A Father’s Grief
(2 Samuel 12:15-25)
I. The Consequences of Sin: Pain and Suffering
A. Sin affects the sinner
B. Sin affects those around the sinner
II. The Results of Repentance: Forgiveness and Hope
III. Our Response Toward Those Who Have Fallen
A. Present God accurately
B. Present God lovingly
Introduction
A cartoon in a magazine pictured a man watching the TV news as the announcer said: “Today, in all aspects of life, losses outnumber gains.” Isn’t that how we often feel about our lives? I imagine that’s exactly how David felt as he was going through his grief after his sin had been exposed—in all aspects of his life, losses outnumbered gains.
2 Samuel 12:15-25 is a story of tragedy and triumph. We see the tragedy in the great fall of a great person. David was brought to terrible grief by his terrible sin. However, it is also the story of triumph. As awful as David’s heartache was, he refused to allow it to become the defining moment of this life.
We will conclude our series, “When Good People Do Bad Things,” this morning. As we examine the events that take place within these verses, I would suggest that they give us insight into how we should respond in the aftermath of our failures. The writer does not hide the truth from us; rather he presents an accurate picture of what our sinful decisions cost us. He shows us the pain associated with sin, but he also demonstrates how we can rise from our suffering—by persevering in faith through tragedy to new life. It is our faith in the forgiveness of God that enables us to experience hope even in the midst of great sorrow.
If you have not done so already, I invite you to turn in your Bibles to 2 Samuel 12:15-25.
The Consequences of Sin: Pain and Suffering
This passage clearly describes the devastating effects of sin. As I mentioned last week, sin is destructive by nature and it leaves its mark on the one who chooses to walk in its path in some way. There are always consequences associated with sin. We are forgiven by God when we seek His forgiveness and are saved from what we deserve, yet we still suffer some of the effects of sin. Whenever we choose to disobey the commands of God, pain and suffering are the consequences we must experience.
Before we look at this a matter of the consequences of sin any further, I feel an obligation to address a related matter. While it is clear that pain and suffering will result from our disobedience, that does not mean that all pain and suffering is directly related to individual sinfulness. What I mean is simply this: we cannot assume that when a person is going through a difficult period in his/her life—be it sickness, financial trouble, unemployment, or whatever—that this is necessarily indicative as a consequence of personal sin.
I know there are some who would preach that the source of all the problems we face is directly related to some failure in our lives. If we just seek God’s forgiveness for whatever we have done, then He will lift His curse from us and we will find release from all our troubles. This type of reasoning has led many to lead lives of defeat and constant guilt.
Jesus had to deal with this kind of thinking in His day. One time the disciples asked Him why a particular man had been born blind. They assumed that it was the result of some sin, either committed by the man or by his parents. Jesus corrected the disciples’ prejudice by informing them that the man’s condition had nothing to do with sin—his blindness was for the purpose that the work of God might be displayed in his life (John 9:3). We should also keep in mind that Jesus warned his disciples, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). Let’s be careful not to assume that all personal trouble is the result of personal sin.
While not all pain and suffering is the result of sinfulness, our sinfulness will result in pain and suffering. It is an axiom of life that we cannot escape. It is also important to note the extent to which the consequences of sin reach. Sin affects two groups of people.
Sin Affects the Sinner
First, sin affects the sinner. I realize that it doesn’t take an Einstein to figure that one out. We have all experienced the effects of personal sin.
Some of those effects have to do with our relationship to God. Whenever we choose to do it into our own way—to ignore God and His word—then we place a barrier between ourselves and God. Our fellowship with Him is broken. Sin separates us from intimacy with God because God cannot be in the presence of sin. When we are deliberately at odds with God, we should not expect Him to be moved by our prayers, impressed by our works, or predispose to our needs.
Another effect of our sin is judgment. We talked about this last week. Since God cannot tolerate any sin, His justice demands that sin be punished. Our sinfulness carries with it the penalty of sin. Romans 6:23 tells us that the wages of sin is death. We deserve death as the payment for our wrong choices.
Sin not only affects our relationship to God, but can also express itself in physical or emotional manifestations. For example, should we choose to engage in sexual promiscuity, drug abuse, or criminal acts, we sow seeds of self destruction. We know that these types of sin can lead to contracting sexually transmitted diseases, brain damage, incarceration or even a physical of death.
We must remember that while God is always are ready to forgive a sin, He does not always rescue us from sin’s consequences. It has been pointed out, “When we sow our wild oats, God does not always answer our prayers for a crop failure.” There are many physical and emotional consequences that are directly related to our acts of disobedience. When we choose not to follow the path that God has mapped out for us, then we are to blame for where we end up.
Sin Affects Those around the Sinner
Sin not only affects the sinner, it also affects those are around him/her. This is the consequence of sin that we usually do not consider. Some may even question the validity of such a statement.
From the beginning, sin has left its mark on those outside the immediate circle of the ones involved. That original sin which Adam and Eve committed opened the way for sin to enter into the whole human race. Not only were the two of them the bearers of the consequences, but the entire world became contaminated–the animals, the earth itself, everything. And that original sin still affects us today. Paul writes to the believers in Rome, sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned (Romans 5:12).
You may be thinking, “Now you’re talking about theology as it relates to the universality of sin. What does that have to do with the sins I commit? Surely my sins do not affect others in the same way.” Let’s take a look at the affects that David’s sins had on others.
First, his sin of adultery led to the murder of Uriah. We know that along with the death of Uriah came the deaths of several other soldiers. Then there was the death of his son. And if we were to take a look at the events that occur in the next a few chapters beginning with 13, we see that those pages reveal rape, murder, rebellion, and disorder. These exact consequences of David’s sins were prophesied by Nathan and all came as a direct result of his sins. David’s sins had profound effects on those around him.
Perhaps you still think that this is not a very persuasive argument. You say, “This is the age of grace. God doesn’t deal with sinfulness that way anymore. The sins I commit only affect me.” Allow me to draw from two contemporary sources that speak about the devastating effects of sin upon others. Because the story of David’s sin involved sexual immorality, I have chosen these examples which also deal with the same subject. However, the implications of what these men have to say have bearing upon all types of sinful behavior.
Josh McDowell in his book, Understanding the Times (1986), writes: “You talk about free love—there is no such a thing as free love! Don’t let anyone ever tell you there is such a thing as casual love or free sex. I’ll tell you how expensive it is. I’ll tell you who is paying the price of the last 15 years. In the last year, just in the last year, more little babies have been born with a birth defect because of a sexually transmitted disease than all the babies affected by polio during the entire epidemic of the fifties. In just 365 days! It’s the little children being born who are paying the price. Free love? Twenty-seven thousand people today in the United States will contract a sexually transmitted disease, 10 million this year. Free love? The state of Illinois this year will spend 853 million dollars dealing with the effects of illicit sex. Free love? The United States government last year spent 8.6 billion dollars—there is no such thing as free love, and we’ve let the culture sell our young children a bill of goods that was made with cheap labor. We had better wake up in the church!”
The second source is a pastor named Randy Alcorn. He deals with the subject from the standpoint of temptation to sin. He writes: “Whenever I feel particularly vulnerable to sexual temptation, I find it helpful to review what affects my action could have: [Listen to this list of possible consequences.]
• Grieving the Lord who redeemed me.
• Dragging his sacred name into the mud.
• One day having to look Jesus, the Righteous Judge, in the face and give an account of my actions.
• Following in the footsteps of these people whose immorality forfeited their ministries and caused me to shutter: (list names).
• Inflicting untold hurt on Nanci, my best friend and loyal wife.
• Losing Nanci’s respect and trust.
• Hurting my beloved daughters, Karina and Angie.
• Destroying my example and credibility with my children, and nullifying both present and future efforts to teach them to obey God (“Why listen to a man who betrayed Mom and us?”).
• If my blindness should continue or my wife be unable to forgive, perhaps losing my wife and children forever.
• Causing shame to my family (“Why isn’t Daddy a pastor any more?”).
• Losing self-respect.
• Creating a form of guilt awfully hard to shake. Even though God would forgive me, would I forgive myself?
• Forming memories and flashbacks that could plague future intimacy with my wife.
• Wasting years of ministry training and experience for a long time, maybe permanently.
• Forfeiting the effect of years of witnessing to my father and reinforcing his distrust for ministers that has only begun to soften by my example but that would harden, perhaps permanently, because of my immorality.
• Undermining the faithful example and hard work of other Christians in our community.
• Bringing great pleasure to Satan, the enemy of God and all that is good.
• Heaping judgment and endless difficulty on the person with whom I committed adultery.
• Possibly bearing the physical consequences of such diseases as gonorrhea, syphilis, Chlamydia, herpes and AIDS; perhaps infecting Nanci or, in the case of AIDS, even causing her death.
• Possibly causing pregnancy, with the personal and financial implications, including a life-long reminder of my sin.
• Bringing shame and hurt to these fellow pastors and elders: (list names).
• Causing shame and hurt to these friends, especially those I have led to Christ and discipled: (list names).
• Invoking shame and life-long embarrassment upon myself.
Church, our sinful acts have profound affects upon the lives of those around us. We not only injure ourselves when we choose to disobey God, we also impact an untold number of innocent bystanders.
The Results of Repentance: Forgiveness and Hope
I know I just laid out in a lot of heavy stuff to consider. And it would be easy for us to stop right here and dwell on the fact that we have all been miserable failures and that we’ve done damage to others that we can never erase. We might be tempted just to sulk in our weaknesses and to live our lives in defeat and remorse. I think that it would have been a real easy for David to have fallen into this trap. But his response to the death of his child as a result of his sin teaches us that our failings do not count us out for effectiveness with God. While David suffered greatly for his sins and caused great suffering in the lives of others, he found strength in his faith in the forgiveness of God.
This is good news! We are all sinners and deserving of death. We have all done things that have hurt God, others and ourselves. But this is not the end. Repentance turns away God’s wrath. God has provided forgiveness and a new beginning for all who will come to Him in humbleness, confess their faults, and accept His forgiveness. Robert Smith has described repentance in this way, “True repentance has a double aspect; it looks upon things past with a weeping eye, and upon the future with a watchful eye.” We need to be careful that we do not fall prey to the trap of only looking at our failures and forgetting about the forgiveness that is ours through faith in Jesus.
Gary Inrig in his book, Hearts of Iron, Feet of Clay, tells the following story: “There was a very capable evangelist whom God used in a significant way in the British Isles. But he lost his interest in spiritual things and drifted into a life of sin, for a number of months. Some of his sin was done in secret but ultimately, it became public knowledge and even made the headlines. At first, all he could think of was that he had been ruined for life, but, finally, he realized what a fool he had been, and he came back to God like the prodigal from the pigpen.
“He found exactly the same thing the prodigal did. The Lord welcomed him with open arms and began to strengthen him and bless him. Finally, after a period of waiting, he felt pressed back into a public ministry for the Lord. He was afraid that his sins would be found out and brought up all over again, but after he felt sure it was hidden and tucked away in the past, he went back to preaching, rejoicing in the forgiveness of God.
“One night, when he was in Aberdeen, he was given a sealed letter. Just before the service began, he read the unsigned letter. It described a shameful series of events he had been engaged in. His stomach churned as he read it. The letter said, ‘If you have the gall to preach tonight, I’ll stand and expose you.’
“He took that letter and went to his knees. A few minutes later, he was in the pulpit. He began his message by reading the letter from start to finish. Then he said, ‘I want to make it clear that this letter is perfectly true. I am ashamed of what I’ve read, and of what I’ve done. I come tonight, not as one who is perfect, but as one who is forgiven.’ God used that letter and the rest of his ministry as a magnet to draw people to Jesus Christ.”
We have all failed, every one of us, but the blood of Christ covers our sins and enables us to live victoriously. Like David, we can rise from our suffering and shame because of God’s forgiveness. He understood that God had not given up on him and that He would never give up on him. His sins resulted in much grief and tragedy, but his forgiveness resulted in even greater joy. It is a joy that each of us can experience when we decide to take God at His word, accept His forgiveness, and persevere in our faith walk. Remember, sin can only destroy us if we fail to believe in a God who is bigger than our sin.
Our Response toward Those Who Have Fallen
I’d like to close with some words of counsel that I feel are appropriate at this point as a follow-up to some things I said last week. They have to do with the question of how we should respond to those who have strayed from the path that God has established for us to travel along. What should be our attitude toward those who have fallen? I’d like to offer two responses to serve as guidelines.
Present God Accurately
The first is that we need to present God accurately. What I mean by this is that we have a responsibility to address sin as God sees it. We cannot allow our feelings or relationships to stand in the way of serving as God’s spokesperson. As we observed last week, Nathan did not sweeten what David had done in order to save his friendship with the king, or even his life for that matter. When we see one who has fallen, we need to offer that one help. Often times the best way we can help is to offer the truth.
God cannot tolerate sin. If a loved one is caught in the cycle of unrepentant sin, he/she is an offense to God. The only way that offense can be removed is by being courageous enough to tell that person that he/she is in error so that he/she may then seek God’s forgiveness.
Present God Lovingly
But hand in hand with presenting God accurately, we must also present God lovingly. The old saying still rings true today, “God hates the sin, but He loves the sinner.” Our loving presentation of God has its foundation in our own personal experience of forgiveness.
When we recognize the fault of another, it is important to keep in mind that we are also fault-filled people. We have been in the same place that they are, and it probably won’t be too long before we find ourselves in the same condition again. Therefore, we should show them the love of God and His ability to forgive all sin, just as we have experienced it ourselves and wish to experience it in the future.
Conclusion
Over the past four weeks we have seen how easy it is for us to get trapped in the quicksand of sin. We have seen the ways in which sin deceives us. We have seen the things that it can drive us to do. We have seen how it seeks to destroy us and those around us. But above all of the horrors of sin, we have seen the hand of a loving God ever-reaching down to pull us out of the quicksand.
Sin is devastating, but God is greater. He loves us too much to leave us in our sinful condition and He even paid the penalty for our sin so that we could be free from its power.
I wish that it weren’t true, but it is highly likely that each of us will sin again. Each of us will disappoint God, others and ourselves. But I hope that we’ve all learned over again about the amazing grace of our Savior. When you fall, don’t forget that God has not given up on you. Don’t try to run and hide out of embarrassment. Don’t sulk in defeat and accept guilt as your lot. Instead, remember the example of David. Confess your faults to the Lord and trust in His unfailing love to forgive you and strengthen you. And then walk in newness of life and give glory to His name!
