DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT?
James 3:2-12
INTRODUCTION:
A. Norman Rockwell had the ability to portray everyday life in a way unlike most other artists. The faces in his paintings are always full of expression, on the verge of being cartoonish, yet his paintings always seem to carry some kind of message for life. As we look at his painting (on the screen) at first it not seem to make a lot of sense–it’s just a lot of faces. It doesn’t take long, though, to figure out what the painting is about as you notice that the first person is talking to someone who in turn talks with someone else who also passes the message along until it finally gets back to the person that started it all. You can probably guess the title of the painting –Gossip.
B. Gossip seems to be one of the "acceptable" sins in our society today. We don’t talk about it nearly as much as we do it! But before I go on, I want to make sure that we know exactly what we’re talking about here: What is gossip? Random House College Dictionary : "Idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others." One dictionary (Yahoo online) defines a gossip as "A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts."
Some people mistakenly believe that if you pass on something that is true that it’s not gossip. However, gossip can be simply rumor, or it might be the truth–generally, it is gossip when you pass on something that would be hurtful to the person it is about. Here’s the thing–it’s so easy to get caught up in spreading gossip. Proverbs 18:8 (NIV) says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.”
Not only that, but we have enquiring minds and "enquiring minds want to know." When the National Enquirer came out with that slogan they really hit us where we live, because there is a desire in most of us to want to know what is going on in the lives of other people. This has spun off other gossip publications like "People" magazine. TV shows have popped up: Access Hollywood and Extra.
C. But we don’t talk much about the sin of gossip because there are so many of the "so-called" big sins that we deal with–things like alcoholism, drug abuse, the sins of sexual immorality–that this sin seems to get little attention. Controlling what we say is important. It causes hurt, damages relationships, and creates barriers between people More than that, it can hurt the body of Christ, and has devastated churches.
When I was a child in Sunday School we used to sing, "O be careful little tongue what you say." That is still good advice for us today. That is what James talks about in the passage that we are going to study this morning.
READ: James 3:2-10
I> CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES (COST)
A. There’s an old saying that says, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Most of you probably had some loud mouth kid in your neighborhood that used to say that all the time. The bottom line is that words do hurt–what we say does matter.
James 3:6-8 (NIV) says, “The tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.... All kinds of animals...have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” That ought to tell us something–we need to be on guard
B. Gossip used to be portrayed as what took place when talking over the backyard fence. With the invention of the telephone, gossip was given legs and it could travel greater distances in a short period of time. Now with the internet gossip has taken on a whole new persona. When we think about the problems with the internet we usually think about pornography, or illegal downloading of music and movies, or perverts hanging around in chat rooms trying to prey on some unsuspecting teen. With the internet, gossip has become lightning fast.
Instant messaging has become a big part of internet use. Free programs allow you to have a typed conversation with any other person in the world that hooked up to the internet. It’s great for talking with family and friends–I know Herb Warner talks with some of his kids every day. Many of our teens and even younger are proficient at instant messaging. To make things faster when you type people have come up with abbreviations or acronyms for frequently used phrases
ILL> Test - abbreviations or acronyms of instant messaging
ASAP - as soon as possible
UR - your
L8R - later
JK - just kidding
IMHO - in my humble opinion
LOL - laugh out loud
BTW - by the way
CUL - see you later
G2G - got to go
ROTFL - rolling on the floor laughing
One of the neat things about it is that you can carry on 5, 6, or more conversations all at once. The possitive side to this is: 1) It’s easy to keep in touch with your friends no matter where they live, 2) Kids are learning to type at an incredible rate, and 3) They are learning the ability to multi-task–to do more than one thing at the same time.
The down side is: 1) It ties up your phone lines they’re using dial-up, 2) Kids will say things they normally would not say to someone’s face–there are some hateful things typed, and 3) When there is some juicy gossip it can spread like wildfire. But like Smokey Bear used to say, "Only you can prevent wildfires." At least, you can make a difference when you refuse to pass on some piece of juicy gossip.
Besides instant messaging some choose to write their feelings or to vent their hatred on internet diaries. All their friends can see it so the hatred is passed along. I will admit that I’ve had my own kids remove some stuff from their entries. I want to remind everyone–young and old alike–that a tongue out of control can damage relationships, cause hurt feelings, spread hatred. Tongues out of control can and has done harm to the body of Christ–the Church.
C. It’s easy to fall into the trap and say, "Well, I don’t think there’s really a problem with gossip--everybody does it." Even James says that the tongue can be a tough thing to master.
WE NEED TO ACT–NOT REACT. Just because someone says something negative about us does not mean that we have to lash back. Proverbs 10:19 puts it this way: "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." We have a choice–we can choose what we say about others–we can choose how we react.
ILL> General Robert E. Lee was an amazing leader in spite of fighting a losing effort in the Civil War. The general was once asked what he though of a fellow officer in the Confederate Army–an officer who had made some mean-spirited remarks about him. Lee thought for a moment, then rated him as being a very satisfactory officer.
The person who asked the question seemed trouble. "But, general, I guess you don’t know what he’s been saying about you."
"Oh, yes," answered Lee. "I know. But I was asked my opinion of him, not his opinion of me."
D. Instead of appeasing ourselves by saying that everybody does it, we need to steer clear of gossipy conversations. Nowhere in the commandments do I ever read God saying something like, "Thou shalt not–unless everybody’s doing it." "Thou shalt not lie–unless everybody else is doing it." "Thou shalt not kill–unless everybody else is doing it." Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the trap
II> CONFRONT THE SIN (VS 9-10)
A. Think before you speak (or type). James 1:19 (NIV) says, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Ask yourself these 5 questions using the acrostic THINK (from Taming the Tongue sermon by Brian Bill)
IS IT TRUE? Remember this one rule about gossip: The juicier it is, the less likely it is to be true. Even if it is true, it can still fall under the category of gossip if you pass it on to someone else.
IS IT HELPFUL? Will your words help bring about a solution to a problem?
IS IT INSPIRING? Will your words build someone up? Or will they only tear someone down and make the situation worse?
IS IT NECESSARY? Do you have to say anything at all?
IS IT KIND? Are you words based on a desire to help, or are you simply trying to fit in by sharing what you know.
B. Follow the old advice which says, "If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all."
ILL> Calvin Coolidge said, "I have never been hurt by anything I did not say."
C. Keep confidential matters confidential. If someone tells you something in confidence, or something that is a private matter, keep it in confidence.
D. Don’t pass along what you know–don’t fuel the flames of gossip. Proverbs 26:20 (NIV) reminds us that “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”
ILL> Having lived in the same place for 15 years I’ve picked up a lot of details of people’s lives, but I don’t go around sharing those with everyone. As a matter of fact, I don’t make it a habit to even share them with Kay–why should she be burdened by that knowledge?
F. Work to build others up instead of tearing others down. It’s easy to find fault–that doesn’t take any special talent. You can find fault with anyone–with me, with your boss, your family, your husband, wife.
ILL> One wise person, though, said, "If it weren’t for all of the faults of your wife, she could have married someone much better!
Build up instead of tearing down
III> CONFESS YOUR FAULTS
ILL> The movie Love Story has left us with this line: "Love is never having to say you’re sorry." I don’t know who wrote that into the script, but it’s completely bogus. True love is being able to admit your wrongs and seeking forgiveness.
A. Seek God’s Forgiveness. If gossip is a problem area in your life, then go to God, seek forgiveness, and ask for His help in dealing with this sin.
B. Seek the Forgiveness of Others. There may be someone that you have said something about that has caused hurt of harm. If so, you need to go to that person and ask for forgiveness
ILL> Over the past year or so there have been a couple of occasions when I have had people come up and me and say something like, "I want to apologize for what I said or what I did. I was afraid that maybe I offended you."
In most situations I don’t think anything about it, but I am glad that people are concerned enough to say something.
ILL> As a matter of fact I had to make a phone call this week because of something I did. It wasn’t done out of spite and the person said that they did not think anything of it, but I wanted the person to know that I did not intend to do something against them.
If there is someone here today in this worship service that you need to talk to, I want to encourage you to do that before you leave today. Don’t let a small problem grow into a big problem.
IV> CONCLUSION:
A. The mouth can be a dangerous instrument, but with it we can praise God and bring Him glory. One of the worst aspects of gossip is that you can never completely repair the damage done by gossip.
ILL> A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor.
Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later, the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
"Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by
this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now, go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."
The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay the wind had blown all the feathers away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three feathers in her hand.
"You see," said the old sage, "It’s easy to drop them, but it is impossible to get them back.
So it is with gossip.
It doesn’t take much to spread a rumor, but once you do you can never completely undo the wrong."
(Author Unknown)
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) - “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up”
2 Thessalonians 3:13 (NIV) - “never tire of doing what is right.”
