Handling Disappointment At Christmas
GNLCC 12/16/2001 Isaiah 7:13-14 Luke 1:26-38 Text Matt 1:18-25
Everything about the way the world celebrates Christmas gives the impression of a wonderful time of joy, fun, excitement, and happiness. The lights are beautiful, Santa is a jolly old fellow, and people are nice and friendly as they get into the Christmas spirit. The decorations in the malls and on people’s homes are fantastic, and the presents seem to abound with anticipation of smiles and delights come Christmas morning.
How many of you have discovered, that your past Christmases have not lived up to what the image of the world says it ought to be. Sure you had the external decorations, buy somehow the joy wasn’t there. Some of us lost our Christmas spirit real quickly when we gave someone a real nice expensive gift, and opened their gift only to recognize that it had come from the dollar store. Some of us were disappointed that we did not have any gifts at all.
Some of us had gifts, but then there was a big family fight after somebody had too much to drink. Some of us were hurting because someone we loved, never came home on Christmas. Some of us were sad, because it was our first Christmas after our divorce and the other person wasn’t there. Some of us felt really empty, because it was our first Christmas after someone we loved dearly had died, and he or she was not there on Christmas morning.
There are so many disappointments that can enter our lives at Christmas. God has tried to prepare us for them by giving us the real Christmas story in the Bible. If we read the word of God, we would see that the first Christmas was filled with disappointment, even when you do everything right. All of us should accept now, that “I am going to be disappointed this Christmas.”
Have you ever asked the question, “How could something so good, go wrong, so quickly.” One day you’re making plans for this wonderful moment, and all of a sudden it just seems to have blown up in your face, through no fault of your own. The Christmas story began 700 years before Jesus was born, when God spoke through Isaiah saying a virgin shall have a child, and He will be called Immanuel which means “God with us.” Now who would this virgin be.
God chose Mary. As we saw in our New Testament reading, an angel came to Mary to let her know that she had been chosen out of all the women in the world to give birth to Jesus, the Savior of the world. Mary let the angel the know, it could not be true, because she was a virgin. She had not had sex with anyone. The angel assured her, that the Holy Spirit would come upon her, and she would get pregnant and Jesus would be born. Mary wanted to do whatever God wanted from her, and joyfully accepted the will of God for her life. By the time the angel left, Mary was pregnant, and she went away for three months to visit her relatives in the hills.
Now before the angel came to visit Mary, Mary’s family had been making plans for Mary’s future with the family of a guy by the name of Joseph. Instead of couples looking into each other’s eyes and becoming drunk with love, their parents discussed with each other plans for them to be married. Marriages were arranged for individuals by parents. The parents would discuss the terms of what if anything was to be exchanged and they would be in a formal contract. After the contract was reached, the couple would be considered as being married and called husband and wife.
However the husband continued to live with his family for a year and the wife lived with her family for a year. The waiting period was a time to demonstrate the faithfulness of the pledge of purity of the bride. If she became pregnant during this time, it was obvious she was not pure and had been involved in an unfaithful relationship. The marriage could be annulled. At the end of the one year period, the husband would go to the bride’s parent’s house, and in a grand march with many others, he would lead his bride back to his home. This would be there first night of sex together and the final steps of their marriage would be complete.
Now let’s imagine you are Joseph. You are a few years older than Mary. You know you’ve got a beautiful woman inside and outside. You love the Lord, and you love this woman. You’ve been looking forward now for some time, counting the days when it will be your turn to lead your friends down to Mary’s family house to pick up your bride and to have the night of your dreams. You talk about a man with some happy expectations, Joseph had them with good reasons. It’s been about three months since the last time you saw Mary, and she sends word, Joseph I’ve got good news. Let’s meet secretly together. Your mind is wondering, what on earth could she possibly have to say.
She comes and tells you, “You know I’ve been in the hill country with my relatives for three months. But just before I left, I had a visit from an angel. He told me that I have been chosen to give birth to Jesus the Messiah isn’t that great news.” Joseph says, “wow, that really is great news. You and I can both trace our lineage back to King David. Whoa this is too much. Did the angel say, when this is going to happen or what we should do to make it a reality.”
Mary says, “that’s just it Joseph. You’re not going to believe this, but it’s already started. I’m already pregnant. I have morning sickness at times, but after the angel left, the Holy Spirit came upon me, and now I’m actually pregnant.” This is so exciting and I just couldn’t wait to tell you.” Joseph says, “are you serious, you are really pregnant.”
From there it went all downhill. Joseph was crushed, he did not believe a word about being pregnant from the Holy Spirit. Mary was equally in pain. How could the man she loved and was to spend her life with believe that she was not only a liar, but cheating on him sexually as well. You talk about a Christmas filled with disappointment
Let’s look at Joseph for a moment. The woman he loved more than any other in the world had appeared to betray him. Here he was living for God, and now he would be the laughingstock of the community. Everybody would assume, he had been sneaking over to Mary’s house when he was not suppose to. His plans for his wedding day, and that march he had look forward to over to her parent’s house were down the tubes. All the confidence he had, that this was the woman God had for him was quickly evaporating into thin air. How could Mary do this to him! He was not only disappointed, he was hurt, and he was angry.
Have you ever been in Joseph’s shoes where somebody disappointed you? That disappointment led to hurt, and that hurt gave way to anger. Even now, when you deal with the person, you deal out of anger not out of love. This happens so easily in our families when others do not live up to our expectations. Even though we still love the person, until we truly forgive them for what they did or did not do, we deal with them out of our anger. We still may provide for them, but they do not sense our love even though we insist it is there.
Like Joseph, we’re not willing to accept, that there may be more to the story than we know about or understand. Just because we see a situation in a given way does not mean, we have an accurate picture. One mistake we often make, is that sometimes we are not even willing to listen to the other person’s side of the story. All we can think of is our own pain. We’re going to be disappointed this Christmas, so can we pledge to listen to what the other person has to say.
Let’s look at how Joseph handled his disappointment in Matthew 1:19. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man, and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. It says Joseph was a righteous man. He did not forget, that how he dealt with Mary should come out of his relationship first to God. He wanted to deal with this situation in a way in which God could say to him, “You did the right thing.” Step number one is to take our disappointment to God. Everybody does not need to know how somebody else has caused you a lot of pain.
Notice, that he did not have revenge on his mind. Some people will tell you, “if I were you, I’d really make him or her pay for that.” Joseph was able to look beyond his hurt and ask, “how can I make it easiest for us both.” You see technically Joseph could have had Mary brought before the elders of the community and be humiliated so that he could have his name cleared once and for all. According to the law, Mary could be stoned for her actions. Instead of lashing out with his disappointment, he tried to be loving and merciful. Step number two, when you have the upper hand even when you’re hurting, try to be kind and compassionate.
Notice also that he had it mind to divorce her quietly. Joseph did not rush and make an on the spot decision. He thought this thing over and over. He felt as though he just could not accept what Mary said, and divorce was the only option. He was going to do it all quietly. Now based on what he thought he knew, you may say he’s doing a noble thing. But keep in mind there is a higher step, and that is complete forgiveness. I have watched some of you go through trials in which your spouse has gone out, been unfaithful, and fathered a child by another woman, and yet you have been willing to forgive. It was not easy, but it was a choice.
Just think of what Joseph is missing out on, by saying, there is no hope for this relationship. Only one man will get to be the father of the savior of the world. He’s about to throw away that opportunity. As long as people are willing to humble themselves and to work together there is hope for that relationship be it a husband/wife, child/parent, boss/worker, relative/relative or friend to friend. Sure they disappointed you, but don’t forget you have disappointed others. We throw away people and relationships far too quickly and easily.
After Joseph had finally made up his mind, As he lay sleeping in his bed, an angel came to him in a dream and told him, “You need to believe everything Mary told you because it’s true. Don’t be afraid to take her as your wife. She will give birth to a son and you are to call him Jesus because he will save his people from their sins.” When Joseph woke up, he went and did immediately what the angel had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.
Now you may be thinking, “If an angel appeared to me in a dream, then I know what I would do exactly what he told me.” How many of you have had a dream, that you thought was from God, but it turned out God had nothing to do with it. Even when God gives us a sign, we find a way to discredit it when it is not to our liking. When the angel appeared to Mary, he appeared face to face.
Joseph is staking his future on a dream. He was still taking a step of faith God is not always going to come to us with a vision or a dream. He has given us His word the Bible to help us make godly decisions. Miracles and visions are not guarantees of our obedience. Just think, if Joseph had not of had this dream, he would have been believing a lie his entire life and missed out on one of the greatest blessings God had for his life. Had it not been for Mary, we never would have known that Joseph even existed.
Think about how disappointed Mary was as the first Christmas approached. God’s gift into her life had cost her, her husband and the respect of her family. Everybody felt betrayed by her, and they were all disappointed in her. She got into this predicament by saying yes to the will of God for her life. Have you ever been disappointed in God? If God had of done something differently, you would not be in the fix you’re in. Now, why didn’t the angel come to tell Mary this good news when Joseph was with her and this misunderstanding could have been avoided.
Mary was so disappointed with Joseph, she didn’t know what to do. Why in the world can’t he just trust me? What makes him think I would go out and do something like that? You ever felt like Mary. You know that you are right and are telling the truth. You know what happened. One of the dangers of being in Mary shoes, is that we don’t try to really understand where the other person is coming from either. Mary did not want to see this from Joseph’s perspective. But Joseph did have a strong case. They had not had sex before she left. She went away for three months with no contact in the hill country. She comes back and she’s pregnant. No one had ever heard of getting pregnant by the Holy Spirit. Joseph’s interpretation of Mary’s action were wrong, but they were a real possibility.
There will be times, when we will be right, but we have to leave open the possibility that others can genuinely misinterpret our behaviors. They do not have to have an evil motive. This is not the time to simply blow it off with a “Whatever.” This is the time to explain ourselves and admit to the other person. I see how you could think that, and I’m sorry my actions led you to that conclusion.
Mary did not allow her disappointment to keep her from forgiving Joseph. When Joseph came to her house. She could have gotten an attitude and said something like, “Well I can’t live with a man that thinks I’m a liar. Or “hey, you didn’t trust me before, what makes you trust me now.” When Joseph told her about an angel appearing to him in a dream, she could have said, “You didn’t believe my angel showed up, why should I believe one showed up for you.” Forgiveness is essential for handling disappointment.
Think of how much more difficult it would have been for this couple to get back together if Joseph had of went out and dogged Mary and told everybody what he thought she had done. Only to later have to go back and say, please come be my wife. Mary and Joseph’s marriage was off to a very rocky start because of the disappointment they had brought into each other’s lives, but their faith in God got them through it, and because it did, we will be celebrating Christmas.
Do you know why God did not allow Joseph to get Mary pregnant for the birth of Jesus. From the beginning, once Adam and Eve, the first humans, did wrong and sinned, the nature to do wrong was created in their children. All of us are born with a nature inside of us to rebel against God. It is passed down to each generation through their fathers. None of us can be perfect because of that sinful nature.
In order to pay the penalty for our wrong doing, God required a perfect sacrifice who was sinless. Since there were no humans to meet that standard, God decided to become a man, and in Himself pay the penalty for our wrong doing. God needed his own nature from the moment of conception. That is why Joseph had nothing to do with pregnancy. If he had, Jesus would have been born in sin just like the rest of us. He was therefore born of a virgin by the Holy Spirit, so that when He died, he would be perfect.
We should all expect some disappointment to come into our lives this Christmas. Let’s approach it with the need to understand the other person. Let’s handle it with love and compassion. Let’s overcome it with forgiveness.
We have a Christmas to celebrate because God was disappointed with the way we were living. Even after all God provided us with, we still said, “no God, I’ll do it my way.” Even though we deserved to be punished forever for our wrong doing and many of us will be, God offered us an alternative. For The Scripture says in John 3:16-19 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.
5. Only The Death Of One Perfect Could Pay For Us
6. Jesus Perfect Because Of The Holy Spirit At Start
K. We Should Expect Some Disappointment To Come In
1. Approach It With The Need To Understand Other..
2. Handle It With Love And Compassion
3. Overcome It With Forgiveness
L. Remember Christmas Is Because Of Disappointment
1. God’s Disappointment With Us
2. God’s Provision And Our Rejection
3. God Wanted To Give Us More Than Deserved.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 3:18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.
John 3:19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.
4. The Greatest Disappointment Is To Go Through
Christmas & Not Walk With The Savior
5. God Handled His Disappointment With Love
Acceptance & Forgiveness
Sermon Outline Pastor Rick 12/16/2001 GNLCC
Handling Disappointment At Christmas
Isaiah 7:13-14, Luke 1:26-38, Matthew 1:18-25
A. The World Celebration Of Christmas
1. Joy, Fun, Excitement, Lights, Santa
2. Christmas Spirit, Decorations, Presents
3. Not Exactly What It Was Claimed
4. Outside Present But Not Inside
5. Loss Of Christmas Spirit When
B. The Reality Of Life
1. No Gifts, Family Fight, Never Showed Up
2. Divorce, Death, Disappointments
3. Bible Attempts To Prepare Us
4. Accept Disappointment Now
5. How Something So Good Go So Bad
6. Christmas Began 700 Years Earlier—Virgin Shall
C. The Choice Of Mary
1. Promise To Mary—But I’m A Virgin
2. The Holy Spirit Will Make It Happen
3. Pregnant And Gone For Three Months
4. Family Plans—Mary- Joseph—Love—Contract
5. Exchanges—Husband –Wife Year To Go At Home
6. Purity & Faithfulness Of Bride—If Pregnant
7. The Grand Processional March—Celebrate
8. First Night—Completion Of Marriage
D. If You Were Joseph----What Do You Do
1. Older—Beautiful Woman Inside & Out
2. Eager Expectation For The Day---Happy
3. 3 Months—You’ve Got Word—Secret Meeting
4. Mary—Been 3 Months –Good News From Angel
5. Joseph—Great News, What Must We Do—When
6. Mary—It Started—I’m Pregnant Now—Great News
7. Joseph—Are You Serious, You’re Pregnant
E. Things Take Another Turn
1. Joseph Crushed—Unbelief Mary Pain—Liar/Cheater
2. Joseph—Loved More Than Other, Laughingstock
3. Wedding In Ruins, Confidence In God’s Choice
4. How? Disappointed , Hurt, Angry
5. Ever Been In Joseph’s Shoes—By Disappointment
6. Deal Out Of Anger—Not Of Love
7. Attacks Us Within Our Families—Love But….
8. May Be More To The Story Than We Know
9. Seeing Doesn’t Equal Knowing All
10. Not Willing To Listen Because Of Our Own Pain
11. Pledge To Listen To What Other Has To Say
F. Joseph Handles The Situation.
Mat 1:19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
1. Righteous Man—Deals Out Of Relationship To God
2. Wanted God To Say “You Did The Right Thing
3. Take Disappointment To God—Not To Everybody
4. Remove Element For Revenge—If I Were You”
5. Look Beyond Hurt—Easiest For Us Both
6. Mary Before Elders—Could Face A Death Sentence
7. No Lashing-Merciful & Loving With Upper Hand
8. Divorce Quietly—Noble- But Not Only Course
9. Compete Forgiveness Is The Highest Of Courses
10. Your Choices To Forgive Spouses, Parents, Child
11. What Is Joseph Saying No To----One Time Event
12. Reconciliation Possible—Humility & Work
13. Don’t Throw Away Relationships To Quickly
G. God Intervenes With A Dream
1. The Angel Says---Believe Mary, Don’t Be Afraid
2. Joseph Obeys And Goes For His Wife
3. Will A Dream Do It For You—Maybe—Maybe Not
4. We Discard What We Do Not Want To Do
5. God’s Word Provides Wisdom & Direction
6. Joseph Stakes Future On A Dream
7. Without That Dream—Life Based On A Lie
8. Without Mary—Never Would Have Known Joseph
9. Don’t Miss Out On The Blessings Of God
H. Mary’s Disappointment At The First Christmas
1. God’s Gift Cost Her—Husband, Family Respect
2. Lots Of Disappointment & Betrayal For Saying Yes
3. Disappointment With God—Why Didn’t God Do This
4. Disappointment With Joseph—How Could He Think?
5. Ever Been Like Mary—Right & Knew It
6. Danger Of Her Shoes—Blind To What Appears
7. Joseph Had A Strong Case—3 Months Gone, Back
8. Case Strong—Interpretations Of Actions Wrong
9. Understand How Others May Misinterpret –Apologize
10. Forget The “Whatever” And Talk It Out
11. Disappointment Didn’t Stand In Way Of Forgiveness
I. When The Reunion Began To Take Place
1. Could Have Attitude Problem—I Can’t Live With A ..
2. Didn’t Trust Me Then… Why Your Angel Not Mine
3. Forgiveness Essential For Handling Disappointment
4. What If Joseph Had Been Dogging—How Hard
5. Marriage Rough Start—But Faith In God & Other
6. Together They Made It Through To Christmas
J. Why Joseph Could Not Be The Father Of Christ
1. Adam, Eve, Sin Wrong Doing
2. Born With Nature To Do Wrong-Pass Through Dad
3. Need For A Perfect Child For A Perfect Adult
4. God Became That Perfect Child In Jesus Christ
