepare food, obtain and carry firewood and water. The data points to biological predeterminants of gender-related behavior. The genders are hardwired to complement one another. God’s design for your marriage is for the husband to LOVINGLY lead.
And you will find more satisfaction in life when you live by the Designer’s design for you.
Equally Worthy
Men and women are not interchangeable, but they are equally valuable. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). To be clear, the Bible teaches that both men and women are made in the image of God Himself (Genesis 1:26-28). Both men and women are equal in importance, dignity, and honor, just a Jesus was equal to God, the Father. There is a distinction in the genders, but there is no difference in how God values men and women. They are both equally valuable before God. Wherever men are thought to be better than women, wherever husbands act as selfish dictators, wherever wives are forbidden to have their own jobs outside the home or to vote or to own property or to be educated, wherever women are treated as inferior, wherever there is abuse or violence against women or rape or female infanticide or polygamy or harems… … the biblical truth of equality in the image of God is being denied.
Distinct Functions
The Bible sees a difference in how men and women function based on the order of creation. But even this isn’t just based on a matter of a few days or weeks going by before Eve comes into existence. Men and women are different by design.
Satisfaction
Recent studies from secular universities confirm the Bible’s teaching on marriage. In the opening of my message, I spoke to our culture’s increased acceptance of living together before marriage. Did you know that our satisfaction with the new relationship practices is surprisingly low? A University of Virginia study shows that the more relationship experience before marriage leads to lower relational happiness when they are married. The more sexual experience you have prior to marriage leads to less satisfaction once you are married. People who were married before, people who were living with a boyfriend and girlfriend before, and people who had a higher number of sexual partners reported lower satisfaction once they were married. In contrast, people who only had sex with their spouse reported a higher satisfaction level in their marriage.
What you do before marriage matters. And all this gives new meaning to Mick Jagger’s “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction!” And while people are living together in record numbers, the same survey shows the relationship satisfaction levels for cohabitation trail behind the same age group who are married. As you can see, it matters in terms of honesty and faithfulness. And putting the ring on your finger gives you higher satisfaction levels in practical areas such as how the couple handles money and if the other person is acting in their best interest. It seems as if tying the knot still makes a difference even in a day with Artificial Intelligence and virtual reality. What’s new isn’t always the best practice.
Again, I want you to have a Christian marriage.
What is Submission?
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). It tells the husbands to submit in verse 21 along with the wives, but then it tells the wives to submit in verse 22 all by themselves.
The verse just before this says we’re to “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Submission is not just for women; it is all for Christians. So the husbands are asked to submit once, and the wives are asked to submit twice. This word submit means “to voluntarily place yourself under the authority of another person.” She yields to his leadership. One of the marks of any Spirit-filled Christian, no matter your gender, is your willingness to submit to those whom God has placed over him.
What is Submission Is Not?
This isn’t domineering but sacrificial kindness. I am making a distinction between men leading and male domination. Notice the wife isn’t submitting to just any man in verse 22 but her husband. He doesn’t ramrod his decisions through. He doesn’t rule by executive fiat. Instead, she yields to his guidance, and she is inclined to follow his leadership.
Don’t Give in to Every Demand
If the husband should say, “Stop being a Christian, be like me,” she will have to humbly say, “I cannot. My Conscience must answer to a higher authority.” If her husband should tell her to steal, or lie, or do anything contrary to the clear moral teaching of Scripture, she must refuse.
You are to never obey any authority that tells you to disobey God.
No Mental Intimidation
There is to be no emotional and mental intimidation where the husband manipulates his wife emotionally and sexually in order to get his way. This is sinful and selfish. Let’s not dismiss or belittle the horrible practices where men abuse women and twist the Bible’s teaching as justification for their ugly actions. You heard a testimony earlier of a wonderful lady in our church family who had been abused years before.
A Man’s Four P’s
Husbands, if you are the leader, then you need to step up your game. When the team is losing, they go after the coach. Why replace the coach? Because everyone knows that the coach is the leader.
Most of the Aggies fans cannot really concentrate this morning after their big win against Alabama on Saturday night. I must confess I went to bed when Alabama went up with 5 minutes to go. And then Texas A&M won. After the game, Nick Saban spoke of the issues that went wrong with his team. He detailed some issues with the offensive not finishing drives, drop by the receives, and the defense didn’t get the turnovers they wanted. In short, there were a lot of issues to fix. Nick Saban then finished with these words, “I’m responsible for all of it.” I have no idea what kind of husband and father Nick is to his family, but his words model the kind of leadership a godly husband has for his family - “I’m responsible for all of it.”
Husbands, you are to lead your marriage. The gospel produces men who are like Jesus in four ways:
Prophet, Priest, Provider, and Protector.
Prophet – self-sacrificing
This begins when men make a personal commitment to Jesus Christ. Why is God important to a marriage?
A 2003 Ben Gurion University study found religious communes in Israel did better across the board than secular communes when it comes to promoting family life. Studies across thirty years show that secularism teaches that every individual determines his or her own purpose in life — happiness is making myself happy. To most non-religious people (especially men), family life looks like the loss of personal meaning and happiness. The members of secular communes simply were more selfish, particularly the men. But men who went to synagogue regularly were much more willing to sacrifice for the family and the community than men who did not. The secret to flourishing in difficult relationships is not to get your strength from the relationship but from God. A husband is to be a loving leader and not controlling. Men, you are to lead spiritually and relationally.
Priest
You represent God to your family. You have a clear understanding of God’s word.
I mentioned the University of Virginia study several times but let me go back to it one more time. They have a term when they compare the new model of marriage versus the old. They call it “sliding versus deciding.”
Relationships go through various important milestones. Milestones such as having sex for the first time, moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, and having children. Each transition involves consequential decisions: Do we move in together after we’re engaged or before, or do we wait until after we marry? Do we have kids before we get married or after? Do we want to have a wedding or elope? How couples handle these choices matters. Some couples make definitive decisions that move them from one stage of a relationship to another. While others simply slide into the next stage with little forethought or communication. Rather than consciously deciding how and when to transition to the next stage of the relationship, they slide through milestones without prior planning. The University of Virginia’s findings shows that couples who slide through their relationship transitions have poorer marital quality than those who make intentional decisions about major milestones.
If you want your marriage to flourish, then don’t slide, but decide. If you want to find out if she’s the ONE, then don’t slide but decide.
If you’re single …
1) Don’t sleep around because it clouds your judgment.
2) Don’t date a non-Christian.
3) Do not live together. Half of all these unmarried couples are split up by the time their child is just five years old.
4) Do not settle.
Husband, you are the priest of your marriage. You are the pastor of your house.
Provider
You make sure your family has what it needs. You must have a job (Proverbs 6:6-11; 1 Timothy 5:8). You are not economically careless. You cannot be lazy.
Protector
You are to be her protector, provider, priest, and prophet.
Conclusion
You are never going to get the love you want from even the best of marriages. Your spouse will go through seasons where he doesn’t get you, and she doesn’t get you. Even the best of marriages will leave you wanting more. That’s where you look outside your marriage to Jesus Christ. Jesus died for your sins which doesn’t just fix your eternity problem, it also fixes your emotions. You will never be loved more deeply than you are when you know that Christ died for your sins. Trust Christ today.
