"Mordecai the Step-father"
Esther 2:5-7
Now there was in the citadel of Susa a Jew of the tribe of Benjamin, named Mordecai son of Jair, the son of Shimei, the son of Kish, 6 who had been carried into exile from Jerusalem by Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, among those taken captive with Jehoiachin king of Judah. 7 Mordecai had a cousin named Hadassah, whom he had brought up because she had neither father nor mother. This girl, who was also known as Esther, was lovely in form and features, and Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter when her father and mother died.
Intro:
Today we’d call him a step-dad. Mordecai took in a younger cousin to raise as his own child when her parents died. I can’t think of too many "fellers" like this in the Bible. Not much is said about the role of stepfather in the Bible. Moses was given some laws which regulated their role and behavior in the Old Testament. But not many examples are given. The most notable role is that of Joseph, the step-father of Jesus.
Let me run a few trivia questions past you. Who was Mordecai’s wife? How many children did they have? What qualified him to take on the role of fathering? It is interesting to me that the Bible is absolutely silent on his family life other than his connection with Esther. Of course the book centers around her and him and how they conspired to save the Jews in Babylon. But with so much information I expected to find something about his family. We have his dad’s name and his uncle’s name. We are given the name of Haman’s wife and that he had a lot of children. But no such information exists regarding Mordecai, the hero of the story.
But we are given some clues about the kind of relationship he and Esther shared. And those clues can help determine the role of today’s step-parent. Obviously, these observations are speculative in this case, but I think they are reasonable enough to offer them tonight.
As His Own Daughter
Mordecai had a cousin named Hadassah, whom he had brought up because she had neither father nor mother. This girl, who was also known as Esther, was lovely in form and features, and Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter when her father and mother died. (2:7)
He accepted her into his family as if she had been born into it. Nothing here suggests she was ever treated like a step-child. That’s key to this role wherever possible. Parents who treat their step-children as their children and children who accept step parents as their parents have healthier and more rewarding relationships.
One thing I have noticed causing problems in today’s homes is the division of families. By this I am referring to blended families, the merging of two families through marriage. One spouse has their children, the other spouse has their children, then they have children together. So they think of the children in terms of his children, her children, and their children instead of thinking of all of them as "our children." Yet what does Jesus say about a house divided?
I counsel folks in this situation, take the other person’s children as your own. Treat them like you’d want yours treated. Admittedly, this is increasingly more difficult the older the children are when the couple is wed. But as far as possible I believe it to be a sound practice. You’re not going to confuse the kids. They just might grow up thinking everyone loves them. They could reach the conclusion that the Lord brought good out of a tough set of circumstances.
Mordecai treated Esther like his own daughter. Good move.
He Stayed In Touch
Every day he walked back and forth near the courtyard of the harem to find out how Esther was and what was happening to her. (2:11)
Every good relationship requires communication. That of parent/child is no different. That of step-parent/step-child needs the same nurturing attention of any other caring relationship.
This was the oddest of circumstances. Few of us will ever have to contend with a situation like the one facing Mordecai and Esther. She was a virgin concubine in the harem of an ancient monarch. They were trying to keep the family identity secret. So the situation was most strained, to say the least. Every day he walked past the harem courtyard, hoping to catch sight of her. She would always try to be visible. Both tried to remain inconspicuous. They passed notes, or sent messages through mutual acquaintances.
How hard that must have been. But Mordecai kept in touch. A few years ago we would have called on the phone. Today, we’d e-mail. The wonderful thing is that we won’t be faced with such a difficult scenario. So maintaining contact should be much easier for us. Let’s make an honest attempt to keep in touch.
He Offered Godly Council
Esther had not revealed her nationality and family background, because Mordecai had forbidden her to do so. (2:10)
But Esther had kept secret her family background and nationality just as Mordecai had told her to do, for she continued to follow Mordecai’s instructions as she had done when he was bringing her up. (2:20)
Forbade her to reveal her ethnic identity. There may not have seemed to be much to it at the time, but in time this proved to be a key to the salvation of her people. Haman never suspected she was a Jewess and his failure to do so would be the undoing of his plot.
Mordecai reminded Esther of the nature of God. He will raise up help for His people. Whether you are a part of the problem or the solution is entirely up to you.
... he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. 14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (4:13-14)
When children are in a dilemma and are uncertain as to what they should do we need to point them to the unchanging plan of God and the unfailing nature of His promises. And then let them decide which course they will choose. They can make up their own minds. But at least give them the benefit of your counsel. We need to hold out hope before them. God will make a way with or without you. But it is very likely He wants you to be part of the solution.
Close:
Treat your children like your children.
Give them the best advice you can get on your knees.
Stay in touch. Keep the lines of communication open.
