Also look at Prov. 27:9-10 “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.”
Another verse we want to look at that deals with friendship is in Prov. 27:17, we read, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
In Prov. 25:8, we read, “Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.”
Introduction: Dr. Odell Belger tells that when his sons were young and his schedule would permit, he would take his family camping. Once they arrived at the camp ground, his youngest son, Jimmy Belger, could hardly wait to get out of the camper and start exploring. He would make a dash for the door, and his mother would say, “Jimmy where are you going?” He would look back at her and say, “I am going to find me some friends!”
Even as children, we recognized that we all need friends.
WHY DO WE SEEK TO HAVE FRIENDS? Because a friend’s relationship is a very special in our lives. For example:
• We had no choice about who our parents would be
• We had no choice about who our siblings would be
• We had no choice about who our grandparents would be
• We had no choice about who our aunts and uncles would be
WE HAVE A CHOICE about friends, and we have chosen these very special people to be a part of our life!
This is a very special relationship, because a large part of our life revolves around our friends. Without friends we would live a LIFE OF LONELINESS.
Illus: Someone said this about Loneliness:
• Loneliness is like a piano without keys
• Loneliness is like a violin without strings
• Loneliness is like a sanctuary without a congregation
• Loneliness is like a choir where no one sings
• Loneliness is like a pansy in a corn field, hidden where no one can see (Copied)
But God gave us friends so we would not have to live our life ALONE. It is great to have GOOD FRIENDS!
Based on Prov. 27, and some scriptures in Prov. 25, let’s look at friendship as described by the Word of God. First, let’s consider-
I. THE COUNCIL OF A FRIEND
Intelligent people will admit that they do not have all the answers to life’s problems, and because of that it is important that they seek counsel from their friends.
But as important as it is that we seek counsel from others, it is EQUALLY IMPORTANT that we seek counsel from those who will only give counsel that is in our best interest, even if it is something we do not want to hear.
This is exactly what our BEST FRIENDS WILL DO! They love us and they only give us good counsel.
Look at verse 6, we read, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
Notice, the things that they say to us may cut deeply (wound us), but they are saying these things because they love us and want the very best for us.
We need friends all the time, but especially during DIFFICULT TIMES IN OUR LIFE.
WHY DO WE ESPECIALLY NEED THEM DURING THE DIFFICULT TIMES IN OUR LIFE? Because during these times we get emotionally upset, and are not capable of making the best decisions we should make for ourselves.
It is during these DIFFICULT TIMES that we turn to those we call our friends, and we have to depend on them to help us make the very best decisions for ourselves.
Illus: Many of us have signed a legal document so if we find ourselves in a position where we have to be put on life support equipment, and we are not able to make that decision, we can depend on someone else to make that decision for us.
Our friends are like:
(A) GOOD PARENTS
HOW IS THAT? The loving parents put themselves at risk and tell their child what they should do, knowing perhaps that the counsel they are giving is going to cut deep, and the child might turn against them.
BUT NEVERTHELESS, THE LOVING PARENTS SAY WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE CHILD!
A good friend is also like -
(B) GOOD DOCTORS
Illus: What would you think of a doctor who withheld critical information from you, his patient, because he did not want to make you sad by giving you bad news?
Imagine this, with lab work in his hand, and understanding the serious nature of your condition, the physician assures you that you are fine, because he knows you want to hear some good news.
Several months later, you are sitting in another doctor's office. This time, you hear the shocking news that you have only 6 months to live, and that if your disease had been detected six months ago you could have been cured.
NOW WHAT WOULD YOU THINK OF THAT DOCTOR THAT YOU THOUGHT WAS YOUR FRIEND?
Aren't you glad there are good doctors who do not enjoy telling us bad news, but they know it is essential that we know the FACTS OF LIFE if we are going to deal with THE FACTS OF LIFE! Better to know the truth and DEAL WITH IT, than to have the truth HIDDEN from you and DIE FROM IT.
Our friends are like GOOD PARENTS, GOOD DOCTORS, and also they are like a-
(C) GOOD BLACKSMITHS
Look at verse 17, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
When iron is rubbed against another piece of iron it shapes and sharpens it. The process might be a heated process, but “Iron sharpenth iron.”
Much of the New Testament is no more than the apostle Paul SHARPENING and SHAPING New Testament saints. Paul told them what they NEEDED TO HEAR, not what they wanted TO HEAR.
Some of the most popular preachers across this land are popular, not because they preach the Word of God, but because they tell people what they want to hear. Some of these “Elmer Gantries” are literally packing out coliseums and football stadiums. But anyone who really knows the Word of God knows that these “Hucksters” are not preaching the Word of God. They are telling the people what they want to hear, that is:
• God wants them all to be wealthy
• God wants them all to be healthy
But a pastor who truly loves the flock of God will faithfully preach the Word of God to them, even though he knows it is not what they might want to hear.
Look at verse 6, we read, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend...”
Illus: Roberta Croteau, writes in Aspire, "In the mid 1980's, singer Amy Grant's life was not as charmed as it appeared. Troubles in her marriage--her husband Gary's cocaine habit and their subsequent talk of divorce--left Amy in one of her darkest moments. She remembers:
"For a few days, I just stayed in bed and mourned my life. The only hope I could seem to see was just junking it all, moving to Europe, and starting everything all over again. It was then my sister, in a last-ditch visit, marched up right beside my bed and said, "Fine, go to Europe, leave it all behind, start your life again. But before you go, tell my little girl how you can sing that Jesus can help her through anything in her life, but that he couldn't help you."
When a friend chooses to "wound" you, the friend can be trusted. He is doing it for your good! He's faithful!
Illus: An enemy however, like Judas, can shower you with kisses and with flattery just for the purpose of deceiving you.
Illus: Friends help friends.
• Ladies, have you ever been out with a friend, and noticed that the label on her dress was sticking up in the air? Did you tell her, or were you afraid of embarrassment and just kept quiet? I suspect you told her.
• Now let’s say that same friend had eaten spinach for lunch. As she smiles at you, you notice that her front tooth is covered with the leafy green stuff! Do you tell her?
Sometimes we must speak to our friend about something that may cut deeply (wound) them.
Illus: Dr. Ron LaFlam stated, “I remember that in one of my youngest daughter’s classes at high school, there was a young lady who did not bathe regularly. Classmates put bars of soap and containers of deodorant in her locker so she would get the idea.”
A friend would have gone to her and spoken to her about the problem. However, a friend knows that the things they say might hurt, but they do it as gently as they know how.
Their approach is:
• Always to be done in love
• Always to be honest
• Always to be tactful
But sometimes it must be brutally frank. However, we need to remember this biblical admonition as we go to correct our friends, and immediately be willing to apply the OINTMENT TO HEAL.
Look at verse 9, we read, “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.”
There are two things to remember that will help us as we give counsel to others.
(1) They may not be willing to RECEIVE THE COUNSEL you give them, even though it is given in love.
In other words, don’t be upset:
• If you give advice and the friend disregards it
• If you give advice and they only partially receive it
Remember that a key part to any counseling is not only giving good advice, but also being a good listener!
Illus: Chuck Swindoll once found himself with too many commitments in too few days. He got nervous and tense about it.
"I was snapping at my wife and our children, choking down my food at mealtimes, and feeling irritated at those unexpected interruptions through the day," he recalled.
Before long, things around our home started reflecting the pattern of my hurry-up style. It was becoming unbearable.
I distinctly remember after supper one evening, the words of our younger daughter, Colleen. She wanted to tell me something important that had happened to her at school that day. She began hurriedly, “Daddy, I wanna tell you somethin' and I'll tell you really fast.”
Suddenly realizing her frustration, I answered, “Honey, you can tell me-and you don't have to tell me really fast. Say it slowly." I'll never forget her answer: “Then listen slowly."
Isn't that what our friends need? They need someone who will simply "listen slowly," then think, and then speak.
If we love our friends and family, let's take time to listen. Then after listening very carefully, be careful of the counsel we give them.
Illus: Giving out counsel is like a nurse giving out medicine. If she gives the right medicine at the right time, she can help her patient. But if she gives the wrong medicine at the wrong time, she might destroy her patient.
(2) Another part of hearty council, especially for Christian friends, is sharing the Word of God.
Look at Prov. 25:11 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."
Look at the words, “Fitly spoken”. It is important that we recognize the need to give GOOD COUNSEL, but it is important that we also give them this good counsel at a GOOD TIME!
Illus: Let’s face it, if you are witnessing to some football fanatic about this glorious gospel, that is fine, but during the Super Bowl might not be the best time!
Illus: If a man is a John Wayne fan, you do not come in the middle of a John Wayne movie and discuss the termites swarming.
WHAT IS RIGHT TO SPEAK, must be spoken at THE RIGHT TIME! Timing is essential! In Ecclesiastes 3, we see that everything has a season.
Illus: Delitzsch, in his commentary states that words “Fitly spoken” have to be spoken in “accordance with circumstances.”
But as we share the Word of God, we can be assured of sharing the very best God has for that person.
2 Tim. 3:16 "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, FOR INSTRUCTION IN RIGHTEOUSNESS:"
We need to speak GOOD COUNSEL at the RIGHT TIME! We looked at THE COUNCIL OF A FRIEND, now look at...
II. THE CONSISTENCY OF A FRIEND
The friend has one motive, and that is to HELP his/her friend. The only thing they are concerned about is what is best for their friend.
An untrue friend will approach a so-called friend for other reasons, such as, to PROVE THEY ARE RIGHT and THE FRIEND IS WRONG! It may be that you are right, but sometimes it is not best to state that.
Look at Prov. 25:8, we read, “Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.”
Listen, when you and I engage in such a dialogue, we do not know where this thing might end.
Illus: There have been:
• Many fights because someone was a hot head trying to prove they were right
• Many divorces because some hot head in the marriage approached their mate in the wrong way
• Many killings because someone approached a person in the wrong way
In fact, our prisons are filled with people who are there because they went to someone to prove to them HOW WRONG THEY REALLY WERE! And all they did was get themselves in trouble. When we approach someone in the WRONG WAY, we do not know how that situation might end.
Look at Prov. 25:8, it might end up, “…when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.”
A true friend is CONSISTENT. They are not trying to prove they are right. Every time they give counsel it is to help their friend.
We have looked at THE COUNCIL OF A FRIEND, THE CONSISTENCY OF A FRIEND, and now ...
III. THE COMFORT OF A FRIEND
Prov. 27:10b “...neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.”
It is good to have our family with us in the midst of things, but the next best thing is a friend.
• How sad it is that some folks go through life never discovering the friendship of others
• Even sadder than that is that many go through life never realizing WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS!
WHEN WE THINK OF THE FRIEND THAT "STICKETH CLOSER THAN A BROTHER" WHO DO WE THINK OF? WE THINK OF THE LORD JESUS!
Think for a moment of what Jesus told us:
John 13:34-35 "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."
If we are going to do as Jesus has commanded us, we need to love as Jesus loved. We need to stick closer than a brother!
Look at Prov. 17:17 "A friend loveth at ALL TIMES, and a brother is born for adversity."
True friendship is not “Sunshine” friendship. They love their friends ALL THE TIME, not just SOME OF THE TIME!
Illus: One could not but be moved by the story of the soldier who asked his officer if he might go out into the "No Man's Land" between the trenches in World War I to bring in one of his comrades who was badly wounded.
"You can go," said the officer, "but it's not worth it. Your friend is probably dead, and you will throw your own life away."
But the man went. Somehow he managed to get to his friend, hoist him onto his shoulders, and bring him back to the trenches.
The two of them tumbled in together and lay in the trench bottom. The officer looked very tenderly on the would-be rescuer, and then he said, "I told you it wouldn't be worth it. Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded."
"It was worth it, though, sir," he said. "How do you mean, 'worth it'? I said your friend is dead."
"Yes, sir," the boy answered, "But it was worth it, because when I got to him he was still alive, and he said to me, 'Jim, I knew you'd come.'"
We looked at THE COUNCIL OF A FRIEND, THE CONSISTENCY OF A FRIEND, THE COMFORT OF A FRIEND.
Conclusion:
With our busy schedules, how do we:
• Make friends
• Make time for friends
1. We can make a list of people we need to keep track of, and then once a week try to contact someone on that list.
2. Do not be in such a hurry to get out of church and go home. Take time to make friends!
Sometimes people go to church and expect everyone to come to them and shake their hands. And if they do not, they say, “That church is not very friendly!”
Listen, Prov. 18:24 states clearly, "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
Take time to make friends, and then, do not forsake your friends!
This week let us strive to be good friends. Let's remember from Proverbs 27 and 25:
I. THE COUNCIL OF A FRIEND
II. THE CONSISTENCY OF A FRIEND
III. THE COMFORT OF A FRIEND
