Let me begin by reading an email, titled, "What My Mother Taught Me,"
My mother taught me RELIGION: When I spilled grape juice on the carpet, she instructed, "You better pray the stain will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me LOGIC: From her decisive words, "Because I said so, that’s why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing, and I’ll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have a wonderful Mom like you do!"
THANKS, MOM!
Happy Mother’s Day, everybody! I realize that not everyone in this room, including myself, has endured childbirth. So, in an attempt to offer everyone something this morning, and Mothers in particular, we will look at "How to Become an Encourager."
In Susan Yates’ book, And Then I Had Children, she includes the following in her list of common challenges to mothers:
1) Low self-esteem
2) Monotony and loneliness
3) Stress from too many demands
4) Lack of time with husband
5) Confusion about discipline
6) Home atmosphere
7) Need for outside role models
8) Training of children
These are only some of the many reasons for why Mothers need encouragement.
A cartoon showed a psychologist talking to a mother: "Let’s see," he said, "You spend 50 percent of your energy on your job, 50 percent on your husband and 50 percent on your children. I think I see your problem."
When my wife asked me why I picked the book of Philemon to teach on encouragement, I told her it’s because Moms sometimes feel like slaves, and they want to run away. If you’re not familiar with the book of Philemon from the New Testament, it is just before the book of Hebrew. I will read for us.
The author of the book is the Apostle Paul, a dedicated follower of Jesus Christ and mentor to Timothy. The recipients of this letter are Philemon and Apphia, and a house church leader named Archippus. Paul was writing from a prison cell, and he was imprisoned for his religious faith, not for a civil or criminal violation.
Paul is writing on behalf of Onesimus, a runaway slave. Onesimus apparently met Paul and was converted to Christianity. Paul sends this letter with Onesimus back to Philemon, the slave’s master. Paul is not affirming slavery, but in fact asks Philemon to return worth and dignity to Onesimus, even as a brother.
Paul writes in verses 15-17, "... that you [Philemon] might have him [Onesimus] back for good -- no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me." The Bible never endorsed mistreatment of others; rather, the Bible endorses the equality of human worth under God.
Paul was certainly an encouragement to Onesimus, the slave, but Paul was also an encouragement to Philemon, the slave master. We need to understand that an encourager is not an amoral "good feeling dispenser." Paul was concerned about feelings, but he was more concerned about living according to God’s ways.
Let me define an encourager as the Bible would have us understand. A biblical encourager helps others to have the courage to be and to do what God wants them to be and to do. Let me say it again, "A biblical encourager helps others to have the courage to be and to do what God wants them to be and to do."
Everyone needs an encourager, especially Moms. Classmates need encouragers. Co-workers need encouragers. Family members need encouragers. Christians need encouragers, and non-Christians need encouragers.
The good news is that everyone can become an encourager. And this morning, we will learn from the Apostle Paul, how to become a biblical encourager. Let’s look together.
First, a biblical encourager affirms the person’s acceptance by God and usefulness to God. We see this in verses 4-7.
Paul affirmed Philemon’s faith in and service to God. But God is the Greatest Encourager. In fact, God’s Spirit is called, "the one who comes alongside." In a world that we’ve messed up, God encourages us by not abandoning us. He has always showed us His acceptance.
When Adam and Eve disobeyed God as recorded in Genesis, chapter 3, Adam and Eve went into hiding. Because of their disobedience, they felt they lost their acceptance and usefulness to God.
God found them and clothed them with animal skin. God shed the blood of animals to cover up mankind’s sin and sense of unacceptability before God. But that was only a temporary solution, for animals could never pay the penalty that mankind deserves.
So God sent His own Son, Jesus Christ, in the form of man, to die on the cross to pay the full and final payment for sin. On the cross, God demonstrated His acceptance of us despite our sins. The Bible tells us that by trusting in what God has done through Jesus Christ, our relationship and our usefulness can be restored to God.
Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." That’s unconditional acceptance.
Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For it is by God’s favor you have been saved, through trust --and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." That’s usefulness to God.
All of us want to feel accepted, useful and important. Discouragement comes when we don’t feel accepted, useful or important. As modeled by Paul, a biblical encourager affirms the person’s acceptance by God and usefulness to God.
Maybe you’ve done some horrible things without anyone knowing what they are, but you know God knows. And you wonder if He accepts you. He does, and you don’t have to wait until you are good to go to Him. He took the first step in having Jesus Christ pay for your sins. Go to God. He accepts you. He’s been waiting for you.
Maybe you feel inadequate to be used by God. He wants to remind you that His power can overcome our weaknesses. God uses imperfect people only, because He has no other kind of people to choose from. We are all imperfect, but God can and does use us in significant ways.
After President Nixon was removed from the Presidency, he was so disgraced and emotionally disturbed that he wanted to take his own life. He and his wife were in the hospital room with the curtains closed. Then a nurse came in and asked permission to open up the curtains. When the curtains were opened, Nixon saw an airplane flying back and forth outside his widow, with a banner that read, "God loves you, Mr. Nixon."
When Nixon saw that word of encouragement, he regained hope. Who was the biblical encourager behind this? Ruth Graham, Billy Graham’s wife, had given orders to the pilot to keep flying that sign until Nixon opened the curtains.
A biblical encourager reminds and affirms the discouraged and troubled people in life that God accepts them and can use them.
Second, a biblical encourager appeals to the person on the basis of love. We see this in verses 8-14.
Paul understood that the motivation of a true encourager comes from a position of love and not of force. If your desire to change a person is motivated by love for the person, the person will feel encouraged, not rejected by your effort. But if you simply want to change the person to suit your own needs and demands, you will be met with resistance at best or even a broken relationship.
Someone suggested, "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."
One psychologist noted, "No one has the power to reform another person, but by liking the other person as he is, you give him the power to change...." God did more than like us as we are; He loves us as we are, and He demonstrated that love on the cross, even before we showed any sign of improvement.
Husbands and wives, when you vowed to love the one you married, you had great potential for encouraging your spouse. Husbands, you vowed to take her to be your wife, for better or for worse. Have you lived up to this commitment? Wives, you vowed to take him to be your husband, for richer or for poorer. Have you lived up to this commitment?
I remember my Dad dissatisfied with anything less than an A on my report card. Each time he looked at my report card, his displeasure only discouraged me. In middle school, from As and Bs, my report cards went to Cs and Ds.
Then one day, on the recommendation of his brother, my Uncle, my Dad told me that he would not ask for my report cards anymore. He simply encouraged me to learn and do well in school. And I began to learn and do well in school.
Encouragement is not telling someone you love him or her and then asking him or her to change. Encouragement is voicing the desired change and then demonstrating your unconditional love for the person even if the person doesn’t change. A biblical encourager appeals to the person on the basis of love, not on the basis of result.
Finally, a biblical encourager addresses the person’s fears with belief in the person. We see this in verses 15-21.
Paul understood that Philemon might be afraid of the pressure from other slave masters, or Philemon might be afraid to absorb the losses, if he should take Onesimus back, not only without subjecting Onesimus to the usual punishment for runaway slaves, but to treat him now as a brother. So Paul addressed Philemon’s fears and verbalized his belief in advance that Philemon would do what is right in God’s eyes.
A true encourager works to understand the fears of the one needing encouragement and believes in the person even when the person doesn’t believe in himself or herself. If you want to encourage your Mom or your Wife this Mother’s Day, begin by understanding her fears. Then verbalize your belief in her. But if you’ve been a source of discouragement to your Mom or Wife, ask for forgiveness first.
When Susan was pregnant with Esther, she gained a lot of pounds (I won’t tell you how many), and I gained about 22 pounds. We recognized that both our waistlines underwent some enlargement. A line I came up with to assure her of my continued love was, "That’s alright. There is just more of you to love now." I understood her fear of rejection, and I verbalized my commitment to love her.
One lady wrote, "I wish I were a bear. If I were a bear, I would get to hibernate. I would do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing: before I hibernate, I’m supposed to eat myself stupid. That wouldn’t bother me either.
If I were a mama bear, everyone knows I mean business; I could swat anyone who bothers me or my cubs. If my cubs get out of line, I would swat them, too. My husband would expect me to growl when I wake up. He would expect me to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He would like it! I wish I were a bear."
This lady needs someone to believe in her and to be committed to her despite her unsavory sleeping and eating habits, her appearance and her low self-worth. A biblical encourager would affirm her acceptance and usefulness by God. The encourager would also love her enough to help her change and love her even if she doesn’t change. And finally, the encourager would address her fears with his belief in her worth.
Let me close with the words of G. K. Chesterton regarding the responsibility of a Mother: "Babies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, a woman is generally shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren’t...
Our race has thought it worth while to cast this burden on women in order to keep common-sense in the world... But when people begin to talk about this domestic duty as not merely difficult but trivial and dreary, I simply give up the question. For I cannot with the utmost energy of imagination conceive what they mean...
If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home, as a man might drudge (at his work)... But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless, and of small import to the soul, then I say give it up...
How can it be an (important) career to tell other people’s children about mathematics, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? ... A woman’s function is laborious... not because it is minute, but because it is gigantic."
Will the Mothers and Grandmothers stand at this time? Let me close with these words to you:
Mothers and Grandmothers, God accepts you despite the mistakes you may have made in life and in parenting. If you will let Him, God will continue to use you to influence the future of our church, community, country and even our world through your children and grandchildren. While you may not be the mother that God wanted you to be, He loves you and believes in you.
And despite your loneliness, despite the insufficient amount of appreciation from your spouse, children or our society, despite your exhaustion, despite whatever fear you have, God and His church believe in you, your worth and your potential as a mother.
Happy Mother’s Day!
