For weeks, a couple had been arguing about buying a vehicle. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would have been satisfied with any old, beat-up old truck, but everything she wanted was way out of their price range.
“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up, so surprise me!”
He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand-new bathroom scale.
Nobody has seen or heard from him since (Dennis Reiling, Oskaloosa, Kansas).
We laugh, because the man probably deserved it. But anger is no laughing matter. Anger wreaks havoc in people’s lives, so learn to control it before it controls you. Learn to control it before it does irreversible damage not only in your life, but also in your family, your children, and in all your relationships.
The question is How? How can you learn to control you anger? How can you deal with the rage inside you? How can you handle the frustration that may have already wreaked havoc in your life? If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Genesis 4, Genesis 4, where we see God’s advice to Cain in handling His anger.
Genesis 4:6-7 The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted [literally, be lifted up]? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it (ESV).
Control your anger. Control your sin before it controls you. How? Well, 1st of all, God says, “Do well.” That is, when you feel anger...
BEHAVE YOURSELF, and do what is right.
You cannot always control your feelings, but you can control what you do with your feelings. You can choose to do what’s right rather than what’s wrong. So, when you feel bad, do good, and eventually you’ll feel good, as well. In other words, don’t do what you feel; feel what you do. That’s what God tells Cain: If you want your face to be lifted up, i.e., if you want to feel joy again, then “do well.”
You see, anger leads to depression if it is not handled properly. In fact, clinical psychologist and Christian counselor, Dr. Paul Meier, says that anger is at the root of almost every depression. So when I’m depressed, I ask myself, “Who am I mad at?” And when I answer that question, I usually find the cause for my depression. Are you depressed? Then ask yourself, “Who am I mad at?” Figure out who it is, then “do what is right” to that person, and the right feelings will follow.
Do you need some suggestions about what to do? Then check out Romans 12. There in verse 14 it says, “Bless those who persecute you”—write them a “thank you” note. Verse 17 says, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to what is honorable in the sight of all.” Verse 19: “Never avenge yourselves.” To the contrary, verse 20: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him”—bring him a plate of cookies. “If he is thirsty, give him something to drink”—how about a glass of milk to go with those cookies? Verse 21: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
If you do these things to the one you’re mad at, i.e., if you “do well,” then your face will be lifted up, your depression will be gone, and your joy will return. That’s God’s promise right here in Genesis 4:7 – “If you do well, will you not be [lifted up]?”
There was a boom, then the house shook. Daylan McLee thought it was a small earthquake. Then a relative came running inside to say there had been a car crash involving a police cruiser outside the apartment in Uniontown, Pennsylvania.
McLee ran outside and pulled an officer from the mangled patrol car as flames began to spread into the cabin. Police officials and others credited McLee with saving the officer’s life after the Sunday evening crash. McLee said it wasn’t a complicated decision to help another human being. “There is value in every human life, McLee said. “We are all children of God and I can’t imagine just watching anyone burn. No matter what other people have done to me, I thought, ‘this guy deserves to make it home safely to his family.’”
McLee saved the officer, in June 2020, despite having filed a lawsuit two years previously (2018) against four Pennsylvania State Police troopers for wrongful arrest. He had spent a year in jail related to a fight outside a bar in 2016. He had rushed to the bar after his sister called saying she needed a ride home because a fight had broken out. When McLee arrived, he disarmed a man who was standing in the parking lot with a gun and threw the weapon aside.
At least one trooper fired shots at McLee as he fled. The trooper said McLee pointed a weapon at him twice, but security footage showed McLee disarming the man, discarding the gun quickly, and fleeing when shots were fired.
McLee, a Black man, spent a year in jail before a jury acquitted him on the charges after reviewing the video. That was a year away from his children, and a year away from his mother, who was ill at the time. She passed soon after he got out of jail (2019).
But McLee stressed forgiveness, saying he couldn’t blame every police officer for bad interactions he had with some: “We need to work on our humanity,” he said. “That’s the main problem of this world. We’re stuck on how to get up or to get even, and that is not how I was raised to be. You learn, you live, you move on, and I was always taught to forgive big. You can’t base every day of your life off of one interaction you have with one individual” (Claudia Lauer, “Man wronged in past by police saves officer from burning car,” Associated Press, 6-22-20; www. PreachingToday.com).
Daylan McLee did what was right despite the wrong done to him. You do the same, and you’ll sleep a lot better at night.
That’s what researchers discovered according to a study published in the Journal of Psychology and Health. They asked 1,423 American adults to rate themselves on how likely they were to forgive themselves for the things they did wrong and forgive others for hurting them. They also answered questions about how they had slept in the past 30 days.
The results suggest people who were more forgiving were more likely to sleep better and for longer, and, in turn, have better physical health. Forgiveness may help individuals leave the day’s regrets and offenses in the past and promote sound sleep. Otherwise, as many troubled sleepers have experienced, we might have too much on our minds to get any rest.
People who don’t forgive, researchers explain, tend to linger on unpleasant thoughts and feelings, such as anger, blame, and regret. This can involve painful rumination—repetitive thoughts about distress. That resentment or bitterness could be detracting from sleep quality and well-being, the study suggests (Sophie McMullen, “Having trouble sleeping? Try forgiving someone,” The Washington Post, 10-21-19; www.PreachingToday.com).
Forgiveness is a key to your own happiness and well-being. Try it before you go to bed tonight and see what happens. I’m not telling you to “FEEL good about the person who hurt you.” Just DO good despite the wrong done to you, and the feelings will eventually follow. Otherwise, your anger will lead to depression.
But not only that, your anger will also lead to destruction. Your anger will hurt not only you, but those closest to you. That’s what happened to Cain.
Genesis 4:8 Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him (ESV).
His anger led to murder. It destroyed the one who was the closest to him, his own brother. And that’s what anger does. It destroys those closest to you. It wrecks havoc in your own family. Oh, it may not always lead to murder, but it always hurts the ones we love most of all.
I know a man who had a real problem with anger. He was always yelling at the coaches when his sons played football or basketball in school. In fact, he got so hostile that they had to ban him from some of the games.
In a building project, he lost his temper when somebody didn’t do it quite right. And one night I got a call from his wife for fear that he was going to hurt one of the kids. He told her, “I’m an angry man, and I cannot change. You have to accept me for who I am.”
The sad thing was he was also a very depressed man. But the depression didn’t stop with him. He has three beautiful daughters, and all three battled depression well into their adult years. His wife was a real saint, keeping the family together and loving her husband in spite of his anger, but she too struggled.
Now, there is no doubt in my mind that he loved his family very much. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his family or anybody else who had a need. He was a committed Christian, but his outbursts of anger caused severe psychological damage to those he loved the most, his own family and friends.
Anger destroys, if not physically, then psychologically and emotionally. So, when you are angry, behave yourself and do what is right. Otherwise, you will be depressed, and you will destroy those you love the most.
But what do you do if your anger has already hurt you and those closest to you? Well, look at what God tells Cain.
Genesis 4:9-10a Then the Lord said to Cain, :Where is Abel your brother? He said, “I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper? And the Lord said, “What have you done?” (ESV)
Do you think God asks these questions, because he doesn’t know the answers? No. God asks these questions, because He wants Cain to admit his guilt. He wants Cain to confess his sin. He wants Cain to be honest, so he can experience his Creator’s mercy and forgiveness. Sure, there will be consequences to his actions, but God stands ready to forgive. God stands ready to wipe the slate clean and start all over with you again. So, if you’ve let your anger go too far, go ahead and...
ADMIT YOUR SIN.
Confess it not only to God, but to those you have hurt. Please, take responsibility for your own actions, so you can begin the healing process.
The worst thing you can do is deny your anger. The worst thing you can do is deny the pain that it has caused. Because if you do, you become defiant. You become hardened in your condition.
That’s what happened to Cain. “Am I my brother’s keeper?” he asked in verse 9. Sure he was, but any love he had for his brother has now become resentment, and he has become hardened in his bitterness. All he had to do was admit he was wrong.
Instead, he became defiant and hard, and that’s what happens when you refuse to admit your guilt. You become defiant and hard.
Then you become disconnected. You become separated from God AND your work. That’s what happened to Cain.
Genesis 4:10-12 And the Lord said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground. And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth (ESV).
In Genesis 3, God cursed THE GROUND when Adam sinned. Here, God curses CAIN himself. God separates Cain from the ground and makes it impossible for him to do his job. But more than that, God separates Himself from Cain.
Genesis 4:13-14 Cain said to the Lord, “My punishment is greater than I can bear. Behold, you have driven me today from the ground, and from your faced I shall be hidden. I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me” (ESV).
Notice, Cain is not sorry about his sin. There is no confession and repentance here. Cain is simply sorry about his punishment, sorry that he got caught and has to pay for his actions. Even so, God in his mercy protects Cain.
Genesis 4:15-16 Then the Lord said to him, “Not so! If anyone kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” And the Lord put a mark on Cain, lest any who found him should attack him. Then Cain went away from the presence of the Lord and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden (ESV).
Perhaps, one of the saddest verses in the entire Bible: “Cain went away from the presence of the Lord.” Cain was not only separated from his work, he was separated from His God as well. And that’s what anger does when you let it get out of control. You become disconnected from God AND your work.
Tim LaHaye and Bob Phillips, in their book, Anger Is a Choice, talk about the disconnect that takes place when men get angry. They quote Norm Evans, an all-pro tackle for the Miami Dolphins for several years, who said, “It's really dangerous for a pro football player to get angry. In fact, that's when linemen sustain their most serious injuries.”
He explained, “Anger is so harmful in football that if I can get an opposing lineman or end angry at me, he will concentrate on beating me and forget to attack the quarterback – and that's my job, protecting the quarterback.”
LaHaye and Phillips also quote Mike Fuller, a fast safety and punt-return specialist for the San Diego Chargers in the late 1970s. He said, “The wide receivers are continually trying to make us angry each time they come into our area, because they know if they can upset us emotionally, they can fool us on the next play.”
Bob Hutchins, former judo champion for Southern California and now a missionary in Mexico, said, “I was just an above-average judo performer until I learned how to make my opponent angry. Then I won the championship.”
Tim LaHaye and Bob Phillips comment, “Like these athletes' opponents, millions of men fall into the trap of thinking you're not a man unless you get angry. However, an angry person makes poor decisions, wounds those he loves with his tongue, overreacts, disciplines too severely, and does things that calmness of thought would not otherwise permit (Tim LaHaye and Bob Phillips, Anger Is a Choice, Zondervan, 2002, pp.19-20; www.PreachingToday.com).
An angry person cannot do his job right. He disconnects himself from his work. But not only that, he disconnects himself from those he loves. And worst of all, he disconnects himself from His God—His fellowship with God is broken.
Anger leaves you defiant. Anger leaves you disconnected, but worse than that, anger can affect your descendants, leaving them more defiant and disconnected than you are. Your children and grandchildren can grow worse in their sin. That’s what happened to Cain’s descendants.
Genesis 4:17-24 Cain knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Enoch. When he built a city, he called the name of the city after the name of his son, Enoch. To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad fathered Mehujael, and Mehujael fathered Methushael, and Methushael fathered Lamech. And Lamech took two wives. The name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah. Adah bore Jabal; he was the father of those who dwell in tents and have livestock. His brother’s name was Jubal; he was the father of all those who play the lyre and pipe. Zillah also bore Tubal-cain; he was the forger of all instruments of bronze and iron. The sister of Tubal-cain was Naamah. Lamach said to his wives: “Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; you wives of Lamech, listen to what I say: I have killed a man [or I will kill a man] for wounding me, a young man for striking me. If Cain’s revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech’s is seventy-sevenfold” (ESV).
Five generations later, Lamech is even worse in his defiance than Cain. He takes the tools that his son has forged and boasts, “I will kill anyone who wounds me. I don’t need God’s protection, for with these weapons I can avenge myself 77 times” (Wiersbe). It is an expression of arrogant defiance and the first mention of war in the Bible.
Oh, the fruit of anger is very bitter. It leads to depression and destruction. It makes you defiant and disconnected, and it affects your children, your grandchildren, and their children for many generations.
Is there any hope in such a world? Maybe you’ve grown up in a family where anger was a problem. Maybe you see it in yourself and intensified in your children. Maybe you’re just tired of living in an angry world. Is there any hope even when anger has gone this far? Yes, there is! Please look at verse 25
Genesis 4:25-26 And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, “God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him.” To Seth also a son was born, and he called his name Enosh. At that time people began to call upon the name of the Lord (ESV).
That is, people began to proclaim the name of the Lord, to call His name out loud, to make His name famous.
Our hope is in the Lord! Our Deliverer does not come from the line of Cain. He comes from the line of Seth. So if you want deliverance in an angry world, then put your faith in Him. Trust this descendent of Seth with your life, who is none other than the Lord Jesus Christ. For Jesus is the One who died on the cross for ALL your sins, even those done in anger. Then He rose again from the dead as Victor over sin and death, so...
BELIEVE IN CHRIST.
Depend on him to save you from all your sin and anger.
That’s what Jesus did for Tom Tarrants. He was a white supremacist, serving a 35-year prison sentence for attempting to bomb a Jewish businessman’s residence. With nothing to do in his tiny cell except think and read, he began devouring books about philosophy, history, and ethics. For the first time, Tarrants was forced to reexamine his beliefs.
Then his hunger for truth prompted him to reopen his Bible one summer night in 1970. At the time, asking God for forgiveness was far away from his mind. Tarrants grew up in Alabama attending church every Sunday with his family. He had assumed he was saved. Even as he plotted terrorism, he had believed he was fighting for God and country.
But reading Matthew 16:26 shook him awake: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” How utterly blind and foolish he had been to sell his soul in exchange for self-glory within the far-right movement! His hard heart cracked open, and he knelt on the concrete floor and asked Jesus Christ to forgive him. He became a new creation in Christ, and he sought to live out his new identity.
Life in prison meant Tarrants had to engage constantly with nonwhites. These interactions crushed his racist stereotypes, but reading the Bible convicted him that it wasn’t enough to simply not hate nonwhites: God had commanded him to love others, even his enemies.
Many were suspicious, but some people believed Tarrants had a true conversion... One chaplain invited him to his home for dinner with his family, and a superintendent allowed him to live in a garage apartment behind his home and work as a clerk in the chaplain’s office.
After eight years in prison, thanks to a work-release program and numerous people who advocated for his early release, Tarrants became a free man in 1976. Since then, he co-pastored a multiracial church, served as interim pastor for an Asian American church, and participated in racial reconciliation events in Washington D.C. Now, in his early 70’s, Tarrants is president of the C.S. Lewis Institute, whose mission is to develop wholehearted disciples of Jesus Christ who will articulate, defend, share, and live their faith in personal and public life (Sophia Lee; “Leaving Hate Behind,” World Magazine, 8-1-19; www. PreachingToday.com).
That’s what God can do for anyone who bows the knee before Christ. Please, let Him do it for you. Trust Christ with your life and watch Him replace your anger with His love.
Then, when you feel anger again, behave yourself, admit your sin, and continue to depend on Christ. It’s the only way to live free from the anger which can only destroy you in the end.
