You are Free to Submit to One Another
Ephesians 5:21-6:9
Pastor Jim Luthy
In our study of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, we have learned the importance of pursuing understanding and receiving grace. Those who understand the blessings we have in Christ and have received the grace to proclaim him, possess him, and present him to a lost and desperate world, are invited to live on another level. Living on that level is living within the Kingdom of God. We have already seen that living on another level means living a life of love and living as children of light. Now this letter invites us to "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." – Ephesians 5:21.
Most of my life (and I think this is true for most of us), I’ve looked at this verse as a burden for which I just had to trust God. I don’t want to submit! It goes against my selfish nature. I’m a capable person. Most of the time—maybe not all the time, but 99 and 44/100 percent of the time—I like my opinion better than the next guy’s. I might accept these words "submit to one another" and make every effort to follow them if I have any commitment to obey God, but it will never be natural nor rational as long as I view it as a law. Add it to the list of do’s and don’ts of what most people believe is Christianity and I crumble under the weight of it. Under it, I am a failure as a husband and a father. If you know the feeling, I want to encourage you to look at these words as an invitation to life rather than the weight of another rule to be followed. Submitting to one another is not a matter of law, but of liberty. It is not the chain of bondage we tend to make it out to be. Rather, it is the triumph of one who has been set free.
Life is a matter of where you stand by faith. If you are not confident of what Christ has done for you, you will view Ephesians 5:21 as another burdensome command that robs you of life. If you are confident in the blessings you have in Christ, you will understand that submitting to one another is an invitation to that life on another level—a level where your life is free from all the trappings of this world and able to bear fruit, to make a difference, to see Jesus in his glory and make his glory known. Is that how you want to live?
1 Peter 5:5 expresses the invitation to submission well: "All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." The invitation is not "submit or die" but it is an invitation to live or die. Actually, it is an invitation to die and live. As you humble yourself with submission, he pours out his gifts of grace. That’s real life!
Four years after I began working for the Washington State Patrol, I was assigned to the Missing and Unidentified Persons Unit. One of the benefits of that position was that I was able to attend periodic Forensic Study Groups. At these groups, detectives, medical examiners or coroners, forensic dentists or other forensic investigators would present case studies from actual situations they worked or encountered. After attending the first of these study groups with the woman who was training me to be her replacement, I was asked to do an assignment. She gave me a list of the types of people I might encounter at future study groups—detective, police officer, medical examiner, forensic dentist, forensic scientist, police chief, and, of course, my specialty, fingerprint examiner. She asked me to rank the list in order of importance. I refused. "They’re all important!" I protested. "I cannot in good conscience claim that any of these people are more important than any other." My protests were in vain. She insisted that I make my best effort to rank these people, if only in order of perceived importance.
The point of this exercise, I learned, was to correct me for being too casual in addressing one of the detectives at the study group. During a time of interaction I called him by his name instead of addressing him as detective so-and-so. I received the correction, but I’ll never forget the thinking that was behind it. The world loves to categorize people. It’s in our nature. We value people in order of importance, and we measure their importance with power and prosperity and fame. Those in authority are to be revered. Those who have are to be treated more respectfully than those who have not. And we mistakenly give more attention to the famous than the familiar.
Let me assure you that in the Kingdom of God no such distinction is made. Jesus did not view people in a pecking order of importance. He was as content to be seen with the sinners, the sick, and the downtrodden (and quite frankly found them more receptive to him too). Remember, Kingdom thinking is upside down from the world’s thinking. While the world discriminates based on possessions and positions, triumphant life views all men as created in the image of God. We see Jesus in all men and treat them accordingly.
Worldly thinking makes submission a difficult and demeaning task. As long as you rank people in order of importance, every act of submission feels like you are placing yourself somewhere on the ladder. For example, feminists abhor the idea of a submissive wife because they cannot escape the view that she makes herself out to be less than a man. Think about your work. Employees would rather rant, rave, or even quit than submit to their employers if submission seems to place them below someone they view as incompetent or unreasonable. Consider also the church. Professed believers struggle with submission, even though submission to Christ is at the core of our faith. I’ve seen people in the church really struggle to weed out worldly thinking so they can humbly follow their church or government leaders. Why? Because we’re told we are important to the kingdom, but every act of submission feels like you are taking a lower position. That’s hard on the pride. If you can relate to any of these examples, then you understand how worldly thinking robs us of peace and life and makes it difficult to accept submission as anything but another law or burden.
Our perspective ought to be quite different. We understand that we are blessed. We understand that Jesus is our reward. We need no status on earth because we have been established with Christ in the heavenlies. With that perspective we are free to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
That word "submit" comes from the compound Greek word hupotasso. Hupo means "under." Tasso means "to arrange in order or assign." To submit, then, means to be under assignment. Kingdom living is being under assignment to one another out of reverence or fear for Christ. It is not that we are afraid of being judged if we don’t follow the law of submission. Reverence for Christ means that we acknowledge that Christ was first under assignment to us. He left glory to live among us to be a visible expression of the living God and to teach us the ways of the Kingdom. He washed his disciples feet and insisted that unless he serves us, we have no part with him. Then he died for our sins so we could have every spiritual blessing, so that he could be raised to life and become our reward, so we could become his workmanship, and so that we can take our all-important place in what he is building, the church. To refuse the grace of submission is to deny that he is who he is and that he did what he did. It is to accept the lower level of living as normal and acceptable when all it has in store for you is condemnation and bondage. He has set before us life and death, and to submit to one another is to choose life.
Do you know why we place so much importance on TLC groups? It’s because we are to be under assignment to one another. We are to care for one another and place the needs of others above our own. The world can’t do that. In the world, if you put others needs above your own you are placing them at a higher rank than you in the pecking order. But those who are in Christ are free to live in and contribute to a giving and nurturing community. You will encounter the Christ who gave up his own life as you participate in a group that gathers in his name and seeks to be like him. I’m not talking about just attending the group, I’m talking about being under assignment to love and encourage and care for the others in that group.
Paul is pointing out that those who live on another level learn to be under assignment to others in every aspect of their lives. In Ephesians 5:22-6:9, Paul gives examples from three everyday relationships—marriage, family, and work. In each of these examples, Paul is pointing out how mutual submission looks.
He begins with with an illustration from marriage. In marriage, the wife is under assignment to her husband. She shows her reverence for Christ by submitting to her husband as to the Lord. When the wife submits as the church is to submit to Christ, she is practicing submission that is not blind obedience but an act of worship. Likewise, the husband is under assignment to his wife. Out of reverence for Christ he becomes like Jesus in the way that he loves his wife and gives his life up for her. A godly home is NOT a home where the husband is a bold spiritual leader and the wife is a submissive mouse. That is how those who view the Scripture as law interpret Ephesians 5:22-33. Paul Stevens, in his book Marriage Spirituality, explains:
"In my view, an unbiblical and unhealthy headship is one in which the husband is the spiritual authority of the home and the wife is dependent on her husband’s spirituality. It is really a marital offense, because it robs both husband and wife of the privilege of being priests to each other and co-priests to their family."
A home that reveres Christ is one where the husband and wife are under assignment to one another, living out the mystery of Christ and the church by serving one another with humility and respect.
Paul’s second example makes use of the relationship between a father and his children. "Children obey your parents in the Lord" and "Honor your father and mother." Children are invited to be under assignment to their parents. It is a commandment with a promise and that promise is life.
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children." This too is an invitation, to be under assignment to your kids. Being under assignment to them means controlling your self so as not to make them angry by being angry yourself. As the KJV translates more accurately: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger." Submitting to them means to lay down your own agendas and plans to "bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
This was quite convicting to me. The other day, my daughter Hannah’s health teacher asked the class if anyone knew a parent that was overprotective. Half the class raised their hands and yelled out, "Hannah’s dad!" Now I know that a child left to himself is a disgrace to his mother, so I’m not ashamed to be involved in my kids’ lives. Training them in the Lord is not passive submission but active submission. But I also know I lay down a lot of rules for my kids that are especially difficult to follow. Many of my rules are counter-cultural to the rules of most of their friends. I’m learning to be careful and at times I know I’ve missed opportunities to teach my kids about grace. How could I be demonstrating reverence for Christ by laying down law for my children and then being angry when they fail to live up to it? That’s what Christ came to rescue me from! So in reverence for Christ, I want to learn from his example. I must possess Christ, living on another level and putting away those snap responses that provoke my kids to anger. That "exasperation" comes from living on a more familiar, fleshly level.
As his third example, Paul points to the relationship between slaves and masters. The Greek word for slaves, doulos, is used for both those addressed in verse 5 who are to obey their masters and those in verse 6 who are slaves to Christ. Doulos is the Bible’s most common and general word for servant, most frequently implying subjection without the idea of bondage. It speaks of a servant who is free to go, but chooses to remain in service to his or her master. This passage is quite applicable for those of you who serve an employer under an agreement you willingly entered into when you accepted your position. The employee is a servant under assignment to the employer. Employees who live by the Kingdom are free to obey their bosses with respect and fear and with sincerity of heart, just as they would obey Christ. Out of reverence for Christ, they submit to their employer.
Likewise, if you are an employer, you are under assignment to provide for that employee. An employer is to treat the employee with similar respect and fear and sincerity of heart and without threat. There is no favoritism with our Master in heaven, so while you might be able to pull rank on the job, it will only keep you from living on another level.
There are other relationships in which we live that Paul has not chosen to use as an example in this letter to the Ephesians. But all the same, we are invited to live on another level by accepting the assignment God has given us in every relationship. For example, the person who reveres Christ can freely live under assignment to government authorities, because their heavenly home is not threatened. They are free to render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s with integrity and without fear. So go ahead and pay your taxes in the name of Jesus!
We should also understand the value of following our church leaders. Hebrews 13:17 says, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you."
To go even farther, the Parable of the Good Samaritan points out that we are even under assignment to our neighbor. The person who has pursued understanding and received grace is free to discover the abundance of life that we find in being under assignment in every relationship.
Earlier this year a friend invited me on a trip to fish on the Kenai River in Alaska. I really wanted to go and every effort was made to coax me along. The airfare was covered. I would have only needed to pay about $100 for a hotel room, one quarter share of a rental car, and some incidental fishing costs. Five days of fishing and fellowship, meals and transportation all for about $400 and three days of vacation. But I didn’t go. As inviting as the invitation was, I had reasons not to go. As cheap as it was, I still couldn’t afford it and I really didn’t have the vacation time to spend apart from my family. So I reluctantly passed on the invitation.
Is there any good reason for you to pass on God’s invitation today? I can only think of three reasons we would not submit to one another—fear, pride, or greed. Fear is the opposite of faith and assumes control where God should be in control. Pride is thinking we know better or are better than the one we would submit to, whether that be God or our neighbor in need. Greed is simply wanting more of what you already have, whether it be position or power or possessions, and failing to see there is nothing that compares to the treasures we have in Christ. When the Word of God invites you to revere Christ by living under assignment to one another, will you lay down all fear, pride, and greed and accept his invitation?
If you have not entered into the promises of God by faith, then I understand when you tell me you cannot surrender to God because you have to look out for number one. I understand when you tell me that you find submission an offensive term, because you are simply leaning on the understanding of this world. If that is all you have, you have no choice but to serve yourself and get all you can. Preserve your life while you have one, but I’ve been there…and you will never be at peace or be satisfied.
But you can have more! If you will receive his grace, you will be free to understand both the value and the joy of living under assignment to those God has placed in your life. You are free to serve, rather than be served, because you have everything you need in Christ. Serve your wife. Serve your husband. Serve your parents. Serve your children. Serve your boss. Serve your employees. Serve your country. Serve your church leaders. Be under assignment to the hungry and the homeless and the downtrodden, because if you’ve done it for even the least of these, Jesus says, "you’ve done it for me." Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Humble yourself under God’s mighty hand, and he will lift you up in due time. If you want to be great in his Kingdom, learn to be the servant of all.
