INTRODUCTION
In the Month of June in the Year of our Lord Two Thousand, I bought a new Ford. After only eight or nine miles of driving this brand new car I started to notice unusual things begin to happen. Strange sounds began to come from the left rear end. Loud klunking noises soon began to be emitted from near the center portion of the vehicle. Within a couple of days, the smell of hot oil wafted from the engine compartment. At night I would notice that the front left headlight pointed its light down and to the left. Within a few weeks the dash board lights and idiot warning lights would dim and go out as I drove along. This was very distracting when it would happen at night. When I would make a sharp right turn, the right wheel would rub on the wheel well. Some days the ignition switch
would not work--And then there were several other minor mechanical problems about which I do not have time to tell.
After about ten months of visits to the auto shop, loner cars, research on how to qualify my car as a "Lemon" under Massachusetts’ "Lemon Laws," and reams of paper work and documentation, Ford declared my car to be a "LEMON." They finally replaced my 2000 Ford Lemon with a new 2001 Ford. I have already driven this car over 49,000 miles. It has been a great car.
So, I guess it is correct to say that my experience with Ford Taurus automobiles has been a 50/50 proposition. One bad Ford. One good Ford.
Now you have been laughing? Why? Because we all know that if every other auto manufactured by American companies was a lemon—fifty percent bad and fifty percent good--That soon no one would buy American cars. Did you realize about fifty percent of all of the marriages that have taken place in America during the past few years have ended in divorce? Yes, you
heard right. Fifty percent have or will end in divorce. I heard the other day that the average marriage is right around nine years duration.
Just as a fifty percent failure rate in new cars is unacceptable—A fifty percent failure rate in marriages is also unacceptable. God’s ideal is that a marriage is between one man and one woman and that this union
should last for life. As Christians, we are responsible to make our marriage relationship healthy and holy—When we do, our world will be better. Note with me, several suggestions that Peter gave us to make our "Honeys" happy.
I. LIVE IN HARMONY(v.8)
Peter starts Chapter 3 with the advice that wives should lead lives of submission, purity and reverence and exhibit a gentle and quiet spirit. He tells them that real beauty comes from their Spirit-filled
relationship with Jesus Christ.—That Christ, not clothes, hair or fine jewelry will make them truly beautiful. The inner Spirit-filled self will make them beautiful.
Peter instructs husbands to treat their wives with respect. His teachings echo Paul’s teachings that, "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."(Ephesians 5:25)
Then Peter, in verse 8, gives advice for the married and non married—"Finally, ALL OF YOU, LIVE IN HARMONY WITH ONE ANOTHER…" If you are not married, engaged, dating, and do not now have a Honey you too may listen to this sermon. Its principles will help all your relationships.
This week, the Boston Pops began their Spring/Summer concert season. In a large orchestra there is no room for ego, stage stealing, selfishness… All of the instruments, in tune, are needed to make beautiful music. At times when I do pre-marriage counseling or crisis marriage counseling, I wonder how in the world some couples decided to marry. Both are making
different music. The goal of Keith Lockhart, the Pops Conductor is to lead the musicians to make beautiful music. Before couples marry, they need to set goals. The first goal should be to help the other marriage
partner to make Heaven. The Bible speaks out against Christians marrying non-Christians. We are not to be unequally yoked. Both mates need to follow Jesus the Conductor.
I once pastored a 97 year old widower who had played in a good symphony orchestra. His hearing had deteriorated and he said, "I can no longer hear the harmonies between the strings of my violin." As a result, he could no longer make beautiful music and had to give up the symphony and also playing in the church orchestra. Because of his love for music and
his violin, he decided to sell the violin in order for others to enjoy its wonderful music. With tears in his eyes he would tell me how the loss of his ability to make music was second only to the loss of his dear
wife. He had learned how to appreciate harmony in his marriage and in his music.
Are you happy with the music your marriage is playing for your children, your grandchildren, your neighbors? Is your ego in check? Is Jesus Christ first in the heart and life of you and your marriage partner? No husband or wife orchestra can serve two conductors. Jesus must be the Conductor. As you work with him he will help you to have a harmonious relationship.
II. BE SYMPATHETIC.(V. 8)
This means that we must be attentive to the things that bring our mate distress and we must have desire to help. Now this does not give approval to nagging or unfair criticism. Most Christian mates want to change for the better. Nagging only brings frustration, burden, tenseness, hurt, anger, destruction of self image, and stubbornness. "A good marriage or a good family is one where there is mutual caring about and support of each other’s continuing growth toward fulfillment of each person’s God-given potentialities."(CHRISTIAN COUNSELING—by Clinebell)
In my files, I found a quote from Dr. James Dobson. Listen: "As an institution, marriage has lost much of its legal, religious and social meaning and authority. It has dwindled to a ‘couples relationship,’ mainly designed for the sexual and emotional gratification of each adult. Marriage is also quietly losing its place in the language. With the growing plurality of intimate relationships, people now tend to speak
inclusively about ‘relationships’ amid ‘intimate partners,’ burying marriage within this general category. Moreover, some elites seem to believe that support for marriage is synonymous with far-right political or religious views, discrimination against single parents, and tolerance of domestic violence." ("Family News" November 1999)
We can not count on our schools, the government, the media to give our children correct views about the "facts of life," homosexuality, fornication, love and marriage. We must teach our children by words and
by example. I can not remember who said this, but it has seemed to be true: "What we excuse in moderation—Our children will excuse in excess." Think about it. A minority of our society are trying to destroy the
institution of marriage which has lasted since Adam and Eve. What are we doing to stop them?
III. LOVE AS BROTHERS(v.8)
Are you your mate’s best friend? If not--why not? Why did you get married? Because you were attracted to your friend and wanted to marry? Because you wanted to have sex and you knew that sexual relations outside
of marriage were wrong? Because you were pregnant? Because you were lonely and you thought that he/her was your last chance? Because you thought that her/he would satisfy all of your needs? Did you honestly take time to communicate with your lover before you married. Far too many couples spend their courtship exploring each other sexually instead of exploring each other’s minds. Did you talk of relationships with Jesus? Did you talk of finances, tithing, church attendance, children, in-laws, jobs, values, ethics, expectations…? Did you think that you could change your mate? Do you realize that in Bible times and in many cultures today that marriages are arranged and that partners learn to love and respect each other? There were far fewer marriage failures in Bible times and most other cultures. You were in love. You got to choose your own mate--Should you not have an easier time creating a great marriage?
Peter tells the married to, "love as brothers." Do you treat your mate as you treat your brothers and sisters in church? Are you as patient with him/her as you are with the weaker brother in church? Do you love them as
Christ loves the church and pray for and with your mate? If we see our brother in need, as Christians, we have a responsibility to help, if it is at all possible. Brotherly love is different than just sexual love. Brothers do things together. Laugh together. Work together. Play together. When was the last time you had fun together? When was the last time you found a kid sitter and had a date? Brothers in Christ talk
together and they listen. Do you listen to your mate’s crys for help? Do you pray for each other and pray together?
IV. BE COMPASSIONATE AND HUMBLE.(V.8)
There are several different translations of this phrase. "Be
compassionate and humble."(NIV) "Be kindly."(NEB) "Be pitiful."(KJV) "Have a tender heart."(RSV) Men and women are different.(In spite of what some loco feminists try to tell us.) Do you approach your differences with anger, orders, harshness, a whip, cruelty, abuse… Or do you settle them with love, patience, humility, understanding. (Illustration: Several friends have sent me the Internet story about the man who had really pleased God and God told him that he would answer his number one prayer
request. The man thought for a while and asked, "Father, please build a bridge from California to Hawaii." God replied, "That it too big of a project. The ocean is thousands of feet deep in places. The cost, labor, etc., would take much longer than your lifetime. Because of the distance, gas stations and hotels would have to be built along the road." God continued, "My son, give me another request." The man thought a while and then requested, "Father, please help me to understand women." God replied, "How many lanes do you want on that long, long bridge to Hawaii?") Do you care enough to work to try to understand your mate? Or are you only out for you? Couples spend hundreds of dollars to fix a lemon car, to fix up a house, for gifts—And yet refuse to get help for a breaking or broken marriage.
Do you say to your mate every day, "I love you?" "Please?" "Thank you?" Do you express appreciation? When you fight/argue/disagree or should I
say "discuss" problems and differences, do you fight fair? Can you say, I’m sorry? Do you forgive or do you hold grudges and scheme to get even? Are you proud or humble and compassionate? What are your children
learning about marriage from your marriage relationship? What would Jesus do?
V. DO NOT REPAY EVIL FOR EVIL, OR INSULT WITH INSULT, BUT WITH BLESSING…(v.9)
Marriage is not just selecting the right mate, but it is also becoming the right mate. "Intimacy only thrives when the commitment is unconditional and long range."(Clinebell) Peter instructs, "Whoever would
love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech, He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it."(v. 10-11) Peter basically is saying, "At times,
JUST SHUT UP…" He teaches that seeking and pursuing peace are far better for relationship improvement than insults and returning evil for evil. I had an old bachelor friend who often told me, "You get more bees with honey, than you do with lemons."(Or was it vinegar?) What are you using to attract your mate? Are you sweeter now than you were when you got married? What have you done to improve yourself? What
are you doing to improve your relationship with Jesus? Can you say, "I am a blessing to my husband/wife?" If not, why not? What is God trying to tell you to change about yourself? Have you read what the Bible says about marriage? Have you read any good Christian books on marriage? Watched any Christian marriage videos lately? Have you gone to any marriage improvement seminars? What have you done to make your Honey
happy? Do you care? Again, are you trying your best to help your mate and your family to make it to Heaven--And to enjoy the pilgrimage?
CONCLUSION
In a world where fifty percent of new marriages are failing, Christian couples need to clearly and happily show other couples that putting Jesus first helps. Peter is trying to tell us that God is watching his married children,(unmarried too) and that when he sees us behaving as Christians in our marriage relationships, "his ears are attentive to their(our)
prayer…" (v.12) Yes, continue to pray for and with your Honey—But be sure that first you pray for yourself. Pray and obey. Jesus can make you and your marriage better than you ever dreamed. We do not have to put up with a LEMON OF A CAR. Why should we put up with a LEMON OF A MARRIAGE? Prayer, love and hard work can save and improve a marriage. Begin today
to improve your marriage.
(Some ideas from CHRISTIAN COUNSELING by Collins: BASIC TYPES OF PASTORAL CARE AND COUNSELING by Clinebell: "Family News," November 1999 by James Dobson: NIV Bible)
(Ron Keller 5/11/03)
