Summary: Who is worthy in this world is the question asked by many people. When I was a young man I asked this question, is there anybody worthy on this earth that I may serve....
Rev 5:2 Then I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, "Who is worthy to open the scroll and to loose its seals?"
Who is worthy in this world is the question asked by many people. When I was a young man I asked this question, is there anybody worthy on this earth that I may serve, I read books on the great kings of the earth; I read stories of the great men of the earth. I read fiction of the great men of the earth and I could never find an answer. I read of the great King Arthur; was he the real deal and I saw his fall with Guinevere and Lancelot; I respected the great Bruce Lee and then he died of a headache after taking a disprin-all my life I was searching for a good example and I was disappointed. I went to church as a young boy and the Jesus portrayed in the Sunday school was a very sad Jesus handing out fishes with a Halo around His head. This too was not the example I was seeking. Unfulfilled I then looked to no man anymore. This could be the experience of many people –man has disappointed us! Man has failed us!
At an early age of 1 or 2, I was taken from my mother and placed in the care of a couple in Woodstock. It was a house of torture and pain and fear. I learnt at an early age that darkness is not just darkness but a real terrifying place. I was removed from that home and placed in foster care. It was a house that had its own problems and I was pretty much messed up. I am sure they meant well, but all their problems magnified mine own. I knew the face of fear and loneliness as I grew up. I can never remember a time that I was happy or that I felt loved on this earth till I was 17 and a girl fell in love with me. I would never want my youth back again it holds no good memories for me.
One of two things happen to a boy who is damaged from an early age, he either withdraws or he rebels. I rebelled and in my anger and rage and bitterness I tried to destroy myself and all those around me. I landed up in homes and places of safety; even visits to prison. I was on a journey to nowhere. I was a train running out of control down a track.
Who is in charge of the clattering train?
The axles creak and the couplings strain,
and the pace is hot and the points are near,
and sleep hath deadened the driver's ear,
and the signals flash through the night in vain.
For death is in charge of the clattering train.”
I was expelled from two schools and landed up in a boy’s home called Teen Centre, one step from industrial school. This was a last chance home for naughty boys and it was run by Christians but with a rod of iron. Every Sunday we had to attend church in the evenings. One day I believed in Christ( 1979), I knew Jesus had died for me, I lay awake for a couple of nights as I struggled with this challenge. But there were so many things I still wanted to do, there were sins I wanted to commit, girls I wanted to sleep with, drunkeness and partying that I did not want to miss and I was desperate to go to the army, I thought I could not do those things as a Christian. So, I backed away from God and chose the world. I said to God, I am not ready yet:
Heb 3:15 While it is said, To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts, as in the provocation.
When God calls you must answer now, not tomorrow, there may not be a tomorrow.
No one told me that there were consequences for sin and that trying sin would lead to years of brokenness and pain. How many of you know that when you walk away from God then He lets you go and I fell into such darkness that the next time I would hear from God would be 6 years later, when my life was now completely ruined. I know God tried to prevent my ruin and give me a hope at an early age.
I left school and went to the army and joined the paratroopers in 1980-81. War was already in my heart and I fitted right in to this elite fighting unit. Before I turned twenty years old we had fought in many battles; follow up operations, ops like Protea, Carnation, Ceiling, Daisy) and partaken in many trackings ops, with Koevert.