WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER (GEN 29:15-30, 31:36-42)
Charles Sykes, a senior fellow at the Wisconsin Policy Institute, a public policy think tank, didn’t like the way his fellow citizens whine, evade responsibility, and point fingers. The infamous 19991 Los Angeles riot was a case in point, when rioters, looters, and arsonists excused their behavior by calling their act of lawlessness an insurrection, an uprising, and a protest.
So Sykes wrote a controversial book titled A Nation of Victims and appeared on TV to counter the mood that people from all walks of life had adopted, which stated: “I am a victim of a syndrome or a dysfunction -emotional, racial, sexual, or psychological. So what I do is not my fault, I am not responsible for my behavior, so-and-so or this-and-that made me do it."
In an interview with C-SPAN Sykes said: “All of us in some sense can blame somebody else for our problems. Mommy and Daddy are a good target, but also we all want to be loved and we would wish that everything was suited for us, that all of our needs were taken care of. That’s what it was like when we were babies. Part of the problem in American culture is that Americans are very ambivalent about growing up. We know that we have to do it, but we don’t necessarily like it." www.booknotes.org/transcripts/10115.htm
Victims, typically, hide behind catchy but convenient slogans such as the one I saw: "90% of people is dysfunctional, the rest is in denial."
Jacob was the consummate sufferer and classic sucker, but also the ultimate survivor in Haran. He was victimized upon his arrival in Haran but he refused to be deflated by the treatment. Jacob came from nowhere, arrived with nothing, but left with God’s favor, Laban’s fortune, and a big family.
How did Jacob turn his life around from victim to victor? Why are some victims able to triumph over man-made tragedy, traps, and troubles? What do victors have that victims do not?
LIVE HUMBLY WITH OTHERS
16Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. 18Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel." 19Laban said, "It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me." 20So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her." 22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. 24 And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant. 25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?"
(Gen. 29:16-25)
One of the most humbling things I did in my first year of pastorate at a church was to wash the urinal or toilet stand. Years of neglect had left eight long, vertical, parallel lines on the urinal. The yellow stains were a blight and an eyesore.
I was not looking forward to or asking for the job, but most volunteers had successfully steered clear of the unwanted job for many years. When Ajax cleaner and bleach failed to remove the stains on my initial attempts, someone suggested using lime removal. Returning from the nearest store, I followed closely the instructions on the bottle. I wet the stains with the liquid, left it for half an hour, and then used a heavy brush and a heavy hand to rub the stain, repeating the whole process a few times until the layers of stain were removed. I used a screwdriver to scrape off the last dab of the stubborn stains.
When the job was done, a church member walked into the restroom and kindly said to me, “Pastor, you shouldn’t be doing this. We should just ago ahead and buy a new one." I replied instantly, “Thank you, but after the hard work, I wouldn’t replace it for anything in the world."
Laban used the dirtiest trick in the book to trick, use and exploit Jacob; however, Jacob was stretched, tested and humbled, but never broken. God had revealed to Rebekah that his son Jacob was the heir of promise, but He did not say how he was to obtain the blessing, when he would get it, and what price he would have to pay. The easy way was definitely out. The first indication of a new and humbled Jacob was his willingness to work hard for his bride Rachel. The old Jacob took what was others, and not his, but the new Jacob earned his family and fortune (Gen 32:13-15). The old Jacob was unwilling to wait one day for his inheritance, but the new Jacob offered to work seven years for his wife. The freeloader was gone; the breadwinner had emerged. Jacob replaced his old bag of tricks with a new work ethic.
Ironically, his cunning father-in-law was God’s instrument of humility for young Jacob, who had to experience poverty before he could expect progress and prosperity. Before, Jacob schemed, swindled, and succeeded. Now, money meant little to him. He had even worked one month for free before an embarrassed Laban decided to offer him wages (Gen 29:14-15). Jacob earned his way through life instead of riding on the coattails of others. The word “work" or “serve" is repeated six times in the chapter (vv 15, 18, 20, 25, 27, 30). In fact, all the nine times the word “work?or “serve?is used of Jacob’s sojourn in Haran, including Genesis 30:26 and 29, referred to none other ?not Laban or his servants - but Jacob’s labor.
Even when he was cheated, Jacob turned the other cheek to Laban’s deceit and walked the second mile for Rachel. He humbly slaved fourteen years for Rachel before striking a joint agreement with Laban the following six years for his share of the profits, eventually breaking free to be on his own after two decades (Gen 31:38). Jacob was an employee for fourteen years, a partner the next six years, and his own boss only after twenty years. What a way to start a business! Even when he was tricked into marrying Leah, Jacob argued his case but did not vent anger, afflict damage, or seek avenge. In fact, he did little but asked three harmless questions (v 25).
Throughout his ordeal, Jacob humbly and wisely kept his head on, kept his act together, and kept his mouth shut.
LIVE HARMONIOUSLY AT HOME
26Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work." 28And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. 30Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years. (Gen 29:26-30)
Marriages today are easily wrecked by marital infidelities, financial pressure, and time constrain. It is not uncommon to hear of spouses that would not live, converse, or associate with one another when they are old, when they have retired, or when the children are gone.
Couples can testify that love is simple, but marriage is more complicated than young people, singles, and love-struck couples think. The Chinese have a saying, “Falling in love is easy; getting along is tough."
Love is a wonderful thing, but harmony is priceless. Love uplifts couples, but harmony grounds them. Love brings couples together, but harmony binds them for life, commits them to each another, and shields them from attacks.
Marriage is unfashionable today because it is hard work, harder than earning a degree, keeping a job, or living with one’s parent, child, or sibling.
One of the most beautiful expressions of love is Jacob’s unceasing love for Rachel: “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her"(Genesis 29:20). His love for Rachel is the most enduring love story in the Bible. More is written in the Bible about their love (vv 18, 20, 30) than any couple’s.
Jacob’s love for Rachel was genuine, but Laban’s treachery, Jacob’s naivete and polygamy in society and fault-finding at home almost wrecked the family. The Chinese have a saying: “If the home is harmonious, ten thousand things succeed; if the home is disgraced, mouths wag non-stop." From day one together, the wives were jealous of one another and the kids were caught in the crossfire. Jacob refusal to take sides did not stop the sniping at home. Rachel and Leah were formidable rivals - smitten by the same man, stubborn in their ways, and stuck with each other.
Jacob and his four wives had the most bizarre, the most complicated, and the most discordant marriage in the Bible; only by God’s grace, they survived it. Some marriages today cannot survive an attack, a mistake, or a blow.
Rachel’s problem was not childlessness but childishness (30:1-4), Leah’s problem was not her attractiveness but her attitude, and their issue was not rights but respect - their self-respect. In the end, there was little to profit for Rachel and Leah, little to like in the sisters, and little to separate between them. While Rachel looked stunning and striking and Leah looked sleepy and sluggish, Rachel was the one Jacob loved in life and Lean was the one buried with him in death (Gen 49:31). Though Rachel’s two sons were heavily favored by Jacob, the Messiah would come through Leah’s son, Judah.
When Leah and Rachel arrived at their senses (Gen 31:14-15) and discovered that the real troublemaker and enemy was not each other but their father, they turned against him and harmony in the family was restored. Remarkably, Rachel and Leah’s bickering stopped, their discontent with each another ceased, and their story ended after the confrontation with their father. Rachel’s last encounter with Laban evened the score (Gen 31:35), stopped his continual meddling into their lives, and proved to be her last words in the Bible.
LIVE HONORABLY BEFORE GOD
36Jacob was angry and took Laban to task. "What is my crime?" he asked Laban. "What sin have I committed that you hunt me down? 37Now that you have searched through all my goods, what have you found that belongs to your household? Put it here in front of your relatives and mine, and let them judge between the two of us. 38"I have been with you for twenty years now. Your sheep and goats have not miscarried, nor have I eaten rams from your flocks. 39I did not bring you animals torn by wild beasts; I bore the loss myself. And you demanded payment from me for whatever was stolen by day or night. 40This was my situation: The heat consumed me in the daytime and the cold at night, and sleep fled from my eyes. 41It was like this for the twenty years I was in your household. I worked for you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flocks, and you changed my wages ten times. 42If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been with me, you would surely have sent me away empty-handed. But God has seen my hardship and the toil of my hands, and last night he rebuked you." (Gen 31:36-42)
William J Benett’s The Moral Compass told of a war in Germany, where thousands of soldiers were scattered all over the country. A captain of the cavalry, who had a great many men and horses to feed, was told by his colonel that he must get food from the farms nearby. The captain walked for some time through the lonely valley, and at last knocked at the door of a small cottage. The man who opened it looked old and lame. He leaned on a stick.
“Good day, sir," said the captain. “Will you kindly show me a field where my solders can cut the grain and carry it off for our army?" The old man led the soldiers through the valley for about a mile, and in the distance they saw a field of barley waving in the breeze.
“This is just what we want. We’ll stop here,?exclaimed the captain. “No, not yet," said the old man. “You must follow me a little farther." After another mile or two, they came to a second field of barley. The soldiers dismounted, cut down the grain, tied it in sheaves, and rode away with it. Then the captain said to the old farmer: “Why did you make us walk so far? The first field of barley was better than this one." “That is true, sir," answered the old man, “but it was not mine."(William J. Benett, The Moral Compass 262, New York:Simon & Schuster, 1995)
Jacob left Beersheaba in shame but left Haran with his honor intact. True, Jacob boldly proposed working seven years for Rachel, but Laban held him to ransom the next seven years before he had an opportunity to think, speak, or decide. Still, the unlucky, hapless and disadvantaged Jacob did not take to the bottle, take his responsibility lightly, or take it out on his wives. He knew that leaving was the right thing to do; even the contentious wives agreed for the first time on something together: leaving Laban (Gen 31:14-16)!
Though Jacob left abruptly, he did not leave disgracefully. His father-in-law had worked overtime to deny him of sheep, goat, and wages. For two decades, not only did Jacob endure the heat of day, the cold of night, and the lack of sleep to care for the health and safety of the animals, he did not eat, keep or neglect what was not his (v 38). He even paid for the loss of sheep and goat out of his own pocket to Laban, who never failed to withhold, deduct or siphon wages from his son-in-law (v 39). Laban was not the type to be shy or slow to lower, freeze or delay Jacob’s pay, changing his pay ten times (v 41). Through it all, Jacob never complained or compared.
The magnanimous Jacob closed the book on Haran but he did not close the door on the people there. They were still his relatives to the end (vv 22, 25, 32, 37). Laban lost the trust of both his daughters (v 14) but the daughters were still respectful to him (v 35). In the end, all ended well. Laban had his wish and kissed his grandchildren and his daughters and blessed them on their way (vv 28, 35). The fear (v 31) and anger (v 36) of Jacob disappeared as quickly as they surfaced. When all was said, more was done on Jacob’s part. He provided dinner and lodging (v 54), unafraid that Haran or his men would stab him in the night! What was past was indeed past.
Conclusion: Obstacles can terrorize or test us. Let God be the guide, defender, and keeper of your life. An insecure person before marriage is often a basketcase after marriage. A survivor has no bigger test than surviving marriage! Duty to your spouse, commitment before God, and care for one another - not the presence of kids, possessions or romance - define a marriage once dreamy love is gone. Jean Anouih says, "Things are beautiful if you love them."
Victor Yap
http://epreaching.blogspot.com/
www.riversidecma.org
www.preachchrist.com (Chinese sermons only)
