Singleness
8/5/94 Colossians 3:1-14 Psalms 119:105-112
Everyone is called to consecrate his or her life to God. To consecrate simply means to set apart for a particular reason. We can consecrate anything by setting it aside to be used only in particular circumstances. A dress can be consecrated. A bank account can be consecrated. We have been called as believers to set our lives apart to be used by God. We are agreeing to use our bodies in a fashion that does not violate others and also does not violate the principles in the word of God.
This morning we are going to look at what is the calling to be single and how does consecration apply to the single person. Some see the single state as a time to be carefree, wild, on the loose, the time to sow wild oats, and the time to have fun before having to settle down. Some see the single state as something to be avoided and escaped from. Give me a husband or a wife, and give me one now. Any one just about will do. Neither of these views are correct about what it is to be single in the eyes of God. Every body in here today is either single or on their way to being single. You may say, but wait a minute I’m married. Even though you may be married one of the three D’s is going to bring you back to the state of being single. The D’s are divorce, disability or death. If any of these three things hit your spouse, you will find yourself living as a single.
First of all I want us to realize that to be single does not mean foot loose and free, able to be game for any man or woman out there on the prowl. It does not mean someone who is searching for a mate just waiting to get married. To be single means that you are complete person, separate and distinct, with the ability to function alone. This means, that even if you are married, you need to know how to be single. A single is disticnctly and uniquely one. It means you are able to function alone, stand alone, think alone, choose alone, go through alone, and know God alone. A single person is one who can do what needs to be done alone.
To be single, has more to do with our individual relationship to God, than it does
with our marital state. For centuries, marriage has been lifted up as the state of condition that every man and woman should aspire to, and anyone who does not marry has somehow failed to attain the utmost in life. The word of God teaches directly the opposite. Marriage in the New Testament is presented as a state for those who are too weak to control their lust and passion. The Bible has never said that marriage is the promised land. Some have found it to be the greatest wilderness of all. Any person that cannot function as a single, is headed for a disaster in a marriage relationship. One does not get married in order to become mature.
Marriage has never changed anyone. The only thing marriage does by itself, is to give you some legal rights to properties and responsibilities and to give you the spiritual right to engage in sexual intercourse. As far as being inconsiderate, hot headed, stubborn, lazy, lustful, arrogant, deceiving, unforgiving, never on time, brutal, foul, insensitive all these things are still present in a person after they say I do. They will manifest themselves in the person’s life after they say I do. The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:12, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. If you can not be content as a single person in your life, and you just got to have someone to have someone, your marriage will be hell.
The first responsibility of every person is to mature him or her self in Jesus Christ. Every one of us need to be perfecting ourselves. Marriage is never a complete solution to our problems. The reason to get married is to control the lust for sex, but even after marriage, you will still struggle with controlling the lusts for others. The key to being fulfilled in life is to know how to live the single life that God has called us to live.
Part of the problem has come from our misinterpretation of Genesis 2:18 in which it says, Gen 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." I want you to notice. Who was with Adam at this time? Who did Adam have that He could look at? Who did Adam have that He could touch? Who did Adam have that he could share similar experiences with. Adam was body, soul, and spirit. God is Spirit. There was no one that Adam could relate to with a body.
God is saying, it’s not good for a person to have no one to be able to share their experiences with. It’s not good never to feel the comfort or touch of another who has had similar experience. God had the Son and the Holy Spirit to communicate with in His realm. Adam had nobody. It was the state of having nobody else in his life that was not good. Notice that God did not say that I will make a wife for him, he said I will make a helper suitable to him. The word Hebrew word that’s translated a helper is never translated to mean wife. Most of the time you find the word ezer it refers to God as our help.
God was not saying it is not good for Adam not to be married. He’s saying, its not good for Adam to not have some help in his life. It just so happened that Adam and Eve became husband and wife in their helping each other. That was a choice that they made It was a choice of necessity, because God gave them the commandment to be fruitful and multiply. Well the earth is full and there is no need for every man and every woman to have to go out and multiply themselves. As a single person, don’t confuse needing some help in your life, with needing a husband or a wife. You may only need some temporary help, but a husband or a wife is suppose to become a permanent fixture to your life. Plus this other person is bringing along a host of problems with him or her that you may not want to deal with. I can guarantee you, they are also looking for some help. It may some help you have no desire to provide.
One of the problems that we have in our society is that we always want to be somewhere we are not, so that we can’t enjoy being where we currently are. Jr. Highers don’t enjoy jr. high, because they’re trying to be like high schoolers, high schoolers can’t enjoy their high school experience because the can’t wait to get out. No sooner than they get out, they find out, they’ve missed enjoying one of the last care free times of their lives. Everybody out of school start talking about the good ole days back in school. A lot of singles see marriage as their graduation ticket to happiness and joy, when once they get in it, they find themselves totally unprepared for it. They find it to be work, work, work, and putting up with a lot they never bargained for. They are just as unprepared for it, as a junior higher is to be a senior in high school. Take your time in life and learn what God wants you to learn before moving somewhere else.
Jesus lived the most fulfilled and obedient life that ever was. How many of you know that he was single? How many of you know that the focus of His life was on doing whatever the will of the Father was? How many of you know that Jesus had a very high view of marriage. Look at Matthew 19:8-10Mat 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
How many of you know that Jesus had an even higher view of the state of being single Look at Mat 19:11-12 Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." A lot of people think that if they get married then they really grow and become spiritual. Listen to me. Marriage will hinder your walk with the Lord. You should never get married to get closer to God, because the Bible says the exact opposite thing is going to happen.
Let’s look at 1 Cor 7:32-34 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." Paul is saying you are free to get married if you want to, but know this, you will not be as available to serve God as you would if you were single. Marriage hinders spiritual development, because your interests are always divided.
You have someone else who has a claim on your body, on your time, on your behavior, on your interests, on your rest and your relaxation. You’ve got someone that can get on your nerves and you can’t tell them to leave or to get out. You’ve got to put up with them. You wanted one, God says okay, now live in the roles that I’ve given you to live in. A single person can come in form work, kick off her shoes and say that’s it, Lord it’s just you and me. I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to do. A married woman does not come home and do that especially if there are children around. She may be blessed to just say Lord help.
What is the single state. As I said earlier, it is the ability to be a complete person all by yourself. What causes too many people to leave the single state far too quickly is sex. We are just like the society in Corinth which was obsessed with sex. We just want it, and we’re told we’re missing out if we don’t get it. We fill our minds with it with movies, magazines, and videos. So we decide we’re going to do it. Sex never delivers all that it promises. You know if your marriage is a bad one, sex is not going to be something in it that you enjoy. You will come to despise it and to hate it. You will find yourself struggling with the issues of adultery.
Some of us as Christians feel, oh Lord, I have to have this person. We get involved with sexual sin and then we are force to get married way out of time before God would of have us gotten married. Some of us would have college degrees today were it not for the lies we believed about the joys of sex. Some of us would be single today and fully enjoying our lives if we had not believed the lies about marriage being an oasis. Some of us would be doing great things for God today, if we had not of married someone, just because everyone was supposed to get married. There is no lonelier and may forsaken place to be in, than to be in a bad marriage.
As a single person, you have opportunities before you that are unbelievable. Your being single is not your preparation time to one day get married. Your being single is your time of perfecting who you are as a person chosen by God to do great things. It’s your time to pursue knowing who God is and knowing the things of God. It’s your time to pursue your career. Your time to stand alone, do alone, buy alone, and make decisions for your life alone with God.
If you one day choose to get married, you will never have the freedom that you now have to excel in your life for excellence in whatever area you look at in your life. If you marry, you are vowing before God, that you will put all your pursuits secondary to building up and fulfilling the needs of the person you are about to say I do to. The reason so many marriages are a showcase of hell, is that people attempt to pursue their goals and objectives for themselves as though they were still single rather than recognizing saying I do put all their interests on the back burner. That’s what submitting to each other in marriage is all about. Saying no to my will, and yes to yours.
.....You are not going to change as a person whether you marry or stay single. There is a part of you that only you and God will ever know. That part of you needs to be able to stand alone in a relationship with God. Even after marriage, people find that they are lonely and unfulfilled. It’s because God has put desires within you that you need to bring to completion in yourself. There are things you need to achieve apart from another person. Adam had spent some alone time with God before Eve ever came on the scene. Adam had to know how to function alone. There was a time when there was nobody but him and God.
The same is true about Eve. Look at Genesis 3:21-22 Gen 2:21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Now I want you to notice, we don’t know how long Adam was asleep nor do we know how long God took Eve aside by herself with just Him. We do know that Adam did not simply wake up, look over and see this woman. The Scriptures says God brought her to the man. That means that Eve and God were both somewhere alone. So Eve had her own personal time alone with God before she ever knew there was an Adam. She knew how to function alone.
As a single person, your primary calling in life is to get to know who God is. If you want a husband or a wife, let God know about it and pray. God will reward your faithfulness with the kind of man or woman that He wants you to have. Would you rather have a 20 year marriage of fussing, fighting, and hell simply because you were close to 30 or 40 or 50 and wanted to get married before it was too late, or would you rather have 7 years of a wonderful relationship because that’s when God sent a person into your life for marriage. Now is your time to blossom as a person and for the kingdom of God. This church could not be what it is, without the tremendous amount of time that those of you who are single give to it. If all of you got married tomorrow, we would not have nearly the strength and energy that we do. Some of you would lose your spiritual vigor all together, because you would marry people with less spiritual vigor than you have, and they will pull you back spiritually. I don’t care how strong you are, if you have to pull a load for someone else, you can’t pull the same amount for yourself at the same time.
Everybody has to develop a love for God and the things for God on a single basis whether they are married or not. Your spirituality, will not cover the spirituality for another person. If we can’t spend alone time with God, we won’t be able to spend alone time with an individual. A husband or wife is not responsible for your joy and happiness. You are responsible for that. You choose to be happy, you choose to be sad. The other person can make it a lot easier for you to feel one way or the other, but the reality is the choice is always left up to us.
It is not easy to develop a love God, otherwise we would all have already done it. To love God goes contrary to a lot of what our own self wants to do. It goes against what society tells us that we ought to be doing. You see when we love God, we love God’s commandments and God’s judgments. Do you know one of the callings that God has for your life. Look at 1 Peter 1:1-2 Peter an apostle of Jesus Christ, To God’s elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ.
God has chosen us for obedience. Do you know why there is so little joy in the lives of so many Christians? It’s because we are disobedient. Every time we defy God and do our own thing we expose ourselves to the attack of Satan. A lot of singles are cutting short reaching their potential in life and in God, because they choose to compromise with the world and its standards. You know God made salvation cheap for us, but it was very costly to Jesus. Jesus didn’t die just for us to go to heaven. Otherwise the moment we get saved, God would cause us to die. God leaves us here because He intends for us to be conquerors over sin and temptation. We ought to want to be in the will of God. Because there is safety there, there is favor there, there is protection there, and there is the possibility to become all that God intended to us to come.
What questions should we be asking as a single person and as a single in marriage? How close can I get to God? How sensitive can I be to the leading of the Spirit? How much of the mind of Christ can I have? How much can I enjoy life with God? How much joy can I find in excelling in all areas of my life that are of greatest interest to me apart from another person. We need to learn to operate at the maximum level as a single unit.
You see we need to be able to control ourselves. It is impossible for another person to correct our faults. That’s between us and the power of Jesus Christ. Marriage is not and never will be some magical wand that will take away our rough spots, our need for companionship, our inability to control the desires of our flesh. Only Jesus can do that for us.
As a single person, right now you have the best potential to maximize your spiritual growth and use your freedom in Christ to become what you want to be, go where you want to go, focus in on what you want to focus and perfect your attitude in Jesus Christ. Find out how much you can achieve in your singleness. Find out how victorious in Jesus Christ you can be. Don’t let anyone cause you to get married out of season for any reason. Your life and your future is too important to make such a colossal mistake. Resolve to stay single until God leads you in another direction. Your future and the future of the Kingdom of God is at stake.
When you see yourself and your position as God sees you, you’ll realize there are no finer tools in the body of Christ for God to use than you. Since you’ve been risen with Christ, strive to know all the Jesus has for you. God is able to provide for you what you need, when you need it. Remember, God is able to give you the desire of your heart. Singleness
8/5/94 Gen 2:4-23 and Philippians 3:7-15
Everyone called to consecrate his/her life to God.
Consecrate--means set apart
1. Consecrate dress--shoes--bank account.
2. Consecrate ourselves to God.
a. will not violate others
b. will not violate principles of God.
Today we look at the calling to be single.
.Single state, wild, care free, loose, sow wild oats.
Single state to be avoided, escaped, gotten away from
1. give me someone at any cost
All are on the way to being single.
3 D’s Divorce, disability, death
Truth about being single.
1. Not foot loose free, game for anyone, on prowl for mate
2. To be single means you are a complete person, separate and distinct, with the ability to function alone.
a. Even if married, need to know how to be single.
3. Single--distinctly and uniquely one.
think, stand, act, choose, go through, know God alone
To be single has more to do with individual relationship to God than marital status..
1. Centuries marriage is lifted up as the aspiration for all to reach.
a. failure to reach it, failure.
2. Word of God does not lift up marriage as the ideal.
3. NT marriage for those unable to control lust and passion
4. Bible never said it was promised land---warns of dangers.
a. Some find it to be the greatest wilderness
5. Any person that cannot function as a single is headed for a disaster in a marriage relationship.
6. One does not get married to become mature.
Marriage has never changed anyone.
1. Property Rights, legal obligations, God’s approval of sexual activity.
2. Does not change the heart. Inconsiderate, lazy, arrogant, lustful, stubborn, hot headed, deceiving, unforgiving, bossy, always late, brutal, foul, insensitive.
3. There before I do, There after I do.
4. Philippians 4:12 learned the secret of being content.
5. If you can’t find contentment in life as a single person, and you just got to have someone to have someone, you are on your way to hell in marriage.
First Responsibility of every person.
1. Mature in Jesus Christ
2. All need to be perfecting our selves in Christ.
3. Marriage not the solution to our problems.
4. Marriage is for those who are unable to control but even that will have to brought under control.---Struggle with adultery.
5. Key to being fulfilled in marriage is to be fulfilled in the single life that God has called us to live.
Part of the problem comes from misinterpretation of Genesis 2:18
a. Turn and read the passage.
b. Who was with Adam, He could he look at, Share similar experiences.
c. God was spirit--Adam body and spirit--No one like him
What was not good.
a. No one to share experiences with it.
No touch, no comfort, no communication of like kind
b. God had son and Holy Spirit--Adam nobody
c. God did not offer to make a wife, but a helper suitable for him.
Hebrew word esed never means wife.
a. Means help. Often translated God is our help.
b. God did not say not good for Adam to be unmarried--he said, it’s
not good for him not to have some help.
c. They choose to become husband and wife by choice.
a. Fulfill command to be fruitful and multiply
b. earth is full today--no need to replenish it
You may need some help in your life--but not necessarily a husband or wife.
a. May need temporary help--husband or wife permanent.
b. They will come seeking help of a kind you may not wish to provide.
c. The trade off may not be in your favor.
Part of our problem is wanting to be somewhere we are not and failing to enjoy where we are.
Element want to be Jr Highers Jr. Highers to be Sr. Highers. Sr. Highers want out.
Once out, we talk about the good old days back in school
Too many singles see marriage as ticket to happiness and joy.
1. Find themselves totally unprepared for the work and hard times they find.
2. No more prepared for it than an eighth grader for 12 grade.
3. Find its work, work, work, and putting up with a lot never bargained for.
Take your time in life and learn what God wants you to learn before moving somewhere else.
Jesus lived the most fulfilled life ever and did it in 33 years.
1. How many know Jesus Single.
2. Jesus focus on doing the will of the father.
3. Jesus had a very high view of marriage.
a. Turn to Matthew 19:8-10
4. Jesus had a higher view of singleness
a. Turn to Matthew 19:11-12
A lot of people thing that if they get married, then they can really grow and become spiritual. Listen to me. Marriage will hinder your walk with the Lord.
1. You should never get married to get closer to God, because the bible says the exact opposite thing is going to happen
2. Let’s look at 1 Cor 7:32-34 and read it.
3. Free to get married, but you will not be able to be available to serve God as you would if your were single.
a. Marriage hinders spiritual growth because your interests are divided.
4. You have someone else with a claim on your body, your time, on your behavior,
your interests.
a. Pastor Toby and I restrict each other’s effectiveness as a pastor.
b. Gift of helps, gift of giving gift of prayer
5. You’ve got someone that can get on your nerves and you can’t kick them out.
Single person can come home from work--kick off shoes.
1. Lord it’s just you and me. I’m not doing another thing all day long.
2. Married woman does not have that option, especially if there are kids.
a. Blessed if she can say, Lord just get me through this day without another
headache.
What is the single state?
1. The ability to be a complete person all bey yourself.
2. Sex causes people to leave the single state far too early.
1. Obsessed with Sex just like they were in Corinth.
2. Missing out, we just want it,
3. Soak in it with movies, magazines and videos.
4. Sex never delivers as promised.
5. Bad marriage--sex is not going to be at the top of the list--adultery
Some of us as Christians we have to have this person.
1. Get involved sexually and are forced to marry before God intended us to.
2. Some have college degrees today if had not believed lies.
3. Some of us would be single today doing great things for God if we had not of though marriage by itself would be an oasis.
4. Some would be enjoying a great productive single life if we had not of gotten married just because everyone was getting married.
5. No lonelier and forsaken place to be in than a bad marriage.
As a single person, the opportunities before you are endless.
1. Singleness is not a preparation time to get married,
2. Your time of perfecting who you are as a person chosen by God to do great things.
3. Time to pursue knowing who God is and the things of God.
a. Pursue your career.
b. To stand alone, do alone, buy alone, make decisions for yourself alone with God.
4. If you choose to get married, you will never have the freedom you now have to
pursue to excellence whatever area you want to in life.
a. If you marry, you vow to put other person’s well being ahead of your own.
b. Marriages crack and crumble when people in them try to live as singles.
c. No what you’re giving up before saying I do. I do may not be for you.
You are not going to change as a person whether you remain single or get married.
1. There’s a part of you only you and God know.
2. Even after marriage there is loneliness and unfulfilled feelings.
3. God has put desires in you, that you need to bring to completion as an individual.
4. Some things you need to achieve apart from another person.
5. Must have alone time with God and function accordingly
Adam had alone time with God.
1. Just God and Adam---He knew how to function.
2. Eve had alone time with God--Look at Genesis 3:21-22
a) don’t know how long Adam slept or Eve away with God.
b) Eve was able to function before she knew about an Adam.
As a single person your primary calling is to get to know who God is.
1. If you want a husband--wife Pray and thank God.
2. What’s better 3 to 5 years of fussing, fighting and hell to get married because you were 30 40 50 or 55 and thinking that this is you last chance.
3. Waiting 10 more years for someone God sends into your life
Now is your time to blossom for yourself and for the kingdom of God.
1. Church could not be what it is without the single people in it.
2. If all got married tomorrow, the church would get weaker.
3. Many would lose their spiritual vigor because mates would pull them back
Everybody has to discover a love for God and things of God.
1. Cannot cover for someone else.
2. Each responsible for his/her own joy and happiness.
3. Spouse can make it easier for us, bu the choice is left up to us.
4. Not easy to develop love for God.
a. goes against our nature, goes against society, goes against what we want todo.
5. Love for God goes with love for His word.
Look at Peter 1:1-12
1. We have been called to obedience.
a. Why so little joy---no obedience.
b. Every time we do our own--expose ourselves to Satan
c. A lot of singles cutting short their potential by compromise
d. Salvation cheap to us, but cost Jesus his life.
Jesus died more than for us to simply go to heaven.
a. otherwise die upon salvation.
b. victorious in life over sin, over circumstances over obstacles. over
having less than the best for our lives.
What questions should we be asking as a single person in whatever state.
a. How close can I get to God.
b. How sensitive can I be to the leading of the Spirit.
c. How much of the mind of Christ can I have.
d. How much can I enjoy life with God.
e. How much joy can I find in excelling in all areas of my life that are of greates interests to me apart from another person.
We need to operate at the maximum level as a single until
You see
