“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” [1]
Preachers often deliver sermons about marriage. When speaking of marriage, we preachers usually focus on speaking about what makes for a “happy” marriage. This is to be expected since the Bible speaks frequently of fulfilment in marriage. Elements ensuring fulfilment and contentment in marriage are emphasised repeatedly in the Word. That this is the case emphasises in a dramatic fashion how important marriage is in the eyes of the Lord God. As an aside of great significance, God instituted marriage between the man and the woman He created and placed in the Garden of Eden. God brought the woman to the man, and Adam was united to his wife. Marriage was designed to be between one man and one woman, united as one in service before the Living God.
Though many texts in the Word speak of a fulfilling marriage, the text before us this day speaks of a miserable marriage. In fact, this one brief verse may describe the most miserable marriage anyone could imagine. The text describes a marriage so miserable that it would be better for the man to live in a cramped corner that can be reached only with great difficulty than to share his house with a quarrelsome wife.
Often, the messages delivered from Christian pulpits address the responsibilities imposed on men by their relationship to the Lord Christ. That is not to imply that the Bible is silent concerning the responsibility women bear for making a happy marriage, but it is a frequent emphasis, especially in our modern world, to instruct men in how to be good husbands. The message before us this day steps aside from what is the more usual approach to speak of what a woman can do to make her husband miserable.
If I take my cue from commonly seen advertising, husbands are dolts and women are always wise. Candidly, any woman who marries a dolt who is incapable of thinking for himself reveals that she is not much of a judge of character. Appealing to the Word of God, we know that men are to be responsible to assume the burden of protecting their wives and their family. Men are responsible to provide for the necessities of their wives and the children whom God may send into the home. And sociological studies of this day reveal that women want to marry a man who is manly, accepting his responsibilities.
At the outset, it is appropriate that I make the rational observation that men are not women, and women are not men. We need one another in order to be complete. It is helpful to observe God’s statement when He created the woman, bringing her to the man whom He had created. Early in the first book of the Bible, we read, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper corresponding to him” [GENESIS 2:18 CSB]. The idea conveyed in the original text is that the woman whom the LORD made was not precisely like the man. She was his counterpart—strong where he was weaker and weak where he was stronger. Together, the man and the woman would constitute a strong whole, whereas neither would be as strong as possible when they were alone. I say, not to get a laugh, but to make a point, that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
That man and woman ideally correspond to one another in marriage, thus creating a new and stronger entity, becomes obvious when we witness the Preacher as he writes, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken” [ECCLESIASTES 4:9-12].
God’s ideal of the union of a man and a woman united in marriage presents the divine conditions allowing for the strongest possible union. The union of the two is stronger than the component members can be alone. Marriage requires that a couple enters into the union of husband and wife with a biblical understanding if they ever hope to find the fulness God intended His people to have. I am not saying that singles can never have a full and satisfying life, but I am saying that the ideal presented in the Word of God is a man and a woman committed to one another in a union that excludes all other people. If that union is built on the foundation of Christ the Lord it will honour God and it will be sufficiently strong to weather the storms of life. And you may be assured that storms will come into every marriage! The two together will be stronger than either standing alone. To attempt to create something other than what God intended is to ensure sorrow and grief.
CONTEMPORARY CONCEPTS OF HAPPINESS ARE DOOMED — People throughout the world know that the United States Declaration of Independence asserts that among the unalienable rights of all people are “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” In this day, it is regrettable that few individuals graduating from secondary schools in the United States, or in Canada for that matter, are even aware of the source of this citation, even if they have heard the quote at one time or another. In reality, most of our contemporaries appear to think that they are entitled to “life, liberty, and happiness.” While those graduating from modern educational institutions are likely aware of their pronouns and though they will probably hold an exalted view of their own importance, they have distorted what Jefferson and the Committee of the Whole of the Second Continental Congress produced as a final draft on July 4, 1776. The ignorance of those exiting the modern educational system have too often proven to be a blight on contemporary society.
In modern Canadian society, few pause to think that while all people have the unalienable right to pursue happiness, no one has a right to happiness. More than a few young women have sat in my office, crying and arguing that they had the right to be happy. I recall one young woman in particular who was adamant that she should be free to divorce her husband so she could marry a man whom she insisted was the love of her life. She said she knew that her actions were offensive to Christ the Lord, but she nevertheless insisted, “I have a right to be happy.” She was shocked, though she should not have been, when I pointed out that no such right could be found in all of Scripture. No one has a guarantee of happiness, either in Scripture or in life itself. Moreover, despite the common perception many hold, you don’t have a right to be happy.
It is a common refrain that people will say of one who has suffered a tragedy, “She didn’t deserve this!” I find myself musing whenever I hear anyone making such a statement, “Does anyone deserve trials?” We know that trials do come into every life. Especially do trials come into the life of one who is determined to follow the Saviour!
“Happy!” The word speaks of the hap, or the circumstance, in which one finds himself or herself. Our hap in life speaks of the situation in which we find ourself. Because our hap refers to the particular situation at a given moment, happiness must of necessity be ephemeral, transient, momentary. Therefore, the concept of happiness must always be thought of as a snapshot rather than a video of our situation. Our response will always be dictated to greater or lesser degree by what is going on around us. And we must never forget that God never promises His people happiness, choosing instead to speak of joy, because joy is independent of our situation at any given time. Joy speaks of a settled condition that is independent of circumstances, or “hap.”
We bring our expectation for happiness into marriage. However, when applied to the marriage relationship, the search for happiness is destined to lead to disappointment. I am telling no secrets when I caution that marriage is not a continual high. There will always be times of intense happiness and times of equally intense disappointment. If we place the burden on our spouse to make us feel happy, we will be deeply disappointed.
To expect that your spouse will make you happy is to attempt to use your spouse rather than loving your spouse. You must not place that burden on your spouse. We must set aside the thought that our spouse is responsible for our happiness and begin to seek out concepts that truly matter—joy, satisfaction, contentment. And the Bible has much to say about these qualities! If we imagine that our spouse is responsible to satisfy us in the marriage relationship, we will quickly discover to our chagrin that we have deceived ourself. Satisfaction is never a product of external conditions.
To be sure, my wife is responsible as a Christian woman to cultivate an attitude of submissiveness toward me as her husband. And she is responsible to respect me, according to what is written in the Word. But she is not responsible to satisfy me. Similarly, I am responsible before the Lord to love my wife, sacrificing myself for her. But I am not responsible to satisfy her. Our satisfaction is found in serving Christ.
Oh, don’t misunderstand! I want to satisfy my wife, but it is not my job to satisfy her. I want to make her life joyful, and not miserable. I want to honour my wife, to treat her with the dignity she deserves as one who makes my life complete and fulfilled. I am to sacrifice myself for her benefit, loving her always and surrendering my own desires so that she can be confident that I am devoted to her.
And though my wife is to hold an attitude of submission to me, this does not mean that she must surrender her intelligence or subsume her personality transforming herself into a mini-me. It does mean that she is responsible to encourage me to provide leadership in our home, especially in spiritual matters within the family. She bears responsibility to encourage me to bear the weight of responsibility for decisions in the home. Our relationship must never be allowed to become a competition in which one member is thought to be superior and the other considered to be inferior—we must recognise that we are a couple working together to strengthen one another.
While languishing in a Roman prison, Paul wrote, “I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” [PHILIPPIANS 4:10-13].
Paul found contentment, satisfaction, if you will, in himself. His contentment was not dependent upon others, even though he could rejoice in the love expressed toward him. Neither was the Apostle’s contentment dependent upon external circumstances. Contentment was a state that was cultivated through learning to rest in the God Who gave him his being and Who showered him with love. The same truth holds for us in the marriage relationship. My spouse is not responsible to make me happy.
Listen to the Apostle Paul on this matter. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body” [EPHESIANS 5:22-30].
Paul continues by noting that the relationship we hold in marriage is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church. The redeemed of God are referred to as “The Bride of Christ,” and Christ Jesus is the Bridegroom Who will return for His people. Having established this truth, Paul summarises what he has said by speaking once again to husbands and wives, noting, “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” [EPHESIANS 5:33].
Let me take a moment to ensure that we are all on the same page with this responsibility business. Bearing responsibility for decisions does not mean that I make every decision in isolation from my wife. I would be very foolish if I never considered my wife’s desires or took into consideration her insight on a given issue. This is especially true since she has superior strengths in some critical areas. What it does mean is that when a decision is made, we act as one and I am prepared to accept responsibility for that decision. It does mean that we communicate and seek unity in our life together.
I am generalising, of course. I have pastored long enough to understand that there is always some dear soul who is prepared to come up with a scenario that she or he imagines is an exception to the biblical standard. Is it actually necessary for me to remind you that the exception proves the rule? This admonition for assuming the appropriate roles within the marriage will not work smoothly, nor will it work for long, in the life of a couple that does not share the Faith of Christ the Lord. The principle God has provided is sound; but without Christ, the execution is flawed. Moreover, the guidance provided in the Word is not like a contract that must always be constantly renegotiated as though we were submitting to a judicial ruling.
This understanding should be evident when we witness the Apostle writing in that same Ephesian missive, “‘A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” [EPHESIANS 5:31-32]. The relationship of Christ and His church is the model for our marriage. Of course, I’m not speaking of the dysfunctional model witnessed so often when a congregation attempts to wrest control from Christ, inviting Him to function as a mere figurehead.
Christ is not a brute that resorts to browbeating His Bride or to berating her, and He certainly doesn’t physically assault her to smash her into compliance with His will. We hear the Lord GOD pleading with His people, “Come now, let us reason together” [ISAIAH 1:18a]. When His people turn from the love He offers, we witness the great heart of our God exhibited through Hosea’s pleas while pursuing his wandering wife.
“Behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.”
[HOSEA 2:14]
The Bride of Christ is now dressed with garments that are stained and tattered. Her dress is too often soiled and her spirit is crushed because she has succumbed to the allurement of this fallen world. Why else is it necessary for the Saviour to provide for her clean clothes and cleansing to prepare her for the wedding feast of the Lamb? There is coming a day then the people of God will hear a mighty sound that is described by the Revelator. John saw the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, and he testified concerning what he saw, writing, “I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
‘Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure.’”
[REVELATION 19:6-8a]
Is this not what we witnessed when we see Paul address husbands concerning the manner in which they are to treat their wives? Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” [EPHESIANS 5:25-27]. Certainly, we are to model our lives after Christ our Saviour; and He has cleansed His church, having given Himself for her so that she would be declared holy. Just so, we are to give ourselves for our wives, men.
Paul speaks in a similar manner as he writes to Titus, stating, “When the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life” [TITUS 3:4-7]. Happiness? Rather, we are witnessing reality in which we men are responsible to build our wives rather than using them.
GOD’S IDEAL FOR MAN AND WOMAN SHARING LIFE TOGETHER — I believe it will be helpful for us to refresh our memories of God’s ideal for marriage. Throughout Scripture are admonitions concerning marriage and statements of what makes marriage a source of joy. Beginning with the union of the first man and the woman whom God created as the one to make his life complete, until the fulfilment of the union of the Bride of Christ with her Husband, the Word of God is concerned with our approach to the marriage union.
If we want to understand God’s ideal of marriage, it is essential that we go back to the beginning. God created a world, and He made a man at the apex of His creation. Included in creation was the cosmos moving precisely through the heavens, the atmosphere and the seas separated from the land. All the fishes and the sea creatures were present, and the birds soared through the air. On the dry land were all the creatures that creep and crawl, and the beasts of the field. Then God created a man with an amazing capacity to think and to reason.
However, the man was alone, for there was not another who corresponded to him. Therefore, we read, “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.’ The LORD God formed out of the ground every wild animal and every bird of the sky, and brought each to the man to see what he would call it. And whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found corresponding to him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. Then the LORD God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said:
‘This one, at last, is bone of my bone
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called “woman,”
for she was taken from man.’
“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame” [GENESIS 2:18-25 CSB].
The rest of that story is that the woman, our first mother, was deceived by the serpent. Satan seduced her into believing that she would be like God if she but disobeyed His command. The satanic deception led her to discount the fact that she already bore a likeness to God. The woman was a living, breathing image of God moving about in the visible world. She questioned the goodness of God’s rich gift of creation, for in the first blush of creation, she and the man enjoyed the gift of grace that raises us out of the purely natural state and into the dynamic of communion with God.
This one act of succumbing to the serpent’s lie set the stage for the moment when “sin came into the world” [see ROMANS 5:12]. Her husband was right there with her, and though he was not deceived, Adam chose to rebel, plunging all creation into ruin. Our first parents precipitated what we speak of as “the Fall.” Because of their rebellion against God, they lost the intimacy with God they had previously known. They fell from their position of spiritual communion with God Who had given them life.
Long years past, the church father Athanasius, provided fascinating insight into what happened when our first parents rebelled against the command of their Creator. [2] Athanasius observed that the gift of creation gives us our bodies, and the gift of divine grace raises us out of a purely natural state and into a state of communion with God. God’s gift of grace is given in order to lift us out of the state in which we are unable to know Him or to commune with Him, and into the state our first parents enjoyed—the state of intimacy with the Living God, the state of full communion when we can call Him “Father,” knowing that we are accepted in His Son.
The original state of Adam and Eve was a supernatural one, though they were nevertheless physical beings. They were lifted out of their natural state by the gift of divine grace. When these two created beings broke faith with the God Who gave them their being, the grace that had lifted them to be able to commune with God was lost. Having lost the divine grace they had enjoyed, they fell into the natural state. Mankind did not fall into a state that is more corrupt, more debased, or unnatural; mankind fell into the natural state of creation without divine grace. The intimacy we once enjoyed is gone, and that affects every aspect of our being.
When they were created, our first parents “were both naked and were not ashamed” [GENESIS 2:25], revealing the purity of the gift of grace they enjoyed at the first. Having sinned against God, they were no longer immersed in the grace in which they had walked. Their naked bodies now elicited discomfort and shame. The man and the woman attempted to hide from their Creator, and they hid from one another by making coverings for their nakedness. The original harmony was shattered; shame had corrupted the original harmony. The fact that the man and the woman lost the sense of the image of God in themselves means that their serene community of love had forever ended. [3]
Life for all who follow the Christ is now a struggle as the old nature, the natural “us,” attempts to pull the twice-born child of God back from the spiritual state of communion with the Living God and with those who share in His grace. We can no longer see a person as the beautiful being she is in reality. Our bodies are a reflection of who we are, poor and marred though we may be.
Moreover, it is our brokenness that compels us to see one another as mere sexual beings rather than the divine creatures that God created us to be. The downward pull of our old nature drives us to attempt to make mask for ourselves, seeking to mask the reality of all that God has done. We use cosmetics in a vain attempt to mask the reality of our fallen state. We purchase dressings and creams in a fruitless effort to remove the wrinkles that accumulate with time, and meticulously comb and brush our hair in an effort to draw attention away from the reality of who we are. We dress carefully in a futile attempt to draw attention to our sexual nature rather than drawing attention to the fact that we are in communion with God. Then, when we do enter into the House of the Lord, we are often more concerned with how we look than with who we are or with our relationship to God or with our relationship with our fellow saints. Don’t we see this in the insecurity of young women who are more concerned with how they look than with who they are? And this misplaced concern carries over even into old age. Isn’t the vain efforts of young men to somehow hold onto their youth evidence of this truth?
Tragically, this brokenness carries over into our marriages. Why should husbands need to be reminded to treat their wives with understanding? You may recall how the Apostle Peter admonishes husbands to show understanding to their wives, writing, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” [1 PETER 3:7]. Doesn’t the need for this admonition arise precisely because we fail to honour our wives? We men have difficulty esteeming our wives with any degree of consistency. In fact, we can’t show honour without the grace of God controlling our lives.
Why should it be necessary for the Apostle Paul to urge husbands to love their wives as noted earlier in the Ephesian encyclical? Just as he has written in the Ephesian Letter, so Paul writes in the Letter to the Christians in Colossae. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” [COLOSSIANS 3:18-19]. Why should husbands need to be reminded to love their wives? Isn’t it because we love ourselves inordinately, forgetting that our wives are essential for us to know the full strength God intended we should enjoy?
Why is it necessary that wives need to be reminded to respect their husbands? Why should it be necessary to remind wives to cultivate an attitude of submission to their husbands? Or why do you suppose it is necessary for the Apostle Peter to urge women to reveal the inner beauty that is theirs when the Spirit of Christ lives within? Isn’t it because women struggle against the position to which God assigned them when He said to our first mother, “You will want to control your husband, but he will dominate you” [GENESIS 3:16b NET BIBLE].
The battle between the sexes suggests to me a picture of two porcupines attempting to huddle together in order to stay warm on a frigid night. Whenever they snuggle up with one another they always needle each other. They are cold, and they want to share their respective warmth, but whenever they get close, they drive one another away as they keep on jabbing one another. So they perform this strange dance, trying to cuddle with one another only to needle their partner forcing each to move away in order to find some comfort. What we witness is powerful evidence that we are fully aware that grace is required, though we resist accepting the grace God offers. The constant dance in our homes reveals the fallen nature that yet infects our lives as the grace of God shines through from time-to-time. And this is the situation for the Christian couple! There is scant hope for the non-Christian couple, or worse still, for the Christian that is unequally yoked to an unbeliever. There is little hope that in either of these situations we will ever witness the couple growing more gracious toward one another under Christ’s reign.
Rather than conceding to the reality of the struggle between the sexes, we hear Peter cautioning married women, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening” [1 PETER 3:1-6].
And, as we witnessed moments ago, the Apostle Peter admonishes husbands, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” [1 PETER 3:7].
Ladies, the battle is over when you put into practise conduct that is respectful and pure. Notice that nothing is said concerning whether your husband deserves respect; the responsibility is yours because you are a follower of Christ. Refusal to accept Peter’s instruction ensures that life will be a continual conflict between you and your husband. The great tragedy in that instance is that no one benefits and Christ is dishonoured.
Gentlemen, there will be no battle if you give your wife the honour she deserves as a co-heir of the life given by Christ. The honour you are to give her reveals your understanding that she is one who shares with you the grace of life just as our first parents shared the grace of life in the presence of the Creator. You married her, so I don’t want to hear any of this grumbling that she doesn’t deserve your best. You are to honour her because in so doing you honour the Lord! Men, failure to honour your wife ensures that your spiritual life will always be substandard, a source of disappointment if for no other reason than that you have no answered prayer!
A PLEA FOR JOYOUS MARRIAGE — The message that is delivered at this hour is intended to be a plea to the people of God to work to ensure that you work together to ensure that yours is a joyous marriage. While I could wish that the marriages of all Canadians would be filled with joy, I know that the possibility of a marriage filled with joy is impossible when Christ is not central to that union. I do not mean to imply that non-Christians can never have a satisfying marriage—I concede that they can be happily married and for a lifetime. I do not mean that those outside of Christ cannot find contentment in their marriage—it is possible to find contentment in marriage. However, it is still true that for those couples who do not have Christ in their home, the matrimonial relationship will never be complete and full as God intended it should be. God created us to grow together when we enter into the marriage relationship. We strengthen one another, ensuring that each partner in the marriage is better because of the shared investment of life.
Neither do I want to leave the impression that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition. It is more of an ninety- ninety proposition, or even a one hundred ten percent proposition. Marriage is never an equal proposition; it is more accurately an unequal proposition with you assuming the major portion of responsibility for ensuring that your marriage is fulfilling. You will benefit from your marriage exactly in proportion to what you put into the marriage. Don’t think that you can place responsibility for your happiness on your spouse—you are responsible for yourself!
I am reminded of a story I heard years ago concerning a beautiful woman in a South Asian village. Someone asked how that beautiful woman not only was married to a particular man, but why was she so devoted to him. The response was a lesson in how we should approach marriage.
In this particular culture, it was common that a man would pay a dowry for his wife. The woman chosen for him to marry was not a particularly attractive woman. In fact, she was homely. Everyone thought that he would be able to pay a dowry of only one cow, or perhaps two at the most.
Imagine the astonishment of other villagers when the man paid what was considered to be an extravagant dowry of eight cows, a small fortune in that culture and among the villagers. A friend asked the man to explain why he was willing to pay such a large, and seemingly unnecessary, dowry for such a homely woman. His response was instructive for all of us.
“If I pay a small dowry for an ugly woman, she will see herself as of little worth,” the man began. “I want a wife who values herself and sees herself as a woman of great worth. She must be of great value in my eyes if I wish her to think highly of herself. Therefore, I am responsible to pay a great dowry for her if she is to value herself and thus honour me in this marriage.”
The woman was indeed honoured because her husband valued her so highly. Consequently, she valued herself and grew to become the beautiful, gracious woman that all the villagers admired in the years that followed. Something like that occurs in our own marriage relationships. The wife that respects her husband, adopting an attitude that reveals her willingness to allow him to lead and her confidence in his leadership in the home, will witness her husband grow into the man that she wants as her husband. In a similar manner, the man that loves his wife more than he loves himself will watch her grow into a lovely, gracious woman who honours him through sharing life with him. So long as he esteems her, she will know that she is truly a woman of worth.
I understand that there can be exceptions. However, they are exceptions, and the exception always proves the rule. Yes, there are bad women who haven’t the capacity to encourage her husband to grow. But that is not the case for most women. Yes, there are bad men who are simply incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. However, that is not the case for most men. The Bible addresses the norm rather than trying to exaggerate the aberrant.
For the most part, I’m addressing men and women who have faith in the Risen Son of God. His transforming Spirit lives in you because you have been born from above through faith in Him. You who hear and who have never been born from above, may benefit from the instructions given, but you need to know that you haven’t the strength that is given by the indwelling Spirit of Christ. The Christian can testify, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” [PHILIPPIANS 4:13]. Because the Spirit of God cannot strengthen any who are outside of Christ, outsiders aren’t able to lay claim to this divine promise. We urge all who stand outside of God’s grace to look to Christ, the Risen Son of God Who loved you and gave Himself as a sacrifice for you.
God invites you, saying, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved” [ROMANS 10:9-10]. If somehow that invitation is too difficult to understand, the Word of God simplifies what is offered by citing the words of the Prophet Joel, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” [ROMANS 10:13]. This is our sincere invitation to each one who hears the message this day. We invite you to come to Christ, receiving Him as Master over your life, receiving the forgiveness of sin. Amen.
[1] Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2016. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
[2] See Athanasius of Alexandria, Athanasius: On the Incarnation of the Word of God, T. Herbert Bindley (trans.), Second Edition Revised (The Religious Tract Society, London 1903) 47-51
[3] See Abigail Favale, The Genesis of Gender: A Christian Theory (Ignatius Press, San Francisco 2022) 38-40
