Hohum:
A relative asked me why I liked ministering to hospice patients (those with 6 months or less to live according to the medical profession), and I said that I liked ministering to hospice patients because they are real people, more real than other people.
WBTU:
Chaplain Percy McCray ministers to cancer patients and he has found much the same to be true in his ministry. Cancer patients are more real than other people. We can learn a lot from them.
What is the one thing that people in this condition need? People need to be connected to and supported in their humanity. ““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”” John 13:34, 35, NIV.
What would drive one to minister to those in dire straights? Percy McCray says that after 26 years of ministering to cancer patients, what motivates him is to love people on a level that is so open and so real. Why would someone want to do this for a living, supporting these people? Doesn’t this depress you or drive you to burn out? Sum this up in one word and that is authenticity. A terminal diagnosis reveals who a person really is, get to see a person’s authentic self. There is no facade, there is no pretense, no one is trying to impress others. People are brought to the bedrock of who they are. Everything is taken away, the money, the position, the prestige, people are reduced to who they really are. These are real people who need real love that is not transactional. Think about how many relationships we have that are transactional. We love others because of what they can give to us, what they can do for us. Jesus would go to people who could give so little back. Jesus would heal them or meet their needs in some way and they were unable to do anything for Jesus. So many times our relationships are about, “what is in this for me?” If a person can do little for me, I pass them by. People are not real until they come to a place where the things of this world are unimportant and they just need love and support. This is why I love supporting hospice patients
Thesis: Identify 5 authenticities- things forced on hospice pts
For instances:
1. Being vulnerable
I’ve had opportunities to minister to people in high positions and of low positions of this world. Many of these people came to the place of vulnverability- they have come to realize their mental, physical and emotional limitations. These people have come to the place that they have to find help outside of their wealth, outside of their fame, outside of their position. They can no longer do it on their own. Percy McCray- Sat with Walter Payton- one thing I cannot get over as a world class athlete, I cannot will my body to do what it once did on a football field and that is depressing me. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV. When I am weak then I am strong. These patients get to exchange what they do not have for what God does have. God is able to give us something that we need, but we have to come to a place where we are vulnerable to receive it. God I need you, oh, I need you, every hour I need you, your my one defence, my righteousness, O God how I need you.
2. Being reflective
When one is told they have 6 months or less, they automatically begin to start reviewing, reflecting, considering, start to engage in life review. A person will also think about how they need to fix unresolved issues. Percy McCray- Had opportuntiy to minister to a white lady from a southern city. Had a great relationship with her and was able to talk about many things on her heart. She endured about 45 days of dificult treatments for cancer. Her husband was always there during the visits but he never said anything. After 45 days she was going home and the husband asked for a one on one time with chaplain McCray. The husband said that he was jealous of the relationship the chaplain had with his wife and how he viewed the chaplain with suspicion. Over time he realized if someone from the African American (black) race could come and help his wife so much, he need to reevaluate his prejudicies. This shook Mr. McCray but the husband hugged the chaplain and asked that he be forgiven for the racist views that he had toward Mr. McCray. The husband expressed appreciation for the love shown to his wife and how that made such a difference to them. The husband said that this really made him reflective on his views of other people. Had opportunties to share with those in the African American community and even did funerals for them (only white person there). “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.” Ephesians 4:25-28, NIV. Share with those in need regardless of who or what they are because they are more open at this time than any other- reflective.
3. Being transparent
Much transparency to be put on hospice but still might be some denial. Need to be transparent to get the core or essence of one’s being. When we become reflective, we become more open to share about our failings, shortcomings, and sins. Often I became the one to whom they confessed. Hold their hand and take their confession. Need to find an environement where we feel safe and may Christians be that support system where people feel free to confess, to be transparent. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16, NIV. Yes, the tradition is that sins are confessed before taking the last breath. Prayers are given and sins are absolved. I am not talking about it that way. I’m saying that it is helpful for people to get things off of their chest and to have someone they trust to accept their confession. “When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins,” Colossians 2:13, NIV. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalms 139:23, 24. More prevelant in one’s last days. Real
4. Love differently
Lots of different ways that people love each other. In Greek, there are 4 different loves in the Bible. There is eros love- this is romantic, sensual or sexual love. There is storge love- this is family love. There is philia- this is friendship love. Lastly and most importantly there is agape love- this is God’s divine love. Superficial love for and from others cannot bear up under the weight and stress of a terminal diagnosis. Give me a higher love. Percy McCray- Knew a 35 year old man who had prostate cancer and was no longer able to perform sexually. His young wife left him and said that she did not sign up for this. When there is a terminal diagnosis we still love but we have to love differently. A terminal diagnosis takes us back to our core being and so it can no longer be a transactional kind of love. Needs to transform into an agape kind of love, a giving kind of love without any thought of how a person can repay. Needs to go beyond, “what is in this for me?” I knew of a man who came to a worshop I was presenting on grief. Came and talked to me after workshop and shared that he just came here to find a date. His wife had alzeheimers and she could no longer give the kind of love he needed so he was out searching for another woman. He said that his wfie was dead to him. Oh, how sad. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV. This is the agape kind of love. Go through and say that God is patient, God is kind. Then go through and say that Davon is patient, Davon is kind
5. Consider mortality
At the end of this life, we win as Christians. If today we were to take our last breath, we are going to a much better place. When we are healthy and well, we think that we are going to live forever. We avoid at all costs thinking about our mortality. Even so, it is wise for us to think about this. In the movie, What About Bob?, the therapists son keeps saying, “I’m going to die.” Bob does not discuss this with Ziggy but just distracts him from thinking about mortality with jokes and having fun. This is the way the world opperates most of the time, will not consider their mortality. The movie the Bucket List shows us 2 people who, because of their limited time, do things differently. They go about doing things they had always wanted to do. With limited time we do not want to leave anything undone, we want to do the hard things. We want to find meaning and purpose in the days we have remaining. “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” James 4:13, 14, NIV. “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalms 90:12, NIV. Anything undone or unsaid, need to redirect our energies on what is really important. Act differently and speak differently. People forced to be authentic. Question is who is going to be there and be authentic with them? Consider what the world would be like if everyone had these things in increasing measure.
John 10:10 (Amplified)- I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance- to the full, till it overflows
