Sermon: How to Build a Marriage that Lasts
We are in the middle of a series of semons called, "How to Have a Happy and Healthy Home." Last week, we looked at Ephesians 5 and learned how to make marriage work. This morning, I want to look at Genesis 2 and learn how to build a marriage that lasts.
I read a story this past week about a neighborhood outside of Chicago. It was a nice, well kept, neighborhood - for a couple of years. But before too long, the roads began to crack and houses began to collapse. They called a team of inspectors in and the inspectors discovered that the entire neighborhood had been built on a garbage dump. The entire neighborhood was collapsing because it wasn’t built on a solid foundation.
And dear people, the same thing can happen to your marriage if it isn’t build on a solid foundation. Thankfully, the Bible describes the foundation of marriage in Genesis 2:18-25.
These verses reveal four principles that can help you build a marriage that lasts. If you want a marriage that lasts then you need to recognize . . .
I. The Purpose of Marriage.
The purpose of marriage is two-fold.
A. Marriage provides me with a COMPANION.
Look at verse 18 ("It is not good for the man to be alone", NIV).
HOW COULD THAT BE? Adam had the animals and he had God, but something was missing from his life. He didn’t have an intimate human companion. God designed Adam with a need for intimate human companionship. And only a member of the opposite sex could meet his need.
And dear people, God has designed us the exact same way. This is why you’re attracted to the opposite sex. You have a God-given need for intimate human companionship that only a member of the opposite sex can provide. And there’s nothing wrong with fulfilling this desire as long as it is done within the confines of a Godly marriage. If you try to fulfill this desire outside the confines of a Godly marriage (through pornography, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, or any other sexual sin) then you will ultimately find misery and unfulfillment.
Marriage provides me with a companion. This means that my wife should be my best friend and I ought to be her best friend. And what do best friends do? They share their hobbies, secrets, dreams, burdens, time, and etc. They play together, laugh together, and cry together.
Husbands and wives, if your spouse isn’t your best friend, then your missing out on the purpose of marriage. If you want a happy and lasting marriage, then be best friends!
B. Marriage provides me with a companion who makes my life COMPLETE.
Look at verse 18 and circle the phrase, " a helper suitable" (NIV). This refers to someone who could help Adam be a better person and live a more fulfilled life. It refers to someone who could make his life complete.
MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT. They have different ways of thinking, different tastes, and different strengths. But that’s O.K. God designed men and women to be different so they could make each other complete.
Let me explain it another way. You’ve heard the old cliche, "OPPOSITES ATTRACT." That’s good because a man and a woman can help one another further expand their interests, further develop their character, and further balance their lives (ILL: For instance, Carol and I are alike in some ways, and we’re different in some ways. We didn’t discover just how different we were until 3 or 4 months after we were married. But that’s O.K. because our differences complement one another. I’m a morning person, she’s a night person - I help her get up early, she helps me stay up late. I’m shy and she’s outgoing - she’s helping me be more outgoing. I’m a procrastinator and she’s a go-getter - she’s helping me be more a go-getter. She’s meticulous, I’m laid back - she’s helping . . . I’ll let you decide who needs to help who in that area. She’s cool headed and I’m temperamental - she’s helping me control my temper. We’re different, but our differences complement one another. We’re better people because of our differences).
"But Rick, WE JUST DON’T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON." Dear friend, your differences will force you to do one of two things: the two of you can fight like cats and dogs because you refuse to change, expand, and grow as people; or the two of you can humble yourselves and use your differences to complement one another. It’s a lot easier to fight like cats and dogs, but it’s more beneficial to be humble and change for the better.
Now please don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say. I’m not saying that you should nag your spouse and try to change them into someone they’re not. I’m simply saying that you and your spouse should complement one another - that is build on each other’s strengths.
Marriage provides me with a companion who makes my life complete. This is the purpose of marriage!!
And do you know why there are so many miserable marriages? One of the reasons is that most couples don’t realize the purpose of marriage. Some couples view marriage as a buisness partnership, or as a strictly sexual partnership. But the Bible teaches that marriage is much more! It is the joining of two life-long companions who make each other complete!
If you want to build a lasting marriage, then apply this principle into your marriage. Be best friends and build on each other’s strengths!
II. The Priority of Marriage.
(v. 24) When God says, "leave you parents", He is telling us that the husband / wife relationship is more important than the parent / child relationship.
I like the story Dr. Adrian Rogers tells about one his deacons. One of his deacons had a son who verbally abused his mother. When this deacon found out, he sat his son down and said (in effect), "Son, you have sinned against God. But not only that, you have sinned against your mother. But not only that, you have sinned against my wife. And son, NOBODY TALKS TO MY WIFE LIKE THAT!!" I like that! That Deacon recognized the priority of marriage.
If we were to arrange our relationships according to priority, it would go like this: Jesus is 1st, your spouse is 2nd, and your children are 3rd.
This doesn’t mean that God wants you to disown your parents when you get married. The fact of the matter is, God wants you to honor them all the way to the grave. God doesn’t want you to disown your parents, but he does want you to break the parent / child bond that you’ve had with them. He wants you to sever the cords that once provided security, protection, financial assistance, and physical needs. And refusing to break that bond will hinder the marriage and it could cause it to collapse (ILL: our former neighbor who got a divorce because she had a mother-n-law who wouldn’t let go and a husband who wouldn’t turn loose).
So parents, you need to LET GO. Our job as parents is to raise our children to a point where they no longer need us. Our objective is to work ourselves out of job (not out of a relationship). And when the day comes when they get married, make sure you let them go. And I’m told that if you do your job well, you won’t be loosing a son or a daughter when they get married - you’ll be gaining a friend.
I heard a story about a mother and father who gave their precious daughter away in marriage. After the honeymoon, their daughter and her husband moved several states away. A few weeks later, the phone rang, the mother answered, and it was their daughter. She was in tears because she and her husband had just had their first fight. The daughter asked to speak to her dad. He took the phone and went into another room and talked to "his little girl" for about 10 minutes. When he came back out, the mother asked, "What did she say." The father replied, "She and her husband had a big fight and she wants to come home." After a moment of silence, the mother asked, "What did you say?" The father answered, "I told her, SHE IS HOME." That’s good! That father recognized that he needed to let go after his daughter said "I do."
Parents, you need to let go and Husbands & Wives, you need to TURN LOOSE. Your relationship to one another is far more important than your relationship with your perspective parents. Does that mean that you should never ask them for advice, or spend time with them, or do things together? Of course not. But it does mean that they are no longer #1 when it comes to human relationships. Your spouse is now #1 and your parents have moved down a spot or two. So recognize the priority of marriage and put God first, your spouse second, your children third, and your parents fourth.
III. The Permanence of Marriage
Look at verse 24 and circle the words "be united" and "become one flesh." That means that, upon marriage the husband and wife leave their parents and they unite together. The words translated "be united" means to "to glue", "cling to something" , or "sticking together". The word translated "become one flesh" means "to blend into one." When taken together, those words reminds us that God intends for marriage to be a permanent relationship - until death do you part.
How can you and your mate stick together? Let me offer four suggestions.
A. First, be COMMITTED to your mate. That’s what you did at your wedding ceremony: you publicly committed yourselves to one another (ILL: At my wedding, I made a vow to spend the rest of my life with Carol. I made that vow to her, our Pastor, my family, her family, our friends, and our God. I committed myself to her till death do we part, and I’m determined to keep my word. Husbands and wives, you made a vow to be committed to each other until death do you part). You gave your word at your wedding, so stick to it.
B. Second, CHOOSE to love your mate. Love is a verb - it’s something you do. Love is not a magical force that controls you, it is an action that you choose to show. You don’t fall out of love anymore than you fall into love. Love is a choice. If you want to enjoy your marriage, then you need to choose to love your mate.
C. Third, CULTIVATE your love for your mate. Love isn’t like an expensive diamond you discover. It’s more like a precious and delicate flower you grow. It has to be cultivated, nourished, and protected. How do you cultivate love for your mate? By treating them with the qualities of love mentioned in I Cor. 13:4-7. Work together to cultivate your love.
D. Get as CLOSE as you possibly can to JESUS. He can make a miserable life happy, and a happy life happier. He can make a bad marriage good, a good marriage great, and a great marriage better. Troubles will still come, but you’ll have someone to see you through those troubles. So get to close to Christ as you possibly can.
IV. The Purity of Marriage (v. 25, Heb. 13:4)
The Bible teaches that sex within marriage is BLESSED by God, sex outside of marriage (whether it be adultery, fornication, or homosexuality) is FORBIDDEN by God.
And do you know why God tells us not to do those things? Somebody says, "Because He doesn’t want us to have any fun." Heavens no! God wants us to enjoy life to it’s fullest! All of God’s commands are designed for our benefit and happiness. When He says, "Thou Shalt", He’s saying, "Help yourself to some happiness." When He says, "Thou Shalt Not", He’s saying, "Don’t do that because it will ultimately hurt you and make you miserable."
Think about the terrible consequences of sex outside of marriage: the unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, aids, the emotional damage, etc). This is why God forbids sex outside of marriage! He knows that it will ultimately hurt you and make you miserable!
Those of you have kids or grandkids, tell them about the purity of marriage and urge them to wait until their honeymoon.
Those of you who are married, stay faithful to your spouse and don’t ever flirt with adultery.
And those of you who are single, keep yourself pure.
Let’s wrap this up. We’ve talked about the purpose, the priority, the permanence, and the purity of marriage. I hope the Holy Spirit has dealt with you and I hope you will take these principles to heart.
And someone says . . .
"Rick, I’m single and this doesn’t really apply to me." I have a couple of things to say to you. First, don’t ever let anybody make you feel like a second class citizen because you’re single. The Bible places great honor on being single (I Cor. 7:8-9, 25-35). Second, trust God. If you really need a mate, He will provide one in His own good time.
"Rick, my spouse isn’t what he (or she) ought to be." That puts you in a tough situation. Get as close as you can to Jesus, put Him first in your life, be the best spouse you can be, and God will bless you.
"Rick, I’m not the spouse I ought to be." I appreciate your honesty and your confession is the first step on the right path. You make that confession to God, ask for His forgiveness, and make a commitment to be the best spouse you can be. Then, make the same confession to your spouse, ask for her forgiveness, and show her that you are committed to be the best spouse you can be - with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Let’s pray . . .
Note: All Scripture references are from the NIV
