MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER
CENTRAL CHRISTIAN, BROWNSVILLE, TX
ILL. I’m told that if you go into some of the jewelry stores in Reno, Nevada, once known as the "wedding & divorce capitol of the nation," that you’ll find a sign like this being prominently displayed, "Wedding Rings for Rent."
Now I suppose that most people who see that sign for the first time probably read it with amazement. Then some may even think, "Hm, that’s an interesting idea. It certainly would be cheaper to rent than to buy!"
Sad to say, in our contemporary society, among an awful lot of couples, it really might be much more practical to rent their wedding rings for a period of time. Nationwide, 1 out of every 3 marriages ends in divorce.
On college campuses the question arises, "Is it right to impose a 50-year contract on two 20-year olds?" Is it really fair to insist that two youngsters, hardly dry behind the ears, should pledge themselves each to the other for the rest of their lives?
Those are not new questions. The world has always questioned the need for such commitment between two people. The world has seen unhappy marriages - it has seen domestic conflicts - it has seen spiraling divorce rates. This is not new & it is not unique to our times.
I’m somewhat surprised when I hear about a non-Christian couple who has a happy marriage because they are working against tremendous odds. Most people who fall into their category have made shipwreck of their marriages. One out of three marriages ends in divorce.
ILL. But did you know that a study made a few years ago discovered that church going families - where both husband & wife professed a strong personal faith in Christ & went to church together - experienced only 1 divorce for every 55 marriages? It really is true that "Families that pray together, stay together."
But I’m worried today because I’m afraid that many church-going people have gotten in step with the world & have come to believe that the sanctity of marriage is not all that important. Some are packing their bags & going in different directions without any twinge of guilt, believing that marriage is something you try out for a while, & then just leave by the wayside if it doesn’t seem to be working out.
Marriage is not an invention of man. It is God’s creation. So it seems to me that our great need is to dust off the instruction book & find out what God has to say about His creation.
In the 2nd chapter of Genesis we have what scholars call "A primary reference point." This is the first place where marriage is mentioned in all of God’s Word & we must understand what is said here before we can understand what is said in the other passages that follow.
I. IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE
A. But before we discuss that, I want you to notice something. In vs. 31 of the 1st chapter of Genesis, it says, "God saw all that He had made, & it was very good."
But in the 18th vs. of the 2nd chapter we find for the very first time that God sees something that is not good. God looks at Adam & says, "It is not good for the man to be alone." In the Hebrew language He is literally saying "Aloneness is not good."
Now stop there for a moment. Here is the scene. God has created Adam, & has breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. And Adam is working in the Garden of Eden, for God has given him an assignment.
God said, "Adam, I want you to name all the animals of the field, the birds of the air, & the fish of the sea." So Adam walks around & he says, "You look like a squirrel, so I’ll call you a squirrel. You look like a hippopotamus, so I’ll call you a hippopotamus. You look like a kangaroo. You look like a robin. You look like a rainbow trout."
Adam spends all day walking around, naming animals & fish & birds. And then Adam goes home to rest. As he does, he watches Mr. & Mrs. robin build their nest, & Mr. & Mrs. Kangaroo over here settling down for the night. And the fish spawning in the lake. But Adam is alone.
God looks at that & says, "It is not good." Loneliness is a pain you can feel, a knot deep inside your stomach that keeps eating away at you. I’m not talking about just being alone. I’m talking about loneliness, & it hurts. You can be in the midst of hundreds of people & be very lonely. Adam was lonely.
B. God realized that it was not good for Adam to be alone. So He placed Adam into a deep sleep & withdrew from his side a rib & made woman. God’s antidote for loneliness is companionship, & God’s model of companionship is marriage.
ILL. One of my most enjoyable weddings was that of two 75-year old people. They had first met when they were in grade school. Then in both Jr. High & in High School there had been a little attraction for each other & a little dating. But then they had gone their separate ways.
The man had married & had a long & happy marriage. But then his wife died & now he had been alone for a number of years. The woman had never married.
Well, lo & behold, on one of his trips back to his home town he looked her up. They hadn’t seen each other for years & the spark was rekindled & they fell in love & decided to get married - 75 years old!
Then came the night of the wedding. You’ve never seen a more nervous bridegroom standing there waiting for his bride to join him at the front of the church. And she was lovely!
We all stood there together at the front of the church & I started the opening comments of the wedding ceremony. I brought out the aloneness of man, & used this scripture where God said that man’s aloneness is not good.
And that 75 year old man who had been alone now for many years said "Amen." Almost everybody in the church could hear him. He knew that God’s words were right & that it was not good for man to be alone.
II. SO GOD PROVIDED A "HELPER" FOR MAN.
So God had a solution for the aloneness of man. Notice the second thing God says in vs. 18, "I will make a helper suitable for him." God doesn’t say, "I’ll make a lover for him," or "I’ll make a provider for him," or "I’ll make a mother for his children."
Now women may be all of those things. But that’s not what God said. He said, "I will make a helper for him." So that when life is too difficult for one to handle, a helper is there.
Ecclesiastes says, "Two are better than one." It says that if one falls, the other will pick that one up. Two in bed are warm, but one in bed may be cold. One person standing alone may be helpless. But two standing together can strengthen each other.
So God creates this helping relationship between Adam & Eve & for all who would follow in their footsteps. That’s the foundation upon which marriage is to be built.
ILL. I guess all of us experience times when we think everything is happening on schedule & things are going the way we have planned. Then something happens we hadn’t counted on, life is turned upside down, & we go through struggles & changes.
We’ve all gone through such times, & I can honestly tell you I wouldn’t have made it through if it hadn’t been for my helper. In a hopeless situation she can breathe words of hope. In a joyless situation she can bring joy, & that’s what marriage is all about. It’s two people helping each other to survive & make it through.
That’s what God said Eve was to be to Adam, & Adam was to be to Eve.
III. NO SUITABLE HELPER WAS FOUND
A. Now notice vs. 20 where it says, "But for Adam no suitable helper was found." That is interesting because here are all these animals, all these living creatures around Adam, & they can all be of help to him.
If you aren’t very fast at running, grab a horse & ride it. He’ll run faster than you. If you’re weak, grab an oxen & put a yoke on him & he’ll plow the field for you. If you’re thirsty, go milk a cow.
Animals can be of help to Adam, & they were. But not in the same way that Eve was to be his helper. There is a unique helping relationship upon which marriage was to be built. None of the animals could satisfy that, only Eve.
So when God presents Eve unto Adam, vs. 23 says that Adam looks at Eve & says, "This is now bone of my bones & flesh of my flesh..." Loosely translated, Adam said, "Wow! Oh boy! I didn’t know you could create someone so perfect for me!" And his loneliness is gone.
The scripture says, "For this reason a man will leave his father & mother & be united to his wife, & they will become one flesh." God performs a miracle. He makes two people into one.
ILL. I once thought how wonderful it would be to have a wife who shared my opinions in everything & who would never, ever disagree with me. I didn’t get that. That’s an understatement. I didn’t get that!
She doesn’t always agree with me & I don’t always agree with her. I believe that’s exactly what God wants for me. Her opinions rubbing against mine causes both of us to re-examine our ideas - & I will be glad to change mine if I should ever happen to be wrong.
Her insistence that I get to work on some things that I really would rather skip has caused me to get a lot more accomplished in life. Her sensitivity about the problems of others has opened my eyes to needs that I would have missed. She has brought out a number of qualities in my life that would have probably stayed dormant without her. I believe with all my heart that my life would have been far different without her.
I’m convinced that God knew that she was exactly the kind of person that I needed & that God brought us together. And I think that God is still in the business of doing that when we listen to His Word & are willing to follow His guidelines in choosing that one who will share our life.
The sad thing is that we so often completely ignore what God has to say about the kind of friends we have the kinds of activities that we engage in & the thoughts & attitudes with which we fill our minds.
So we ignore God’s guidelines - we fall in love - we ignore God’s warnings - we get married - & then wonder why problems arise.
B. There is another thing. I believe that God is still working on me - that He is still knocking off the rough edges & trying to make me into what He wants me to be. I believe that He is doing that for my wife, too, - & for you if you will let Him.
Ethel & I still disagree about some things - even after nearly 40 years of marriage. Sometimes we disagree very strongly.
Yet, the basic mistake that so many people make in marriage is to decide that if they don’t agree - they just might as well call it off. Not at all! It is the moments of disagreements & heartaches, when handled in the right way, that knock off the rough edges of life & makes life what God really intends for it to be.
IV. MADE IN GOD’S OWN IMAGE
The final word is this, God said, "I’ve made them both male & female, & I made them in my own image."
ILL. I hear people say that a major problem with marriage today is lack of communication. I disagree. I don’t think our real problem is lack of communication. I think our problem is what we’re communicating. Oftentimes we communicate anger. Oftentimes we communicate discontent. Oftentimes we communicate criticism.
But if we communicate forgiveness & love & acceptance, you see, then there is a solid ground upon which to build.
There will be times when the commitment will wane. There will be times when you’ll want to say, "I’ll love you until..." & you’ll want to put conditions in the clause. And each of you will make mistakes.
And the only way to overcome this is to have a faith in an all-knowing, all-powerful God who’ll knock down the mountains that are too high for us to climb, & who’ll fill in the valleys that are too deep, who’ll walk with us over the rugged rocky places of life, going before us, paving the way. That’s the only way it will work.
God said, "I made them in my own image," which means that we have the capacity to love as God loves. And when you study the love of God as it is described in the NT, you discover that God surrendered everything. He let it go, & came to earth & loved us so totally & completely that He became obedient to death, even death on the cross.
