Marriage And Divorce
Matthew 5:31,32; 19:1-12
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth,
Yes, in the beginning God created everything… and He created it out of nothing.
LIKE – really think about that for a moment.
How great is our good.
Now, in Genesis Chapter 2… we read that on day six…
Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed…to work it and take care of it…
BUT LISTEN – even though Adam ‘seemed’ to have everything that he needed… food, water…
A - paradise to live in and a purpose to live for (to work and take care of the garden). Despite all of that, God said in verse 18…
“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
AND THEN – we read…
Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.
Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
MGCC – at the very beginning of human history.
God instituted marriage, instituted the family.
AND YES – Adam and Eve became a family in Genesis chapter 2 before they had their children.
UNDERSTAND – a family is formed when a man and woman are united on their wedding day.
“When are you going to start your family…”
We already did. We already are.
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Genesis 2:7,8,15,18-25
Prayer
OKAY MGCC – so we are in this verse by verse study of the Gospel of Matthew.
AND MAN – this has been such a great study.
LIKE – even though I have been doing this Jesus thing for 42+ years… and this Pastor thing for 30+ years.
I have learned so many new and awesome things these last 20 weeks in Matthew.
NOW – where we are currently, in this journey,
is unpacking Jesus radical manifesto about what life in His Kingdom is all about.
(aka ‘also known as’ The Sermon on The Mount).
A more powerful, penetrating and richer conversation than we could ever have imagine, that Jesus shared on a hillside overlooking the Sea of Galilee.
AND UNDERSTAND – what Jesus is basically saying in His Manifesto is… “Hey, here is what life in my kingdom is all about…”
• It’s about being a certain kind of people… it’s about, the poor in spirit, the meek, those who mourn, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful…
• It’s about having impact in the world, by being the ‘salt’ of the earth and the ‘light’ of the world, AND…
• It’s about living out a life that is distinct, that is different than those in the world.
AND – last week we saw that in Jesus Kingdom, it so much deeper that not committing outward acts like murder and adultery… but about getting control of the anger and lust that often can reside inside of us.
YEAH MGCC – as I said last week living in His Kingdom is about… being, having and living!
NOW BEFORE – we dive down deep into our conversation for this morning… and what Jesus says about…
‘Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage’
I want to remind you of a few of the things that we need to keep in mind as we strive to understand what Jesus is actually saying in His Kingdom Manifesto.
• Let’s not be those who ‘loosen’ or ‘relaxes’ what God has already said and bound.
“Anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven…” (Matthew 5:19)
• Let’s not be of those who base their attitude and their beliefs more on what we have heard from others “You have heard it said…” than what Jesus and Scripture have already said.
AND – as I said last week… one of my great concerns for the church today is that far too many Jesus-followers know more about what other people say than what Jesus says about certain issues. UNDERSTAND – it dangerous to bank your life on what: I say, other pastors say, your friends say, your parents say…
• What God has always wanted from His people from the beginning is for them to surrender and commit to Him fully: their heads, hearts and hands.
For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. – Matthew 5:20
UNDERSTAND – the natural overflow of a head and heart that are knowing and feeling and responding to what God has said, … AND - to what God is doing…
ARE - hands and feet that are loving and moving.
Calling out, and providing for: justice and compassion and relief and goodness and grace and love and mercy and faithfulness everywhere we go.
• AND – also keep in mind… the Sermon on the Mount is kind of like, ‘The Second Sinai’…
When Matthew writes about Jesus’s interpretation and teaching of the law, he continues to portray Jesus as a new Moses and the fulfillment of the Exodus:
- he is the Son God has called out of Egypt (Matt 2:15);
- he passes through the water in his baptism (3:13-17);
- he is tested in the wilderness (Matt. 4:1-11); and
- he expounds the law of God in the mountainous region
God’s plan has always been about… delivering, rescuing, and redeeming a people from bondage… making them His own, and then setting them apart as a people, distinct from those in the world… for His glory and the world’s good.
Telling them that as my people this is how you are to behave.
AND B/S – in this second Sinai (if you will), God’s people…
• have a new power (the Holy Spirit), and
• a new focus… living from their salvation, not for it
BOTH OF WHICH – makes living this life (that exceeds the righteousness of the (Scribes and Pharisees) in regard to areas like and ‘anger and lust’ possible.
GET IT?
OKAY – let’s do this… AND – take a deep breath.
Matthew 5:31,32
It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. – Matthew 5:31,32
YES B/S – this morning we are going to strive to understand what Jesus and Scripture actually teach about:
Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage.
OKAY – I want you to raise your hand (not yet)…
BUT – raise your hand if (you or one of your family members or friends) lives have been touched and effected by Divorce.
YEAH – I think that is pretty much every one of us.
AND B/S – I know that this is a very painful topic for so many.
Divorce causes emotional pain, confusion, hurt and heartache. It is difficult to deal with the loss of a spouse.
Children are impacted by growing up in a divided home.
AND LISTEN – I am confident, that unless you have lived through a divorce, that it’s really hard to fully understand the depth of the pain and those losses.
NOW – unfortunately when it comes Divorce the church and pastors have for the most part taken (at least from my point of view) 3 ‘wrong’ approaches to Divorce.
1. Divorce is pretty much an unforgivable sin that marks forever those who have experienced it, as second-class Christians, at best. (Now, I have talk to many people over the years who have experienced that very thing. And to say that this approach was hurtful and devastating to them is a massive understatement)
2. Divorce is just part of life. I mean, some marriages just do not work out… and God’s primary desire for His people to be happy. And sometimes divorce is the only way to experience that happiness.
3. Divorce is so painful for people, and the Scriptures that speak to it are really difficult to understand, so let’s just
avoid talking about it all together. If they do talk about Divorce, they only mention it in passing.
NOW TODAY – I must confess that I for the most part have taken approach #3, because…
• Divorce is… such a painful topic for people, and because
• What the passages that I saw in Scripture about Divorce are difficult to understand.
LIKE - a first look at Matthew 5… ‘seems’ to be saying that if someone cheats on you one time, that you are then free to divorce and remarry,
HOWEVER – if they constantly beat you physically and abuse you emotionally… sorry you are just bound, stuck with that person forever.
• I MEAN – that does not even sound right, does it?
YEAH – so I have taken the ‘avoidance’ or ‘cowards ’ approach.
LIKE – I knew what made sense regarding Divorce in light of the character of God… but at the time, I did not see any Scripture to support it.
AND – in the meantime the families that are suffering the pains of divorce or extreme marital hardships…
ARE - left on their own to struggle with what Jesus says about divorce or to fall victim to either wrong approach number one or number two.
AGAIN – today I both confess and repent of this avoidance.
NOW – I’ve spent (I am not sure… how hours) diving headfirst into this topic.
Reading Scripture, studying commentaries, listening to teaching. On Thursday I read an entire book written by a guy,
(Dr. David Instone-Brewer) I had never heard of before…
Until I heard one of my friends, Jim Johnson, who is pastor in Oklahoma, and was a professor at Ozark Christian College for years.
I put this info for this book in your notes…
If you do not have the notes… take a picture
You may want to grab a copy.
NOW - Dr. Instone-Brewer’s PHD (and expertise) is in the area of Jewish Culture and Rabbinical Teachings during the time of Christ.
Which helps us understand what the ‘historical context’ is for Jesus teaching about Divorce and what those who first heard Him understood Him to say.
UNDERSTAND – historical context can be very important in understanding what the bible is ‘actually’ saying.
• 1 Corinthians 11 (women having to cover their head) – why because in Corinth to dress that way would make people think you were a prostitute.
• 1 Timothy 3:2 (husband of one wife) ‘one women man.
AGAIN – I have studied a lot this week.
AND LISTEN – much of what I will be sharing with you, is pretty much new to me…
THOUGH - this understanding was their all along the Scriptures.
WHEN – apply solid biblical interpretation principles like ‘context’ both biblical and historical.
NOW MGCC – I know with a topic as deep as this one, and that has so many different understandings, that it is impossible resolve everything in one message.
NEVERTHELESS – I still feel that we can accomplish much good in our time remaining.
OKAY – let’s do this… ‘The King and His Kingdom’ week 20…
our conversation… ‘Marriage and Divorce.’
NOW – I want us to use Jesus discussion of Marriage and Divorce that we find in Matthew 19:1-12 for our text this morning… It has everything that we find in Matthew 5, but in Matthew 19, Jesus expands on this discussion.
SO – go ahead and turn in your Bibles to Matthew 19...
HOWEVER – before we go there I just wanted to let you know, that not only does God understand what it means to go through a divorce, but He has actually been through a divorce.
YES – God is a divorcee. The prophet Jeremiah talked about this very thing.
I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery. – Jermiah 3:8
NOW – the prophet Ezekiel was particularly interested in spelling out God had kept all four of his marriage vows (Ezekiel 18:8-13)…
• He loved Judah, and
• gave her food, and
• clothing fit for a queen, and of course
• He was faithful to her.
NOW – keep these marriage vows in line because they will come up later.
BUT IN CONTRAST…
Judah broke all four marriage vows: she did not return God’s love; she committed adultery with idols (Ezekiel 16:15); she presented idols with the food that God had given her (Ezekiel 16:19); and she decorated idols with the clothing and jewels with which God had honored her (Ezekiel 16:16-18).
OKAY – on to Matthew 19.
NOW – as this chapter opens up its about 6 months before the cross.
When Jesus had finished saying these things,
What things?
WELL – the things that He was talking about in Matthew 18.
Anybody remember what those things were?
Teaching about what we are commanded to do when someone sins against us… which is something we need to figure out because sin happens in relationships. Like if we want our marriage to survive we need to figure how to go through life.. ‘sinning, confronting, rinse and repeat.’ (confront and pray and hope for repentance, if so great, if not bring a few people with you, if so great… if not bring the church/fellowship/community with you)
He left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
• NOW – when you hear Judea… think of the place that is the hotbed of the religious elite, where the Scribes and the Pharisees rule the roost, where they control the conversation, and
• When you hear, ‘the other side of the Jordan,’ think about the place were John the Baptist had his ministry, where Jesus was Baptized and where Herod was still in power…
You know the guy who had John TB beheaded for calling him out for his sin of adultery.
Some Pharisees came to him to test him.
They are trying to trip Jesus up. Get Him to say something wrong that they can use against Him… Or maybe get Him to say something about marriage and divorce that will move Herod to do to Jesus what he had done to John TB
They asked, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?”
NOW – we can ready that and think that they are simply saying asking Jesus, “is to lawful to divorce one’s wife for any reason at all.” I MEAN – isn’t that how you read it?
Actually it doesn’t say that it says for ‘any cause.’
AND LISTEN – the more I studied this week about Pharisees and what was the common understanding and debates about marriage and divorce in Jesus day.
I came to find that by the time of Jesus there have been more debate for years about what Deuteronomy 24 says about Marriage and Divorce.
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, - Deuteronomy 24:1
AND – by the time of Jesus there were 2 schools of thought about what is meant by ‘something indecent in her’
One School (Rabbi Hillel) taught that a man could divorce his wife for ‘any cause.’
• If she put too much salt in His food
• If she burns his meal
• If she was a quarrelsome wife
• If she talked to men in the streets
• If she cut her hair the wrong way
• If she speaks disrespectfully to his parents
• If he finds someone more attractive
The Jewish Historian Josephus indicated that a divorce could be granted for ‘any cause.’
In fact, he divorced his wife for ‘any cause.’
AND SO – this rabbinical teaching (which had become widely accepted in Jesus’ day) was known as ‘The Any Cause Divorce.’
The other rabbinical school (Rabbi Shammai) said that you cannot just divorce your wife for any reason whatsoever.
And leave her alone with no one to care for her.
LIKE – that goes against the very heart of God.
Who is the father to fatherless and the provider and defender of those who cannot care for themselves.
UNDERSTAND – what the Pharisees are wanting to know is
“Hey Jesus, are you an ‘any cause’ guy?
LIKE – do you agree with our understanding of Dt 24:1
NOW – Jesus will answer them, but first He wants to make it clear to them what God’s intent was for marriage from the very beginning.
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
If we want to know what God intends we need to go back to the very beginning. This is the way God intended it, this is the way God wanted it.
God didn’t want: this sin, this brokenness, this disease, this divorce…. God did not want this, this wasn’t they way He intended it.
at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
It’s pretty clear. What is He saying?
Don’t get divorced.
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
LIKE – if God always intended it this then why did God say give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?
AND THEN…
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted (he did never commanded it) you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
QUESTION – why did God permit a man to divorce his wife?
Because their hearts were hard.
Man, that’s just sobering right there.
I don’t know of a case, now maybe there may be an exception,
I don’t know of case where there was a divorce where someone did not have a hardness of heart.
• Someone decided they were done.
• Someone didn’t want to repent and change.
YEAH – it happened in Jesus day and all the back to Moses day.
SO – why did God allow this?
LIKE – if God is the one who created this idea of marriage, and He is… then who came up with divorce?
Is that the devil? Is the one who did this?
Yeah, it’s complicated.
But in some way it’s like divorce is… a plan of God???
Does that make sense?
But why would God plan divorce?
Well actually it’s a way to protect people.
Do you know that, in the Bible?
Now, God didn’t plan Divorce just so that people could get out of an unhappy situation… Instead He did it to protect someone.
If not… they are just forever stuck.
There’s this woman whose husband doesn’t want her anymore.
And so now she’s just left to fend for herself in a culture where that would be nearly impossible to do.
AND – God goes…
• “we are not going to let that happen.”
• “We’re going to free her.”
• “We’re going to give her another chance.”
• “You can’t treat people like that.”
I MEAN – it’s whole different way of looking at divorce, isn’t it?
AND GOD – comes in and allows this… because of the hardness of heart. And in that culture it was mostly mean divorcing women. And God allows it so that someone can come in and take care of her. Do you see the ‘heart of God’ in this?
AND LISTEN – we see this idea of divorce being about protecting in Exodus chapter 21…
Are you with me? Good.
This text is actually a law about a slave who has married her master; it states the rights that she has if he decides to marry a second wife. This law tells him to make sure that he doesn’t neglect his first wife when he marries a second:
If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money. – Exodus 21:10,11
Instone-Brewer writes…
At first glance this text doesn’t seem to apply to us at all, since we don’t have polygamy and we don’t marry slaves (though in some marriages it may seem like it!). But we will see that it actually applies to all marriages.
Polygamy was allowed in the Old Testament, and human nature being what it is, when a man took a second wife he often neglected his first wife and favored the new one.
This was especially likely if his first wife had been a slave before he married her. So the point of this law was to ensure that the first wife was treated fairly. It says that the husband would not be permitted to withhold food, clothing or marital from her.
If he did neglect any of these, she would be able to go free—that is, she could get divorced.
And the Rabbi’s reasoned that if a ‘slave wife’ had the right to divorce a husband if he did not provide for food, clothing and marital rights… then a ‘free wife’ did… and if a free wife did then certainly a man did.
UNDERSTAND - the Old Testament provided very sensible laws about divorce. Each partner had to keep his or her four marriage vows to feed, clothe, share marital rights and be faithful.
NOW - the principles behind these vows were that they had to supply material support (food and clothing) and physical affection (marital rights).
Instone-Brewer writes.
Abusive situations were covered by these laws, because physical abuse and emotional abuse are extreme forms of neglecting material support and physical affection.
The only person who could choose to enact a divorce was the victim. If your partner broke his or her marriage vows, you could choose to divorce them, or you could choose to forgive them and try to salvage the marriage. You could not divorce a partner simply because you wanted to.
HEY – do you remember that passage in Ezekiel 16, about the marriage vows that God had fulfilled with Judah.
Feeding her; Clothing her; loving her, being faithful to her.
AGAIN – Jesus says to the Pharisees question
Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
I love this. Marriage was intended and designed by God from creation. Divorce was at some level… ‘intended’ to stop the pain, of stopping the break after the fall. That God is still redemptive in the midst of our hardhearted brokenness.
In the beginning it wasn’t so.. but because you have this tendency to abandon and abuse and neglect people, I’m going to step in and care for them. And I’m going to allow them to get a new start away from you.
AND – then Jesus says in verse 9…
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.
AND – this is where we need to do a little ‘context’ work.
The question that the Pharisees ask Jesus has to with Jesus’ take on Deuteronomy 24:1. “Is it lawful to divorce ones wife for any cause?”
‘Any Cause’ – is a technical term used by the followers of Rabbi Hillel, in their understanding of what the ‘something indecent in her’ means in Dt 24:1
And ‘Except for sexual immorality’ was also a technical term used by the followers of Shammai, in their understanding of what the ‘something indecent in her’ means in Dt 24:1
AGAIN – Jesus in Matthew 19:9 is answering a specific question that the Pharisees were asking Him regarding Dt 24:1…
Jesus used exactly the same words as the Shammaites in exactly the same context (a debate about Deut 24:1)
with exactly the same people (the Pharisees)
in the same time and place (first-century Palestine),
so we have to conclude that Jesus and the Shammaites meant the same thing—there is only one valid type of divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1.
Neither he nor the Shammaites implied by this that there is only one valid type of divorce in the whole of Scripture.
IN FACT – Paul has some things to say about marriage in 1 Corinthians 7…
But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. – 1 Corinthians 7:15
NOW – in this chapter also talks about how when we are married that there is a responsibility that we have to take care of the needs of our spouse (much like in Exodus 21).
The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
LIKE – I have to stay married even if…
• I’ve grown out of love with them
• I am no longer happy
• They are not the same person I married
Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.
A Few Summary Statements
• God wants and designed marriage to permanent
• Marriage is the most powerful crucible for discipleship (God is more concerned with our holiness than our happiness)
• God has allowed (He never mandated it) divorce (for 4 specific reasons) because people’s hearts were and still can become hardened.
• God does hate divorce (Malachi 2:14) because of the hurt, pain and damage it causes, but He never hates divorce people
• Divorce was actually designed to protect people (especially woman in the time of Christ)
• Divorce even for non-biblical reasons is not the unforgivable sin
• God is not pleased with an attitude of, ‘I know that my divorce is not biblical, but I know that God can redeem it later.’
• The healthiest second marriages are those who are really saddened and repentant over their divorce.
• The restoration of our marriage should always the first goal, and when that happens it is a beautiful thing and a powerful testimony.
• God intends for our marriages to be lived out in Authentic Christian Community. So that…
