SINGLE – RIGHT AND WRONG
1 CORINTHIANS 7:8-16
INTRODUCTION: The Christian should be a model of integrity and morality in whatever situation he or she find themselves in.
Friday, I did a quick web based search, and I was surprised by what I found. I answered four questions:
1. Do you and your spouse have any children under the age of 18 from this marriage?
2. Can you locate your spouse, and is he or she willing to sign the divorce documents with you?
3. Have you and your spouse agreed on obtaining a divorce?
4. Is this an uncontested divorce?
And then I was told that I qualified for an “online divorce”! Cost $299.00
In fact, if I want to do it myself, there is a kit for $39.95!
In our passage today, Paul is dealing with singleness, in regard to those who are single now, and to those who think they should be single again.
What needs to be noted is that Paul is looking at this from the perspective of the believer in Christ, how the believer should act and think in regard to marriage and singleness.
It is also important to note that it is our responsibility to go where the text leads us, not where we want to go. The issue of singleness, and more importantly divorce is a “hot potato” issue in the church, and issue that very quickly brings intense feelings and opinions to the surface.
I EXCLUSIVELY SINGLE
This is the first group of people who Paul addresses.
They are single either through death, or having never married.
It is interesting that Paul includes himself in this group. Paul, for all intents, was a member of the Sanhedrin, and as such should have been married in order to fulfill the requirements of this office. According to the text, he (Paul) is single, meaning that either Paul was divorced, or that Paul had become a widower.
A The Best Course
1 To remain single if you are single right now
2 Singleness has advantages
a Permits one to focus more attention on the things of the Lord – there is no family to focus on
b World situations may make it beneficial to stay single
B The Alternative
1 Only if one does not have the gift of singleness
2 Realize whether we have the gift if we can or cannot control our physical passions
a Better to marry that to face constant temptation in this area
II DIVORCE
A A Unique Prohibition
1 Moses permitted divorce based on the hardness of the Jewish heart
Matthew 19:8 (NIV) Mt 8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
2 Roman society permitted both parties to divorce one another.
3 Christianity was unique in proclaiming that divorce should not be an option.
a Marriage was instituted by God
b Marriage was a visible spiritual principle – ie: Christ and the church
B A Rule of Thumb
1 Christians do not settle marital issues through divorce
a Divorce brings spiritual consequences
b Divorce brings physical consequences
C Biblical Resolution
Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) Eph 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT
Understanding. To understand all is not to forgive all. Forgiveness is not dependent on our understanding everything about the person or the situation, nor is greater understanding a guarantee of forgiveness. We are being unrealistic if we expect to understand everything before we forgive. Situations and people are so complex and their depths are so unfathomable that we cannot afford the luxury of waiting until we understand before we forgive. On the other hand, people may understand all about a situation but still remain unforgiving. Greater understanding may facilitate forgiveness and may flow from forgiveness, but forgiveness is not dependent on it.
Forgetting. Similarly, forgiving is not forgetting—for three reasons. First, if hurts can be easily forgotten, no forgiveness is necessary. The hurts in question are no more than mere annoyances, here today, gone tomorrow. Second, forgetting may be no more than avoidance or suppression, a defense mechanism to avoid the demands of real forgiveness. Third, where true forgiveness is needed, and even after it has been achieved and experienced, forgetting does not happen automatically. We cannot forget on demand. Forgiving can still be sincere even if we remember. Forgetting must happen naturally as part of the longer forgiving process.
Avoidance. Forgiveness is not a way of avoidance. It is an alternative to revenge and retaliation, but it is not a way of opting out. On the contrary, because it gets to the root of the problem and refuses to exacerbate the hostility by multiplying the hurts, it is the only way of truly dealing with all aspects of the conflict situation.
Toleration. To forgive is not simply to accept or tolerate. Acceptance can be selective: it can be a way of looking at the good that is in each one of us, no matter how evil many of our actions may be, but it does not deal with the bad. It concentrates on the sober generosity of the drunkard, the family commitment of the terrorist or the conscientiousness of the adulterer. But it is the bad—the drunkenness, the murder, the adultery—which is unacceptable. That is what forgiveness tackles.
Getting Away with It. Finally, to forgive is not the same as saying that “it doesn’t matter.” Those who have wronged will still have to pay and bear the consequences of their actions—legally, socially or personally. A wrongdoer can be truly and completely forgiven, yet prosecuted.
—Complete Book of Everyday Christianity, The
FORGIVENESS INVOLVES …
1. A new attitude.
• This concerns how we deal with the past. We make a choice to deal with festering hurts and to embark on the journey of forgiveness. We decide neither to perpetuate the hostility nor to suppress the hurts and allow them to eat away inside us.
• A refusal to forgive binds us eternally to the past. Our personality becomes frozen, we cannot move on from the moment of the offense, and we are incapable of living fully in the present. As injured people, we too require soul surgery.
• In some cases we need to admit our contribution to the breakdown in relationship. In other cases where we have been passive victims, we need to confess that we have allowed the event to hinder our spiritual growth and that righteous anger has become self-righteous bitterness.
• By choosing the way of forgiveness we are prepared to change our attitude toward those who have hurt us. We are prepared to forget and to acknowledge that someday we may be able to love them. Loving Christians, if they are to model God, must keep no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5; Psalm 103:3-4).
2. A new perspective.
• This concerns how we cope with the present. We begin by viewing people differently. We attempt to get outside the hurts and ragings of our present brokenness and see our enemy as God sees them (2 Cor. 5:16).
• The temptation will be to view those who have injured us in a reductionist manner, seeing them totally in terms of their sin, when in reality they are normal people, a mixture of the image of God and sinful humanity. We are blinded to their true identity because of the sin they have committed against us.
• Real forgiveness cannot take place unless we are prepared to see them as they truly are, and not as the demons we have perceived them to be in the midst of our hurt and anguish. A test of whether our anger is righteous and directed against the sin, or unrighteous and directed against the sinner, would be to ask ourselves whether we would find greater pleasure in the conversion or restoration of the sinner than in their destruction (ECONI, p. 10). Or can we imagine a situation where we would actively wish the person well (Smedes, 1984, p. 29)? This takes time, but a new perspective will enable us to work to that end.
3. A new determination.
• This deals with the possibilities of the future. Forgiveness opens the door to new possibilities in relationship which would have been unthought of at the start of the journey.
• That is why forgiveness must be unconditional. If we lay down conditions, it means we are choosing the future and seeking to manipulate the other person into satisfying our unrealistic demands. If our demands are truly just, then the God of justice will see to it that they are met in the context of dialogue, growing trust and reconciliation.
• Reconciliation is not a return to old ways, a turning of the clock back to the exact moment of the offense. This is a new world. Circumstances have changed: the injured body may be irreparably damaged, or the marriage may be irretrievably lost because of new relationships. “We make our new beginnings, not where we used to be or where we wish we could be, but only where we are and with what we have at hand” (Smedes, p. 37). We can only forgive today with today’s circumstances. “Forgiveness is letting what was, be gone; what will be, come; what is now, be” (Augsburger, 1981, p. 52).
—Complete Book of Everyday Christianity, The
III SPIRITUALLY MIXED MARRIAGES
What is being referred to here is a marriage in which one party has become a believer, thus creating a Christian/non-Christian household. In this situation – Paul provides additional guidance …
A The No Divorce Principle
1 The believer is not to leave the marriage simply because their spouse is not a believer in Christ.
2 If the unbelieving spouse is willing, the marriage should continue.
3 This applies to both spouses – husband or wife.
B The Sanctification Principle
1 The Christian spouse becomes a channel of God’s grace in the house
Romans 11:16 (NIV) Ro 16 If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, then the whole batch is holy; if the root is holy, so are the branches.
2 The Christian spouse provides a biblical influence in the house
3 The Christian spouse provides a church connection for the household
C The Bondage Principle
1 The believer is to strive for peace in the marriage.
2 The believer is not to seek a divorce when their partner is content to stay in the marriage.
3 The believer does not know the result of their conversion on their family.
4 There may come a time when the unbeliever desires to leave the marriage.
a Jesus spoke about adultery being a possible marriage ending sin.
b Paul now adds the issue of peace
1 We need to understand that the peace referred to is a specific peace – ones relationship to Jesus.
2 We do not have the right to claim any issue regarding peace – only the issue of our relationship with God
5 Any divorce comes from the unbeliever
a The believing spouse is not the guilty party
b The believing spouse is not bound
1 Willful desertion is at issue
2 And the attempt to live together peacefully.
3 The believer never has the right to make the household such that the unbeliever is driven away.
c Not to be bound means that one is free from the marriage.
1 At best one is free to remarry
2 One is also bound by the consequences of a divorce.
