MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER
RIDGE CHAPEL, KANSAS, OK
(REVISED - 2022)
(The Powerpoints used with this message are available for free. Just email me at mnewland@sstelco.com and request PP#118.)
TEXT: 1 John 4:7=10, 1 Corinthians 13
Some of the greatest words about love in Scripture are found in 1 John 4:7-10. Listen as I read them to you. “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. . . . Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
“This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
A. In this passage, the simplest & yet most profound statement of all is, "God is love." That sounds beautiful, but what does it mean? We use the word "love" a lot, & I'm afraid our use of it can be rather confusing.
ILL. For instance, I do not hesitate to tell you I love my wife. We have been married for 66 years. She has been my companion, my encourager, my counselor, faithful & loving throughout all those years, & I tell you unashamedly, “I love my wife.”
I also love Flint Ridge. I love it because of its quiet location. I love it because of its forested lots & hills. But most of all, I love it because of the church people here.
But even though I used the same word "love" to describe my feelings toward my wife & toward Flint Ridge, I trust you realize I don't love them in quite the same way.
B. Our English language is limited. We use this one word “love” as a catch all for many different feelings. We love ideas & beauty, we love countries & hometowns, we love our pets, we love colors & flavors, songs & poems & books. "I love my wife. I love cherry pie. I love a sunny day. I love my home."
Since we use the same word to express all those different emotions, we depend a lot upon the people who hear us to put our words through the filter of understanding, & then to arrive at the correct conclusion.
When I say, "I love my wife," I trust you to take those words & reach the conclusion that "He loves his wife the way that a man ought to love his wife."
When I tell you that I love Flint Ridge, I trust you understand that I’m not weird, & therefore I don't love a place in the same way I love my wife. I trust you to put those words through the filter & reach the conclusion that I love a place in the way a man ought to love a place.
C. To confuse things further, the word "love" is also used in many different expressions. Love is something that we “fall into.” Love puts stars into our eyes, & causes our hearts to go pitter pat. "Love makes the world go 'round."
D. We may even get confused when it comes to the subject of Christian love. The Bible tells us that "God is love," & that I am to "love the Lord, my God with all my heart." It tells me to love myself, to love my neighbor, & even to love my enemies.
SUM. So what is love, really? Much of our confusion is because of the limitations of our language. Most of you realize that the N,T. was written originally in Greek & not in English. And it helps to know that.
Many of you have also heard of the 3 different Greek words that are most often translated into one English word, "love." Eros, phileo, & agape are the 3 Greek words.
We realize they express different kinds of love but, at the same time, we generally translate all 3 into one English word "love." because we don't have any other English word that would translate them better.
PROP. Now for a few minutes let’s look at those 3 words to help us understand what God is saying when He tells us to “love one another.”
I. “EROS” – PHYSICAL ATTRACTION
A. The first word, "eros," is not used in the N.T., but its meaning is referred to many times in both Old & New Testaments. "Eros" means physical attraction, sexual love. And when that is mentioned in church, there are two reactions. Some react nervously. Others are even shocked about the subject being discussed in a holy environment.
You see, the problem is that Christian people have not always given Bibli¬cal definitions to Biblical things. We need to realize that "eros," erotic love, is a gift from a God with a clean heart & pure hands.
B. He gives it to us & says, "It is good." God gives erotic love as a special gift to us. Now, of course, it has limitations. Anything that intimate must always have limitations.
So the Bible clearly teaches that erotic love is to be shared only by two people, husband & wife, people who are married to each other, who have promised each other that "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness & in health," they will keep on loving each other until one of them dies.
When they make that kind of commitment, then as God's special gift, they are given the privileges of erotic, physical love.
C. As beautiful, as pure & holy as it is, erotic love has its weakness because, by nature, erotic love is selfish. Erotic love depends upon emotions & feelings. Erotic love is always looking for something that will satisfy its own desires.
SUM. So if erotic love stands alone, then all of its imperfections come to the surface. But in its original state, as a gift from God, it is beautiful, a perfect gift that God has given to us.
II. “PHILEO” - FRIENDSHIP
A. Then there is the word "phileo." It means "brotherliness,” “friendship” & “companionship.” It includes the idea of a "boy meets girl" type of relationship.
ILL. Those of you who are old enough can remember the Norman Rockwall painting of a boy & girl in a drugstore with a large soda & two straws. They are sitting together, each with their own straw in the same soda, gazing into each other's eyes, sharing the sweetness of those moments together.
Just picture that scene. Boy & girl sitting together in the booth, sipping out of the same soda, looking into each other's eyes. He says to her, "I like you." And she responds, "I like you, too." He says, "I like you more than I said," & she responds, "I like you more than I said, too."
He says, "I love you." And she says, "What?" He says, "Nothing." She says, "Oh, no. Go ahead & say it again." "Well, all right," he says, "But don't laugh. I love you." "I love you, too," she responds.
Finally, as time passes there comes the day when he asks, "Will you marry me?" "Yes," she answers. And they are married & live happily ever after - for a couple of months.
At the end of a couple of months he looks up from behind the morning newspaper & says, "I'm tired of burnt toast." She says, "You ought to be in Sudan. People are starving to death in Sudan. Some there would love to have a piece of burnt toast."
He says, "From some of the meals I've been having lately, maybe I would be better off in Sudan." She says, "If you love Sudan so much, why don't you move there?" He says, "Maybe I will," & he walks out the door & slams it.
Of course, that last little part may sound ridiculous, but too often some such thing hap¬pens. The reason, you see, is not because there is no love in their marriage. There is love there.
B. There is erotic love & there is "phileo" love, but "phileo" love is too often a temporary type of love. It is a love that says, "I will love you as long as you love me." Or, "I’ll love you as long as the waves are smooth. I’ll love you as long as things are going all right. I’ll love you as long as I’m getting what I want out of the relationship."
Erotic love & "Phileo" love are gifts from God, but by themselves in marriage, they are never enough.
III. “AGAPE” - TOTALLY UNSELFISH LOVE
A. The third word is "agape," & "agape" is the word that is used in 1 John 4, where it says that “Love comes from God” & that "God is love." It is a love that is different from the other two because it is totally unselfish.
It is a love that is more concerned about making the object of its love feel loved, than it is in making the lover feel loved. The lover is willing to make any sacrifice neces¬sary just to make the object of love feel loved.
That is what God did. When He looked down at the human predict-ament, He didn't consider how comfortable it was in heaven, but willingly sacrificed Himself & came to earth & lived with us. He breathed our air & experienced our life.
It is the kind of love that reaches down & picks up clay & anoints blind eyes & causes them to see. It is the kind of love that stands beside the grave of a loved one & weeps with mourners. It is the kind of love that blesses children.
It is the kind of love that did not regard itself, but unselfishly went to the cross & shed its blood, & gave its life so that there might be hope for those who are hopeless without it. That is "agape" love.
B. If God had loved us with “eros” love, or with "phileo" love, He would have packed His bags the first time He was rejected. He would have gone back to heaven & said, "I've had all of this I want.”
He would never have endured & persevered & gone to the cross. Instead, He would have said, "I won't take any more of this. I'll go back where I am appreciated & respected."
But because of His "agape" love He is more concerned about the object of His love, about us, than about Himself. And that is how it must be in marriage or in friendships or anything else.
"Do I love my wife with an erotic love?" I surely do. But you see, "agape" love is an umbrella over erotic love, & that makes sexual abuse or unfaithfulness impossible. It is impossible, because the "agape" love of our relationship is more concerned about the other person than about self, & it gives itself unselfishly to the object of its love.
C. "Do I love my wife with a "phileo" love?" Absolutely! But because that is overshadowed with the umbrella of "agape" love, it says to her, "If things aren't going well for us, if we don’t agree about everything, I’m not going to walk away. I'm not going to leave you stranded here."
My "phileo" love is overshadowed by "agape" love which says, "I am going to stick this out. We'll hurt together. We'll solve our problems together. We will not allow something else to destroy the love we have for each other." That is the only way marriage can survive.
So when the Bible says "God is agape love" it means that God doesn't love us with a surface type of love, but He loves us with self-sacri¬ficing love. He gives Himself completely to express His love for us.
IV. “AGAPE” LOVE IN ACTION!
A. Do you want to see “agape” love in action? Then look at 1 Cor. 13, the "Love Chapter" of the Bible. Those beautiful, familiar words are practical words, too. Because what Paul is saying is, "This is how agape love acts, this is how it behaves."
In vs. 4, he says, "Love is patient." That means that I don't get upset with you if you don't do things the way I would like for you to do them. I'll be patient, & I hope that you'll be patient with me in return.
He says that "Love is kind." I wouldn't say anything unkind to you because you are the object of my love, & the important part of my love for you is to make sure you feel loved. Therefore, I couldn't be unkind.
“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I won't envy you. I won't boast about myself. I won't become proud, because I am more concerned about you than I am about myself.
"It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:5) I won't crowd before you in line &, if we get to the door at the same time, I'll open it graciously & let you go before me. I am “not self seeking.”
Nor will I be “easily angered.” I won't throw temper tantrums. I will tear up my “spite lists” & throw them away because I will no longer keep any “record of wrongs” that others have done to me.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts,…” (1 Cor. 13:6-7) Love has to trust. I open myself to you. Here I am, vulnerable. You can hurt me. But I trust you not to do that, because I love you, & because you love me.
“Love always hopes, & it always perseveres.” And God’s love for us is exactly like that. But probably the best known & most treasured verse in this great “Love Chapter” is the last verse which tells us “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” (1 Cor. 13:13)
Each of these is vital & precious to us as Christians, so why is “love” called the greatest? May I suggest that when that great day comes, as we stand before our Savior, our faith & hope will be replaced with glorious reality, but love will continue for eternity.
INVITATION: In 1 John 4:19 the apostle John cries out, "We love because He first loved us." Do you love Him? Then accept Him publicly as your Savior & your Lord as we stand & sing.
