Opening illustration: While waiting for an eye examination last year, I was struck by a statement I saw in the optometrist’s office: “Eighty percent of everything children learn in their first 12 years is through their eyes.” I began thinking of all that children visually process through reading, television, film, events, surroundings, and observing the behavior of others, especially their families. On this Father’s Day, we often think about the powerful influence of a dad.
Introduction: Paul urged fathers not to frustrate their children to the point of anger, but to “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Think of the powerful example of a dad whose behavior and consistency inspire admiration from his children. He’s not perfect, but he’s moving in the right direction. A great power for good is at work when our actions reflect the character of God, rather than distort it.
That’s challenging for any parent, so it’s no coincidence that Paul urges us to “be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might” (v.10). Only through His strength can we reflect the love and patience of our heavenly Father. We teach our children far more from how we live than by what we say.
Paul writes of two of the most basic human relationships: parent-child (6:1-4) and employer-employee (6:5-9). The parent-child relationship is particularly sacred. The fifth commandment to honor parents is the only one of the Ten Commandments with a special blessing attached for those who observe it (Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:2-3). On the other hand, ancient Israelites who physically or verbally abused their parents were put to death (Ex. 21:15,17; Lev. 20:9). (David C. McCasland, ODB, 06/15/2014)
How should dads impact their children? (v. 4)
1. Deal with them in a calm and peaceful spirit
Paul’s words were very necessary for the society in which he lived. In Paul’s era, families were even more dysfunctional than they are today. It was not uncommon in some Greek and Roman cultures for men and women to have twenty marriages in a life time. Mutual love among the members of a family was almost nonexistent. In fact, most fathers ruled the home with an iron fist. History tells us that in that day, the father held the power of life and death over his family as they were considered his property for he had complete ownership over their lives.
? A father could force his children out of the home at any time, at any age.
? He could sell them as slaves.
? He could enslave them, chain them and force them to work in the fields.
? He could take the law into his own hands and declare any sentence he pleased.
? He could even have them put to death and answer to no one for his actions.
? Infants were placed at their father’s feet for him to inspect. If he picked up the child, it was accepted into the family and cared for. If he walked away, the child was simply disposed of. Babies like these, who were healthy, were picked up, taken to the forum and sold to be raised as slaves and prostitutes.
? The Roman statesman Seneca, who lived in Rome while Paul was imprisoned there wrote, “We slaughter a fierce ox, we strangle a mad dog, we plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed, we drown.”
? Such was the backdrop against which Paul was writing. He is telling His readers, and us, that there is a new and better way to be a parent.
? Of course, in our day, wicked parents still abound. A recent study found that the primary reason most children end up in foster care is not divorce, death, or finances; but simple disinterest on the part of the parents. They simply do not care about the welfare of the child!
We are told to “provoke not your children to wrath.” This phrase refers to a pattern of treatment that builds up resentment in the child. Parents are to avoid causing their children to “brood with anger.” When children are “provoked to wrath,” they may even act this anger out in open hostility to parents and other authority figures. So, how does a parent “provoke a child to wrath?” There are many ways, I will name just a few.
• Being Overprotective
• Playing Favorites
• Unrealistic Expectations
• Constant Discouragement
• Label Them A Nuisance
• Trying To Mature Them Too Quickly
• Using Love As A Reward Or A Punishment
• Using Physical And Verbal Abuse
2. Train them up in the Ways of Christ
(i) Parents Are To Enrich Their Children – We are to “bring them up.” This praise has the idea of “nourishing” them. We are to tend to them like we would a tender plant. We are to help them reach their fullest potential in the Lord. We are to help them “be all they can be.” If we are to do this, then we are going to have to invest the one thing that most parents are not willing to give up: time. According to a recent study, the average father in America spends a whopping 3.7 seconds with his children every day! What a tragedy. Is it any wonder that we are raising a generation of juvenile delinquents? In fact, 85% of the inmates never had any fathers. Think about what the absence of good fathers is doing to our families and to our nation!
(ii) Parents Are To Educate Their Children – The word “nurture” has the idea of “the whole education of the child.” It refers to the daily discipline of verbal instruction in the ways of life and the ways of the Lord. We are to see to it that our children learn all that they need while they are under our care. Then, when they leave the nest and enter the word; they will be prepared for the things they will face.
Illustration: It's one of the saddest stories I've ever heard. A father was to drop off his infant child at daycare on the way to work, but his mind was preoccupied and he forgot. Left alone in the car, the baby girl died from the excessive heat. The father will bear that painful memory the rest of his life.
While this dad inadvertently forgot his child, many other fathers are forgetting their children deliberately--abandoning them to pursue their own selfish desires. They forget their children when they engage in an extramarital affair. They forget their children while they indulge in pleasures, or become preoccupied with work, money, sports, or any number of distractions. As they do, their children are left without the guidance only a dad can give.
The importance of a father in a child's life is monumental. He is to nurture his children by giving them instruction, protection, sustenance, companionship, assistance, love, discipline, and example.
A good father provides a wide-ranging supply of godly advice and wisdom as he guides his children (Proverbs 3:1-12). But a father can't do that if he ignores his children because he is busy with self-serving activities. Dad, don't forget your children. They need you.
The greatest gift a father can give to his children is himself. Train up a child in the way he should go, but be sure you go that way yourself.
3. Discipline them in a godly way
(i) Parents Are To Encourage Their Children – The word “admonition” means “counsel, encouragement, and discipline.” It refers to the act of guiding children toward maturity. There are times when we must give them direction in life. There are times when we must give them encouragement. And, there are times when we must give them discipline. All of these things are used by the wise parents; in the right measure to help their children become the men and women God designed them to be!
(ii) Parents Are To Evangelize Their Children – All of this nurture and admonition is to be “of the Lord.” We are to steep them in the Word of God, not our opinions, our preferences or our prejudices. When we teach our children to believe like we do, they will be as messed up as we are. When we train them in the things of the Lord, they will grow up and live lives that glorify and honor God. In all we do for our children, we give them no greater gift than when we point them toward Jesus Christ. If our love, our discipline, our encouragement and our instruction are centered in the Word of God; we will more likely than not raise children that are in the will of God. Keep God in the center of all you do as a parent!
Lack of discipline will make a child insecure, miserable, and self-centered. That is what we call "a spoiled child" - one who grows up to expect to have her way in everything and who rides roughshod over the feelings of everyone else. This is created by a spirit of indulgence on the part of parents who allow their children to make decisions that no child is capable of making. Parents must learn that they need to make decisions for their children for quite a while in their life and only gradually help them to learn to make those decisions as they are able to do so. In the early years of childhood parents must make almost all the decisions. One of the terribly tragic things about life today is the degree to which many parents let children make decisions they are incapable of making.
Illustration: Many of the first astronauts were once Boy Scouts. The scouts were good at capturing the imagination of young boys and instilling discipline to reach their goals—even if it meant reaching for the stars.
On July 20, 1969, the Boy Scouts were busy celebrating at a conference. During the gathering, the scouts were delighted to hear from former Eagle Scout Neil Armstrong, who sent them greetings from space. One of their own had grown up to realize a wonderful dream!
In some ways, the Christian home can be like a loving, spiritual scout camp. The Bible encourages parents to provide a positive growth environment for children in the home. Parents are exhorted to “bring [children] up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). “To bring up” refers to nourishing children by providing resources for their physical, mental, and spiritual needs. “Training” includes concern about all aspects of a child’s development. And “admonition” speaks of providing direction by well-chosen words uniquely suited to each child.
Let’s strive to make our home a place where loving discipline enables the children in our charge to reach their potential for God’s glory. What you put into your children’s hearts today influences their character for tomorrow.
Application: We honor fathers who not only gave us life, but who also show us how to live.
