In last week’s message, I gave four reasons why it can be a spiritually beneficial practice for us to make and keep resolutions. They stimulate us to think about what it means to be godly; what it means to be conformed to the image of Christ. They express our faith in God’s promises to transform us.
At the same time, they remind us that change and growth don’t happen automatically; but require intentional, sustained effort. And finally, as we realize that our own power isn’t sufficient, that we need God’s power to change, the process of making and keeping resolutions drives us to prayer and drives us to God. And so, once again, I encourage you to identify at least one area in which you sense God calling you to change, and make a resolution to do so.
That was last week’s message. This week, as a kind of case study, I’d like to examine an area in which we all might consider making a resolution to change. And that’s our speech; our words; our conversation. If you looked over the resolutions of Jonathan Edwards that I handed out last week, and if you weren’t completely overwhelmed by them, you may have noticed that several had to do with speech. Such as:
Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor . . .
Resolved, in narrations [that is, when relating a story] never to speak anything but the pure and simple [truth] . . .
Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak.
But of the many things we might want to change in our lives, why focus on the use of the tongue? After all, it’s just words we’re talking about. Sounds we make with our mouths, vibrations of the air that last for a fraction of a second and then disappear. What significance do they really have? As the saying goes, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Is this really an area that deserves our time and attention? My answer is a very emphatic "yes". Because according to the Scriptures, there is far more power in our words than we realize. In fact, words can be much more destructive than sticks, or stones, or fists, or knives. Listen to what Proverbs tells us:
"The tongue has the power of life and death . . . " – Proverbs 18:21, NIV
"The power of life and death". That may sound a bit extreme to you; a bit exaggerated. How could mere words kill anyone? But consider this. You’re probably familiar with Karen Carpenter, the popular singer from the seventies who died in 1983 of heart failure. Most people know that her heart attack was caused by anorexia. Basically, she starved herself to death. But what started it all? According to a 1988 CBS television movie, the "Karen Carpenter Story," her "fatal obsession with weight" began when a reviewer called her Richard’s "chubby sister". [see illus. 1] That little phrase was all it took to start her on a tragic journey of self-destruction. Now, obviously, she was a troubled woman to begin with. The author of that article didn’t cause her underlying psychological problems; he almost certainly had no intention of causing her harm. Nevertheless, those few words had a profound affect on her life. As Proverbs 12:18 tells us,
"Reckless words pierce like a sword . . . " – Proverbs 12:18, NIV
Words don’t just bounce off, even if we’d like to pretend they do. Instead, they pierce like a dagger; they go deep; they embed themselves in our mind and heart. And they can do some incredible damage. Listen to what James writes, concerning the destructive power of the tongue:
"We can make a large horse turn around and go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a tiny rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot wants it to go, even though the winds are strong. So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself." – James 3:3-6, NLT
Isn’t it amazing, remarks James, that such a small part of the body can cause such devastation? That’s why he likens it to a fire. A single match or cigarette, thrown carelessly on the ground, can kindle a forest fire that consumes millions of acres of trees. In the same way, one careless word; or one malicious word; or one harsh, critical word; or one arrogant word, can set off a chain of events that brings great trouble and sorrow, both to the speaker and to many others.
I can’t leave this point without mentioning the example of Trent Lott, former majority leader of the U.S. Senate. This was in the news a few weeks ago. At a birthday party for Strom Thurmond, Senator Lott was paying tribute to the man, and he made this statement, "I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have had all these problems over all these years, either." Now, at first no one made anything of his comments. The national papers and the television news programs didn’t pick up the story. But then people remembered that when Strom Thurmond ran for president in 1948, it was on a segregationist platform of wanting to keep the races separate. And the "problems" Mr. Lott was apparently referring to had another name – the Civil Rights Movement. So it appeared that he was expressing a fondness for segregation, a nostalgia for the days when whites and blacks were unequal in American society. And when that settled into the national consciousness, what a firestorm erupted, from all sides. Right, left; conservative, liberal; Republican, Democrat. Everyone denounced what he had said. Now, Senator Lott denied being a segregationist. He was just honoring an old man, he said. But it made no difference. He apologized, several times. He went on BET, the Black Entertainment Television network, and there he proclaimed his support for affirmative action. He renounced racism. He renounced his own statement. But none of it had any effect. His words had provoked such a strong reaction in many people that nothing would satisfy them, short of Lott resigning from the leadership of the Senate. And so that’s what he finally did.
Now, Trent Lott was a respected member of the Senate. He had served in Congress since 1972. During those years, he had worked diligently to rise through the ranks, holding various leadership posts. He had never been accused of racism, or any kind of wrongdoing. And yet, after thirty years of public service, he was forced to abandon one of the most powerful offices in the nation, all because of three little sentences. A few brief words, probably made off-the-cuff, with no thought beforehand of what he was going to say. But those few words were enough to destroy his career. It’s a cautionary tale, even for those of us who will never see our names in the Washington Post. Because each of us can probably give examples from our own life when a careless word has landed us in tremendous difficulty. James was right: ". . . the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do." And Trent Lott says, "Amen". And we all say, "amen".
Given that fact, given the potential for evil that our words have, we might conclude that it’s better to say nothing at all. And there are times when that’s the wisest course of action, especially when we’re angry, or frustrated, or when our intention is to hurt someone. Better to wait until we cool down, after we’ve had some time to think and pray, and perhaps repent of our ungodly attitude. As the saying goes, "if you speak when you’re angry, you’ll give the best speech you’ll ever regret." Anger can make us quite eloquent. It can also cause severe damage to things like relationships and reputations. So be careful. If you’re angry, count to ten before you speak. Or better yet, take ten minutes and pray about the situation. Walk away, and come back later when you’ve adjusted your attitude, and regained control of your tongue. You’ll be glad you did. Once again, Proverbs gives us some good counsel:
"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
- Proverbs 10:19, NIV
"It is foolish to belittle a neighbor; a person with good sense remains silent."
– Proverbs 11:12, NLT
"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin."
– Proverbs 13:3, NIV
On the topic of being silent, let me tell you this story. A guy joins a Trappist monastery and takes a vow of silence. For three years, he is not permitted to speak, except at the end of the year, when he can say two words. At the end of the first year, he says, "Bed hard." At the end of the second year, he says, "Food cold." At the end of the third year, he’s had it. He comes in and says, "I quit". And the head monk says, "That doesn’t surprise me. All you’ve done is complain since you got here."
All right. The tongue has great power to do harm. But it also has great power to do good. And that’s why we can’t just take a vow of silence. Because love requires, not only that we avoid doing harm, but that we also seek to do one another good. As Paul writes in Ephesians,
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." – Ephesians 4:29, NIV
It’s not enough just to abstain from "unwholesome" talk – things like complaining, boasting, gossip, slander, and critical attacks. We’re also called to use our tongues to "build up" one another, "according to their needs". In other words, we can’t remain silent. We have an obligation to consider one another’s needs – needs for encouragement, or affirmation, or appreciation, and then, to give it. To think about how we can best serve people with our speech, and bless them with our words. And yet, how seldom do we take the time, and make the effort, to do that. I’m reminded of another passage, from Proverbs:
" Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act."
– Proverbs 3:27, NIV
Have you been doing that? Have you been withholding from your husband, your wife, your children, your brothers and sisters in Christ, keeping back from them the good that your words could do? Listen to what Proverbs tells us about the healing and strengthening and renewing power of words:
" . . . the tongue of the wise brings healing." – Proverbs 12:18, NIV
"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up"
– Proverbs 12:25, NIV
"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life . . ." – Proverbs 15:4, NIV
Those verses talk about the great blessing that a kind word can be. It can literally be like bread and meat and potatoes to a starving man; like a cold drink of water to one dying of thirst. And we’ve all experienced that. When we’re discouraged, and a friend comes along side us to say, "Don’t give up. You can do it. I believe in you." Or when we’re doubting ourselves, feeling worthless, and someone gives us a word of praise or appreciation. Or when we’re struggling and confused, and someone gently and lovingly reminds us that God loves us, that He hasn’t abandoned us, and that He will bring us through the trial by his grace and power. Well, friend, you can be that person. Even today.
I’ll give you a personal example. A little while ago, my wife passed on to me a comment that someone in the church had made. This person said to her, "tell Alan that his sermons this year have been great". And I was very encouraged by that. Not that I’m that concerned about how you rate my sermons. But I was encouraged because I understood him to mean that the sermons had been helpful to him; that they had helped to strengthen his faith and stimulate his spiritual growth. And that’s why I do this. Not to be praised as a great preacher, or honored as a wise and insightful counselor. But to be used by God as His instrument in changing lives. That’s why I was encouraged. And frankly, one word like that lasts a long time. As Mark Twain said, "I can live for two months on a good compliment." I don’t need all that much praise; in fact, too much would be spiritually dangerous (at least, that’s what I’m told). But that one little word proved to be quite encouraging to me. And there have been many other times in the last four years when a word of thanks or appreciation at the right time has made a real difference.
Let me ask you: Is there anyone in your life who might benefit from a note like that, or a brief word of thanks or encouragement? Don’t underestimate how powerful your words can be. As Paul tells us,
". . . encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing."
– 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NLT
There’s another reason for us to give heed to how we speak; in addition to avoiding trouble and harm, in addition to encouraging one another and building each other up. And this is really the most important reason of all. It’s because our speech reveals our heart. Or to put it another way, our speech isn’t just something we do. It reveals what we are. Words are a window into the soul.
"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." – Matthew 12:33-37, NIV
"Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." What Jesus is saying is that whatever is filling up our heart, whatever is bubbling around inside us, is going to come out of our mouths. We may be able to hide it, mask our true feelings, but only partially and only temporarily. Eventually, it will come out, whether it’s good or evil. If your heart is bitter, or angry, or self-righteous, or proud, it will produce bitter, angry, self-righteous, and proud speech, no matter how much you try to suppress it.
You know, often when people say something they later regret, they’ll act like it was someone else who said it, like their evil twin or something. "You know what I said yesterday? I didn’t mean that." Yes, you did. You’re just embarrassed that your tongue betrayed you, and let everyone else know how you felt. Or, "I’m sorry, I just wasn’t thinking." That’s right. You weren’t thinking. For a brief moment, the filter between your heart and your tongue was removed, and all the gunk in your heart escaped through your mouth! What we ought to do, instead of claiming that somehow an evil spirit must have possessed our tongue, is simply to confess our sin. Acknowledge that we still have a lot of ugly stuff in our hearts, but that God is in the process of cleaning it out, day by day.
It works the other way, too. If your heart is full of joy, and hope, and thankfulness, then your words will be joyful, and hopeful, and thankful. But here’s the key point. We have to understand this. The goal, fundamentally, is not to change your speech. The real goal is not to speak more lovingly. The real goal is to love, to let love fill your heart, and ultimately, your mouth. What did Jesus say? "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good." Our words are just the fruit; they’re just the expression of what’s in our hearts. And so we need to change our hearts, and then the words will follow. Our self-examination and repentance needs to be at the deep level of the heart, not merely the surface level of words. So don’t just attack bitter speech; attack the bitterness that’s at the root of bitter speech. Don’t just attack arrogant words; attack the pride that’s at the root of the words. Words are important, but what’s even more important is what they reveal about your heart. That’s where the real battle is.
Let me cap off this point with a quote from James. In chapter one, verse 26, he says,
"If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are just fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless." – James 1:26, NLT
Worthless! Why? Because an angry, bitter, self-righteous, profane tongue is a sign of an angry, bitter, self-righteous, profane heart. They are one and the same. That’s why Jesus said earlier that we would be judged by our words, whether for good or ill. Because our words reveals what is in our hearts.
There’s so much more I could say about the power and significance of words. About how God created the entire universe with a word. Or how Jesus Christ is described in John’s gospel as the "word" of God, because he fully reveals who God is. Or I could talk about how God chose to communicate Himself to us using words; the Old and New Testaments. Words are incredibly important, both His and ours. But I’ll leave all that to another time. For now, let’s talk about application. How do we go about changing in this area? How do we become like Christ in our speech; in the use of our tongue?
First, remember that it’s a work of God, a work of the Holy Spirit. You cannot do this in your
own power. You need to pray and ask God to work in you; ask Him to bring your speech under
his sovereign control. And then rely on His power to transform you. As the Psalmist prayed:
"Post a guard at my mouth, God, set a watch at the door of my lips." – Psalm 141:3, MSG
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." – Psalm 19:14, NIV
Second, ask God to let you hear yourself. Often, we have no idea how we sound to others, and to God. Perhaps you need to ask others how you sound to them.
Third, set a goal. For instance, to say one encouraging thing to someone each day. And then, at the end of the day, keep track of whether you’ve done it. Work on developing a habit of godly speech.
Fourth, practice both "putting off" and "putting on". Don’t just eliminate the bad; but replace the bad with the good. So, for instance, if you’re working on being less critical, don’t just make it your goal to eliminate critical speech, but also to replace it with encouraging speech.
And finally, remember that your ultimate purpose is to honor and glorify God with your words, as you look forward to that day when all of creation will worship and praise Him, when every tongue will sing His praise. Let me close with a couple of verses reminding us of what’s to come:
". . . God raised him [Christ] up to the heights of heaven and gave him a name that is above every other name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." – Philippians 2:9-11, NLT
"Then I looked again, and I heard the singing of thousands and millions of angels around the throne and the living beings and the elders. And they sang in a mighty chorus: ’The Lamb is worthy--the Lamb who was killed. He is worthy to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing.’ And then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea. They also sang: ’Blessing and honor and glory and power belong to the one sitting on the throne and to the Lamb forever and ever.’" – Revelation 5:11-13, NLT
Brothers and sisters in Christ, that’s what we have to look forward to. And that’s the best reason of all for striving to control our tongues: because Christ is worthy to receive all the honor and glory we can possibly give him. Let’s make it our goal to honor and glorify him with our speech.
(For an .rtf file of this and other sermons, see www.journeychurchonline.org/messages.htm)
