All these years of preaching and teaching, and no one has
ever asked me why Jesus didn’t have a wife or a girl friend.
No one has even so much as wondered out loud whether
Jesus the man felt what most men feel. Are you afraid of
that question? Or do you just suppose that, after all, since
He is God, He wouldn’t have feelings of that kind? Do you
think of Jesus as some marble statue, some stained-glass
zombie, with no hormones? Before you settle into that view,
remember that He is God poured into a human body. Flesh.
And male. Age thirty when He started His ministry. Are we
to believe that He never had any sexual feelings? Were
there no comely dark-eyed young ladies growing up in
Nazareth? Come on, folks, get real! Have you ever thought
about Jesus in love?!
Now the truth is that the gospel accounts do not show Jesus
in anything like a romantic situation. There is no kiss-and-tell
story here. You cannot stretch the rumors about Mary
Magdalene or the touchy-feely scene of the woman pouring
out ointment on His feet to make them into romantic
encounters. Don’t get into guesswork about what He might
have done during His teenage years. Don’t jump to
conclusions about whether He was a little too close to certain
men, like Peter, James, and John. The text will not support
you in that kind of guessing.
But the Bible does say that He was tempted in all points just
as we are. It says that there is nothing that we feel that He
also did not feel. However, there is an important difference.
There is a serious distinction between what Jesus did with
His feelings and what we do with ours. Jesus was in control
of Himself. Jesus did not just act out what He felt. Jesus
was tempted in all points just as we are, yet without sin.
What’s cool about Jesus is that He experienced what we
experience, but it did not take Him over. He was in charge of
Himself. He ran His life as He was called to run it, and did
not give in to the whim of the moment. What’s cool about
Jesus? I submit to you that the ultimate “cool” is the ability to
do what is right, even when you are confronted with
temptation. “Cool” is not slouching on a street corner, half-
dressed, trying to get lucky. Cool is being who you are
called to be.
I want to speak to you today about Jesus in love. I ask you
to focus with me on what Jesus did about a woman whose
mistake was perfectly obvious. The Bible tells us that she
had been caught in the very act of adultery. Somebody had
evidence of her sin, and brought her to Jesus for judgment.
“Here, Jesus. This woman is a sinner. By the law of Moses
she should be stoned to death. Now what do you say? Do
you agree with Moses? How can you not agree with God’s
great lawgiver? So if you do, Jesus, well, shall we go and
pelt this daughter of Israel with rocks?”
Even today there are plenty of folks who live out their
sexuality in irresponsible ways. And still today there are
plenty of other folks who want to punish. So I invite you
today to consider this story and to examine with me two
sides of the equation: what Jesus did NOT do and what
Jesus DID do. What’s cool about Jesus in love? He loved
this woman and He loved her accusers. He loved Himself
too. And so what’s cool about Jesus is that He kept Himself
in control, under the will of God, in charge of His own life.
Jesus was in love. But it was not what pop idols call love. It
was different.
I
First, let’s notice a couple of things about what Jesus
did NOT do. What mistakes did Jesus avoid, even though
Jesus was in love?
A
First, Jesus in love did not treat this woman as an object
for His own pleasure. He did not make of her a thing to be
toyed with. Jesus in love did not look at her as simply a tool
for self-indulgence. Jesus looked at her and saw a child of
God, a creation of the Most High. Jesus saw someone to be
respected.
There is a huge difference between being in love and being
in lust! Much of the time when our hormones kick in, we
convince ourselves that we are in love, but actually we are in
lust. We want. We want for the moment’s pleasure. Jesus
taught that not only is sex outside of marriage wrong, but that
when we look at others with selfish desire, with nothing more
than the question, “How can I get it on?” – at that point we
have in effect already committed adultery. At that point we
have made a sex object out of someone, and we are not
really interested in her as a person. We are not really
concerned about his developing as a complete human being.
We are only interested in what feels good at the moment.
And that is wrong. It is wrong because it makes the other
person into a thing. It devalues the one we say we love.
Jesus did not do that. Jesus saw this woman, sin and all, as
a human being, worthy of dignity> He treated her with
respect. You see, at this moment she was very vulnerable.
Her emotions had to have been a mess. Sometimes people
get involved in sexual sin because they are desperately
looking for love and acceptance. They get caught up in
sexual activity because they are “deficit personalities”. A
deficit personality is someone so starved for love, so
deprived of affection that he or she will do almost anything to
get it. A child who is not held and touched may grow up to
be an adult who can never get enough affection, and will look
for it in all the wrong places. A young person who is not
attractive, and who is snubbed the girls and jeered by the
guys, may become such a deficit personality that she will
offer herself to anything in long pants. Some people get into
trouble sexually for no other reason than that they are deficit
personalities, hungry for love, thirsty for affection, and so
vulnerable. They are pushovers for the glib line. You know:
“Oh, baby, baby, just this once. Let’s make this a night to
remember.” Vulnerable, deficit people fall for that.
So this woman is even more vulnerable now, standing in
front of Jesus. He has rescued her from a painful death. He
has made her accusers melt away. If Jesus had been
invested only in the feelings of the moment and in His own
pleasure, He might have put the moves on her right then.
“Okay, baby, you see what I did for you; now you owe me.”
But He did no such thing. Jesus respected her. He treated
her with dignity. She knew for the first time that she had
worth as a child of God. She was not a sex object to Jesus.
She was a person.
What’s cool about Jesus in love? He did not make anybody
an object for His own pleasure. He did not take advantage
of a wounded personality.
B
But there is something else that Jesus did NOT do. Not only
did He not take advantage of this woman’s wounded heart,
but also Jesus in love did not become self-righteous or
hurtful. He did not take this as an occasion to unload
on this wounded heart. What’s cool about Jesus in love?
He gave this woman space in which to deal with her feelings.
He did not find it necessary to dump all over her or to lecture
her about her sin. He just remained silent for a while and
waited for her to see herself as she really was.
Think with me about the silence of Jesus in this story. The
Bible tells us that twice during this incident Jesus declined,
for the longest time, to say a word. Instead He just bent
down and wrote in the dust and waited. He who is the very
word of God had no word to say, for a moment. He in whom
all wisdom lay kept His wisdom to Himself. What’s cool
about Jesus is that He did not feel it necessary to unload
accusations or point fingers or go ballistic. He simply let her
do her own spiritual work.
Now we know that the Pharisees intended this to be a trap
for Jesus. Their law, strictly interpreted, said that an
adulterer should be stoned to death. They wanted to put
Jesus in the position of either denying compassion or of
denying the law of Moses. Either way, they had Him. The
woman and her sin were just incidental. They could have
cared less about her. They wanted blood. They wanted
Jesus to commit Himself one way or another, and they would
have Him.
But Jesus did not take their bait. He did not feel it necessary
to pronounce judgment on this woman. He just remained
silent. How easy it is to denounce other people’s sins! How
quickly we adopt an unforgiving, unrelenting attitude toward
anybody whose sexual history is not what it ought to be.
When I was growing up, in my church there were certain
people who were always whispered about. I knew one
person who for years, whenever she would mention one of
her own relatives, would say, “You know, they HAD to get
married.” She just could not resist enjoying the sins of
others.
But Jesus did not take that bait. Jesus did not find it
necessary to make pronouncements on guilt. He gave this
woman room to deal with her own sexual history. He did that
so that would do her own spiritual work, confront her own
issues. Jesus understood that if someone is lectured at, they
will stiffen their resistance, they will get defensive, and
nothing positive will happen. But if someone is given grace
and space within which to do his or her own spiritual work,
good things will happen.
Jesus today gives each of us an opportunity to deal with our
own histories. Jesus grants a zone of safety, a comfortable
place, where we can come to terms with what we have done,
and get past it. I pray that this church will always stand for
responsible sexuality. As long as I have life and breath, I will
teach that the only right way to act sexually is to do so in the
covenant of marriage. We will not be giving permission for
cohabitation nor will we pretend that homosexual activity is
harmless. And yet, at the same time, I pray we shall be a
congregation that will not feel it necessary to beat up on
people. We shall be a people who will not feel that we have
the right to brand with scarlet letters those who go wrong.
We shall, like Jesus, help people do their own spiritual work
and come to terms with their own sin. We shall listen to
Jesus’ silence, and let each man’s heart and each woman’s
mind arrive at their own truth.
So what’s cool about Jesus? What did Jesus NOT do?
Jesus did not find it necessary to voice condemnation or to
hold anyone up to public ridicule. What’s cool about Jesus in
love? He does not interrupt our own spiritual work while we
deal with our own histories.
II
That’s what Jesus did NOT do. Let’s turn to the other
side. What DID Jesus do? What positive steps did Jesus
take as He was confronted with sexual sin? What’s cool
about Jesus in love?
A
First, Jesus in love was focused on redemption. His aim
was to bring this woman into right relationship with God, into
a true understanding of herself, and into wholesome
relationships. Jesus was focused on her redemption. He did
not aim to shame. He wanted to bring this woman to a whole
new place in life.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we ought to be smart
enough to make any encounter work for positive goals.
Whenever we deal with anybody on anything, we need to
think about what we really, truly want to have happen, and
go for that. If I am in an argument with you, what do I really
want to do? Do I just want to win, at all costs? Do I want to
beat you down? Or do I want God’s Kingdom to advance,
even if it means my point of view is not heard? Well, if I want
the Kingdom to advance, will it work for me to browbeat you
into submission? Will what I really want happen if I call you
ugly names or write you blistering letters? I don’t think so.
That will not work. If I am really smart, you see, instead of
dumping all over you and beating you down, I will look for a
win-win answer. I will look for a way to empower you and
bring you on board as my partner. If I am smart, I do
something that brings us together as a team rather than
makes you my permanent enemy.
So now what did Jesus do? He focused on His real purpose,
which is the redemption of human life. It was not His intent
to win arguments or to point fingers. It was His intent to
redeem. He restored and redeemed by focusing on the good
news of life’s possibilities rather than on the bad news of
life’s failures. He focused on redemption.
It would be entirely possible for this pulpit to thunder mightily
today against sexual sin. I know how to scream about
adultery and to make wisecracks about other issues. Oh, I
have heard it and even laughed at it, that old nostrum about
how God created Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve.
It brings a giggle, but not much else, except that it buries the
guilt a little deeper. And that accomplishes nothing
redemptive.
I want to be smart this morning. I want to learn from Jesus
that our real purpose is to be redemptive. The real goal is to
say as He said to this woman, “No one condemns you. Go
and sin no more.” He did not say that what she had done
was not sin. Not at all. He named it for what it is. He called
it sin. But He empowered her to want to be better; He
helped her to want to go and sin no more.
Friends, if you have somebody in your family who is off the
mark in sexual behavior, focus on redemption. Don’t focus
on making him feel guilty. Don’t push her shame buttons.
People in this situation already feel plenty of guilt and are
almost consumed by shame. Be smart about it. Focus on
the good news out ahead. Focus on how responsible
sexuality can be joyful and free and wonderful. Hold that out
before those who have messed up, and watch a whole new
power come into their lives.
What’s cool about Jesus in love? Jesus loved this woman
so much that He wanted to see her live reconciled to God,
confident of herself, and positive in her relationships. “No
one condemns you. Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
B
And even more than that, Jesus did something else. Jesus
in love loved even the woman’s accusers and extended
grace to them. Jesus in love loves not only this sinful
woman, but even loves the unlovely, self-righteous, primly
proper Pharisees who accused her. What’s cool about
Jesus? That He will love into salvation anyone – anyone –
who can acknowledge his sin and turn around in repentance.
Jesus loves to the max every one of us, even those of us
who do not think we need His grace. What’s cool about
Jesus? What does Jesus in love do? He loves whosoever
will may come, even before they come!
After all, the woman taken in adultery is not the only
character in this story. There are those voyeurs who seized
her and used her for their own purposes. There are the self-
proclaimed righteous, pious, Pharisees, who gave not one
instant’s thought to this woman’s heart, who cared not one
bit for her reputation, who never for a split second looked
into their own hearts, but who just pounced on her like
predators. It is easy to see their hypocrisy; it is tempting to
tromp all over their shallow spirits. They are easy to hate.
But, praise God, Jesus gave even them room! Jesus let
even them arrive at their own conclusions. Listen again to
the silence of Jesus. Not only does He not lecture the
woman, He does not lash out at her accusers. He simply
stoops and writes in the dust and, when they keep pushing
Him, He throws out a single powerful idea: “Let him who is
without sin cast the first stone.” If you are without any sort of
sin – and of course we know that you are not – then you may
be the one to condemn somebody else.
Wow! What happened next? What an extraordinary thing!
“When they heard [this], they went away, one by one,
beginning with the oldest.” That is so special! Jesus loves
even these unlovable hypocrites so much that He allows
them room to come to their senses, and do their own spiritual
work. The oldest first – well, maybe because they had had
time to sin more than the younger, and so came more quickly
to know the truth about themselves. One by one, knowing
that their sin was no different than the sin of the woman, they
melted into the woodwork.
What’s cool about this Jesus, Jesus in love? He loves each
one of us, to the uttermost. He loves each one of us, even
when we are unlovable. He gives us space and grace in
which to come to terms with our sin. Whether our sin be
sexual sin or just plain garden variety pride; whether our sin
be selfish lust for someone’s body or selfish greed for
material things; whether our sin be a violation of the
covenant of marriage or a violation of someone’s character –
whatever it is, the same word comes to us. “Let him who is
without sin among you cast the first stone.” Whether our sin
be out there, in the open, notorious and public; or whether it
be closed up, private, unknown, nonetheless, it is sin. It is
serious. It hurts. It hurts us, it hurts others. Most of all, it
hurts God.
But in Jesus Christ, God sent forth His son into the world, so
that whosoever -- did you hear it? – whosoever believes in
Him should not perish, but should have everlasting life. For
God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world,
but that the world – who? That’s you, that’s me, that’s the
sexual sinner, that’s the ordinary sinner, that’s any kind of
sinner – God sent His son that the world might be saved.
What’s cool about Jesus? Jesus in love? That He does not
condemn us, but that He loves us, whoever we are, and
receives us when we turn away from sin and turn toward
Him.
When I was chaplain at the University of Maryland, one day
one of my students ran into the office, with an agonized look
on his face. He slammed shut the door so that no one
outside would hear, and blurted out something horrible. He
had been dating another of my students; they were such an
attractive couple. But what he told me was that is was all
about to come down, for he reported having found out that
his young lady had a past. A sordid past. Six or seven
sexual partners, maybe more. He was crushed. He didn’t
see how he could go on. He loved her, truly loved her. But
who could forgive this? Who could overlook this kind of sin?
We went to work on all of this. Obviously I cannot divulge
the details. But this young man eventually got focused. He
got focused on what he really wanted to see happen. It was
not easy, but it came to be about redeeming her and not
about satisfying himself. It came to be about filling her
deficits and not about vindicating his pride. Counseling with
him, with her, with the two of them together, a lot of time.
The turning point came when the young man said, after
many weeks, “I think I know now what the cross meant to
Jesus Christ.”
And when, a few months later, I performed their wedding,
somebody sang, with no real idea of why they were singing
it:
“Now my heart condemns me not, Pure before the law I
stand;
He who cleansed me from all spot, Satisfied its last demand.
Sing it o’er and o’er again; Christ receiveth sinful men;
Make the message clear and plain: Christ receiveth sinful
men.”
