"How to Handle the Drama of Being a Baby’s Mama"
-Reverend Antonio L. Torrence
Acts 1:14
When American Idol’s Fantasia release her latest single, called “Baby Mama”, all of black America took turns giving their various opinions about what they perceived to be the negative message behind some of the lyrics that seem to celebrate the lifestyle of being a Baby’s mama. The likes of Suzanne Ontiveros of the Sun-times, Gregory Kane of BlackamericaWeb.com, and Adrienne Donnell of the Birmingham Times all took different sides of the controversial issues of Fantasia saluting today’s baby mama simply because of the crisis facing Black America today; that is, more and more children are being raise by single women and we are witnessing a fatherless generation. Now for those of you who may not be familiar with the term of “baby mama” the urban dictionary offers a couple of eye opening definitions:
1.) The single mother of a child.
2.) The mother of your child or children whom you did not marry and with whom you are not currently involved.
3.) A woman who got pregnant by some loser who couldn’t or wouldn’t marry her. (I.e. Oh her? She ain’t nobody to me now girl, she just my baby mama. So can I get your number? )
Regardless of how you may tend to define yourself if you are a single parent, or you know a single parent, the fact of our reality is this: No one understands the drama of being a ‘baby’s mama. Even if you are married as a mother, you still can somewhat identify with the drama of being a baby’s mama. Now, let me preface my antithesis with this: motherhood can be a joyous experience for some; however, for others it is not so pleasant because of challenges presented. And there are days, there still will be days, where you may feel alone trying to raise this ‘child’ with attitude and ‘no- common sense’. There is drama that you have to deal with.
1. If you are a single parent, divorce parent, or widowed parent-making ends meet is usually your first priority. There is only one check coming into the household. And with the cost of Medical benefits, you know that a chunk of your earnings go towards the HMO plan that doesn’t make all that sense. And if you are baby’s mama, child support doesn’t really do anything but remind the father he has a child that the legal system is coercing him to pay for. So, yes you may not be at home as much because you are working hard so that your child doesn’t lack the clothes, the shoes, the games, and the food that other kids on the block may have. You may have child care issues, and transportation issues, and you are trying to hold it all together because there is no one there to take care of little Johnny if you get sick and incapacitated. So you push yourself daily getting to a job that doesn’t pay much, working for people who feel they know your situation but don’t; trying to keep your spirits high so that when you get you still have enough energy to handle little Johnny and Little sally when you get. Oh the drama of being a mama. Because your ‘ex’ doesn’t understand that ‘$30.00’ a week from his check is not enough to keep his child clothed, fed, and well manicure. So for the single mother your drama may come from having to act like a collection agency with your “ex” because he done made up in his mind that now that he has moved on with a another woman in his life, he no longer has to deal with you. So now he’s ducking and dodging you. And often you are not calling about money, but maybe you just want him to handle little Johnny who now is standing a foot taller than you and trying regulate your house as if it was his. That’s drama because now your son is at an age where he needs a real man to ‘beat him down’.
2. Because if you are not dealing with the drama of money then you are dealing with the drama of controlling your children and mothers are usually stuck between gender roles because you have to be soft understanding one when they get hurt and need emotional support. And you have to be able to beat them down when they want to speak to you like your ex spoke you. Single and married, women often get stuck with disciplining the child. And sometimes that’s confusing to the child because sometimes mommy talking sweet and pleasant, and other times, she turns into ‘Carrie’ or “Abby” because you can swear that her head spin around so fast the time you spoke back to her. That’s drama.
3. Then there’s the drama of dealing with the children’s father. The married mother struggles to between her roles of mother and wife. She may have sit and help Johnny and sally with their homework: getting art projects done or science projects done. So when husband gets home, you may smell like glue or even baby’s formula. And somehow you have to change roles and deal with about 200lbs of testosterone who now wants you be “Tyra Banks” in a Victoria secret catalog. That’s drama. Because he may understand the stress you had to handle at your job, then afterwards stop at the kids school because one of them was sent to the principal’s office, then come home cook dinner and he wants you to all of sudden turn into a love machine. That’s drama
4. Then there is the drama of just being a woman. Yes you are a mother but you are also a woman. There are those times you wanted to be treated like the lady you are. After all you are still young. Men still turn their heads when you walk by. You are a woman and often you want someone else to make the decision besides you. You want someone else to take the steering wheel while you sit back relax for a while. You want someone to hold you and tell you, baby don’t worry. It will be alright. As a woman you do want to be treated at times as such. And so, the men in your life may not understand that you really don’t want to be their mother. You have children already you don’t need another one.
II. So I believe society really doesn’t grasp the drama that mothers deal with daily. Certainly Mary, the mother of Jesus understood and endured the drama of motherhood.
1. She knew the drama of being unwed mother during your time.
2. she knew the drama of being the wife to a man who was not the father of her child.
3. She knew the drama of being a widower and trying to raise a family on her own.
4. She knew the drama of having a son who frequently got in trouble with the authorities. With Jesus preaching his controversial messages, surely the religious leaders and community spoke to her and about her concerning this child. She endured the ridicule of her community telling her that it’s all the result of single parenting and because her son did not have a male role model.
5. She knew the drama of seeing her child arrested, tried in court, and convicted.
6. She knew the drama of seeing her child die and being helpless to do anything. No parent especially a mother wants to outlive their child. And yet in the flesh, Mary would as she stood at the foot of the cross and watch them kill her baby. Yes, Jesus was thirty three when he died but in his mother’s eyes, he was still her baby. What heartache she must have felt hearing him cry out, “I thirst” and not being able to run to give him some water. What heartache she must have felt, hearing “call for his Father and feeling as those he was forsaken. Oh she knew the drama. She had to bury her child.
IV. And yet, in spite of it all she was able to handle the drama. How?
1. She was a kingdom worker (servant) in Luke 1:38 after the annunciation from the angel to Mary about her being chosen to bring Jesus into the world, Mary responded without hesitation- "I am the Lord’s servant." The word servant coming from the Greek word –doulos (slave).
2. She was a wealth of wisdom-Proverbs 31:26 “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”
3. She was a worshipper: "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name.
