WEDDING DAY
Song of Solomon 3:6-11
The one day that most girls dream about growing up is their Wedding Day. They dream of beautiful white dresses, long trains, beautifully decorated churches, etc¡K On the other hand most young men dream about their Honey Moon. Most men could skip the Church Wedding ceremony, elope, and go straight to the Honey Moon.
In this study we come to the Wedding ceremony of Solomon and the Shulamite woman. It is interesting that we are told about the Wedding procession and then are taken directly to the Honey Moon. This shows us that the Wedding ceremony is a public symbol of two people being united, but is not what makes a couple married in the eyes of God.
This is a good opportunity for us to be reminded of what happens in a wedding ceremony and the vows that a couple takes. I will also share some comical wedding stories with you that are true stories.
The Procession
Song of Solomon 3:6-11(NKJV)
THE SHULAMITE
6 Who is this coming out of the wilderness Like pillars of smoke, Perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, With all the merchant¡¦s fragrant powders?
7 Behold, it is Solomon¡¦s couch, With sixty valiant men around it, Of the valiant of Israel.
8 They all hold swords, Being expert in war. Every man has his sword on his thigh Because of fear in the night.
9 Of the wood of Lebanon Solomon the King Made himself a palanquin:
10 He made its pillars of silver, Its support of gold, Its seat of purple, Its interior paved with love By the daughters of Jerusalem.
11 Go forth, O daughters of Zion, And see King Solomon with the crown With which his mother crowned him On the day of his wedding, The day of the gladness of his heart.
Song of Songs 3:6-11(The Message)
What¡¦s this I see, approaching from the desert, raising clouds of dust, Filling the air with sweet smells and pungent aromatics? Look! It¡¦s Solomon¡¦s carriage, carried and guarded by sixty soldiers, sixty of Israel¡¦s finest, All of them armed to the teeth, trained fro battle, ready for anything, anytime. King Solomon once had a carriage built from fine-grained Lebanon cedar. He had it framed with silver and roofed with gold. The cushions were covered with a purple fabric, the interior lined with tooled leather.
Come and look, sisters in Jerusalem. Oh, sisters of Zion, don¡¦t miss this! My King-Lover, dressed and garlanded for his wedding, his heart full, bursting with joy!
At any Wedding ceremony one of the most exciting moments is when the bride comes in with music playing, with the guest standing, with the groom watching in amazement. Most women look their very best on their Wedding day. At Solomon¡¦s Wedding it wasn¡¦t any different. We find the Shulamite woman being carried into the ceremony on a special couch that Solomon had made. This couch had silver and gold on it and the seat was purple which represents royalty. There were poles on this couch and some of the guards carried this couch with the bride on it while there were 60 honored soldiers escorting the bride.
After the Wedding procession was a ceremony in which the bride and groom made commitments to each other. Our text leaves out this couple’s Wedding ceremony, but we are going to look at an example of the Wedding ceremony and what it represents.
The Ceremony
PROCESSIONAL
MEANING OF MARRIAGE
„« We are here assembled in the presence of God to unite _______ and ________ in marriage.
„« The Bible teaches that marriage is to be a permanent relationship of one man and one woman freely and totally committed to each other as companions for life. Our Lord declared that man shall leave his father and mother and unite with his wife in the building of a home, and the two shall become one flesh.
„« Who gives the bride to be married? (Bride¡¦s Father): [I do].
[PRAYER]
HAND ILLUSTRATION
„« _______ and ______, the Bible has much to say about marriage ¡V directly and indirectly. The very first people of creation were brought together by God who saw that it was not good for man to be alone. Eve was created to be Adams companion and his helper in all things. Jesus performed his first miracle at a wedding. Some of His most famous parables flow out of the context of marriage.
„« As you stand here today, it is your desire that this ceremony not only reflects your commitment to one another but your individual and shared commitment to Christ. Marriage is the clasping of hands, the blending of hearts, the union of two lives becoming one. This marriage will stand by the strength of your love and the power of faith you have in one another and also in God.
„« I want to ask you to turn and face one another now.
„« ______(Bride), please take _________(Groom) hand and hold them palms up so that you may see them for the gift which they are to you.
„« These are the hands of your best friend. They are strong and vibrant with love these hands, which are resting in yours on this wedding day, are the hands of the one whom is promising to love you for all the remaining days of your life. These are the hands, which will work along side you and will build your future, as you laugh and cry as you share your innermost secrets and dreams. These hands will work long hours for you and they are the hands, which will passionately love and cherish you throughout the years ¡V the same hands will wipe away tears of sorrow and tears of joy from your eyes. These are the hands which will comfort you in times of illness and which will hold you when grief intrudes your home. These are the hands, which will tenderly lift your chin and brush you cheek as they raise you face to look into his eyes- eyes that will be filled with passion for you.
„« _________(Groom), would you please take ______(Bride) hands, palms up, so that you may see them for the gifts, which they are to you.
„« These hands are the hands of your best friend, which are holding yours on this wedding day as she pledges her love and commitment to you for all the days of her life. These are the hands which will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times- they are the hands which will comfort you when you are sick and will console you when you grieve. These are the hands, which will passionately love you and cherish you through all the years for a lifetime of happiness. These same hands will support you as you pursue you dreams of all that God has enable you to be and become. Together, as a team, her hands in yours, your wishes will be realized.
„« Please join me in prayer¡K
„« God, bless these hands that you see before you on this day. May they always be held by one another and may they find the strength to keep holding on when the storms of worry, distress, anxiety and fear attack their home. May these hands remain tender and gentle as they nurture one another in their wondrous love? May these hands continue to build a relationship founded in your grace, rich in caring and devoted to reaching for Your perfection of them. We ask this prayer in Your Holy Name, amen.
„« The home is built upon love. In the 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians the Bible says:
„« ¡§Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends;¡K So faith, hope, love abide, these three: but the greatest of these is love.¡¨
„« Marriage is a companionship, which involves mutual commitment and responsibility. You will share alike in the responsibilities and the joys of life. When companions share a sorrow the sorrow is halved, and when they share a joy the joy is doubled.
„« You are asked to dedicate your home to your Creator. Take His Word, the Bible, for your guide. Give loyal devotion to His church and live your lives, as His willing servants, and true happiness will be your reward.
WEDDING VOWS
„« ¡§Please join right hands¡¨.
„« ______(Groom), will you take ______(Bride) to be your wife; will you commit yourself to her happiness and her self-fulfillment as a person, and to her usefulness in God¡¦s Kingdom; and will you promise to love, honor, trust, and serve her in sickness and in health, in adversity, and prosperity, and to be true and loyal to her, so long as you both shall live?
„« ______(Groom): [I will].
„« ______(Bride) will you take ______(Groom) to be your husband; will you commit yourself to his happiness and his self-fulfillment as a person, and to his usefulness in God¡¦s Kingdom; and do you promise to love, honor, trust, and serve him in sickness and in health, in adversity and prosperity, and to be true and loyal to him, so long as you both shall live?
„« ______(Bride) : [I will].
EXCHANGING OF THE RINGS
„« (Bride will hand her bouquet to the maid of honor. The best-man will give the ring to the minister.)
„« The wedding ring is a symbol of marriage in at least two ways: the purity of gold symbolizes the purity of your love for each other, and the unending circle symbolizes the unending vows which you are taking, which may be broken honorably in the sight of God only by death. As a token of your vows, you will give and receive the rings.
„« ______(Groom), you will give the ring and repeat after me:
„« ¡§______(Bride) with this ring I pledge my life and love to you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit¡¨.
„« ______(Bride), you will give the ring and repeat after me:
„« ¡§______(Groom), with this ring I pledge my life and love to you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit¡¨.
UNITY CANDLE
„« The Bible teaches that in marriage two become one flesh. In symbolism of this will you light the unity candle.
[MUSIC WHILE UNITY CANDLE IS BEING LIT]
UNIFYING SCRIPTURE (KNEEL TOGETHER AND REPEAT)
„« Entreat me not to leave you, Or to return from following you: For where you go, I will go. And where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people. And your God shall be my God.
CLOSING
„« Since they have made these commitments before God and these witnesses, by the authority of God and the laws of the State of New Mexico, I declare that ______(Groom) and ______(Bride) are husband and wife.
„« ______(Groom) and ______(Bride), you are no longer two independent persons but one.
„« ¡§What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.¡¨
„« ______(Groom) you may kiss your bride.
„« Let me be the first to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. ______________________.
RECESSIONAL
The Bloopers
Although marriage is an extremely serious matter, laughter is very important for us as God¡¦s children and my hope and prayer is that these funny stories concerning some Wedding Bloopers will give you a good laugh. By the way, all of these stories are true and occurred while I was performing these ceremonies.
My First Ceremony
While my wife and I was completely college in Canyon, TX at West Texas A&M University, I was licensed into the ministry. I was a Manager for McDonald¡¦s Restaurants, Bi-vocational Music and Youth Minister at a local church, and a college student with a ¡§brand-new¡¨ baby. My life was extremely stressful and I was focused mainly on ¡§survival¡¨. My wife worked at the Police Station on campus in the office and a fellow co-worker was getting married and asked if I would perform the ceremony. I told her to tell her friend absolutely not! I was not ready for that and had no clue as to what to do. My wife¡¦s friend would not accept that answer and came to McDonald¡¦s and pleaded with me to do her ceremony promising that there was only about 15 or 20 people even going to be at the ceremony. With reluctance, I agreed to do the ceremony at the chapel on campus.
At the Rehearsal the night before, I walked into a ¡§nightmare¡¨. There were professional musicians and a wedding coordinator present. (The wedding coordinator ate me for dinner!) After about 10 minutes of disaster, the pianist (who happened to be a friend of mine) called me over to the piano and proceeded to teach me how to perform a wedding ceremony and take charge. I did survive that night and at the Wedding the next day I was introduced to family of the bride that had flown in from England, Scotland, and Australia. The small crowd of 15 to 20 turned into about 300 in a standing room only crowd in the small chapel. I did make it through the ceremony, but the reception became the last straw. At the reception, I went to the bride to get the Marriage License so that I could sign the appropriate blanks. At this request the bride pulled me to the side and told me that her and the groom had eloped the week before and this was just for the family. At that I told her that I would be signing something, so I signed a reception napkin and went on my way. This was a great start to many more interesting Weddings.
Since then I have performed Weddings in large beautiful sanctuaries, small sanctuaries, city parks, back yards, living rooms, etc¡K Each location has its own strengths and weaknesses. The sanctuary Wedding can burn hours of time decorating and cleaning while the backyard Wedding brings problems of wind and rain. Each location poses its own distractions. Like the time I was performing a backyard ceremony for a 78 year old man and 73 year old woman and as I was pronouncing them husband and wife, the dog next door was barking so loud that I became distracted and introduced the couple using the woman¡¦s last name instead of the man¡¦s.
The honorarium (the pay) has been very interesting also. The honorarium as ranged from $100 to $5; from watches to a handwritten card; from dinner at an elegant restaurant to a $5 gift certificate to McDonald¡¦s. As I have always told couples, I don¡¦t care what they give me because that is not the reason I perform the ceremony and believe you me they take me serious!
Let me share with you some specific bloopers that stand out in my mind.
The Flaming Wedding Dress
In one of my first weddings I learned to ask an important question. I now ask each bride if her dress has long sleeves. Why? In one particular wedding, the bride and groom approached the unity candle and as they were lighting the candle, the bride¡¦s sleeve caught fire. The groom quickly beat out the fire. The bride was unharmed, but as you can tell, the ceremony just wasn¡¦t quite as ¡§special¡¨ from that point on.
The Injured Bride
Because of past experiences the list of questions and advice grow as I perform Weddings. Another important statement I make to the bride and groom during the Wedding Rehearsal is to put hand lotion on their hands when they get home that night and to not force the ring on the finger during the ceremony. In one particular Wedding, as the groom was putting the ring on the bride¡¦s finger I noticed she began to cry. Now for a moment I thought it might have been because the ceremony was so touching, but when I realized that the groom had broken her finger I understood the tears. Naturally she was nervous and so her hands were swollen. As he tried to put the ring on her finger it would not go over the knuckle so he put a little ¡§oomph¡¨ into it and broke her finger. This wasn¡¦t my best ceremony, but the woman¡¦s finger healed nicely and the couple is still happily married although the broken finger thing comes up occasionally.
The ¡§Red-faced¡¨ Preacher
The 30 minutes before the ceremony begins is always one of the most hectic times anyone will ever experience. At this one ceremony the bride, brides maids, and female friends and family were in the bridal room as the bride¡¦s mother come running out asking me if I had a ¡§safety pin¡¨. Apparently someone¡¦s dress strap had broken and so everyone was panic stricken. I quickly found a ¡§safety pin¡¨ in the secretary¡¦s office and knocked on the door of the bridal room. As I knocked I hollered out, ¡§Is everyone dressed?¡¨ as the reply was ¡§Yes, come on in¡¨. To my surprise, the bride and 4 bride¡¦s maids were all standing there in their bras and panties in which I could feel my face turn bright red. As I told the women how I didn¡¦t appreciate them doing that, they replied, ¡§You¡¦re just the preacher¡¨. (I guess preachers don¡¦t think bad thoughts or anything like that, right?) As I went to the sound booth our church¡¦s single Music Minister asked why I was so red and I told him in which he replied, ¡§Pastor I would be more than happy to take care of those sorts of things for you. All you got to do is ask¡¨. Remember I said it is good for us to laugh. In this situation that is about all I could do.
As funny as all of these stories are, (or at least to me they are); I saved the funniest story for last.
The ¡§Red Neck¡¨ Wedding
In the Summer of 2000 a couple came to me and explained that they wanted me to perform their Wedding ceremony. The man was a farmer and the woman had grown up on a farm. They explained to me that this was both of their 2nd marriage and neither one of them had a Church Wedding the first time. They wanted a ¡§Western¡¨ style or as the groom called it a ¡§Red Neck¡¨ Wedding. We set the date for the Wedding in late July.
At the Rehearsal the night before I let the couple know that the women needed to be at the Church by 1:00 p.m. and the men by 2:00 p.m. since the ceremony was to begin at 3:00 p.m. Everyone agreed. The next day at 3:00 the Church had about 100 guests and all of the Wedding party except for the bride and groom. While we patiently waited for the bride and groom one of the uncles of the bride decided to stand up and tell jokes. Fortunately, they were appropriate for the setting. At 3:30 p.m. the groom showed up ready to go and finally at 4:00 p.m. the bride shows up. Now she really wasn¡¦t ready. She comes running in the guest registry in one hand and the ring bearer¡¦s pillow in the other. The ladies quickly began to start fixing her hair in which I said, ¡§It¡¦s too late for your hair, let¡¦s go!¡¨.
We finally get the Wedding started and everyone (to my surprise) was doing just like we had rehearsed. I went through the Wedding Vows and then came to the ring ceremony. As I asked the best man for the ring, we realized that the bride had tied the ring onto the pillow with a very tight knot. Without even hesitating, the best man pulls out this huge knife and cut the ring off of the pillow in which the bride yelled at him, ¡§Hey, stupid that pillow is rented and now you are going to have to pay for that¡¨. At this point the guests begin to laugh and it took me several minutes to get things back to the reverent point at which they had been. We then went to the Unity Candle section of the ceremony. At this point the music began to play and the couple went up and lit the candles just as practiced. The only problem was the fact that the bride and groom had chose to not take my advice when I told them that a 7 minute song would feel like eternity and they should fade it out. Although the night before, this couple had emphatically said, ¡§No, play the entire song¡¨; the groom was now begging me to turn off the music. My back was to the guest and the sound booth so there was nothing I could do. At this the groom hollers out loud to the Sound Technician, ¡§Hey man turn that off , please!¡¨; in which the Sound Technician faded the music. Then the groom says very loudly, ¡§Thanks man, I love you¡¨. Again the guests begin to ¡§roll in the pews¡¨ with laughter. Again I calmed things down and continued. I finished my final statements and told the groom he could kiss the bride in which he did for about 3 minutes. Finally the best man punched him in the arm and said, ¡§Come on we¡¦ve got a ¡§hoe-down¡¨ to go to¡¨. I introduced the couple and the recessional music began. (I must give you this side note. The bride always wanted a ¡§train¡¨ on her dress so she had sewed a ¡§train¡¨ to her skirt. The blouse and skirt were separate pieces.) The couple paired up and began to walk down the aisle and then the maid of honor and best man paired up and followed. As they were following the maid of honor stepped on the brides ¡§train¡¨ and pulled her skirt to her knees. Talk about a huge burst of laughter. As the bride was bending over to pull up her skirt, the groom slapped her on the behind and said, ¡§Girl get your drawers on¡¨. At this point I just sat down as I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. This was one of the funniest experiences I have ever had. I don¡¦t know how funny it has been to read but being reminded of this ceremony puts a smile on my face every time.
The Summary
I hope you have enjoyed these stories. If I have any advice for those planning a Wedding Ceremony, let me leave you with these two things:
1. Do not spend ¡§tons¡¨ of money. If you are like most couples I know, you are going into marriage ¡§broke¡¨ or very close to it. It makes no sense to spend thousands of dollars on a ceremony that will not last more than an hour and probably not more than 30 minutes when you will desperately need that money as you begin a life together with that person. If your parents or friends are going to pay for the Wedding, visit with them about a less expensive Wedding and giving you some of that money they would have spent as a gift to help you get started.
2. Plan on something ¡§crazy¡¨ happening during the ceremony. Many people, especially women, are terrified about the possibilities of their ¡§fairy tale¡¨ Wedding having something ¡§goofy¡¨ happen in it. Guess what? Every Wedding regardless of how formal or informal has some sort of ¡§bobble¡¨ in it. This is what makes it memorable. Don¡¦t worry about it. Just because the Unity Candle doesn¡¦t light or the Wedding Ring gets dropped doesn¡¦t mean that your marriage will be cursed. Remember it is just a ceremony. A happy marriage is not dependent upon the ceremony if it was many of us would be in trouble.
A NOTE TO MINISTERS
As a closing note to ministers or others that might want to use this Wedding Ceremony in this study, that is fine. This ceremony comes from parts and pieces of many other Wedding Ceremonies. None of the ceremony is original. I would have given credit to those authors of each section but I do not know who they are so I hope they don¡¦t mind me including it in this study and the ceremonies I perform. There are also some very good variations of this ceremony and other ceremonies not listed in this study. My advice in preaching Wedding Ceremonies is add to what you are doing as you go, learn from past experiences, and try to keep it fresh. When you get ¡§burned out¡¨ with doing Weddings it is noticeable. Try to learn about customs and traditions in Wedding Ceremonies such as the bride not rehearsing. Most people don¡¦t care about those things, but give the couple the option. I try to mold the service around the bride¡¦s wishes. (Of course, never do anything that goes against your beliefs and the Church¡¦s beliefs.) The Minister is the one officiating the service, do not allow mothers, mother-in-laws, wedding coordinators, etc¡K to run you around. Be cordial and minister as God would have you to do, but maintain order. I have experienced mothers fighting in the aisle during a Rehearsal over the colors of the pew bows. Ministers use the Wedding Ceremony to minister to people. What a wonderful time to share with a couple the ways to success in marriage. It is a marriage of 3. The bride, the groom, and God at the center of the marriage will always produce a godly marriage. This means that if you are going to minister to them properly, take some time and counsel with them before the Wedding Ceremony. Give them practical Biblical counseling about marriage. This also means that after the Wedding Ceremony your job is not done. I remind the couple at the end of each counseling session (minimum of 2) and at the end of the Wedding Ceremony that they made a promise to me. That promise is that at any point they decide to end this marriage that they will come to me, sit in front of me, and we will talk and pray about this before they get a divorce. Believe it or not, to this point people have honored this promise and several marriages have continued because of it. If you are a minister, may God bless you as you continue to serve Him. I pray that this study has helped and will continue to help you as you try to minister to God¡¦s people.
Notes: _______________________________________________________________________
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Wednesday Evening Bible Study
Series: Intimacy (Study In Song of Solomon) #4
February 26, 2003
Bel Aire Baptist Church Marriage Class
Pastor Shawn Drake
