The Benefits of Setting Limits
James 4:2-4 - "You want something but dont’ get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You udo not have, because you do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives , that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
Illustration: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have written a best selling book called Boundaries that helps us learn how to set God directed limitations. People who live without boundaries often lack self-control. Paul wrote to Timothy, "Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness. For godliness is profitable not only in the this life but also in the age to come." (I Tim. 4:7,8) The subtitle of the book reads, "When to say Yes, when to say No to take control of your life." This helpful book gives several principles that are summarized in the following points:
1. We all have to set limits because are naturally envious. James 4:2 says, "You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight." People who are boundaryless tend to feel empty and unfulfilled. They look at other people who are happy and feel envious. James writes, "You have not because you ask not."
The Bible teaches us to be doers of the word and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. Too many people fail to set limits on their envy because they do not replace it with obedience and trust in the Lord to supply them with what is satisfying. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied." (Matt 5:6-8)
2. Replace negative motivations with positive incentives:
A. Fear of loss of love or abandonment should be replaced with a confidence that nothing can separate us from the love of God. (Rom. 8:37-39) Some people give to get love and when they do not get it they feel abandoned.
Illustration: One thing that helps me overcome my fear of abandonment or loss of love is to sing the song, "Lord, Reign in Me" When I know God is on the throne of my heart as well as the universe I can be supremely confident that everything is right, powerful and covered.
John Wesley once wrote, "I’ve never known more than fifteen minutes of anxiety in my entire life. Whenever I grow fearful or angry. I close my eyes and envision God sitting on the throne in heaven and I know all things are well.
Here are the words of a song that helps us pray for God’s reign over all aspects of our lives and relationships:
"Over all the earth You reign on high;
Every mountain stream, every sunset sky.
But my one request, Lord my only aim is that You reign in me again."
Chorus: Lord, reign in me, reign in your power;
Over all my dreams in my darkest hour.
You are the Lord of all I am. So won’t you reign in me again.
"Over ever thought, over every word,
May my life reflect the beauty of my Lord.
Cause You mean so much more than any earthly thing,
So won’t you reign in me again."
B. Fear of others’ anger and all the hurt should be replaced with Christ’s grace, love, hope, peace and fellowship of the Spirit. Paul writes, "May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with us now and forever." (2 Cor. 16:13) Some people cannot stand for others to be mad at them.
C. Fear of loneliness should be replaced with the certainty that "There is a friend, the Lord Jesus, who sticks closer than a brother." There is not a friend like the humble Jesus, no not one. None else can heal all our souls diseases. Jesus knows all about our struggles. He will guide till the day is done." Do not give in to people because you think you can win their love and end your feelings of loneliness
D. Fear of losing the "good me" inside should be replaced with a bold love that helps us stand up to abusive people. Paul wrote, "Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the full armor of God so you can stand in the evil day." (Eph. 6:10-12) Some people think that they always have to say yes in order to demonstrate love and to be loved.
E. Fear of feeling guilty should be replaced with the fact that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1,2) Paul wrote, "For the law of the Spirit of life has set us free from the law of sin and death." Some people feel bad when they say no so they keep trying to earn a sense of goodness through others approvals and give in to the guilt trips and pressures of people.
F. Fear of payback should be replaced by the realization that Christ has paid our penalty in full. Do not feel a burden to pay for all that you have been given. Paul wrote, "For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things." (Rom. 11:35,36)
G. Fear of not getting approval should be replaced with the affirmation we have in Christ. Paul wrote, "If there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation of love, any fellowship of the Spirit any affection and compassion, make my joy by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose." (Phil. 2:1,2) Do not always think you have to give people what they want in order for them to like you.
H. Fear of overidentifying with another person’s loss should be replaced with the truth that each one should bear his own burden. (Gal. 6:1,2) Some people have not learned to deal with their own loss or disappointment so they tend to spill their burdens on to others in an unfair way.
Paul wrote, "We were called into freedom therefore do not be yoked again into a bond of slavery." (Gal. 5:1)
Love is best when it is freely given out of gratitude and an overflow of Christ’s love for us instead of out of compulsion, fear or carnal motivations.
Illustration:Strange how so many church goers sing "Standing on the Promises"
but all they do is sit on the premises.
Strange how people want God to answer their prayers, but refuse to listen to His counsel.
Strange how we sing about heaven, but live only for today.
Strange how people think they are going to Heaven but don’t think there is a Hell.
Strange how it is okay to blame God for evil and suffering in the world,
but it is not necessary to thank Him for what is good and pleasant.
Strange how when something goes wrong, we cry, "Lord, why me?"
but when something goes right, we think, "Hey, it must be me!"
Praise God for being our:
1. Boundary Setting Example
2. Blesser with all spiritual blessings in Christ
3. Bigger than any problem
4. Burden bearer
5. Buoyer of all who call upon Him
6. Builder of His church so nothing prevails against it
7. Builder and equipper of the body of Christ
8. Body Life Giver and Shaper and Enabler
9. Bread of Life
10. Bread of Heaven
11. Bestower of Good Gifts
12. Benificent One Who Gives Whatever is good and needed
13. Blameless
14. Blessed God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ
15. Beginning and the End
16. Beyond Human Understanding
17. Bringer of the Spirit of Repentance
18. Brings Christ Presence to Us
19. Bestows upon us the Spirit without measure
20. Bridegroom of the church who deeply cares and loves
21. Banner who will be at war against all enemies
22. Bear robbed of her cubs
23. Bounty and bounteous in mercy, love and grace
24. Beautiful in holiness
25. Bottom Line judge and one to whom we give account
26. Blacksmith who works and shapes us into His image
27. Best of the best
28. Better than all things
29. Betrother to Himself and His promises
30. Bequeath to us an inheritance of riches
31. Bereft of no good thing
32. Bemoaner of sin, unrighteousness and godlessness
33. Benevolent one wishing to do good, be friendly and helpful to all
34. Brave
35. Belong the rights to all people, possessions etc
36. Belief initiator for all who will accept, trust and regard Christ as truth
37. Benefit Giver
38. Behavior director
39. Battle fighter
40. Base that supports as a foundation
41. Basis of everything that is true, noble and right
42. Bank and resource of all that is needed
43. Baptizer into the Spirit and the body of Christ
44. Balance setter
45. Bandmaster who orchestrates all people and events
46. Baffler of the wicked and stubborn and proud
47. Blood provider for our redemption, release and renouncing of all that is evil
48. Blocker of anything that is outside of your will
49. Bleeder for our sins
50. Blower of the Holy Spirit into our lives, hearts and minds
51. Bonus giver as additions to our needs
52. Bolster who support and props us when we are weak
53. Booster when we need recharging
54. Boss
55. Bone raiser from the dry bones of the earth
56. Bouncer who ejects troublemakers
57. Bound setter who determines limitations and set restrictions for everyone, everything and every event
58. Bounty as one who is generous in giving
59. Breaker of the shackles and chains that bind
60. Brain maker and controller
61. Brakes when we need to be stopped or slowed down
62. Bridge between man and God as our mediator
63. Breath of life, health and refreshment
64. Breast protector with your righteousness
65. Backbone setter and supporter
66. Broadcaster of what is good, wholesome and able to bring deliverance
67. Buffer who diminishes danger in quarrels or fights
68. Brother and friend
69. Burner away of what is impure, unholy or unrighteous
70. Bypasser when the pathway is clogged
71. Buttress that gives encouragement, support and help in the time of need
