Introduction: To point out how lonely people can be, Charles Swindoll mentioned an ad in a Kansas newspaper. It read, "I will listen to you talk for 30 minutes without comment for $5.00." Swindoll said, "Sounds like a hoax, doesn't it? But the person was serious. Did anybody call? You bet. It wasn't long before this individual was receiving 10 to 20 calls a day. The pain of loneliness was so sharp that some were willing to try anything for a half hour of companionship." Today we will continue our sermon series on "The Bible and Emotional Problems" about "loneliness."
Understanding Loneliness
Loneliness is not solitude. Loneliness is marked by feelings of isolation despite wanting social connections. It is often perceived as an involuntary separation, rejection, or abandonment by others. Solitude, on the other hand, is voluntary. People who enjoy spending time by themselves continue to maintain positive social relationships that they can return to when they crave connection. They still spend time with others, but these interactions are balanced with periods of time alone. At times this is good for us. Jesus is our example. John 6:15 – "Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself."
Loneliness is not being lonesome. Lonesome is when we miss a loved one who is gone temporarily, but we know they will be back. It is not isolation. We can be lonely in a crowd. One person said, "A city is a place where hundreds of people are lonely together." You will find lonely people in the church, in restaurants, in movie theatres, in big crowds, etc. Loneliness is an inward feeling that we are unneeded, uncared for, unwanted, and unnoticed. Psalm 102:7 -." I lie awake, lonely, as a solitary bird ..."
Loneliness is a state of mind linked to wanting human contact but feeling alone. People can be alone and not feel lonely, or they have contact with people and still experience feelings of isolation. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. Lonely people often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people. For example, a first-year college student might feel lonely despite being surrounded by roommates and peers. A soldier beginning their military career might feel lonely after being deployed to a foreign country, despite being constantly surrounded by other troop members.
Effects of Loneliness on our Health
"Health Resources and Services Administration" states that researchers warned in a recent webcast that loneliness and social isolation can be as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and the problem is particularly acute among seniors, especially during holidays." According to "Psychology Today," it is estimated that over 40% of us will feel the aching pangs of loneliness at some point in our lives.
Loneliness does not depend on how many friends or relationships you have. Loneliness depends entirely on the subjective quality of your relationships—on whether you feel emotionally and socially disconnected from those around you. That is why don't be surprised if more than 60% of lonely people are married. When married couples no longer share their deepest feelings, thoughts, and experiences with one another, it can leave them feeling disconnected and alone. People in such relationships truly believe their spouse cannot offer them the deep connection they would like. Illustration: Sometimes ago, I counseled a wealthy lady. Her house is so big and beautiful with lovely gardens and a swimming pool. She has many helpers living with her. Amid having such a comfortable living situation, during the counseling, she told me that she felt lonely during the counseling because her husband is very busy with his job and her children live in other cities. Her loneliness has caused so many health problems to her, including insomnia.
Loneliness causes an immediate and severe bodily reaction. It increases blood pressure and cholesterol and activates our physical and psychological stress responses. Over time, chronically lonely people have a much higher incidence of cardiovascular disease because their bodies are under constant and unrelenting stress. But that is not the only impact loneliness has on our bodies. Loneliness suppresses the functioning of our immune system. Loneliness causes our immune systems to function less efficiently, which over time, puts us at increased risk for developing all kinds of illnesses and diseases. Even brief bouts of loneliness impact our immune system, which is why studies have concluded that chronic loneliness increases our risk of early death by 14%. Loneliness represents a hugely crucial psychological injury and not one we should ignore.
Loneliness in the Bible
Before Adam and Eve fell into sin, even though the world's population was only two people so that wherever they traveled, they would not meet anyone (compare now there are almost 7.9 billion people), they did not feel lonely. How did it happen? Because their relationship was excellent. Sin had not polluted them with selfishness and indifference. Their relationship with God was still very intimate. They always felt the presence of God in their lives. The state of the earth was still beautiful, and all kinds of animals were tame that they could mingle with them. That situation changed drastically when sin entered the world. Their relationship with God, with one another, with nature, and even with themselves was changing. This broken relationship often results in loneliness. Since the fall, humans, including the prominent figures in the Bible, have experienced loneliness. We will look at some of them:
- Moses. He is a great man of God, and he was a brilliant and robust leader who led millions of Israel leaving Egypt. But did you know that he desired for God to kill him? In Numbers 11:15, Moses asked God, "If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin." Why did Moses ask that? Verse 14 has the answer – "I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me." Moses received a massive task from God, and he felt as if he were doing that alone. People at the top of positions often feel lonely because they think no one can understand them and their responsibilities.
- Elijah. He also wanted to die. In 1 Kings 19:4, the Bible says, "while he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, Lord," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." But why? Verse 10 reveals that Elijah felt all alone – "He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." Elijah thought he fought the prophets of Baal alone, and he felt lonely. But in verse 18, God says, "Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him." Elijah didn't know there were still 7000 people who never worshiped Baal. Even though Elijah was a great prophet, we learn that he still needed encouragement. Sadly those 7000 people never came to him or showed support for his ministry. Today, pastors and Christian leaders also need to know that they are not alone in carrying the works of God. There are congregations and Christians who pray for them and support them. Barna Research in 2021 discovered that 61% of pastors are lonely and have few close friends. The loneliest people in churches are often pastors.
- David. In Psalm 25:16-18, David prayed, "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." We see how David longed to be connected to God and rely on that relationship.
- Jeremiah. God's prophets often felt the pain of rejection and loneliness. Consider the prophet Jeremiah. The Lord told Jeremiah not to marry, and he had few friends. Scholars refer to Jeremiah as the "weeping prophet." God called him to speak out against the sinfulness of Judah and warn of impending judgment unless the people of Judah repented and changed their ways. Jeremiah 15 captures the prophet speaking to God about his loneliness, unending pain, and suffering. Jeremiah trusted the Lord and followed God's calling for his life despite his pain.
- Paul. This great apostle, the giant of faith, also shared his feeling of loneliness in 2 Timothy 4:16 when he was put on trial at the court to defend himself – "At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them."
God's people, including great leaders, are not exempt from the pain of loneliness. Are you lonely? In the following sermons, we will learn more about the symptoms of loneliness and how to deal with it to have peace, contentment, and joy in our lives. And we also can relate with others better. May God help us!
