You are Not an Accident
Purpose Driven Life #2
Montreal/Cornwall
August 9, 2003
I was born illegitimate in Winnipeg and I stayed that way for 2 months, until I was adopted. The woman who gave me birth, in those days, had to stay with me until adoption and, had she wanted to, could likely have surreptitiously watched to see me taken away by my new- and real- parents. But, she didn’t- she had linked up with an army guy and I was the result.
When I was 8 or 9, I remember, in the Carroll School yard, where I attended school from Grades 1 to 8, one recess when on eof my cousins was upset at me for something, she said, “Oh, but you’re adopted.” That came as a dagger in the way she said it and it went to the heart of my soul- deep and it hurt. I went home with that, and my parents explained (as they said they’d done before, but it didn’t stick before) how they had ‘chosen’ me. They wanted children but Mom was not able to be pregnant, so they got to choose me and, later, my sister. To them, I was very much wanted and was not an accident. There was no lack of desire for me in their family, and that love is what was always there.
But where was God in all this? In my earliest times, where was God? I was an accident to Jackie and Gladys- I was not their desire that night in September 1951. They looked for other things, but not a pregnancy. Where was God in all this for 9 months when she carried me toward birth, alone, without Jackie’s support or knowledge? Where was God?
Historically, to be born illegitimate has not been great. Recently, I read “Trinity” by Leon Uris; this is a historical novel about life in Ireland between about 1820 and 1920. That was certainly, not a place to be illegitimate, because you and your mother were always second or third class, poor, and scrounging just to get by- and stigmatized. There was no significant amount of adoption, then, even, nor has there been in most times over the centuries.
Even today, being adopted does something to how a person sees him or herself. In 1994, in a Counseling course I was taking, I did a paper on the Impact of Searching for Birth Mother on Adult Adoptee Self-Esteem. There’s a growing body of literature on the subject discussing why someone would search, in the first place- there are reasons why growing up in a good family is not enough, for instance, and it’s quite normal and reasonable. There are self-esteem issues that are very real. Why wasn’t I wanted? What were the circumstances of my birth? Is my birth family rich? How big is my ‘other’ family? These are only some of the questions that those who grow up in their original families don’t have to ask because they know the answers. But an adoptee doesn’t know these answers and has to go looking; some do, and feel compelled to search, while others do not, but the questions remain, in either case, in most, from what the literature on the subject indicates. It’s like there are holes on a sheet of graph paper that have to be filled in, and some feel great compelling to do this.
However, ideally, children are not to grow up in adoptive families, but in their own with loving and caring parents. So, where was God, in my earliest months, and where is God in the lives of so many who seem to be chance happenings of times of passion and not the result desired by those involved at the time?
God’s Word brings God’s perspective to the subject and helps all children understand how important they are to God. Let’s look at some of those that have helped me to understand my earliest months.
Isa. 44.2- I was in God’s care from the earliest moments of my life. Jacob had a special place in God’s plan and, in reality, so does each individual- each person. But this leads us to wonder about the moments before we came to be. God does all things decently and in order. Is every child that is conceived, then, a surprise that He has to handle and deal with in some way? Or does He anticipate each child? Some believe the scriptures indicate that God plans each child, and I’m one, although I don’t begin to understand this matter of circumstances. God is not the author of sin, but God uses sin, sometimes, toward great good. God is able to take all the sinful situations in the lives of people- and his people- and bring good from it. So, I see that he did that, in my case. This leads me to understand that there are, really, no illegitimate children, in God’s sight. He doesn’t look at children in classes or rankings, at any rate. He, as with Jacob, is involved in our forming, and this is a wonderful place to begin in understanding our origins. With God, there are no accidents. God isn’t left wondering what to do. I don’t believe He looked down in September 1951, and, with a certain horror, declared, of me, ‘what am I going to do with that?’ Either before my conception, or immediately at my conception, He had a plan and purpose for me. And the same is true for each one of us. God was there at the beginning and was involved in the beginning, at the beginning!
Psa. 138.8a- tells me that God has a purpose for my life. God has a purpose for your life. The Living Bible puts it: “The Lord will work out his plans for my life…” The great God of the universe, who created all things, will work out a plan that he has developed for your life, and for my life. For someone wondering about origins and looking for answers, this, actually, does more than the human search for answers did- although both are necessary, in my case, at least.
God showed me what is written in the next Psalm, too.
Psa. 139. 15- I was custom-made. So were you. When God formed each of us, He threw away the mold. There are no two the same. That is good, of course, but tells us something of the great love of our God.
v. 16- this is a harder one for us to understand and even believe, I think. We like to focus on our free choice. This is where my Calvinist friends and I get into difficult discussions. How far does free choice go? How much is programmed? Calvinist understanding indicate full planning and, in an extreme, almost robot-like fitting into pre-planning. However, scripture, also, indicates certain choice and freedom that each of us has. But this verse is a hard one, in that it does indicate pre-planning at quite a high level and in quite some detail. If this is so, all I can do is be in awe of God who has such a capacity to do this! What more can we say but ‘glory to God in the highest!’
So, the conclusion, at least, of verses 17 and 18 are incredible. God’s thoughts ARE toward and about each one of us constantly.
Acts 17.26- God has not left details of life to chance, but has planned those details. He has done this for nations and he has done this for individuals, too. This is truly amazing. To think that I was born exactly as God intended is wonderful. To understand that I am where I am supposed to be is wonderful, too. To know that I’m supposed to be here, serving you, is incredible and allows me to rest in God and not fight God and what He is doing quite as much. This is very good and allows me to go forward with God a bit more easily.
Eph. 1.4a- God’s plan was in place before creation began. Was I in that plan before creation? As part of His people, I was. I see enough indicators of God’s pre-knowledge, too, that it stretches my mind to believe that God saw me there, but I don’t see that as impossible. Even if He only saw this from the moment of conception, though, that’s enough for me!
Jas. 1.18- people are the most important part of God’s creation. This does not give us the right to run roughshod over creation- it increases our responsibility toward creation, of course. But we are important. We are not simply chance happenings. Our being here is not unimportant.
Isa. 45.18- this world was made to be inhabited by people. That’s what it’s for. We are not here by chance but by design. We are not accidents but are planned and fit within God’s purpose as He purposed. What does understanding that do to us?
I know that a lot of us are very wounded individuals. We carry hurts that are very deep that have been inflicted by people who were supposed to empower us for living. Some of us have been profoundly abused- emotionally and physically- and the wounds are so dominating, sometimes, in our lives. Some of us have been told that we were accidents and that we weren’t wanted- that’s horrible. We find some at camp, sometimes, who have that kind of load on their backs and it’s awful and it’s heavy. But, if this is you, you need to know, as I know, how much God cares for you. You were not an accident, to God and, in life, if we compare God’s opinion and the opinion of those around whom we grew up who may have hurt us deeply, God’s opinion matters more. In life, as in the Book, God wins. Let him win in your life now.
1 Jn. 4.8- God is love and his entire motivation is to share from that love. He doesn’t simply ‘have’ love, but he IS love and all he does is motivated by that love. He formed you and He has brought you into his family, now, because of his incredible love. He wants the very best for you, and has from the moment of your conception- and likely from before that- and he has every ability to give you all the very best he has to offer.
Isa. 46. 3-4- I was made- you were made- so God could express his love, and he is not going to stop expressing that. He began and he will continue and he will finish. From young to old, he is there in our lives- in our lives that are not accidental lives, but were designed and formed in his mind. Even if God simply began at conception, he was able to intervene and to do, and he is working a great purpose in each of our lives, even though it might be difficult for us to appreciate, sometimes, what that purpose might be.
Ro. 12.3- in the end, I realize that there’s only one way for me to understand my life. From a human perspective, the beginning was not grand. But when I put my life against the backdrop of God’s planning and desire, then it’s great. That’s what we must do. The only accurate way to understand our lives is by what God is and does for us. He has to be the one that we look to for the meaning and understanding we need about our lives. There are lots of questions- whether you began illegitimate or deeply wanted in a loving marriage. There are lots of questions- whether your health has been great or awful, whether things have gone well for you or with difficulty almost every step of the way. God has the answers, and he gives us some of them now and some of them once we’re living in eternity with him. But where God is, there is peace and calmness as we face our lives. You and I are not accidents. Your life and mine are not meaningless. We’re not simply ‘taking up space’.
But, we are here because God wants us here and He has purpose for our lives that we can understand. Let the message of the verses we have examined go deep into you, please, and live confidently, this week, knowing that you matter very much to God!
