A traditional Father’s Day sermon would direct its attention to things a good dad ought to do. Instead, let’s look today at some things a good dad wants his kids to do.
In Proverbs 4:1-4, Solomon says:
"Hear ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. (2) For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. (3) For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. (4) He taught me also, and said unto me, ’Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments and live.’"
Solomon’s father, King David, gave some instructions and commandments to him that he was now giving to his son.
I call these commandments "Straight Talk". These are the things you don’t beat around the bush about.
The rest of this fourth chapter of Proverbs lays out what these instructions cover. They seem to be in three areas.
Here they are...THREE THINGS A GOOD DAD WANTS HIS KIDS TO DO! (They also happen to be three things our heavenly Father wants from all of us.)
1. DEVELOP A LISTENING AND LEARNING SPIRIT. (Proverbs 4:5-13)
Solomon begins this portion of the chapter with the words, "Get wisdom, get understanding".
In the rest of the passage from verses 5-13, Solomon says: "wisdom is the principle thing" (v.7); "Hear... and receive my sayings" (v.10); and "Take fast hold of instruction" (v.13).
This is the primary step to raising good sons and daughters. Teaching children to listen, to have a teachable spirit, is crucial to the rest of their character formation!
Now let’s admit right up front that this kind of training takes time and commitment. It’s not always an easy task to accomplish, but it is the right thing to do if you love your children. We cannot afford to be preoccupied with less important matters.
And to those still under your parents’ authority: are you doing your part to develop that teachable spirit that will benefit you throughout life?
How do you do it? How do you DEVELOP A LISTENING AND LEARNING SPIRIT?
a. Children learn first from the example set by their parents.
Parents should let their children see them seeking God’s wisdom. They should share spiritual truth with their children in those teachable moments that arise in everyday life.
Listen to Moses’ words to the generation of Jews getting ready to enter the promised land. (The previous generation perished in the wilderness because they failed to set a good example for their children.)
"And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou riseth up." (Dueteronomy 6:6,7)
Walking and talking openly with your kids about your faith is essential to developing a teachable spirit in them. When they see your listening and learning spirit in response to your heavenly Father, they will understand what they are supposed to do by your example.
Here’s another way to DEVELOP A LISTENING AND LEARNING SPIRIT in your children.
b. Accept their feelings.
This principle is even mentioned in the best selling book, "How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen & Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
This relationship principle originated with our heavenly Father.
Look at some of the Psalms where David "poured out" his "complaint". (Psalm 142:2, for example)
Does the Bible mean to imply that God puts up with complaining? Isn’t that the reason the generation that left Egyptian bondage didn’t get to enter the Promised Land?
The motive makes the difference. The Psalmist was looking for a solution from God. He was trying to work out his problems by having an open dialogue with his heavenly Father. That’s different from having a rebellious heart and fearfully loosing faith in God.
Parents should imitate God here. Allow your children to have dialogue. Respectful dialogue. No yelling, no tantrums, but let them see that their feelings do matter.
One key to getting them to listen to you, is to listen to them. Let them know their feelings matter. Kids are not always right - but their feelings always matter. Is this perhaps what Paul was getting at when he said, "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath..."? (Ephesians 6:4) I think so.
There’s nothing dangerous about dialogue with your kids.
Now to give this a balanced perspective, let’s consider one more biblical principle for DEVELOPING A LISTENING AND LEARNING SPRIIT.
C. UTILIZE SPANKING WHEN NEEDED.
Uh-oh. Did the preacher say spanking? Why everyone knows that out of date.
No, the Bible never gets out of date. Folks just misundertand, misinterpret, and misapply the Bible sometimes.
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child: but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15) (See also: Proverbs 13:23,24, etc.)
A "rod" is a small limb from a tree, a "switch" to us today. THE BIBLE DOES NOT ANYWHERE ADVOCATE PARENTS CAUSING PHYSICAL INJURY TO CHILDREN. It also doesn’t say that spanking is the only form of discipline. But there are some issues, defiance, for instance, that call for a firm, loving response.
Sure, it is a sin to physically abuse your children. And yes, there seems to be a rise in violence among today’s youth, and some say we encourage violent behavior when we spank.
Consider these statements by family psychologist John Rosemond of Parent Line:
"In 1996, a special conference convened by the American Academy of Pediatrics came to the conclusion that research purporting to prove that spanking incites antisocial behavior was less compelling than research showing that spankings deter antisocial behavior."
"Spankings do not teach children that hitting is OK. Quite the contrary, in fact. Researchers recently discovered that aggression in children is highly correlated with parental permissiveness, and permissive parents are not likely to be spankers. Inadequate parental discipline often results in a child who cannot restrain antisocial impulses of any kind."
There’s plenty more to be said about the proper reasons and ways to spank. Just make sure you follow God’s Word and not man’s foolish reasoning when you discipline your children.
Here’s the second thing A GOOD DAD WANTS HIS KIDS TO DO:
2. STAY AWAY FROM THE WRONG CROWD. (Proverbs 4:14-19)
In these verses Solomon wisely counsels: "Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away." (vv. 14,15)
He goes on to contrast the path of the wicked with the path of the just in verses 16-19. The path of the just is obviously the desirable path for our children to take.
The proliferation of false information bombarding today’s youth is staggering!
We must teach our children to become critical thinkers. They can not afford to believe everything they hear.
One of the greatest guards against their being led astray is the company they keep. Peer pressure can be negative but it can also be positive.
A few practical suggestions here:
a. Steer your children toward the right kind of friends.
A lot of parents believe this is outside their jurisdiction. The Bible teaches otherwise.
Naturally we don’t want to become hyper-critical and judgmental. None of your child’s friends will be perfect, just as your child is not perfect. Like Jesus, they will want to minister to folks who are astray. But Christ’s close associates were people of faith and subsequent good works.
b. Provide opportunities for your child to find the right kind of friends.
Paul not only told young Timothy, his son in the faith, to "flee" certain associations, he also told him to "follow" other good things. (1 Timothy 6:11)
You see, when you tell your child that there are certain people he can’t have as close friends, you need to be ready with opportunities for him to meet and make proper friends.
Solomon wanted his son to avoid the kinds of friends that were always up to "mischief" (v. 16). But then he extols the virtue of a good friend in verse 17 - "But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day."
Verses 20-22 of Proverbs four provide an interlude. It’s as if Solomon is stopping to say, "Are you listening?" "Am I getting through?"
He then gives one final thing a GOOD DAD WANTS HIS KIDS TO DO:
3. KEEP YOUR HEART RIGHT. (Proverbs 4:23-27)
"Keep thy heart with all diligence: for out of it are the issues of life."
a. A right heart results in right speech.
"Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee." (Proverbs 4:24)
Jesus taught us that we say what’s in our heart. If you want to direct your child’s speech; direct his or her heart.
b. A right heart results in a right perspective on life.
"Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee." (Proverbs 4:25)
How do you keep your child safe from the ever increasing gratuitous violence and sexual promiscuity filling our society? You can’t be at their side twenty four hours a day.
You must help them cultivate a right heart. If their heart is right with God they will not be as easily influenced by temptation.
c. A right heart produces a right lifestyle.
"Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all they ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil." (Proverbs 4:26,27)
A parent’s ultimate goal is to raise a son or daughter who can make it responsibly as an adult one day.
In order for this fete to be accomplished, their motivation for right living will eventually have to come from within themselves.
Let me close by admitting I know there’s been no fancy stuff in this sermon. That’s why I called it STRAIGHT TALK FROM DAD.
Our heavenly Father talks straight to us also.
He want us all to do the same things dads want their kids to do:
1. Develop a listening and learning spirit.
2. Stay away from the wrong crowd.
3. Keep our heart right.
