Sour Phi-Lemons and Sweet Forgiveness
Philemon 1-25
INTRODUCTION... Peter J. Larson, New Forgiveness Research Jan 27, 2003
Recently in 2003, a survey was made of 200 married adults in regards to forgiveness. The researchers were wondering how one’s ability to forgive others would affect their marital satisfaction and personal well-being. The results were astounding! This research suggests that there is a huge relationship between marriage satisfaction and forgiveness. In fact, it appears that as much as one third of marriage satisfaction is related to forgiveness. Not only does the ability to forgive impact the marriage relationship, it was significantly related to personal emotional distress. As forgiveness ability went up, individuals reported fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and fatigue! These results are powerful and suggest that all counselors, both secular and faith-based, should be helping people develop the skill of forgiveness.
READ PHILEMON 1-25
I. THE SITUATION: “The Sour Situation”
We have in the letter of Philemon a look at a situation that the Apostle Paul had become involved with. In fact, both Paul and Timothy are sending this letter to this fellow named Philemon. In the beginning of the letter, we learn much about Philemon. The Apostle Paul tells Philemon and us that he prays for Philemon often and calls him in verse 2, a “dear friend and fellow worker.” I would have to day that this is good praise from the Apostle Paul. Paul also makes mention in verse 5 of Philemon’s faith and his love for his fellow believers. Paul reflects that Philemon’s love toward him has been a great joy, encouraging, and refreshing. I would have to say that this fellow Philemon is a leader in his church and is an encouragement to those in the faith around him. He is a good faithful Christian man.
He is a good man in a sour situation: a diamond in the rough, a rose among the thorns, etc etc. Philemon must also be a man of wealth or nobility because the focus of the letter to Philemon focuses upon a man by the name of Onesimus. Who was Onesimus? We learn from verses 8-19 that Onesimus was a slave that had run away from Philemon. Not only that, but he seems to have caused some kind of damage or stolen property from Philemon on his way out the door. Onesimus had broken the trust of Philemon. He had run away and stolen property or money from Philemon, probably to fund his escape. We are not told what position Onesimus had with Philemon’s house; it really does not matter. What matters is the theft and the running away. It is about this thief that Paul is writing to Philemon.
ILLUSTRATION... Ray Stedman. Talking With My Father. ( Grand Rapids; Discovery House, 1997) p. 73
Ray Stedman tells the story of one man’s explanation for his lack of forgiveness. He said, “A man once said to me, ‘I know I’m a Christian, but someone once did an awful thing to me – something I just can’t forget or forgive.’ I replied, ‘Are you sure you can’t forgive him?’ He maintained that he had really tried to forgive this man, but was unable to do so. As we continued talking, I said, ‘I know, I have found that we often use the word can’t what we really mean is won’t. Isn’t possible that what you are saying is not, “I can’t forgive him,’ but ‘I won’t forgive him?’ If it is really true that you cannot forgive this man, then it indicates that you yourself have never been forgiven and you are only kidding yourself about being a Christian.’ This shook him a bit. He thought it through and then, with a rather sheepish grin, he said, ‘I guess you’re right. I guess I won’t.’ It wasn’t long before he came to me and reported with joy that he had finally forgiven the man who had injured him.”
II. THE COMPLICATION: “The Sour Situation Becomes Sour-er”
The situation becomes even more complicated. It seems that in his flight, Onesimus came across the Apostle Paul. I do not know if it was by accident or divine providence. Onesimus must have known who Paul was given the relationship he had with Philemon. Onesimus stopped running and began to travel with Paul. I want you to reflect on verses 10-12: “I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me. I am sending him--who is my very heart--back to you.” And I thought his opinion and praise of Philemon was good! Philemon happened across Paul and became useful to him in prison. This tells me that Philemon ran errands, brought Paul food and medicine, and did all he could to make Paul’s stay in chains bearable. He would have provided perhaps some limited company in Paul’s long days in prison.
Onesimus had become near and dear to the Apostle. Paul does not want to tell Philemon what to do, he says this in verse 8, but he appeals to Philemon on the basis of love. I sort of get the sense that verses 1-7 were written to butter Philemon up. Paul had reminded him of what a good Christian man he was before he asked him to do something quite difficult.
Paul says Onesimus once was useless, but no more. Verse 17 asks Philemon to do something that we might feel is inconceivable… welcome him back!
ILLUSTRATION… Contributed by: Melvin Newland, www.sermoncentral.com
There he stood, in the midst of the Golden Corral restaurant on Sunday afternoon, with Thousand Island dressing dripping from his hair, over his glasses, down his face, all over his jacket, pants, & shoes. And I’m not talking about a little bit of Thousand Island dressing; I’m talking about 2 gallons of it! What had happened was that a waitress carrying a 2-gallon container of Thousand Island dressing for the salad bar had paused for just a second while coming through the swinging doors of the kitchen, & the doors had caught her & knocked her forward, launching 2 gallons of dressing all over this guy.
Well, he went ballistic! He started shouting & cursing at her. “You’re so stupid! I can’t believe you could do such a stupid, stupid thing. This is a brand new suit & it cost me $300.” His wife chimed in, “Yeah, you’ve ruined my husband’s $300 suit, & it’s the first time he’s had a chance to wear it.” He screamed, “I want to see the manager!” Thoroughly shaken, she went to get the manager, & the manager came out. Now picture this – here’s a guy with 2 gallons of Thousand Island dressing dripping from him, & the manager asks, “Is there a problem?”
The guy replies, “Is there a problem? She’s ruined my $300 suit. It’s brand new, & I want a new suit!” The manager says, “We’ll be glad to get your suit cleaned. Accidents do happen, & we’re really sorry about this.” “No! No!” he said. “I don’t want my suit cleaned. I want a brand new suit, & I demand a check for $300 right here & now.” Well, to avoid a bigger scene, the manger goes back into his office, writes out a check for $300 & brings it to him. And justice is served.
Tragically, this true story happened at noon on a Sunday. Now, why would someone be wearing a brand new suit on Sunday? Do you suppose he had been to… the ball game? Do you suppose he had been… working on his car? Do you supposed he had been to church?
III. THE RESOLUTION: Sweet Forgiveness
You see the story of Philemon is all about forgiveness. Will Philemon forgive Onesimus for stealing and running away? Will Philemon condemn what he has done and ignore the request of the Apostle Paul? What will happen? Will forgiveness happen?
You know, Jesus had a lot to say about forgiveness and we are just going to look at a few verses from the Gospel of Matthew:
· Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
· Matthew 18:21-22 says, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
· Matthew 26:27-28 says, “Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”
I want you to see that these passages in Matthew and the Book of Philemon are all connected with the theme of forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of the foundational realities of the Christian life. Matthew 6 and 18 tell us that God forgives us and so we forgive those around us (also in Colossians 3:13) again and again as often as needed. Matthew 26 tells us, in case you did not know, that Jesus went to the cross, suffered and died, to forgive you! The mercy and forgiveness of God is the whole reason that we are here today. It is the whole reason that I know after this life that I will be with God in Heaven Forever.
ILLUSTRATION… The Joyful Christian by CS Lewis, http://www.wildershow.com/cs-lewis-forgive.htm
Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive, as we had during the war. And then to mention the subject at all is to be greeted with howls of anger. It is not that people think this too high and difficult a virtue: it is that they think it hateful and contemptible. "That sort of talk makes them sick," they say. And half of you already want to ask me, "I wonder how’d you feel about forgiving the Gestapo if you were a Pole or a Jew?"
So do I. I wonder very much. Just as when Christianity tells me that I must not deny my religion even to save myself from death by torture, 1 wonder very much what 1 should do when it came to the point. I am not trying to tell you ... what I could do--I can do precious little--I am telling you what Christianity is. I did not invent it. And there, right in the middle of it, I find "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sill against us." There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it. What are we to do?
Well, I would like to share with you the end of this story, but I must tell the truth, I do not know how it ends. Verse 21 tells us how the Apostle Paul thinks it will work out. He commends Philemon for his obedience in this matter before he even gives it. In fact, in verse 22 Paul asks that he prepare a room for him. Paul expects that Philemon will forgive Onesimus and that the relationship between Paul and Philemon will not be strained in any way.
CONCLUSION
