I am currently working with a group of middle and high school students through a community initiative called “Communities That Care.” CTC is seeking to develop a climate in our county that will reduce drug, alcohol, and tobacco use as well as create a more pro-active involvement among our youth and, we hope, will lead them to a better life and lifestyle.
At our last meeting, we came up with a slogan (which I am keeping quiet about because it will be released at the appropriate time) that will inform our county community about their efforts and goals. Now one thing that I will keep asking them is “What does this mean?” because the meaning behind the slogan will be the important thing.
We have so many slogans these days. But what do they mean? Think about McDonalds and Burger King. How many advertising slogans have they had in the past 10 years, 20 years, 30 years?
(It is time for some audience participation! What have been some of McDonald’s slogans? What’s the current one? What about Burger King? What have been their slogans? What is it now?)
“Talk is cheap.” Now there’s a slogan. What does it mean? (More audience participation.)
Though words are often substituted for action, words are important. Words have the power to help or heal, hinder or empower.
There are a set of words that those of us who are married have said at a critical moment in our lives. We have said them in one form or another in the presence of either a large group or small group of people. They are important words that give us a guide on how to stay married for all the right reasons. They must not become slogans:
Will you have this man or woman to be your husband or wife; to live together in the holy covenant of marriage? Will you love him or her, comfort him or her, honor and keep him or her, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him or her so long as you both shall live?
I blank, take you blank to be my husband or wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death; as God is my witness, I give you my promise.
When I said these words to Susan just past 22 years ago now, I said them as words of commitment. I meant what I said. I still do.
However, what I have learned in the past 22 years are the implications of that commitment and they are tremendous implications. I again remind us this morning of the Henry Ford quote, “Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success.”
This is the second of our three sermon series on “Marriage…For All the Right Reasons.” We are studying the relationship of Boaz and Ruth in the Old Testament book of Ruth and looking for things that can help us in this very important and God-created relationship.
Last week we heard about the character issue and its importance in marriage. The Biblical account of Boaz and Ruth makes clear that their character was very good. I pointed out that Dr. Neil Warren in his book, Falling in Love for all the Right Reasons, indicated that a good character was the foundation for a good marriage and an important component of a potential marriage partner.
This morning our study focuses on a very important (and oft-spoken) word – commitment. Warren calls commitment, “the glue that keeps it all together.” However, I have a question, “What is it that we are committed to in marriage?”
Let’s revisit Boaz and Ruth this morning. Our text contains a critical moment in the lives of both Boaz and Ruth. It is a test of their character and it is a test of their commitments.
Let’s back up for a moment and review the story so far…
Ruth is a woman from the nation of Moab that sits east of Israel. Today the area is part of the nation of Jordan. She marries an Israelite man, who comes to Moab with his family due to famine in Israel.
He dies, and so do his father and his brother. This makes Ruth, her mother-in-law, and sister-in-law widows.
Eventually Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law, hears that a good harvest is happening back home and so returns to Israel. Ruth goes with her even though Naomi pleads with her to return to her own family.
They arrive in time for the harvest and Ruth becomes a harvester in a field owned by Boaz who is a distant relative of her late father-in-law. Boaz notices Ruth one day and likes her and does all he can to help her provide for Naomi and herself.
Well, as time passes, Naomi, as we read in chapter 3, says to Ruth, “It’s time I found a permanent home for you, so that you will be provided for.” Naomi was not trying to get rid of Ruth. She was working to make sure she was safe and taken care of because being a widow, especially a childless widow, in those days put a woman in a precarious position.
They could have been subject to all sorts of things, some of which could have put their lives at risk, or made them the targets of abuse or misuse by society.
But as the Old Testament Law was developed, a special provision for the childless widow was created so that the family name could live on through a hoped for pregnancy made possible by marriage to the deceased’s next in line brother. We read about it in Deuteronomy 25:5-9:
“If two brothers are living together on the same property and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Instead, her husband’s brother must marry her and fulfill the duties of a brother-in-law. The first son she bears to him will be counted as the son of the dead brother, so that his name will not be forgotten in Israel.
But if the dead man’s brother refuses to marry the widow, she must go to the town gate and say to the leaders there, ‘My husband’s brother refuses to preserve his brother’s name in Israel—he refuses to marry me.’ The leaders of the town will then summon him and try to reason with him.
If he still insists that he doesn’t want to marry her, the widow must walk over to him in the presence of the leaders, pull his sandal from his foot, and spit in his face. She will then say, ‘this is what happens to a man who refuses to raise up a son for his brother.’ “
Now, this sounds foreign to us and I can already imagine what some of you might be thinking. (By the way, this is the context of what is talked about in Matthew 22:23-27 when Jesus was asked a question about a woman who was a widow to seven husbands, all brothers, and who she would be married to in the Resurrection).
This stuff sounds strange to us today and if we thought that we should do this, we would probably be arrested or least avoided because we would be considered weird or worse. However, we need to understand two things: One, that children were married off in order of birth – oldest to youngest. And two, we need to see that it was out of care, respect, and commitment to the childless widow as well as continuing the family name that this provision was made.
Which brings us back to Boaz and Ruth. We read in Ruth 2 that Boaz was a relative of Ruth’s late father-in-law. From what we have heard already this morning, he could have been a brother, perhaps brother number 2.
We come to our main text and see perhaps brother number 1, reject the land and Ruth, and there seems to be more respect in this instance as no spitting takes place, and Ruth is not the one who forces the issue, it was Boaz.
I think that we can make a case that Boaz was deeply in love with Ruth and he wanted to marry her. He was committed to her and he followed through on that commitment.
This brings me back to our marriage vows and the question I asked earlier, “What is it that we are committed to in marriage?”
It seems to me, that many people are committed to marriage as a self-fulfilling experience. Look at the TV shows in the past 2 to 3 years regarding the selection of a mate. Now true love can happen between the “winner” and the chooser, but is that all there is?
What else are we committed to in marriage? Some people are committed to the idea of marriage as a duty that is expected of them. I call this “The Prince Charming/Fairy Godmother” syndrome and you can see it in action in the movie Shrek 2.
Others are committed to the idea of marriage as a way out of a bad situation. “If I get married, then I can leave home, and not have to deal with dad or mom or whoever or whatever.”
Let’s hear the vows again. (Read them slowly)
Will you have this man or woman to be your husband or wife; to live together in the holy covenant of marriage? Will you love him or her, comfort him or her, honor and keep him or her, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him or her so long as you both shall live?
I take you to be my husband or wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death; as God is my witness, I give you my promise
Who are they about? Where is the commitment aimed at? The other person!
Though the relationship took place in another time and place, the love and commitment of Boaz and Ruth should never be questioned. Though it was a time in which marriages were probably largely arranged, I think that it is safe to say they loved each other.
As followers of Jesus Christ, Biblical and wholehearted commitment to the other person in marriage is a necessity because it demonstrates that our faith and commitment to Christ is lived out in our primary relationships as well.
This morning I conclude with a personal and private checkup for married couples. But all of us can benefit by it. You can make notes or just process in your own minds and hearts your responses to what you hear.
It is based on what Neil Warren has written about commitment and his take on the vows in light of commitment. He calls it the Six Promises and Bonds of Commitment:
1. Love. “In marriage, you promise to love your spouse, even on days when you don’t like her very much, when you disagree over something or simply feel badly... At times, you may think, “I don’t like you too much right now, but I still regard you as a person of great worth and value.” Do you love your spouse in this way?
2. Honor. “When you honor someone, you treat them with respect even when they are different from you. You honor them with your words, with your eye contact, with your attention, and your actions.” Do you honor your spouse?
3. Cherish. “To cherish someone is to treat them with tender affection… That is a big promise. It requires self-sacrifice; it means setting aside your own desires and needs at that moment so you might better meet the needs of your spouse.” Do you cherish your spouse?
4. Forsake all others. “…it means that you will have a loyalty to him or her…you make your partner your top priority…you do not play around with competitive voices.” For your spouse’s sake (and yours), do you forsake all others?
5. Perform all duties. To paraphrase Warren, “A husband will perform those duties necessary to care for and affirm his wife and a wife will perform those duties necessary to care for and affirm her husband.” Are you performing those duties for your spouse?
6. Finally, “under every kind of circumstance: as long as we both shall live.” Listen to what Warren says, “The sixth portion of the vows may be the most difficult of all – that you will do the first five under every kind of circumstance.” Are you serving your spouse no matter what right now?
He concludes, “Although the words of the marriage vows may change over time, the commitment will always remain serious and all-encompassing.” I like how Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz in their book God is in the Small Stuff for Your Marriage, puts it, “At the wedding you say, “I do.” After that you should be saying, “We will.”
“What is it that we are committed to in marriage?” As followers of Jesus Christ, we are committed to two people, God and our spouse. For as Paul wrote in Ephesians 5, our marriage illustrates the relationship of Christ and the church, and as it illustrates it, it requires love and respect toward the one we have vowed to stay faithful and loyal to “till death do us part.”
We stay in love for all the right reasons, as we remain committed to one another through thick and thin, good and bad, in our marriages. And let us not forget the power of God through the Holy Spirit to give us the ability to change as we need to, to transform our attitudes and habits, and to help us make the adjustments necessary for our commitment to one another to help us stay in love for all the right reasons. Amen.
Sources:
Neil Clark Warren, Falling in Love for all the Right Reasons. © 2205 Center Street Press
Bruce and Stan, God is in the Small Stuff for Your Marriage. © 2000 Promise Press
