How to follow Jesus without embarrassing ourselves: Handling Sex
By Rev. Andrew Chan
February 24, 2002
Grace International Baptist Church
Vancouver, BC
In our Ephesians series, we were told of how God through Jesus chose us to be special, specially loved and chosen to be included in His team, His kingdom.
Like Team Canada at the Salt Lake Olympics we are now chosen to represent Christ...
How do you follow Jesus and not embarrass yourself in the area of handling of sexual issues? It is everywhere, the misuse of sex. According to one poll in 1969, 68% of the people said that sex before marriage was morally unacceptable, morally wrong. And in May of 2001, the numbers as you may have guessed has slipped, to 38%. Conclusion: Our whole attitude about sexuality has changed in our culture, and it did not take very long for it to happen.
We see this certainly in younger generations. If you look at the younger people in that poll, it’s down to 30%. Only 30% of the younger people in the poll say that sex before marriage is morally unacceptable. We see this because of 15 - 19 year old males, 75 % of them say that they have had sexual intercourse. 50% of the females say that they have sexual intercourse.
There were 27.5 million U.S. visitors to adult-oriented pornographic Web sites in January 2002, says Christine Chan of Nielsen//NetRatings, the Internet audience measurement service. About 72% of visitors were men, 28% women, Chan says.
American consumers spent an estimated $220 million at such fee-based "adult" sites in 2001, according to Jupiter Media Metrix, a New York Internet research firm. That was up from $148 million in 1999. Jupiter is projecting $320 million by 2005.
Sex sells. See it in the commercials on want an attractive person in life get a car, get milk, get the right perfume, clothes, get the bud light and to those kind of ads, we should say, get a life! But sex sells or rather the misuse of sex sells, is that not right? Those businesses that are going bankrupt on the Internet, you haven’t seen many of them going bankrupt that have to do with illicit sex, have you? They’re the ones who are making it. An estimated 20 million Americans visit sex-related Web sites every month, and something like 200,000 Americans are compulsively addicted to Internet pornography. Not only that, but our attitudes about sexuality have changed drastically even in the last 30 or 40 years. Just this past week, we hear of a school teacher charged with possession and trafficking of child porno.
According to the Toronto Star story: Police arrested a nice-looking 35 year old David Lynch, at his work at Toronto’s Royal St. George’s College on Friday (Feb15, 2002) and seized three computers and other computer equipment from both the school and his home nearby. Lynch faces charges of possessing and importing child pornography. Police said the material seized included images and written material depicting both boys and girls as young as the age of one. The school, with annual fees of about $15,000, broke the news to parents this past Monday at school meetings. You think, you can be safe from sexual predators and deviancy when you enrol your kids in expensive classy well-heeled schools but no way, it is everywhere and with the help of the hi-tech and the Net, it’s spiralling out of control!
"There’s so much (child pornography) out there it’s staggering," said an authority in the field. There are as many as 200 such investigations that are ongoing in the city and Toronto Police Chief Julian Fantino said his force is overwhelmed and needs more resources to tackle the problem.
"The realities are the technical aspect of these investigations has indeed become very, very onerous," he said Tuesday. Calling child pornography pervasive, he said the force needs funding to develop a stand-alone unit of six officers dedicated to child pornography investigations with start-up costs of about $350,000. "It’s peanuts compared to the victimization of one child," Fantino said. "The Internet is out of control," Ellis said. "Trying to police something with no borders or restrictions offering virtual anonymity and vast amounts of storage and all for very cheap certainly provides the atmosphere for people to do what they want."
A current poll done in Canada.com website ask this question “do you enjoy sexually explicit material on television, in print or on the internet?” and the respondents reply with 81.84% yes and 18.16% no. Is this not a tremendous issue in our culture today?
A lighthouse keeper who worked on a rocky stretch of coastline and received his new supply of oil only once a month to keep the light burning. One night a woman from the village begged some oil to keep her family warm. Another time a father asked for some to use in his lamp. Another needed some to lubricate a wheel. The lighthouse keeper tried to please everyone and granted them all. He became popular guy. Toward the end of the month he noticed that the supply of oil was very low. Soon, it was all gone, and the beacon light went out. That night several ships were wrecked and lives were lost. When the authorities investigated, the man was very repentant. To his excuses and pleading their reply was, “You were given the oil for one purpose -–to keep that light burning!”
In our text this morning, that is the main thing I wanted to share with u. God tells us in the Bible to keep the light burning, our lights to be precise. And why? Because the building up of His main preoccupation of the whole universe - His church, whom He loves and died for is at stake. He does not want His church to be lost in darkness that has surrounded sexuality. We are the lights that need to shine like beacons in the sea of darkness called the world and its view on sex. Otherwise many lives will be lost. So God gives us our supply of oil, His resource in the power of His love through the Gospel and the power of His Spirit in us to keep us warm and keep the light burning and He gives us pastors/teachers to equip us to serve in His name, building up the church, the body of Christ! But are we deliberately choosing to use up what we were given in ways we think of independently of God or in the purpose for which we called for in dependence on God. Eph. 4:1 (NIV) exhorts the church “to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” And 5:8 (NIV) “…you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light… and find out what pleases the Lord.”
So how do we please God and not embarrass ourselves, living as children of light and becoming imitators of God in the handling of sexuality?
A. REVIEW God’s idea:
First of all, male and female, sexual attraction and love is all God’s idea! I did not invent it, nor did anyone in this world. Its origin is divine! There’s nothing dirty or unclean about the word “sex”. Parents you ought to be talking to your children about sex because everybody on TV, radio, in school, the papers, the magazines and movies are, but they’re not telling them the truth. Go back to the very beginning, God created Adam and Eve with sex in mind. In the very first chapter of the Bible it says that God told them to be fruitful and increase in number. The only way that was going to happen was through sex. After God told them go ahead and do it, see the word “increase”! The Bible says God saw all that He had made and it was very good. Awesome! Therefore, sex started out as something that God intended to be very good. Sex is a VERY GOOD part of creation!
B. REJOICE IN IT:
It’s so good that God chose to elaborate on the matter in chapter two of Genesis. He said, Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” No shame in it at all, the one flesh union of the marital relationship. Adam basically said “Yeah God” when he first saw Eve “This is now the flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone!” I guess now I know why he called Eve “Wo!-Man!”
It is to be celebrated in joyous rapture with the awesome blessing of God. So much so that a whole book was inspired by the Spirit of God to be written to celebrate it. As you may have guessed it: the Song of Songs! Reading it you can’t help but notice the sensual imagery and the intimacy of marital love, the beauty of its poetic celebration of sexual attraction and love, the celebration of the marriage bed. It is not crude, and yet it evokes an intense sensuous awareness of the male and female attraction.
That is why in the 10 commandments God did not say, “thou shalt not have sex”, nor did it have any idea that this 3 letter word “sex” is dirty or that there should be no mention of it in polite company or that it should be banned and no one word of it should be uttered or spelt out. No where in the Bible is sex condemned! Rather, it is the misuse of this great idea of God that is addressed. Just because there is misuse of God’s gift that does not mean the “very good” declaration and affirmation of sex is gone or that the gift is invalidated. It is silly to think that. Just as silly to think just because Canada’s Jeremy Wotherspoon sprawled all over the ice in speedskating in Salt Lake City’s Olympic Games that means that all of Canada must never skate again or that Team Canada should not even try to put on their skates to go for the gold in hockey cause one guy can’t speed skate!
Hence, we ought to give permission to ourselves to view sex in all it God-designed beauty, and declare it to be as good as God says it is, and not be at all be shame of it! Yes, give thanks for it instead of twisting it with vulgar and dirty talk, we should give thanks to God for it. Eph.5:3,4 (NIV)
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.”
Take the improper out and bring in the proper Christ-like attitude to sex: thanksgiving in joy!
C. REFLECTS GOD’S COVENANT. Read 5:31-32
The sexual union reflect mystery of God intense love for His bride, said to be “a profound mystery” by Paul. In Hosea God speaks of His love for His bride, feels intensely the raw feelings of jilted love, he speaks of going after his wife who is like a prostitute. Sex reflects God’s intensity for His one major preoccupation in the universe His people, the church! As recorded in Is.54 (NIV)
For your Maker is your HUSBAND-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-- a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God.
7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the LORD your Redeemer.
9 "To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Is this not a profound mystery that God can love with such a fiery passion, such loyalty, devotion, and commitment! Why should God love like this especially to people who do not deserve such a commitment from Him? Yes, we are to reflect on this covenantal love of God. If we don’t we may in danger of perverting sexual intimacy into mere lust, i.e. just to have something rather than see the beauty of a faithful commitment to love no matter what happens, even if the mountains be shaken and hills be removed! When we see God’s love this way, we realize the greatest romance story ever told is right here in our Lord. This is how we are to reflect God’s love to another - we are called to imitate God in covenantal love (Read 5:1-2)! Sex reminds us of God’s incredible passion and mysterious love for us!
D. REFUSE OTHER VIEWS:
Stop viewing the corruption of the gift from other sources! Because sex is very good and intended by God to be used properly we must hear the proper way for using the gift. Eph:5:6 says: “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.” Let’s stop hearing the world’s corruption of what God said is to be celebrated and is very good. Let us not be deceived any more. Let it not be cheapened God’s great gift of sex by vulgar joke, twisting the sacred intensity of sex within the bonds marital love! Let’s hear His instruction and enjoy the gift with rapture and with His full blessing.
5:12-14 (NIV)
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.
13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible,
14 for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."”
Expose the fruitlessness of other views, which cheapens God’s covenantal love see the shame, guilt, emptiness, violence of rape, loneliness, estrangement, brokeness, regret, alienating rather than one flesh commitment when love is cheapened, when it does not reflect true love and commitment.
Teen who lost her virginity after 6 months with a serious boyfriend but now broken up said this: "I deeply regret it and hope that girls who are wavering in the least about sex won’t go through it. Don’t let anyone tell you that isn’t a big deal, because it is."
When u bring the light of God’s love into view as we handle the topic of sex, we can see how celebrative, open, joyous, peaceful, nothing be ashamed about at all!
E. RESPOND WITH HONOR TO YOUR MATE (5:21)
God knows the temptation to fall into sexual sin is strong. Especially in Ephesus. So readily available even in religious circles of that time, shrine prostitutes in the temples dedicated to fertility cults. Yet, Paul was inspired by God’s spirit to tell his readers, there is an alternative that is so freeing and so alive with God, and no shame attached to it. So it is today, shrine prostitutes on the computer screens readily available… but God would tell us, that the marital relationship ought to be honoured, as it reflects God’s relationship to us:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
That is why He responds with such fire of judgment on any one who will defile His love for His bride. So God tell us to abandon with honor to whom God has joined together …
Proverbs 5:15 ff. (NIV)
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer-
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?
21 For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord ,
and he examines all his paths.
22 The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him;
the cords of his sin hold him fast.
23 He will die for lack of discipline,
led astray by his own great folly.
“For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (5:4)
When we respect, give honor to God’s intended way of using sex, we give honor to Him who created sex. We “Live as children of light” (5:8). When we don’t, we are saying God does not know any better, or how strong the feeling is or that He does not want us to have joy in it, which is so far from the truth. When we refuse His way, sex becomes our idol, we worship the gift, not the Creator of the gift (5:5)! When we respond with honor and love and respect, we model and teach to our children what 5:21 is telling us to do! They too benefit from the honor we give!
F. RENEW SEXUAL SELF IN GOD DAILY
“Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.”
Eph.5:18-20 puts it this way: “ Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you. 19Then you will sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20And you will always give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Take the energy that comes from unmet sexual urges, bring out daily before God… Let the pain of not having everything the way you like it, be out in the open before Him, let it out and not bottle it in, let it drive to utter dependence on Him. He created those strong passions, He knows we need lots of help.
Perhaps you need more help, let others in “submit to one another” build up each with encouraging talk not dirty talk. Get the renewal, on a daily basis through prayer, the right info through the Bible, through the pastor/teachers God has placed in the church to equip you, let someone in to allow God’s grace and love renew and rebuild u.
Conclusion:
Sexual desire and sexual temptation has nothing to do with your age. That is why in our text, the instruction is not limited to a certain age-group (v.3). It is for all God’s people of all ages! It is for the church that Jesus is building! The church that will be a radiant holy bride for Him!
Think about it, Abraham was having sex in his nineties, and Elizabeth was pretty old when she had John the Baptist. A 19 year old can burn with the same lust as a 99 year old. Sex is not a basic human need, it is only a gift to be enjoyed within the proper bounds of marital bliss to reflect God’s intensity and God’s commitment of faithful covenant love.
Furthermore, imagine this: If you were on an deserted island with no fresh water, and the next ship would not be coming by for 30 days and something was coming toward you on some wood, would you rather it be man or woman of your dreams, or a 30 day supply of fresh water. Therefore, let’s not be deceived by the wrong info we get from our Hollywood movies, that glorifies abusive sexual perverted relationships. Get the right info, submitting to God’s revealed truth rather than old wives tales or playground talk or what u can get out of Oprah.
If you are here and you have fallen away from God’s great idea of sex, and perverted it, u know what, just confess your struggles, he can cleanse you of your sins. I like this - Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT):
The steps of the godly are directed by the LORD.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
24
Though they stumble, they will not fall,
for the LORD holds them by the hand.
Ain’t that just great?
Jesus loves you enough to embrace your whole self, including your sexual identity, he knows the strong feelings, He knows the urges, but will you let Him be your guide in handling sex from now on. Will u follow His lead in your life, will u let Him be Master? If you do allow Him, He will rebuild you, build you into a world changer, use you to make an impact with an issue that has the world trapped in sex, lies and videotape.
He is building a church, a church that’s shining with purity and that burns with passion and fire of God’s covenantal love. Be imitators of God today!! Indeed, It is time for us to wake up (5:14)! For too long, the church is silent or asleep! Let us shine the light of Christ into this area of life where Satan has twisted to his favor. Shine the light Christ’s love, and redeem sex, bring back the joy and the favor of God. Let the gift of sex be celebrated in a proper way. Let God’s covenantal love shine through it, enjoy His passionate commitment, take back sex from the devil and do away with the shame.
