Lately in the news there have been stories of an Angel in Rowlette TX. Several times over the last few weeks, a mystery guest has left $2000 tips for servers in restaurants. It’s been 3 times in the last 3 weeks.
When the pandemic first started, restaurants were ordered to be closed to dining. The wait staff had little to no income. With only carry out, there were a number of angels leaving large tips to the remaining staff that was scraping by.
Everyone called it “spreading the love.” It was trying to take care of our fellow man. I know the stories made a lot of news but isn’t that the kind of thing we are suppose to do? If we see someone in need we have to ability to do something about it aren’t we suppose to help?
1 Corinthians 16:14 says: Let all that you do be done in love.
We are commanded to love one another. But don’t we need to understand what love is? That question has been around for eons. It’s even immortalized in the songs of the 70’s by the likes of the band Foreigner and others. What is it. Is it only a stronger version of “like”? Is a physical or psychological need? Are there different kinds of love?
The first source I turned to was of course the dictionary. It says Love was the “an intense feeling of deep affection. It also means a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion. Love can also mean a stronger version of like.
Well, the dictionary answer two of my questions. Love can be a stronger version of like and it’s also hinted that there are many kinds of love,
Next, I researched psychology. If found there are criteria for the love between people. It said love was comprised of taking responsibility for one another it involved tenderness, self-disclosure, and opening.
The national library of medicine says:
"Love is deeply biological. It pervades every aspect of our lives and has inspired countless works of art. Love also has a profound effect on our mental and physical state. A ‘broken heart’ or a failed relationship can have disastrous effects; bereavement disrupts human physiology and might even precipitate death. Without loving relationships, humans fail to flourish, even if all their other basic needs are met.
As such, love is clearly not ‘just’ an emotion; it is a biological process that is both dynamic and bidirectional in several dimensions. … Similarly, the maintenance of loving relationships requires constant feedback through sensory and cognitive systems; the body seeks love and responds constantly to interaction with loved ones or to the absence of such interaction.1
That’s quite the article."
If you love someone, you want to spend time with them and you want to do things for one another. But love needs to be a two-way street. Anything else isn’t real love. Think back to when you were young. Ever had the person in high school you had the unreciprocated crush on? Pining never made you feel any better. Sometimes we have family members we chase for years seeking approval that never comes. When love is one sided, it leave us with feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and despair.
God tells us that he wants us to have loving two-way relationships.
In Proverbs 13:12 is says:
In Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
This human need to love and feel loved has been recognized in psychology. Dr. Maslow is often quoted we never reach full potential unless we have feelings of belonging.
We are hard wired for love. One psychologist, backing up what Dr. Maslow stated, said that love is not an emotion but a drive. A drive is different because a drive is something built into us. A drive is a need, where as an emotion is a desire. Emotions may accompany drives, but the drive is the fundamental part of us. It’s primal, like instincts built into animals. It’s what we must do.
To prove that love was a need, Psychologist Harry Harlow did his famous experiment in the 60s where he raised monkeys in what is now considered a rather cruel experiment.
Many of the existing theories of love up until Dr Harlow’s experiment centered on the idea that the earliest attachment between a mother and child was merely a means for the child to obtain food, relieve thirst, and avoid pain. Harlow, however, believed that this behavioral view of mother-child attachments was inadequate.
If you don’t remember the experiment, He made one “mother” just wires but it also gave nourishment, the other “mother” was soft but was not built with any feeding mechanism. The monkeys only went to the hard mother to feed and returned to snuggle with the soft terrycloth surrogate.2
When they were reintroduced into the group, they became violent and unable to socialize.
This created a whole new theory for child rearing. Psychologists realized that children raised without love and are neglected are shy, violent, or both. They are quick to star fights, don’t socialize, and distrust friendly acts. Not only are they neglected at home but because of their lack of social skills, they fail to create good friendships and relationships. Isn’t it sad that neglected children develop this way? Isn’t it sadder there are neglected children?
I like to switch to preventive medicine for this malady. We can spread the love. What’s step 1? Start with bringing people closer to the greatest love of all. God. Teaching others to love God and make a commitment to Christ. The love felt there eclipses anything we could ever give.
But we are commanded to spread also.
We have the 10 commandments but it is stated in Scripture that the greatest commandment of all is to Love God with all your might, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Well, we discussed the definitions of love. And now we know we need to spread it.
In 1st John it says
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
That scripture says everything. If we love God, then we have to love our fellow man. Loving our fellow man is loving God.
When you love your fellow man, you’ll get to see the results of God’s love first hand. Remember we just talked about the experiment with the monkeys and the ones without love were aggressive and didn’t fit in. The ones raised with tenderness had no problems socializing with the group.
Another interesting fact came to light when studying heart disease. In the mid 70’s Dr. Kelli Harding was studying unhealthy diets and heart disease. She was feeding her rabbits a very unhealthy diet, but they never got sick like they were supposed to. When researching the root cause of why the rabbits assigned to here were not getting sick, they found that the post-doctoral assistant responsible for feeding the unhealthy diet was petting and cuddling her rabbits. The find was the affection was healthy for the heart. Lack of affection was as detrimental as smoking a pack a day. 3
Both experiments, the monkeys, and the rabbits, shows how essential love. Can make the difference between life and death. But it also makes us much more able to serve God. We are heathier both mentally and physically.
Look at the changes in our society lately. Around half of all marriages end in divorce now. And to make matters worse, so many have replaced actual human contact with social media. It’s a pail comparison with actual human contact.
These experiments with rabbits and monkeys aren’t only demonstrating the effects of love on animals. In people it’s proven that children raised in loving homes are more social, well behaved and emotionally balanced that those raised without.
Other studies affirm the findings that love is beneficial to us.
In a study by the University of Utah, they listed 7 reasons love is good for our health. 4
1. We Live longer: Studies show that those engaged in positive relationships live longer.
2. We Heal Quicker: Generally, we see patients with strong social support having better recoveries,” says Benjamin A. Steinberg, MD
3. Lower Blood Pressure: The safe and secure feeling of a positive relationship calms anxiety and keeps your blood pressure in check.
4. Bolster Immune System: Studies show that people who engage in supportive, positive relationships produce more oxytocin and seem less likely to succumb to the negative effects of stress, anxiety, and depression.
5. Physical Fitness: Their study showed new romantic relationships are a boon to weight loss and good health since we want to look and act our very best for that special someone.
6. Good Heart Health: We pretty much just covered that with the experiment on the rabbits.
7. We Feel Less Pain: A behavioral study demonstrated that “the presentation of romantic partner pictures was sufficient to reduce experimentally induced pain.”
All that was a lot of talk that is only back-up for one great truth. The truth is God loves us and commands us to love each other. Following God’s laws of course makes our lives better. That’s the entire reason for God’s laws … to make us better.
What about those who don’t get love from their mother or father? What about those who are rejected at work or school? What is there to help them in their darkest moments?
For those who feel neglected, with lack of friends and family, there is love from God. He is always there giving that vital care and affection. He provides the affection to fulfill the need and then some.
God was the first love we ever knew. He knew us before we were born. Through him is all the other loves come as well.
This shows that love and being loved is truly Gods work and brings us closer to God. We are all creations of God. If you love God, you love his creations. To love his creations is to love God.
God is love.
He commands us to love as well. And through his love is how we become closer to him.
In John is says: John 15:12
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
Now we all need to go, follow his commandments, and spread the love.
1. https://www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation.aspx?paperid=72678 Psychology > Vol.7 No.14, December 2016 Love Is Not an Emotion Enrique Burunat*
2. Harry Harlow and the Nature of Affection, Kendra Cherry, MSEd, March 15, 2023
https://www.verywellmind.com/harry-harlow-and-the-nature-of-love-2795255
3. The Rabbit Affect. https://www.kellihardingmd.com/the-rabbit-effect#:~:text=In%201978%2C%20a%20seemingly%20straightforward,between%20a%20heart%20attack%20and
4. https://healthcare.utah.edu/healthfeed/2023/02/seven-reasons-why-loving-relationships-are-good-you
