It was Junior High in the mid 1980’s when the Wilder family opened up Tokens Video Arcade in my home town of Lansing, IL. Today, you can go to Google Play or the Apple Store to download a pinball game, but it is nothing like the original. The pull of the spring tensioned launch button, the spectacular sounds and music, the lights, and the vibration of the triggering bumpers far exceeds any digital experience. Add to that one more feature pinball machines have their digital counterparts do not. – the Tilt mechanism – a tiny little pendulum on a wire sensing when the player is trying to physically tilt the machine to change the movement of the pinball. Once the full tilt alarm goes off, the machine locks up, the bumpers no longer work, the ball drops, and you are done.
I use that example because many of us also have these hidden inner tilt alarms inside of us. Already overwhelmed with how thinly we are stretched, the pendulum is already in movement. Then add to that the holidays and other events - many of which we have admittedly taken upon ourselves – and now the pendulum is swinging back and forth towards a full tilt. These full tilt triggers come when we least expect it. Let me walk you through my experience Wednesday night.
• It’s about 4:30 - I’m all geared up and eagle eyed focused on the Cadet/GEMS Thanksgiving service and some last minute details. The service was finished, Adrielle had her music, the bulletins were finished. It’s two hours until start time with only a couple participant parts to nail down.
• But then at 4:40, the phone rings – The caller is a repetitive story we get far too often and the potential for fraud - a victim of a purse snatching needing money and gas cards to get home to Tennessee. It’s one of those you are left second guessing yourself even if they declined the food and meal we offered.
• It’s 4:50 a neighbor in need for the pantry arrives – but the needs are greater than food with a loss from years ago still raw.
• Then a neighbor in need here for food just learned his spouse has just weeks or months to live.
• Then as we head into the service – a neighbor in need shedding tears scheduled earlier shows up – We do some quick shoulder tapping to have her supplied with food.
• Then it’s 6:35 - the service begins – Thanksgiving Service focus right?– gratitude, thankfulness, matched with adrenalin to engage the kids
• And after the usual adrenalin drop by 9, at 2 am my body hit full tilt and I was wide awake. That tiny pendulum mechanism had gone full tilt. Spiritually, another word for it is compassion fatigue or as we’ll soon call it Martha fatigue.
Similarly, some of us enter the season of Advent with our inner pendulum already swinging. We leave November behind already under strain of increasing personal concerns to face dodging the bullet of family strain and the pressures to get everything right for Christmas. Bob Lepine writes ‘As children, we grow up believing that Christmas is a magical season filled with flying reindeer, talking snowmen, and elves who live at the North Pole.’ By adulthood we have a better sense of things, but nonetheless we still yearn for some of the hope and magic of the season to return where our emotions are as bright and sparkly as the lights and tinsel on the tree. There is a little inner panic going on as we realize we don’t feel up to it the way we should. Why is that?
The answer is found in checking the gauge on our caring and compassion reserves. The closer those thanks are drained toward empty, the harder it is. Those who pour out energies to care for a relative for months or sometimes years at a time know this first-hand. Parents worried for their children’s fracturing marriages. Grandparents with a helpless feeling there is little they can do when their grandchild seems to be distant from God. But so have teachers who are anxious for their students to thrive whose home lives are such a mess. Just simply watching the news night after night can drain us.
Our high expectations make things worse. Bob Lepine highlights three -
#1- the expectation of happiness - We head into the Christmas period expecting that parties and carols, presents and food will lift our mood. But we feel no happier and perhaps even guilty it’s not working on us this year.
#2 - expecting relational harmony – like the military truces or cease fires in wartime on Christmas – With a wing and a prayer we hope everyone will get along - but renewed contact with unhealed conflicts or bitterness are a catalyst for conflict.
#3 – some people are simply hardwired with expectation that everything must go perfectly – The food must look good and taste great. Every strand of lights must glow and sparkle. This takes immense energy out of a person. Rather than laugh it off they equate the foible others are laughing about as personal failure.
The pendulum swinging with all it’s might – we hit full tilt. We have compassion fatigue – also known as Martha Syndrome.
There Martha is hosting a special dinner party for very special guests – Jesus and the disciples. Now cooking for 13 hungry guests + her own family is no easy feat. And talk about expectations – This is the Lord Jesus in her home– everything has to be perfect – the furniture wiped off – the dirt floor swept clean and the food prep just right. It seems her motives are in fact pure but her care and compassion tanks are beginning to drain. The pendulum is on the move.
She begins to resent that she alone seems to be pulling all the weight and responsibility. It’s made all the worse when she spots her sister Mary on the floor at Jesus’ feet. She rattles a few extra dishes and sighs a bit to get Mary’s attention without success. She bites her tongue so as not to call Mary out – Now the pendulum is swinging wildly back and forth – until full tilt is reached.
She loses it. Jesus, I’m doing all this work – I cleaned the house before your arrival. Now I am readying a fabulous meal, but my own sister is doing nothing to help. Tell her to help me. It’s simply too much. I’m at full tilt – I’m done Jesus. Fix this. What does Jesus do? Let’s begin with what Jesus doesn’t do.
Jesus doesn’t stop the movement of the sun to add minutes to her hours. Jesus doesn’t call out Food, be done, or Dishes be cleaned and its so. Nor does Jesus even call upon Mary to step in and help. Instead, Jesus responds with two answers. The first– Mary who you complained about has chosen better. Wow. How sobering is that? A New Testament – Cain and Abel moment but this time sisters instead of brothers. How is it Mary chose better when Martha was prepping food and Mary seemed to be doing nothing? Jesus doesn’t clarify
But the most interesting part of the story to me is not just Jesus’ words, but the lack of a conclusion. What happened next? Did the sisters break out in a fight as we have seen sisters do? Then soon everyone takes sides and so much for family unity. Did Martha run away in tears ashamed? Did Martha release her high expectations and join Mary on the ground at Jesus feet?
But then we have Jesus’ second statement – Mary has chosen what is better – and it will not be taken away from her. What is the it in IT will not be taken away from her. Why such a vague answer? Few commentators agree.
Joel Green’s conclusion - Mary is fixated on the guest Jesus and his word. That’s why hers is the better choice.
John Martin’s conclusion addresses their hearts - Mary’s priorities are on what is of heaven. Martha’s focus is on earthly things
Howard Marshall’s conclusion - Kingdom Service is a great thing but must not fill people’s lives to the extent they have no time to learn from Jesus.
That’s a pretty wide range of interpretations – There are more we could cover but you get the idea.
Perhaps Jesus kept his answer somewhat vague for this reason – When our internal pendulums are swinging, When our overly high expectations or the pressure we put on ourselves leads to disappointment – the answer is not at all as complicated as we think.
The real solution to stop the pendulum from hitting full tilt is a true hope outside of ourselves. That word hope is overly used today and the definition has expanded broadly. If we look to the Old Testament, hope was not a feeling – hope was equated to trust. One you hoped in – someone greater than yourself. In the New Testament, it includes a time aspect of the future with future implications and benefits right now.
True Advent Hope can never ultimately be found in ourselves. We ourselves are not the cure for our disappointments. Nor could we ever be. Otherwise, when God confronted Adam and Eve in the garden, he would have said – hey you made a bad choice now fix this yourselves. Nor would God’s prophets than have any need to indicate their anticipation for the arrival of the Messiah Jesus Christ. But it is essential that Jesus did come to restore what was lost.
Quoting from the earlier video – The answer begins with a timeless story that happened in real time. It begins with a long awaited promise given to Adam and Eve. It begins with a baby boy born to a humble couple, announced by a proclamation from heavenly angels to lowly shepherds, it begins with the word that dwells among us, and becomes the lamb that dies for us,
God with us
God for us
Refusing to Ever Abandon Us
It’s not that Martha wasn’t doing good things – But it was Mary who had made the better choice.
