Becoming One Flesh
Part 1, Commitment.
May 20th
Matthew 19:1-9; Malachi 2:10; 13-16.
My sermon today is about marriage and divorce. This is always a very difficult subject because there is so much pain involved for those who have suffered divorce. In fact, the last time I preached on divorce it was 1998, four years ago.
My purpose is not to make those who have been divorced feel guilty. Divorce is a forgiveable sin and there are instances in which divorce is allowed Biblically. Adultery,atheism, and physical abuse are grounds for divorce Biblically. I do not want those of
you who have suffered the pain of divorce to feel attacked or picked on today. Too often when people suffer a divorce they leave church because they feel guilty or are made to feel unwelcome. I hope that is not the case today. The church must walk a fine line
between helping those who are hurting and yet taking a stand on this problem
My purpose is to present God’s view of divorce and marriage in an attempt to help those who are already married to stay that way. If you have been divorced, please do not feel unwelcome or attacked. Divorce is a sin but it is no worse a sin than what
others commit.
Now, that having been said, divorce is wrong and there is far too much of it. We as Christians must take a stand against it and in favor of marriage.
Divorce in America
In 1993 2.3 millions couples married and 1.3 million couples divorced.
In 1993 the Bureau of the Census projected that 4 of 10 first marriages will end in divorce.
People between the ages of 25 to 39 make up 60% of all divorces.
Over one million children are affected by divorce each year.
70% of all children born in 1980 will spend some time of their childhood in a single parent family.
75% of women and 80% of men remarry within 5 years after divorce.
Second marriages are at greater risk of ending in divorce that first marriages.
More people are part of second marriages today than first marriages.
God has some very strict teachings on marriage. He meant it to be the most intimate relationship we have on earth, even more intimate than that which we have with our parents.
We need to be making every effort to make our marriages strong.
Today and next Sunday we are going to look at some of the scriptures which deal with marriage and divorce in order to see what God’s ideal for us is.
Today we’re going to look at divorce and marriage. Next week we’re going to look at how we can communicate with each other in marriage to make those relationships sound.
THESIS STATEMENT:
Today we’re going to see three things: God forbids divorce because it is a broken covenant; God forbids divorce because it is so damaging to families; and we’re going to see that God wants us to be "one flesh" with our mates.
I. God forbids divorce because it is a violation of a covenant we have made with him.
A. When we were married it was in the name of the Father, the Son, and the
Holy Spirit.
1. We took an oath before God to stay married to our mates.
2. We made a contract with God that is inviolable.
3. When we breach a contract today we suffer punishment.
4. When we breach contract with God we also suffer punishment.
B. God hates divorce. Malachi 2:10; 13-16.
1. Hate is a strong word.
2. These people were divorcing for no reason at all. They were breaking
covenant with God and God hated it.
3. God detests divorce.
4. These people’s prayers and sacrifices were being hindered because
they were breaking their covenant with God.
a. God was not listening to them because of their divorces.
b. Part of his discipline was not heeding their sacrifices, not
accepting their offerings for forgiveness because they were
not living up to their responsibilities.
C. Jesus teaching on divorce. Matthew 19:1-9
1. The no-fault divorce laws that every state in the union has make divorce
easy to get. There doesn’t have to be a reason, just unreconcileable
differences.
2. The Jews had such a law.
a. It was possible to get a divorce in Biblical times if a wife did
anything to displease her husband.
b. The law of Moses stated that a man could divorce her husband
if she displeased him. Dt 24:1-4.
c. Liberal Jews said that this meant a man could divorce a woman
for anything, even burning his breakfast.
3. Jesus condemns this belief in Matthew. He says that Moses didn’t imply
a man could divorce for no reason. He says that marriage is an
inviolable contract that cannot be broken.
II. God forbids divorce because of its terrible effects on families.
A. The Nicholas Zill study.
In 1993, social scientist Nicholas Zill reported that children of divorced parents are, regardless of their economic circumstances, more likely to have poor relationships with their parents, drop out of high school and receive psychological help.
Uses the following statistics to support his conclusion. According to Zill, the
high school dropout rate for teens whose parents are not divorced is 13% while the dropout
rate for those in single parent homes is 31%. Teens from divorced families are 3 times
likely to dropout than kids whose parents stay together even if they are not happy with
each other.
The teen pregnancy rate for among two parent families is 11% whereas the teen
pregnancy rate among divorced families is 33%. Teens from families where divorce occurs
are 3 times more likely to become pregnant than teens whose parents stay together.
Zill said, "Many people were saying single-parent families are just different, not necessarily worse or better, and the factors that link kids to problems have to do with poverty," Zill said. "But my research didn’t support that explanation."
B. What te statistics mean:
Author Maggie Gallagher summed this problem up well in her book The Abolition
of Marriage. She writes "The evidence is now overwhelming that the collapse of marriage
is creating a whole generation of children less happy, less physically and mentally healthy,
less equipped to deal with life or produce at work, and more dangerous to themselves
and others."
Children of divorce suffer. We may think that they are fine outwardly but inside
they are hurting. They may seem like they are adjusting but thats just for show.
Kids need mom and dad married in the home together. If they don’t have both
then they suffer more than we can measure.
C. Actual quotes from kids.
Amy Alt is well aware of these studies, and they frighten her. Amy was featured in
the Los Angeles Times article from 1996 where I found the other statistics I’ve used today.
Her husband, Steve, decided he was unhappy and didn’t want to be married anymore.
He left her. She tried to reconcile but to no avail. He claimed he made a mistake marrying
her and he never loved her. He couldn’t stay with her because he didn’t want to be
miserable.
Amy is afraid of the affects this divorce is having on her sons.
The article says, "Already, she can see changes in her boys. Tony, the 6-year-old, is angry. Andy, the 4-year-old, has wondered aloud if the divorce is his fault. "Maybe if we’re really good," he said not long ago, "we can get dad to come back."
That’s heartbreaking.
One third grade child that I talked to wrote a note to one of his classmates in school. The note said, "Please be my friend, everybody else is leaving me."
TRANSITION:
Divorce is a painful thing for an adult to endure. It causes incredible hurt. It is
more painful for children who have no choice. God forbids divorce because it ruins a child’s emotional makeup. Divorce hurts children.
God forbids divorce because it is a breaking of an oath sworn before him. It is
violation of the covenant we made with him when we took our vows and he takes that
covenant very seriously.
How can we avoid this?
When Jesus spoke about divorce in Matthew he told us God’s view of divorce but
he also gave us a way of avoiding divorce: become one flesh.
III. One flesh. Matthew 19:4-6
A. We have to dedicate ourselves to meeting their needs.
1. This is so alien to our culture today.
a. Our culture tells us that we are the most important person in
the world and our happiness is more important than
anyting else in the world.
b. Love in our culture is not about sacrificing ourselves for someone
else, it is about what the other person can give to us.
She’s gorgeous, I want to marry her.
He’s funny, I want to marry him.
She’s pretty, I want to marry her.
He’s loaded, I want to marry him.
c. Love is about being willing to give of ourselves for the betterment
of our mate. Love is not about how our mate can better
us.
2. Marriage is about building something over a lifetime, not about personal
gratification.
B. Jesus reminds us that marriage is intended to make two people into one.
1. One flesh means a total dedication of one to another.
a. It means that person becomes a part of you in every way.
b. You are joined together mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
physically.
c. We become one person with the same goals, priorities
and interests.
2. Marriage is about building something together.
a. It is about making a family.
b. It is about raising Godly children.
c. It is about contributing to the good of the community.
d. It is about contributing to the growth of God’s kingdom.
3. Marriage is not meant to be a vehicle in which to meet all of our
material and physical needs. It is a vehicle by which we create
a lifetime of good for our children and for our community and for
our church. That is the goal of marriage; becoming one flesh in
order to give to others.
C. Marriage is not about being happy.
1. Our desire for happiness is misplaced.
a. When we search for happiness we seldom find it.
b. Looking for happiness is vain because we never get enough of
what makes us happy
2. Happiness is something we take from marriage, not something we search
for in marriage.
a. Happiness is something that comes as a result of what we build
together over time.
b. It is not the thrill seeking through materialism and sex that our
culture portrays in relationships today.
c. True happiness comes when we learn to be proud of what we
build together. True happiness comes from the service we
give to each other; the values we give to our children and
grandchildren; the influence we give to our community;
the growth we give to our church; and the worship we
give to our God.
d. These things provide happiness.
Conclusion:
God wants us to stay together.
God wants us to build together.
God wants us to give to each other.
He wants us to become one flesh; sharing everything, accomplishing things together,
and building a life of giving for decades.
