Feb. 11, 2001 Judges 14
“The risk of relationships” – part 1
INTRODUCTION
Whenever I say the name “Samson”, there are probably two things that pop immediately into most people’s minds. They are great strength and Delilah. Most anyone who has even a little bit of biblical knowledge has heard the story of Samson and Delilah. But did you know about Samson’s first love? Did you know that Samson was married long before he ever met Delilah? That’s the story that we’re going to learn from today and next week.
Each of you has chosen to enter into different types of relationships. You have parent to child relationships, employee to boss relationships, teacher to student relationships, friend to friend relationships, and dog to master relationships. Have you seen the dog food commercial that talks about the special bond between a human and his dog? It’s as if the dog is talking, and he says, “I won’t scold you when you come home at 1:00 in the morning. I won’t get mad when you throw your clothes on the floor. You can drive as fast as you want as long as you roll down the window and let me stick my head out. I won’t question you about the smell of perfume on your clothes.” One famous dog to master relationship is in the Peanuts cartoon strip. In the relationship between Snoopy and the rest of the gang, it would be hard to say who is the master and who is the dog. In a “Peanuts” cartoon, Lucy says to Snoopy: “There are times when you really bug me, but I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a big hug.” Snoopy replies: “That’s me…buggable and huggable.” – Robert L. Short, Parable of Peanuts as recorded in Tale of a tardy Oxcart, p. 477 That could probably be said about a lot of us. Each type of relationship carries certain risks with it. There is always the potential for getting hurt. Of all the different types of relationships that a person can have, the greatest human relationship is between a man and a woman. Two little teardrops were floating down the river. One teardrop asked the other, “Who are you?” The second teardrop replied, “I’m from a woman who lost her lover. And you?” The first teardrop said, “I’m from the woman who got him.” – Michael Green, Illustrations for Biblical preaching as recorded in Tale of a tardy Oxcart, p. 477
The risk of entering into a relationship sometimes causes us to hold back. We put on thick armor in the hopes that we will never be hurt again. We see others hurt, and we determine in our heart, “That will never be me. I’m not going to make myself vulnerable just to have my heart trampled on!” A greater risk than being hurt in a relationship is the risk of never having a relationship at all.
In this passage of Scripture – Judges 14 – I want us to see some guidelines that will help us evaluate our present relationships, plan for new relationships and prepare ourselves for the costs that are associated with those relationships. To get sweet things – particularly, the sweetness of a rewarding relationship – requires putting yourself in danger – taking a risk. Even then, you may not get the outcome that you want. How are you going to respond? Is it worth the risk?
1. Every relationship starts off with an attraction. (vs. 1)
Attraction – that’s the preliminary desire to explore the possibility of forming a mutually rewarding relationship. Samson saw this girl. Something about her attracted him. There was something different about her. Maybe it was her walk, or the way she tossed her hair or the clothes that she had on. His parents wanted him to date one of the normal Israelite girls. But they were all the same in Samson’s eyes. He liked the difference. I asked the boys in the 9th grade Bible class that I teach what attracts them to girls. They said, “personality [pause] , looks, easy to talk to, the way they carry themselves, body language, and common interests”. I suppose that everyone is attracted by different means. A lady wanted to marry four different men in her lifetime. She said each one would help her with the four things she needed most. First, she wanted to marry a banker. Second, a movie star. Next, a [preacher]. And finally, a funeral director. When asked why, she answered, “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!” – Charles R. Swindoll, Growing Deep in the Christian Life
This is Valentine’s week. Many of you men will be doing things that you haven’t done for your wives since last Valentine’s Day. You’ll take her out to eat, buy her flowers and chocolates, tell her how beautiful she is. You’ll do all those things that once attracted her to you in the hopes of kindling some romance. A man and his wife were having some marital difficulties. There just didn’t seem to be any attraction between them anymore. His best friend counseled him to try and re-kindle some of the original attraction by being extra sweet to his wife. So he decided that he would try it out. Normally, when he came home, he was in his dirty work clothes, and the first thing out of his mouth was, “What’s for dinner?” That evening, things were different. The husband came home in his best suit with a bunch of flowers in his hand. Instead of coming in the back door as was his usual habit, he came to the front door and rang the doorbell. When his wife opened the door, she took one look at him…and burst into tears! She said, “Johnny’s been throwing up all day, the burners on the stove won’t light, the bill collector called for the 4th time, and to top it all off, you come home drunk!” His attempts at romancing his wife and building up the attraction between them backfired and pushed her away instead.
What do you think attracted people to Jesus? It wasn’t His great physique. The Bible tells us that there was nothing real great about the way that Jesus looked. It was His heart that attracted people. He cared about people. He was honest with them, telling them exactly what they needed to hear but in a kind and gentle way. He was a healer, not a destroyer. He stood up for what He believed in regardless of who stood in his way or what the consequences were going to be. He spoke as one who knew what He was talking about – with authority. They were attracted to the difference. He was unlike anyone that they had ever known. Jesus is not here today. The only way that people are going to be attracted to Him is by seeing those same characteristics in you and me. We, by our actions and attitudes, either draw people to Jesus or push them away. If we claim to have a relationship with Jesus, then there had better be something different about our lives. Just being like everyone else won’t attract anyone to Jesus. They need to see a difference.
2. Every new relationship will cause changes in existing relationships. (vs. 2-3)
Manoah and his wife enjoyed the relationship that they had with their son. I imagine it was kind of nice having a strong man around the house. When mom needed some piece of furniture moved so that she could vacuum underneath it, here comes Samson to the rescue. Manoah never really had to worry about mom when he was out in the fields. Samson, the strongest man in the world, was there to protect her. No need for an ox to pull the plow through the fields. Just hitch Samson up to the plow. Just had to be careful about asking Samson for a bear hug! But as any parent knows, there comes a time when their little baby grows up. He doesn’t need momma and daddy as much as he used to. He starts to develop friendships. The time that he used to spend with you is now spent with his friends. He gains an interest in girls. Before you know it, he has left father and mother behind to start a family of his own. Some people can handle the fact that relationships change. Others can’t. One mother wrote this poem as she saw the changes that her daughter was going through and realized that their relationship was changing.
It was hard to let you go;
To watch womanhood reach out and snatch you
Long before the mothering was done.
But if God listened to mothers and gave in,
Would the time for turning loose of daughters ever come?
It was hard when you went away –
For how was I to know
The serendipity of letting go
Would be seeing you come home again
And meeting in a new way
Woman to woman –
Friend to friend.
- Marilee Zdenek, quoted in Charles R. Swindoll, Make up your mind
Manoah and his wife watched Samson grow and change too. He wasn’t their little boy anymore. They couldn’t make his decisions for him. He chose to enter into a new relationship that his parents counseled him against. They knew that new relationship would change forever the way that he related to them. But more important than that, they knew it would change the way that he related to God. Long ago, God had forbidden the intermarriage between Israelites and any of the peoples that were native to Canaan. The reason for this was because these other peoples did not worship and serve the true God. They had many false gods. The tendency was that if an Israelite married a Philistine, then the Israelite would begin to worship the Philistine’s false gods rather than the Philistine worshipping the Israelite’s true God. Samson’s parents wanted to prevent him from entering into this new relationship because they feared he would weaken his relationship with God which was the most valuable relationship that he had. Parents, warn your children against entering into romantic relationships with people who have different faith views than they do. That is one time that the risk associated with that relationship is not worth the potential rewards.
As new people come into our church, it is going to change some of the existing relationships that are already here. We have to decide as a church if we are going to be a closed circle or an open circle. An closed circle holds on tightly to the hand of the person who is next to them. Nothing and no one is going to hamper the close friendship and bond that is between them. It’s kind of like the game “Red rover”. “I’m not going to let you break into the line at my spot! I’m not going to be your friend and really reach out to you with love for fear that it will hurt my friendship with someone else in the church. If you devote time to someone new in the church that you used to devote to me, then I am going to be hurt and offended. I might even choose to leave.” Sounds like what little girls do when they are in elementary school. New girl comes to school. One partner of a best-friend pair befriends the new girl and wants to include her in things that the best-friend pair does. Other partner of the pair gets jealous, walks away and pouts. She’s jealous because someone else is getting the attention that she once had. An open circle on the other hand says, “I am willing to loosen my grip on relationships that I value for the benefit of someone else and to establish new relationships. I have enough love to go around.”
When you come to Christ or choose to deepen your relationship with Him, all of your other relationships are going to be affected. Some of them are going to get better. You parents will be able to love your children more completely. You husbands will be ever more faithful to your wives. You children and teens will be more responsive to the wishes and needs of your parents. But some relationships may get worse. If you draw closer to God, and your spouse chooses not to do the same, then it will create some distance between the two of you. You will begin to look at things from different perspectives. You will have different goals. He wants a new boat. She wants to give to a needy family down the street. Your friends think that life is about having the most stuff and being on top of the heap. You think that life is about serving people and loving God. A new relationship with Jesus or a deeper relationship with Jesus will put a strain on and may even end other relationships that mean an awful lot to you. But it’s worth it.
3. Every relationship is an opportunity for God to show His glory. (vs. 4)
Samson’s parents weren’t exactly thrilled with his choice of a bride. They had good reason to be wary. Samson was getting ready to make a big mistake. But God can take any relationship – even the ones that He doesn’t approve of and turn them around into an opportunity for Him to show His glory and accomplish His will.
Most of the time, we don’t enter into relationships to show off God’s glory. We do it to show off our own glory. You’re getting ready to go out on your first date with a new person. You check each and every hair to see if it is in its proper place. All of your clothes that used to be in your closet are now piled up on your bed. You’ve gone through everything that you have to wear, and nothing will show off your figure just the right way. So you utter those words that every woman has said: “I’ve got nothing to wear!” You and mom rush off to the mall to buy you a new outfit. Meanwhile, he is standing in front of the mirror checking to make sure that he doesn’t have any green stuff in between his teeth. He does the smell test on his breath and on his arm-pits. Everything about a new relationship is making sure that you impress that person enough for them to want to further the relationship. You’re trying to show off your glory. Can you imagine Samson on his first date? He picks up the barbell high over his head with one hand with two girls sitting on each end of the barbell!
We have the problem of looking at relationships as means for us to show how invaluable we are to that other person – because of our looks, our personality, or our skills. God wants to use our relationships as an opportunity for Him to show His glory.
Every person that I encounter is an opportunity for ministry. When you have conversations with people, look for opportunities to turn them into God-moments. If you’re talking about the weather, then say something like this: “God sure has painted some awesome sunsets lately!” and then move on in the conversation. You don’t need to preach a sermon. Just use the conversation to highlight God. If you’ve just finished working on a neighbor’s car, and the two of you are listening to its engine purr, say something like: “That purr is just the way it feels when God makes every part of your life work in sync with every other part.” It may be awkward at first to talk like that out in public. Any new language is. But the more you practice, the more fluent you will become so that it becomes your habit to talk that way. In math class at school: “That plus sign looks just like a cross. Jesus added His blood to our sin to give us eternal life.” Verse 4 says that God “was seeking an occasion.” He was looking for an opportunity. When we look for opportunities in our relationships to glorify God and are willing to open our mouths, we will be amazed at what God will do.
4. Every relationship requires getting close. (vs. 5-9)
Up to this point, Samson’s desire for this Philistine woman was based solely on what he had seen. He had not even spoken to her yet – didn’t even know her name. In order for the relationship to progress a little farther, he was going to have to get close.
Probably each and every one of you has been in a situation where you see someone that catches your eye. You really want to get to know them better, but something holds you back. You’re scared of rejection or that they are already taken. You don’t want to make a fool of yourself. So rather than taking a risk and possibly enjoying great rewards, you play it safe and hold back. You know that there is great danger in starting new relationships.
Samson discovered that too. As he was going down to talk with the girl who he loved at first sight, suddenly a lion came out of the brush and attacked him. Samson was suddenly in great danger. Relationships will put you into dangerous situations. There will be a great deal of opportunity for hurt to happen. Two porcupines in northern Canada huddled together to get warm, according to a forest folktale. But their quills pricked each other, so they moved a part. Before long they were shivering, so they sidled close again. Soon both were getting jabbed again. Same story; same ending. They needed each other, but they kept needling each other. – Leslie Flynn, When the saints come storming in as recorded in Tale of a Tardy Oxcart, p. 476
Does that sound like any relationship that you have been a part of? You needed that relationship, but they had hurt you. Of even if they hadn’t, the potential for hurt was high. You didn’t want to endanger yourself. Some people who do not come to this church don’t because they have been hurt in the past. I talked to a lady this week whose mother is dying. I asked her if she had a pastor that she could call on in this time of need in her life. She said that she had been out of church for a very long time because the church that she grew up in had been so strict and so judgmental. She had been hurt. From her perspective, the risk is too high to step out and try again. Some people who are in church, maybe even this church, are out on the fringes. They come, but they don’t invest themselves into the church or its people. They’ve been hurt before. They’re not going to take that risk again. Let me tell you something. If you decide to invest yourself in this church and its people, you will get hurt. I can guarantee it. Someone’s going to do something that you don’t like. The church is going to make a decision that you think is unwise. We’re going to choose a color of carpet for our building that you think will show dirt too easily. You will get hurt if you get close. Though Samson defeated that lion, I imagine that lion got at least one good scratch or bite in before it went down. But without being willing to get close in your relationships, you won’t be able to enjoy the sweetness that those relationships have to offer.
Look at verse 7. [read it] He got close to the girl, he talked to her, he liked her. The risk is proving to be worth it. Then verse 8. [read 8-9] In order to enjoy the honey that was in that lion’s dead carcass, he had to get close. He even had to change the direction that he was going. He “turned aside”. If you want to enjoy the sweetness that relationships have to offer, then you must get close. You must be willing to put yourself in danger.
Jackie Robinson was the first African-American to play baseball in the major leagues. Breaking baseball’s color barrier, he faced hostile crowds in every stadium. While playing one day in his home stadium of Ebbet’s Field in Brooklyn, he committed an error. The fans began to jeer him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the crowd booed. Then, without saying a word, shortstop Pee Wee Reese went over and stood next to Jackie. He put his arm around him and faced the crowd. Suddenly the fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that that arm around his shoulder saved his career. A friend put himself in danger by getting close. That’s what is required in order for relationships to flourish.
Did you know that getting close to God will put you in danger? He might give you a really big job and ask you to step out in faith. My family and I are in danger right now. I only received half my pay last month, and as things look right now, I won’t receive any of my pay this month. We are living on faith that God will provide. We are going to get to experience the sweetness of seeing God meet our needs in ways that we would have never dreamed. Jesus disciples got close to Him. They put themselves in danger. Each and every one of them died for their faith. Did they regret it? Did they think that the cost was too high? No! The only one who regretted his relationship with Jesus was Judas Iscariot, and he was the one who refused to get close enough to really get to know Jesus.
If you’re going to enjoy the honey that relationships have to offer, whether it is a relationship with a person or with God, you must be willing to endure the hurt and the danger that comes along with those relationships. In the end, you will look back and say that it was worth every sacrifice.
CLOSING
Something attracted you here this morning. Maybe it was the difference that you have seen in the lives of Christians that you have known. Maybe it was the need that your children have to receive sound moral guidance. I don’t know what attracted you. But I’m glad you’re here. The danger is that you’re going to stop at that level. You might never go beyond the level of being attracted. You might never develop a deep relationship with this church or more importantly, with the Jesus that it serves. That would be a shame. He offers so much to you.
Maybe the thing that holds you back is the understanding that entering into or deepening a relationship with Him is going to force some changes in some other relationships that you have. Maybe what holds you back is the fear of getting close. You’ve been hurt before. You’ve been betrayed. Jesus will never betray you! And even if you betray Jesus, He will still offer forgiveness. This morning, God could show His glory by changing you and welcoming you into a fulfilling relationship with Him.
Do you need a relationship with Jesus? Do you need to deepen your relationship with this church by becoming a member here? If you do, then when we begin to sing, I want you to put down your hymnal, come to me, tell me what God is telling you to do, and I’ll show you how you can enjoy the sweetness that He has to offer.
