Summary: What to do when you don’t fit in and it hurts

THE WINDOW

Bible Teaching Ministry of

CEDAR LODGE BAPTIST CHURCH

Thomasville, NC

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1Corinthians 13 Jan 19, 1992

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It was once said of a particular statesman that, "...the tragedy of his life is that he never quite felt a part of this world." A well-known psychologist described a patient as, "...much less a human being than a civil war."

It seems that with the explosion of rebelliousness of the 60’s, and the upheaval of the 70’s sexual revolution, and the age of "super-sensitivity" of the 80’s, and now the New Age of enlightenment in the 90’s, we have been going from one mad search to another in futile attempts to fill up the holes in our lives. As one of the theologians of this century theorized, "Every person is born with a God-shaped hole in his heart." When we try to fill it with anything other than God, the result will be only temporary satisfaction. God is the only perfect fit for that hole.

We have all experienced the "square-peg-in-a-round-hole" syndrome. We have been created with a deep sense of our need for relationship. When we mistakenly pile-in experiences, acquaintances, possessions, or positions as substitute for the God who goes in that God-shaped hole, we wind up frustrated, defeated, at the end of a rope, trying desperately to make some sense of shattered lives. We feel like we don’t fit...we’ve never fit....and we’re never going to fit!

This morning I would make a statement, and then help us explore two CONDITIONS that essentially cover the understanding of why we feel like we don’t fit in.

The Statement:

SOMETIMES WE DON’T FIT IN BECAUSE WE REALLY DON’T FIT IN!

The Conditions

1. UNSETTLED UNBELIEF

God is love (1Jn 4:8). In our text, Paul says that if I don’t have God (love), everything I can do in this life will be like a hollow gong, or an irritating clanging cymbal. In Corinth, that would have had special meaning for those first century believers. Gongs and cymbals were an integral part of pagan worship. Carl Jung made the statement that as a psychologist, he treated hundreds of people, and, "...none of them has been really healed who did not regain his religious outlook." Without God, we have unsettled unbelief.

The chief need of any human being is to have a GENUINE RELATIONSHIP with God. I’m so proud of my daughter. Her sixth grade teacher asked the class what the purpose of "religion" was. She answered it for him! "The purpose of religion," she said, "is to help people express their need for a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with God." You’ve got to get the first thing first.

My father-in-law is a great mechanic. Many times he helped me keep our cranky old cars running. Whenever he got his head under the hood, I’d always watch. Mechanical repair is not my thing, but I always hoped to pick up a tip or two. Most of the time I would get bored with all his tinkering; I’d think to myself, "Just get it running, Pop, don’t rebuild it now."

One day I think he got tired of my attitude. He finally said to me, "Son, if this car’s gonna run, you gotta make sure all the parts are happy with all the other parts. You don’t take care of this motor - Well the wheels and radio ain’t goin’ nowhere."

The motor of life is a person’s heart. If you have unsettled unbelief - NO GOD - you are never going to fit in. The only way to fill that God-shaped hole is with the heavenly Father. Nothing else will do!

2. UNLOVING BELIEF (1Co 13:2-7)

Even as believers, we can get to the point of feeling like a fifth wheel on this planet. There is such a thing as being a Christian, and not acting like it! Paul gives examples of things we might try to do to fill up our emptiness as unloving believers:

He points to the UNLOVING PREACHER.

If a man can preach like Spurgeon, but rather relishes the thought of dangling his people over Hell to make them sweat, what congregation is HE fit for? Look at the person who has FAITH that can move mountains, and in the process buries people.

I have a friend that got saved, and the Lord immediately took away all desire for the former habits, smoking, drinking, and cussing. Everything changed immediately. How wonderful to experience that kind of faith! The only problem is that my friend overwhelms people with a weaker faith. He flatly says, "If you really got saved, all that stuff would’ve gone too." (At least he used to say that until I asked him why the Lord didn’t take his pride, if he REALLY got saved.)

Another example Paul gives is PATIENCE. Genuine love is very patient. It is said that Abraham Lincoln appointed Stanton as War Secretary even after he was openly critical of Mr. Lincoln. He called the president "the original gorilla," supposing that Old Abe had no real intelligence, or right to be in the White House. Lincoln, in his patience, appointed Stanton anyway, because he was the best man for the job. Years later, when an assassin’s bullet struck down Abraham Lincoln, it was War Secretary Stanton who stood by his bedside as Lincoln died and said, "...the world now loses the greatest ruler of men it has ever seen." Patient love changes people....makes them fit!

Sometimes Christians that feel inside like they don’t fit, hide their feelings of inferiority by being "GRUDGEMENTAL" (v.5b). These are "mental cases that hold on to a grudge." Some people find it so hard to let go of a wrong. Clara Barton was asked one time why she was so friendly to a certain person. Didn’t she remember how badly that person had treated her? "No," said the nun, "I distinctly remember forgetting it!"

And of course there are always those Christians who don’t feel like they fit in because they are "SMUDGEMENTAL" (v.6).

These are those dear saints who just find such fulfillment in hearing and sharing (in a most Christian way, of course) every little bit of news about some other person’s fallen-ness.

Paul says there is a way to overcome all that emptiness...to start feeling like you fit. It’s the more excellent, the most excellent way - LOVE. It’s a two-point program if you’re really interested in letting go.

1. RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN IMPERFECTION.

Only love never fails. We only partially see that. In Paul’s day mirrors were not made of glass, but highly polished bronze. It didn’t give the clear reflection we see in our modern mirrors. And we need a clear look at our short-comings. Two monkeys are talking. One says to the other, "What are you reading nowadays?" The other replies, "I’ve been reading Darwin’s ’Origin of the Species.’" "Never heard of it," says the other. "Well, you ought to read it; it’ll make a man out of you!"

Well, evolution aside, recognizing how little we really do love sometimes will begin to make a loving believer out of us.

2. LOOK TO JESUS TO BE YOUR PERFECTION.

In Ephesians (1:6) it states that Jesus has made us "accepted in the beloved." You see, Jesus has accepted you, the Father has adopted you, and the

Holy Spirit adjusts you. If you simply ask the Father to conform you to the image of His Son, Jesus, He will begin to do that work. Your part in the process is to begin seeing yourself in that finished state. Begin to see yourself walking with Jesus, saved, loving, useful. Tell Jesus you want to fit that image!

To Do This Week:

If you’re unsettled...settle it now. Give your heart to Jesus. A magazine had a picture of a butterfly. It was a dull gray. It had a chemical that, once a hand was placed on the picture, the warmth transformed the hidden printing inks into a flashing rainbow of color. Jesus does that to a life.

If you’re a believer, but unloving; or if you want to increase your loving like Jesus loves, pick out a target this week. Pick out one person who needs love.

Examine - What is his need?

Ask - (Jesus) How can I help?

Act - Humbly, Patiently, Kindly, Unselfishly.

Know - the joy of the bottom line of being a Christian....giving, giving, giving...loving, loving, and loving.

Solomon expressed it, "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." (Song 8:7) You’ll fit, beloved. Don’t be afraid, Do it!