Sex and the Church
Hot Potato #4 that the Church won’t touch
My mentor/instructor Richard Dobbins was a pastor for 25 years and a Christian Counselor for over 25 years was asked to teach a seminar on Sex for a pastor friend. When he arrived at the church he found an ad for the seminar in the foyer advertizing “revival”. He asked his friend what are you doing. He replied, “I had to advertize revival, we really need this teaching on sex and it was the only way I could get away with it.” When is the last time you heard a sermon telling what the Bible says about sex? How about never? I’ve never preached one either. So where do people get their sex education, expectations, and attitudes? Media, locker room, jokes, innuendo, schools, etc. But not often from Christian Parents, the church or the Bible.
I have been increasingly disturbed by the attitude toward sex by our society. It was brought to the forefront by an article about Janet Jackson’s naked breast episode during the Super Bowl half-time show. The writer was disturbed by 22 year old Justin Timberlake, following Jackson around, grinding against her and leering as she tried to dance away from him. And then he grabs her and rips part of her dress off. Jackson was a willing accomplice as Timberlake tried to imitate the gangsta swagger that makes women nothing but the objects of male pleasure. “Just go ahead and do that (behind) shaking thing that you do,” he sings, “I bet I’ll Have you naked by the end of this song. That predatory sexual vibe is running all through today’s mainstream hip-hop and R & B culture. Popular songs are getting more and more blatant. “In the song, “In Da Club,” 50 cents raps, “I’m into having sex, I ain’t into making love.” So don’t expect any respect from him. (Zanesville Times Recorder February 2004)
It may sound strange to some, but sex is not a taboo subject in the Bible. Almost every book says something about sex, and some of the descriptions (as in Song of Solomon, for example) are explicit and even sexually arousing. So the absence of biblical teaching on the subject cannot be attributed to Biblical silence on the subject. In fact if preaching and teaching of topics were proportionate to how often they were discussed in Scripture, sex would demand much more time. In our day of sexual promiscuity many people, including scientific writers, have come to see sex as little more than flesh rubbing flesh for the purpose of achieving erotic experiences. Warmth, concern, love, trust, and especially commitment are all relegated to a position of secondary importance. We desperately need to hear from the creator of SEX to see what he has to say about it.
I Sex and Society
1. Our society suffers from being over-stimulated sexually, and under informed about sex.
2. The advertizing and entertainment industries use sexual stimulation as a major motivator in advancing their various causes. Womens golf “In a TV program an advertizing executive told them (The LPGA) they would need to dress with more sex appeal to sell the sport to the public.
3. What information a child or young person gets about sex is more likely to come from the public school, advertizing, or the entertainment media, friends, porn, than from home or the church.
A. As a result, few believers have a thorough Biblical understanding of this area so basic to life.
B. Therefore, believers tend to adopt one or a combination or the popular attitudes toward sex circulating among the people with whom they work and live. These include:
1. Sex with affection. (This view says if you love each other and practice “safe sex” why wait to marriage.)
2. Casual Sex. (This view Intercourse should be a form of social communication similar to hugging, and not to be confused with loving a person.”
3. Recreational sex (This view views sex as something to be engaged in for fun or sport)
C. Even when believers manage to resist or be repulsed by such approaches to sex and cling to their beliefs in premarital chastity and marital faithfulness, they are not usually able to provide a well articulated Biblical basis for their views.
D. If they are told what the Bible teaches about sex it has often brought them under uncomfortable and crippling misconceptions.
II Sex was Created by God and is Good
a. Of all of God’s creation only humans were made in his image. 1:27
b. In the Genesis account of creation, God pronounced each day’s work “good”, but when he created Adam and Eve unclothed, He looked at them and pronounced them very good. Gen 1:31
c. God gave them the instruction to “be fruitful and multiply” implying sex before the fall. 1:28
d. Ch 2 gives a more detailed description of creation including the statement that God himself brought Eve to Adam 2:22 to introduce them formally and give personal instruction to multiply.
e. In verse v24 the sacred writer makes it clear that “act of marriage” includes a sexual union “become one flesh”. The Wedding ceremony in itself is not the act that really unites a couple in holy matrimony in the eyes of God; it merely grants them the public license to retreat privately to some romantic spot and experience the “one flesh” relationship that truly unites them as husband and wife. We refer to it as consummating the marriage.
f. Their innocence and transparency is seen in the state “Adam and his wife were both naked and felt no shame.” 2:25 God desires all married couples to have this freedom.
g. The KJV says “Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived” Gen. 4:1 The mutual knowledge of each other is sacred, personal, and intimate. God never intended the cheap, perverted, publicly displayed sex we see today.
III Why God Created Sex (from The Act of Marriage LaHaye p62) (Lecture “Sex and the Christian “ Dr Richard Dobbins page 7 )
a. To Propagate the Race
1. Immediately after creation God commanded them “be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it.” Gen 1:28 (first birth result of sex and “help of the Lord” Gen 4:1)
2. Originally, God intended the expansion of Eden and extension of His rule over the earth to be accomplished by the obedience of Adam and the reproduction of his offspring.
3. Even though the fall of man resulted in paradise being lost, the miracle of reproduction continues.
4. From 2 to 6 billion today, and maybe 6 billion before us from that humble beginning.
b. To provide mutual pleasure in marriage.
1. Solomon makes it clear in Song of Songs that even suggests intimate techniques in the “act of marriage”.
2. Prov 5:18-20
15. Drink water from your own well, share your love only with your wife.
16. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone?
17. You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers.
18. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you, Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer-- Let her breasts satisfy you always, May you always be captivated by her love.
20. Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman? Or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman?
21. For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes.
3. Biblical Boundaries for Lovemaking in marriage
1. 1 Cor. 6:19 -since our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, nothing should be done in lovemaking that would bring physical or emotional harm to either partner.
2. Common Christian Courtesy-since each spouse should respect the other as a child of God, nothing should be done coercively; rather, by mutual inclination and consent.
c. To Reduce Sexual temptation
1Corinthians 7:1-4
1Now about the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. 2But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. 4The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife.5So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control.
1. Because of immorality, nothing said of children, talking of relieving the natural sexual passions that build up in both men and women.
2. God has given this wonderful experience to share to make it easier for them to keep their wedding vows.
3. In marriage the husband and wife are to give their bodies freely to each other and not to hold back sexually.
d. To Produce Mutual Ownership
1. When a couple marry, they promise to give themselves to each other totally. They merge their earthly possessions, the man gives his bride his name, and they give each other their bodies for companionship, for mutual protection, and for mutual sexual expression.
3. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
2. Each time a couple surrenders to each other for sexual fulfillment, they are demonstrating that mutual ownership contract they made at the wedding altar.
3. The exchange of ownership of one’s body with another is a decision that should last a lifetime “as long as we both shall live”
e. To produce a unique union and means of communion that is not possible on any other level.
One of the most beautiful teachings on the marvelous relationship of marriage was given by Jesus in Matthew. Matthew 19: 4"Haven’t you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that from the beginning `God made them male and female.’ 5And he said, `This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ 6Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together.
(The Act of Marriage p 70)
f. The creation of the marriage bond
Bonding
Sometimes when I’m talking to teens, I draw an analogy between the bonding capacity of the body and adhesive tape. Adhesive tape is not made for repetitive use. The strongest bond adhesive tape is capable of making is formed with the first surface to which it is applied. You can remove the tape and reapply it to other surfaces several times, and it will still adhere. However, with every application, some of the adhesiveness has been compromised. Finally, if you continue the practice long enough, there will not be enough adhesiveness left to make the tape stick to any surface. God intended that the bond between mates be the closest and strongest one they are capable of forming. That is why Paul makes it very clear that the body is not for fornication.
Dr. Richard Dobbins in Homemade, Nov., 1987
IV Sex is for Marriage
-Sex is God’s wedding present for every married couple.
Interestingly enough, the best lovemaking in the world is not limited to beautiful people or two with perfectly sculpted bodies. It is at its best when two healthy lovers are more interested in satisfying their spouses needs than their own, approach their marriage bed without guilt or inhibition.
A Number of studies show that the people who are most satisfied with their current sex life are married people who believe sex outside of marriage is wrong.
Cohabitation
½ of all Americans 35 -39 have lived with someone outside of marriage.
1. The Journal of Marriage and Family reported that couples who live together before marriage are less satisfied with their marriages and more likely to split up during rocky times.
Focus on the Family, Nov. 1986, p. 11
-48% more likely to divorce
-increases the risk of domestic violence for women & Physical. and sexual abuse of kids.
-lower levels of happiness
-unfaithfulness is 4 times higher among cohabiting
V Sex outside of Marriage is strongly condemned
-Modern readers, accustomed to a widespread looseness of sexual standards in society, might be amazed at how strongly sexual promiscuity is condemned in the Bible.
But our bodies were not made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 14And God will raise our bodies from the dead by his marvelous power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead. 15Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which belongs to Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16And don’t you know that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, "The two are united into one." 17But the person who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. 18Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body
- Adultery is pictured as something very attractive but ultimately destructive and foolish.
Proverbs 5:1-11, 6:23-33, 7:5-27
VI Why is Sex best within marriage (Why Wait)
The Bible clearly defines heterosexual marriage as the only legitimate context within which sexual behavior between people is free from moral, emotional, and social risk.
Some reasons are evident possible pregnancy, Sexually Transmitted Disease, Aids, but let’s look at some less obvious ones. No Safe Sex unless you are married and both are faithful. Remember all God’s Rules protect and provide.
The numbers are staggering: 15.3 million new sexually transmitted infections each year in the United States alone, and more than 200,000 deaths worldwide due to STDs. Dr. Dobson and a panel of physicians discuss the under publicized STD epidemic, the personal toll these diseases take, why condoms don’t work, and the only solution that does — abstinence.
Currently, there are approximately 1 out of 4 sexually active teens with a sexually transmitted disease and 80% of them don’t know it.
1. Here are some stats from the Federal Center for Disease Control:
- Teen cases of HIV double every fourteen months, and one in every 250 people in the nation are now infected with this deadly virus.
- 63% of all STD cases occur among persons less than 25 years of age. An estimated 1/3 of sexually active teenage girls are infected with chlamydia and/or human papilloma virus (HPV).
- Some doctors estimate 50 different strains of sexually transmitted diseases rampant among the population. Twenty percent of Americans are infected with an incurable STD other than AIDS.
- 90% of cervical cancers in the U.S. are due to prior exposure to human papilloma virus (HPV) which causes venereal warts. Most medical experts agree that condoms offer little, if any protection against the transmission of HPV.
It is gambling with your sexual future
1. To Prevent an Addiction to sex
To be addicted to the feeling not a person.
I had a friend who said he couldn’t become a Christian, because he couldn’t give up sex. It was with a particular girl he loved, but he wasn’t referring to anyone girl in particular.
2. Waiting till marriage builds Trust
Marriage is built on trust. If they control their passions with you, it is likely they controlled them before you, and if you marry them after marriage. If you can’t control your sexual desired before marriage, then how will you be able to control them in marriage and be faithful.
3. Waiting keeps you from being put on a performance basis
Sexually active people suffer from comparison and the performance syndrome.
Dr. Richard Dobbins said of his marriage, to his now deceased wife, “I’m the greatest sex partner she has ever had, and vise versa.” He went on to explain, “We are the only sexual partners either one of us has ever had.”
4. Waiting saves you from the hardships of breaking up
If a couple has become sexually active they may stay together long after they should have broke up. And if they do break up it is much more difficult.
5. Only one first time p278
Purity is a very important virtue to this 23-year-old singer. Rebecca is a virgin and she says she’ll remain one until she gets married. On her right ring finger, she wears a gold band. During a concert in Colorado Springs, she told her audience: “I’d like to tell you about this ring I’m wearing. It is a promise ring, and when my parents gave it to me, they said it was to symbolize my commitment to wait until marriage to have sex. I can tell you right now, I will be waiting for that special person God has planned for me.”
Rebecca St. James
6. Involuntary Comparison of Sex partners
AMANDA PENIX
Miss Oklahoma USA 2000
“I’m saving sex for marriage because I want it to be something wonderfully special between my husband and myself. I don’t want him to compare me to anyone else and I don’t want to compare him. It’s important to let others know about your decision to save sex for marriage — don’t be embarrassed.”
And one young husband says, “I would do anything, ANYTHING, to forget the sexual experiences I had before I met my wife. . . the pictures of the past and the other women go through my head, and it’s killing any intimacy. The truth is, I’ve been married to this wonderful woman for eight years and I have never been ‘alone’ in the bedroom with her.”
7. Waiting keeps Sex from becoming dominant and burying love
When the relationship becomes physical before marriage sex becomes dominant, and the loving relationship is often ruined. I know of couples who had a great relationship until it got sexual, and then it died. The best way to ruin a great relationship is to have sex before marriage.
8. Waiting keeps you from a Past of Regrets
Many people experience deep remorse after having sex before marriage. There is often the feeling of being used. A feeling that you’ve given up something precious, and all for nothing. Premarital sex often produces regret and remorse which lasts for years. Here’s the testimony of a psychiatrist, now in her 30s:
“From 17 to 18, I was very promiscuous. That sick, used feeling of having given a precious part of myself – my soul – to so many and for nothing, still aches. I never imagined I’d pay so dearly and for so long.”
(From “Why Wait?” Josh McDowell)
Conclusion:
By having sex before marriage we lose that self-respect. God gave us certain rules to live by so that we can be happy. Having sex before marriage causes pain and consequences ALWAYS. Young people need to realize that they should say "NO" to sex before marriage because it is wrong and causes serious consequences. One of these can be an unplanned pregnancy, and unfortunately, many women then make the wrong decision to have an abortion.
In the Bible it says when two people are joined in marriage they become one. Part of the reason that they become one is the union of their bodies. Sharing your body with someone you don’t know well -- or even with someone that you love very much, but are not married to -- is wrong because God says we should save the sex act for marriage. We all need to have a fear of doing wrong, a fear of God Almighty."
Supermodel Kim Alexis said
"I made the decision as a teenager to be abstinent. I wanted to take control of my future. It wasn’t a popular decision then, just like it can be an unpopular decision now. It doesn’t always make me more friends. But the friends I have are true friends. True to themselves and true to me. We know each other’s goals and dreams and we encourage each other to achieve them.
A.C. Green, formerly of the Los Angeles Lakers, before he was married said...
"It isn’t easy. But every single day I say ’yes’ to abstinence, it becomes that much easier. If you make a decision, and you practice it, that practice turns into a habit and the habit becomes a lifestyle."
NBA Iron Man A.C. Green is MARRIED!
May 1, 2002
PHOENIX -- Once one of the NBA’s most eligible bachelors, A.C. Green is single no longer. He was married in Los Angeles on Saturday, April 20 to Veronique Green.
"I have waited awhile for marriage to take place, but my beautiful wife has been well worth the wait," said A.C.
"A.C. is the man I have waited for my whole life," said Veronique. "To know that he has also been faithful in waiting for me is the best wedding present I could ever imagine."
A Theology of Sex , Dr. Richard Dobbins (Lecture)
The Act of Marriage, Dr. Tim LaHaye
The Gift of Sex, Dr Clifford & Joyce Penner
Christian Counseling, Dr. Gary Collins
Why Wait? Dr Josh McDowell
